I feel cursed...

[nohika]

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This year has just been painful. Last quarter, a week before finals (where I had 5 exams), a friend tried to commit suicide. I managed to pull off amazing finals grades and pulled a 3.4. This last Thursday (a week ago), my orthodontist (I've known him for 14 years) committed suicide.

I feel cursed at this point - I dread to even think about what will happen next quarter! His obituary came out this morning and it really hit me and I've been in tears on and off this morning to the point I've missed two classes so far because I'm upset.

...has anyone dealt with this kind of stuff before? I'm really trying to avoid thinking about it much since I need to focus on school, but when I saw his obituary it was really upsetting. I still hope to go out to the clinics tomorrow morning and put on a bright face, I just have to make it through the day.

Thank you guys in advance. 😳

 

[Bearby]

This year has just been painful. Last quarter, a week before finals (where I had 5 exams), a friend tried to commit suicide. I managed to pull off amazing finals grades and pulled a 3.4. This last Thursday (a week ago), my orthodontist (I've known him for 14 years) committed suicide.

I feel cursed at this point - I dread to even think about what will happen next quarter! His obituary came out this morning and it really hit me and I've been in tears on and off this morning to the point I've missed two classes so far because I'm upset.

...has anyone dealt with this kind of stuff before? I'm really trying to avoid thinking about it much since I need to focus on school, but when I saw his obituary it was really upsetting. I still hope to go out to the clinics tomorrow morning and put on a bright face, I just have to make it through the day.

Thank you guys in advance. 😳

I had a friend take his life about a year and a half ago. It was really hard to deal with because even though he and I hadn't been as close after Freshman year of high school, he was a big part of my past and helped me through a lot. This was at the beginning part of the semester so it's a little different but I ended up having to withdraw from school that semester. His death wasn't the only factor but it definitely didn't make my situation any easier. It's hard to mask pain, even though I put on a smile at work the next day, everyone knew something was wrong. You don't have to be superman but you also need to not sit around and think about it. Getting out and keeping your mind off of it is really the only thing you can do at this point.

 

[psilovethomas]

I've never been in your situation and I can only imagine how you feel. I am so sorry for your loss.
Take a break. Grieve for a little while and begin to realize that none of this was your fault and you could have done nothing to make the outcome different. Go hang out with some friends, eat a few pints of Ben and Jerry's and watch a good comedy. Try to keep yourself busy to keep your mind off of the situation. I know it sounds difficult to do, but you owe it to yourself to finish the semester strong!

 

[StartingoverVet]

My impossible advice is that it is ok to be sad and to grieve, but try not to get into the mindset of "expecting" more bad things to come. I have been down that road and it is self-fulfilling.

Today is a sad day. This has been a tough year.
Not every day will be so sad. Not every year will be this hard.

Hang in there!

 

[lei325]

I had a friend commit suicide (after countless attempts) a few summers ago. It hit my group of friends at home pretty hard. It's ok to mourn, but you really shouldn't get the mindset that more bad things are coming. If you notice that happening, don't be afraid to go see a counselor. It often helps to talk to a 3rd party about this stuff. I've had some pretty sh*tty things happen to me in the past 5 years and being able to talk through things with a counselor really helped. I hope you feel better soon!

 

[FraptiousDay33]

You are most certainly not alone. My grandmother committed suicide when I was a child. My first girlfriend had confided that she attempted suicide 3 times before I met her and cut herself and, after a while, threatened that she would do both if anything were to happen to our relationship. My sister's and my best friend committed suicide when she was 16.
I struggled with all of these events as they happened, but to dwell on them only leads to greater depression and, at least in my case, anger. What I've learned, especially in regards to suicide, is that it is often impossible to tell that someone needs help unless they voluntarily tell you and ask for it. It is done, it is past, hopefully they are in a better place. Nothing we can do or say will change what happened. Most importantly, remember that it was not in your control to prevent anything that happened, and do not convince yourself otherwise; for a long time, I convinced myself that there were signs that I could have recognized had I only been more attentive. Nothing could be further from the truth. I'm sorry if this is a dark view on the subject, but I just feel that the only option is to accept it and look positively out into the future.

 

[purplesaurus]

nohika, check your PM inbox.

 

[sumstorm]

Just a reminder, Nohika, that these individuals' suicides, while they have affected you, were not because of you, no exceptions. Individuals who commit suicide have thier own reasons, and often have other problems simmering that we can't affect. Take care of yourself, take the time to mourn, then embrace the life ahead of you; the plans and dreams you have. The best way to honor deaths is to live life as best you can. Also, it is completly acceptable to feel whatever you feel; anger, sadness, amusement, confused, etc. Let your emotions have appropriate time and expression, even if you don't think they are 'ok' by societal norms.

