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I just wanted some feedback on my personal statement for the primary application. Please hit the link below and feel free to reply your comments. Thank you! =)
Is anyone willing to read my personal statement?
- Thread starter colemanma3
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First, I’d change your profile pic to something anonymous ASAP.
The middle paragraph is gold, to me this paragraph speaks more to your future than anything else. You use empathy and sympathy interchangeably - I’d recommend altering that as they are very different.
The first paragraph feels too artistic, with a lot of extra “graphic” words that make it a little difficult to follow and almost feels like you’re trying to write a novel instead of a personal statement. You may lose your audience quickly. I was always told to write your personal statement with as few words as possible to make the most important points - no fluff.
The last paragraph is a good close, but again I’d try to whittle down to the true meaning and remove as much of the fluff if you can. Also, remember as a doc we can’t fix everything or everyone - if this is your goal I’d caution you to do some introspection because it may lead to burn out and deep frustration when that homeless person keeps coming back for CHF and COPD exacerbations because they can’t take their meds, or sell the medications just to be able to eat (real heart-breaking experience from my own time as a 3rd year).
Maybe you should even remove the entire first paragraph, lead with the second, end with the third. I suggest this because you say the hospitalization lead to your revelation of being a physician - but you say in your last paragraph it was seeing the homeless person that lead to this decision.
Hope this helps!
The middle paragraph is gold, to me this paragraph speaks more to your future than anything else. You use empathy and sympathy interchangeably - I’d recommend altering that as they are very different.
The first paragraph feels too artistic, with a lot of extra “graphic” words that make it a little difficult to follow and almost feels like you’re trying to write a novel instead of a personal statement. You may lose your audience quickly. I was always told to write your personal statement with as few words as possible to make the most important points - no fluff.
The last paragraph is a good close, but again I’d try to whittle down to the true meaning and remove as much of the fluff if you can. Also, remember as a doc we can’t fix everything or everyone - if this is your goal I’d caution you to do some introspection because it may lead to burn out and deep frustration when that homeless person keeps coming back for CHF and COPD exacerbations because they can’t take their meds, or sell the medications just to be able to eat (real heart-breaking experience from my own time as a 3rd year).
Maybe you should even remove the entire first paragraph, lead with the second, end with the third. I suggest this because you say the hospitalization lead to your revelation of being a physician - but you say in your last paragraph it was seeing the homeless person that lead to this decision.
Hope this helps!
KimboLimbo
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I agree with starbuck.
The imagery in your personal statement is great, however, I felt a little lost reading it. I would recommend working on being more concise. Try picking one experience and honing in on that; or, find a way to really tie all of the experiences together and knock em dead with a killer conclusion as to why you want to be a physician.
Best of luck.
The imagery in your personal statement is great, however, I felt a little lost reading it. I would recommend working on being more concise. Try picking one experience and honing in on that; or, find a way to really tie all of the experiences together and knock em dead with a killer conclusion as to why you want to be a physician.
Best of luck.
