Join for Significant Other's Fellowship Interview Travel?

[aspo868]

My SO has been going to interviews in other cities and it just dawned on me that I was not invited to tag along on any of the trips. This really wouldn't be a big deal if we hadn't sat down and discussed the best options for where we, together, would be moving. I would never want to impede on needed sanity time, especially pre-interview and wouldn't expect to attend pre-interview dinners, but found it troubling that I wasn't openly invited, well... anywhere. I haven't been to most of the cities and would have loved to check out maybe one or two!

I don't want to bring it up just yet in case I am being unreasonable. But considering we're pressed for time to see each other anyhow, I would have liked to attend some of the trips that were extended a few days for leisure. What is the norm for this sort of thing?

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[npappasan]

That is reasonable. I'm assuming your would have to live there also. Again, sit down and talk to them, not us.

 

[aspo868]

That is reasonable. I'm assuming your would have to live there also. Again, sit down and talk to them, not us.

I absolutely agree. I'm trying to get a feel for what the norm is, because I honestly don't know.

 

[npappasan]

The norm is whatever you both discuss and agree to mutually after effectively communicating about this issue.

 

[PTPoeny]

My residency program invites significant others along for dinner the night before and the house staff association would set up tours of the area for all the significant others on a given interview day.

So, definitely not weird to want to see the city for interviews as you will be living there too.

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[rokshana]

My SO has been going to interviews in other cities and it just dawned on me that I was not invited to tag along on any of the trips. This really wouldn't be a big deal if we hadn't sat down and discussed the best options for where we, together, would be moving. I would never want to impede on needed sanity time, especially pre-interview and wouldn't expect to attend pre-interview dinners, but found it troubling that I wasn't openly invited, well... anywhere. I haven't been to most of the cities and would have loved to check out maybe one or two!

I don't want to bring it up just yet in case I am being unreasonable. But considering we're pressed for time to see each other anyhow, I would have liked to attend some of the trips that were extended a few days for leisure. What is the norm for this sort of thing?

did you say to your SO that you would like to go and have the time to do so? they are not mind readers...

 

[backrow]

I must be missing something.....what's stopping you from going?

You don't need an invite to travel with your SO. Go see the cities they while they are interviewing.


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[TraumaLlamaMD]

Traveling during interview season can get stressful - and expensive! My SO and I went with each other whenever possible, but depending on your or his financial situation, that may be part of the concern. If you've got the money to pay your own way and the time to travel, I'd absolutely mention that you'd be interested in coming along.

 

[Follow the Cairns]

I guess times have changed, because when my husband (then fiancé) interviewed 15 years ago, I wasn't invited (nor would I have gone) to any interview, certainly not to any formal or even informal events. Both he and I wanted 100% of his focus on the task at hand. Now, if you are talking about accompanying him to the city itself and doing your own thing while he's busy, and you've got the time and money, then sure, go for it. If I can recall, we didn't have either, so maybe that's a big reason I stayed behind.

I did accompany him to one of his residency interviews, but only because it was in New Orleans, where I had gone to school, so I was able to offer significant insight into the institution he interviewed at as well as the city.

 

[Winged Scapula]

I guess times have changed, because when my husband (then fiancé) interviewed 15 years ago, I wasn't invited (nor would I have gone) to any interview, certainly not to any formal or even informal events. Both he and I wanted 100% of his focus on the task at hand. Now, if you are talking about accompanying him to the city itself and doing your own thing while he's busy, and you've got the time and money, then sure, go for it. If I can recall, we didn't have either, so maybe that's a big reason I stayed behind.

I did accompany him to one of his residency interviews, but only because it was in New Orleans, where I had gone to school, so I was able to offer significant insight into the institution he interviewed at as well as the city.

I don't think any one is advocating attending the *interview*. Some programs/specialties do want the SOs to come to the "formal or informal events" but its certainly not mandatory.

It makes complete sense, to me, for a SO to come along to check out the city, housing, transportation etc while the student/resident is interviewing, or even just for a short getaway.

 

[Follow the Cairns]

I don't think any one is advocating attending the *interview*. Some programs/specialties do want the SOs to come to the "formal or informal events" but its certainly not mandatory.

It makes complete sense, to me, for a SO to come along to check out the city, housing, transportation etc while the student/resident is interviewing, or even just for a short getaway.

No, I realize they aren't attending the interview, I was referring to the entirety of the process, which to me does include formal (faculty there) or informal events (just residents). I can see how different rules would apply to informal gatherings. If that is commonplace now, and she has the resources, then by all means, attend, especially if spouses/SO's are mentioned in program communications.

I remember asking about this when my husband was interviewing, and it was not something he saw on the interview trail. Now, for job interviews, it's a different story. I have attended virtually every one with him, and definitely get the impression it's expected and shows that a candidate has at least more than a passing interest in the position.

 

[Winged Scapula]

No, I realize they aren't attending the interview, I was referring to the entirety of the process, which to me does include formal (faculty there) or informal events (just residents). I can see how different rules would apply to informal gatherings. If that is commonplace now, and she has the resources, then by all means, attend, especially if spouses/SO's are mentioned in program communications.

