I wake up in the morning and check my email.
I look at how many "new" messages are in my inbox, and a rush of excitement overwhelms me.
Then, I open the inbox, wait for the messages to load, and realize what I knew all along: The new messages are spam. Or a friendly note from someone I never hear from, otherwise. Or a newletter reminding me that ESPN.com is running a new fantasy sports game in English Rugby.
Honestly, it's killing me.
Sometimes it's even worse. Sometimes I receive an email from my #1 program's ERAS office, and I jump for joy. I close down the inbox, find a private computer (if I'm in the hospital), and go to savor my victory. Then, upon opening the message, I realize it's just a friendly, "we received your application materials via ERAS." It's only a tease.
Unfortunately, I have nothing scheduled for the next 2 weeks. Just a lot of time to sit and ponder and wonder how interviews are going to go week 3. It was much easier on a rotation, when I could distract myself with patient care.
Now, I sit in front of the computer, pouting that there aren't more responses from my "Big 4" and wondering what else I can do to fill up my day.
I had at once thought Election night might be a nice distraction. But it only brought more bad news as my candidates didn't win, my government was taken over by the people my girlfriend says I will become in 5 years. She keeps saying to me, "If you're not a Democrat at 18, you have no heart; if you're not a Republican at 30, you have no brain." It was funny the first time. Now I hate hearing it. I'm 25. Where do I fit into your funny little phrase, eh?
I don't know the answer to that question.
What I do know is that the Democrats sucked it up last night, the "Big 4" can afford to take their sweet time because they're the "Big 4", and I can't wait for the Mailman to get here in the faint hope one of the programs sends a nice brown envelope.
I feel like the five year old waiting for Christmas, only to find they keep moving it back a day.