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Intern year has been hard

Discussion in 'Spouses and Partners' started by Wifty, May 1, 2007.

  1. Wifty

    Wifty Eccentrically Silly Moderator Emeritus 7+ Year Member

    Oct 2, 2001
    Jefferson City, MO
    I don't really have a question, just wanted to put this out there for people that have not hit the intern year yet.

    Hubby and I have a very solid relationship with lots of love and affection. We also have a little girl (3).

    Med school was much easier then we thought.....plenty of time for family and connecting and having fun.

    However, intern year has been hard. The schedule hubby does, does not leave as much of him to share with me or with us as a family. Its not that we aren't close, but there has not been any growth in our relationship and being an intern creates a bit of a divide in a way. I simply cannot really share the experiences he is having. We talk about them, but I do not get to have the intensity of them.

    We spend as much time together as possible, but intern year is mentally and physically taxing. I couldn't imagine having a new baby this year and would probably recommend that others don't plan on it if they can help it.

    It can be done though.....having a good relationship and/or family while being an intern. It just has special problems that will get better as they progress in residency.

    So, I am just happy that it is almost over and ready to getting our communication back to normal.

    with smiles,
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  3. RossFamily

    RossFamily Member 5+ Year Member

    Apr 27, 2004
    New England
    I agree with everything you said. The only difference is, we have three toddlers.

    I hope second year gets better. Good luck to you.:)
  4. THP

    THP Senior Member 10+ Year Member

    Apr 3, 2005
    Hi, I am a rising 4th year med student. I have a 2 year old and a 9 month old. I am going into OB/GYN so I am expecting a rigorous residency. My wife has been great and supportive eventhough we are essentially on our own thousands of miles from home.

    What are your thoughts about having another child near the end of intern year? Does this make sense? We don't want our kids to be too spread apart.
  5. Wifty

    Wifty Eccentrically Silly Moderator Emeritus 7+ Year Member

    Oct 2, 2001
    Jefferson City, MO
    If it were me, and knowing what I know of intern year and having friends tell me how hard OB residency is, I would wait until after residency, assuming there isn't an age problem on her side.

    However, you aren't me and she might be able to handle 3 little ones while having you gone alot or overly tired when at home.

    Partially, it depends on your program. Ours is pretty open to hubby taking an hour or so off during the day to go to doc appointments for our daughter and would have let him go to appointments if I had been prego. But, he just isn't as available as during med school.

    We have a very solid, very loving relationship and only one child....and its been hard. Not 'break-the-marriage' hard, but difficult to have much growth or togetherness as a couple.

    Your wife is maybe different then me and is ok with so much responsibility for the children.

    I don't mean to be a downer and people do it all the time and survive. :) But this is my experience based on my personality. :)

    Good luck!
  6. Sweenracer

    Sweenracer More Than Meets the Eye 5+ Year Member

    Mar 28, 2005
    Philadelphia suburbs, PA
    My wife is approaching the end of her 2nd year of residency. We have two kids, one of them is two... Could not even imagine having another one now... the thought scares me. We are definitely waiting until after residency for our next one. My wife might do a chief year so she can get pregnant then... 80+ hours a week, and it never slows down!... she is working overnight call on Mother's Day! She misses all family events, all holidays. She gets two days off a month usually. And when she does come home she is not happy because she is tired, overworked, and cranky. We barely made it this far with our two year old (and it is finally a little easier now)... Having a child now would kill us... we both barely get any sleep and there is no time for anything... laundry sits in piles for weeks, the grass is 2 feet tall because I don't have the time to cut it... dinner consists of whatever I can shove in a microwave... and I can't wait to SLOW down. Not working is not an option because I have to make payments on a $300k house and we can not do that on a residents salary (which is a joke for how many hours she works). I am an engineer and my job is important too. Someday we will hopefully be rewarded for all this.
  7. MathisGreen

    MathisGreen Cicero's Mummy 2+ Year Member

    Jan 29, 2007
    ****removed By Poster****
  8. tigress

    tigress queen of the jungle 10+ Year Member

    Nov 29, 2004
    ah, thanks for scaring me :p
    I suppose if I've found 3rd year hard, I should just dread intern year. I just hope my husband matches somewhere that's nice to live, maybe near family, or at least around people I can make friends with. Our son will be 10 months old on Monday. He was born at the very beginning of my husband's 3rd year, and going through this year with a baby has been tough.
  9. Flynn


    Jun 13, 2007
    I think the above comment is speciality dependant at best. :)

    I'm new here and don't want to rain on anyone's parade but residency is pretty challenging every year. :rolleyes:
  10. Gastrapathy

    Gastrapathy no longer apathetic Physician Lifetime Donor Classifieds Approved 10+ Year Member

    Feb 27, 2007
    Yup, and for the OB-to-be, OB staff in private practice work longer hours than residents (no work hour restrictions for staff). It never gets easier, you just get used to it. I'd say, have the kid. Waiting 5 years really would change the character of your family.

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