I remember asking about this when my husband was interviewing, and it was not something he saw on the interview trail. Now, for job interviews, it's a different story. I have attended virtually every one with him, and definitely get the impression it's expected and shows that a candidate has at least more than a passing interest in the position.

Thanks for the clarification.

In your earlier post you specifically mentioned the interview and several of us have had students show up with their parents to the interview so I wanted to clarify that this is always inappropriate whether it's a significant other or a parent.


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[TraumaLlamaMD]

Attending even informal interview events can be tricky because you have to strike that perfect balance between being a pleasant person to be around and not overshadowing your SO - and it should go without saying that SOs should only attend dinners to which they are specifically invited (although again, I've seen people misunderstand this). But even without that, I had fun seeing certain cities during the day while my SO was interviewing and the same went for him, when we could work it out to travel together. It made talking about where we might want to live together in the future a lot easier when both of us had a feel for the potential choices.

 

[PTPoeny]

If that is commonplace now, and she has the resources, then by all means, attend, especially if spouses/SO's are mentioned in program communications.

I remember asking about this when my husband was interviewing, and it was not something he saw on the interview trail.

I think it varies some by specialty and location but I had plenty of interviews where significant others were specifically invited to the dinner with the residents. It also isn't very expensive to drive in one car and share a hotel room when one person was going to do those things anyway. Personally I found it useful to let my husband drive to interviews so I could nap or review my notes on the people I would be meeting with the next day and his explorations of the areas were helpful to me when I was considering all the non-hospital factors when making my rank list.

To the OP, have you asked about going along? (Making clear you don't mean to the interview itself)



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[Danbo1957]

Sorry, we really don't have time for your Significant Other, maybe your Fiancé or spouse at initial greeting or at the restaurant party; but please no boy/girlfriend, this ain't a kegger during your sophomore year in college. (S)he can come to town of course, but we'd prefer that just the applicant attend the formal academic meetings. (We interview several hundred applicants for 48 spots).

 

[Follow the Cairns]

In your earlier post you specifically mentioned the interview and several of us have had students show up with their parents to the interview so I wanted to clarify that this is always inappropriate whether it's a significant other or a parent.


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You're kidding, right? (I know you're not kidding).

 

[NotAProgDirector]

You're kidding, right? (I know you're not kidding).

Happens more often than you would imagine. This year we were parent free. It's a record.

 

[Winged Scapula]

You're kidding, right? (I know you're not kidding).

I wish i was.


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[npappasan]

I'm kind of painting a mental picture of the applicant who shows up with parents to the interview.

 

[aspo868]

As stated in the initial post, I would not care to, nor would I expect to go to interviews or pre-interview events. I'd like to spare myself the schmoozing unless absolutely necessary.

Anyhow, the thought of a parent at interviews is incredible. I couldn't imagine taking an applicant seriously.

My focus is scoping out one of the cities that may be placed higher on a rank list. Ptpeony seems to understand my interest in going. While the program/compatibility is most important in a decision, other non-hospital factors will be considered. I didn't even think to ask because I didn't realize that some of our preferred cities' interviews were so soon. Booking a flight a mere week beforehand is less than ideal for the bank account...

 

[aspo868]

I'm kind of painting a mental picture of the applicant who shows up with parents to the interview.

Sadly, this is the first picture that came to mind...

 

[NotAProgDirector]

As stated in the initial post, I would not care to, nor would I expect to go to interviews or pre-interview events. I'd like to spare myself the schmoozing unless absolutely necessary.

Anyhow, the thought of a parent at interviews is incredible. I couldn't imagine taking an applicant seriously.

My focus is scoping out one of the cities that may be placed higher on a rank list. Ptpeony seems to understand my interest in going. While the program/compatibility is most important in a decision, other non-hospital factors will be considered. I didn't even think to ask because I didn't realize that some of our preferred cities' interviews were so soon. Booking a flight a mere week beforehand is less than ideal for the bank account...

It's perfectly fine for spouses/SO's to come with candidates looking at residency / fellowship positions. If programs have a social/dinner event, then your partner should ask whether a guest is allowed/suggested, and if so feel free to attend. Or not -- as mentioned, the dinner/social is part of the recruiting process and attending makes you part of that game, you two can decide if that's good or bad. But overall it's usually just fine, and not a big deal either way.

 

[Winged Scapula]

As stated in the initial post, I would not care to, nor would I expect to go to interviews or pre-interview events. I'd like to spare myself the schmoozing unless absolutely necessary.

Anyhow, the thought of a parent at interviews is incredible. I couldn't imagine taking an applicant seriously.

My focus is scoping out one of the cities that may be placed higher on a rank list. Ptpeony seems to understand my interest in going. While the program/compatibility is most important in a decision, other non-hospital factors will be considered. I didn't even think to ask because I didn't realize that some of our preferred cities' interviews were so soon. Booking a flight a mere week beforehand is less than ideal for the bank account...

No I think we all understand your reason for going, at least those that think the best of people first.

It wouldn't have occurred to me that you were thinking of attending the interview; in certain specialties, in certain programs there's nothing wrong with going to the social events.

I would assume any significant other would travel to get to know the city better, the job opportunities etc.


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