 

[mojotues]

It's not quite the same but my father died very suddenly right after my freshman year of college. I was able to have the summer to grieve before I had to start school again but it taught me a lot. Take time to grieve and to be sad. There's nothing wrong with crying. It helped me a lot to write out how I felt and everything that I wish I could say to other people and to the person who passed. And if that person was close to you they would want you to succeed and be successful. Remember that when you are getting stressed about classes. Even if you can't truly grieve right now, you know that they were important to you and you were to them. Keep strong but don't squash your feelings up. Writing down your feelings or talking with somebody will help stop those feelings and thoughts from playing on constant loop in your head.

 

[nohika]

Thank you, guys...I'm doing better tonight. Still nervous about going around to clinics tomorrow, but you guys are really an awesome bunch and I'm more hopeful now. 😳 Dealing with this has made me even just a little more confident that I'd be able to handle things. Found out my mother's gone all day tomorrow so I can go to all eight planned instead of just four. Now, gotta plan out what I'm going to say..

 

[sirbuckie]

.

 

[nohika]

You know, I actually didn't expect anything to happen.

But guess what? Surprise, surprise. Our house flooded yesterday. Half the downstairs (all the furniture), my room, my sister's room, our bathroom...EVERYTHING has to go. All of the stuff is already in storage (they worked all night) and there's a crew ripping up the carpets, wood, etc.

Our insurance may drop us. We're probably going to lose our house.

...I'm probably going to have to drop out of school.

Life sucks.

 

[BlacKAT33]

wow this is really shocking. im not great with sensitive topics, that's why i never responded to the original post. But i really hope everything works out. Maybe your insurance won't drop you, maybe you won't lose your house, and maybe you can still stay in school Hopefully things work out, I have no clue how I would be able to keep moving forward with all of this stuff happening. stay strong!

 

[rileydog]

Consider getting a public adjuster, if you don't get a satisfactory amount for your claim. See if your state has an insurance pool for hard to insure people. (Florida does). There is also a private organization called NACA, which is helping people facing foreclosure refinance their mortgages. Even if this is not your situation, maybe they could help your family get a lower payment to free up cash. It sure seems like too much at once, but you can make it through this. There is help out there! One day, you will look back on this and realize how strong you really are. And yes, sometimes it just sucks.

 

[der2002]

hang in there, nohika. you need to take it one step at a time...I really hope everything works out for you soon and know that we're supporting you here on sdn.

in the meantime, is there anyone you can talk to at school to help you get through this difficult time? a good friend? an academic advisor? student mental health services? a therapist?

 

[StartingoverVet]

You know, I actually didn't expect anything to happen.

But guess what? Surprise, surprise. Our house flooded yesterday. Half the downstairs (all the furniture), my room, my sister's room, our bathroom...EVERYTHING has to go. All of the stuff is already in storage (they worked all night) and there's a crew ripping up the carpets, wood, etc.

Our insurance may drop us. We're probably going to lose our house.

...I'm probably going to have to drop out of school.

Life sucks.

Life can suck, but I do hope you are just venting right now....

Because of the difficult year, it is clear that you are understandably vulnerable to bad news. At times like this it is really easy, and quite normal, to think that all the worst outcomes are going to come to pass.

Try taking a deep breath, relax, meditate, whatever does it for you to take a step back. All of those bad things might happen, but as Blackat says, maybe they won't. Assuming they will is just adding to your burden.

If you are doing more than venting, you need to find someone to talk to. This is serious burden you are carrying now. Whether it is a school counselor, a clergyman (I am not religious but have turned to this path when needed), a doctor or vet you trust, or whatever, talking this out will really help. I guess your post is an attempt to do that, but we can only offer our "virtual" support. You deserve better.

Otherwise, just tackle the problems one a time, each day one at a time.
Good luck.

 

[nohika]

Things are doing a bit better right now, I guess. They don't "think" we'll have to sell the house, but it looks like we're going to have to spend one to two months in a hotel. Ah, well. It's close by and won't be that bad.

Yes, sorry...I was venting. It's just frustrating to finally be in a rhythm with classes and then have so much stuff happen at once. Thankfully my professors have been wonderful...I get to postpone a chem test that I'm not ready for and my micro assignment won't be counted late.

Me, honestly, I'm voting for the two-month stay in a hotel room. It'll suck, but not as bad as having to (mid-quarter) move back into the house and start unpacking tons and tons of boxes.

Onnnn the bright side I WAS ACCEPTED FOR A FALL START AT WSUV!!!!! 😍😍 I start at a four-year college this fall as a junior! AHH SO EXCITED!

Totally overshadows all the bad stuff right now.

 

[StartingoverVet]

Happy to hear the good news! 🙂