Living with parents during Med school: good or bad idea?

[Archdelux]

Hi everyone,

I was wondering what you guys thought of the title? I know that doing so in undergrad (commuting), would mean that one missed out on a lot. Is this also true of med school? I understand that there won't be very much time for socializing, etc.--but I don't want to miss out on the few opportunities that do arise. What has been your experience so far?

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[Pembleton]

I think it's a good idea as long as your parents respect your space and time. You will probably save yourself a lot of money in the long run too.

 

[njbmd]

Moved to Pre-Allo as this is a pre-med issue. Allopathic medical students read and respond to threads in pre-allo and may follow and do so with this one if desired.

 

[Wustl]

Moved to Pre-Allo as this is a pre-med issue. Allopathic medical students read and respond to threads in pre-allo and may follow and do so with this one if desired.

/Disagree.

 

[Auron]

I've thought about this and well personally I'd get my own place.

However, the amount of money you'd save should be taken into consideration.

 

[hyperIris]

Big No No.

 

[Omyss]

i think it would be fine... but then again i'm probably biased since i live with my parents right now.

 

[Archdelux]

Do you have experience with the situation? Do you felt that you missed out on anything?

 

[tdkneo]

no....bad idea.........living with parents always a bad idea

 

[jochi1543]

no....bad idea.........living with parents always a bad idea

Depends on your age, I guess...

But yeah, I've been living away from my parents (try another continent ) since age 16, and I couldn't fathom ever living with them again. I've always been a very independent person and need to live alone to be happy (roommates don't work, either). I just hate how they have to comment on everything you do, and don't do.

 

[Depakote]

I lived with my parents after college while applying. I took a few classes during that time and I could never study at home... they were too much of a distraction, I always had to go to a coffee shop to study. I don't think it's possible for a parent to truly grasp the amount of work you'll be doing in med school. If you're going to school in the same city, just use that to your advantage, drop your laundry off, swing by for the occasional free meal, but have your own private refuge where you can study, be social, and hide out if need be.

 

[docnaan]

.

 

[medguy83]

Living expenses: ~20K per year

Over the span of med school you'd probably save over $80,000. That's quite a nice chunk of debt you wouldn't have to worry about in the long run. Ideally, you would want your own place where you could be free to do what you want, etc. However, if you have parents that are willing to respect your independence and privacy it might not be a bad idea. Granted, you might have to sacrifice a lot in terms of relationships, freedom, etc. but by the time you hit your clinical years you'll be in the hospital practically 24/7 anyway. I think the decision comes down to what you and your family are comfortable with. It's a lot to think about. Just make sure you chose the option which best allows you time and space to study, work, and be productive.

 

[Writer1985]

Living expenses: ~20K per year

In what city? I'm living in New York on about 1k/month (including rent for my dorm room, food, textbooks, laundry, travel -- basically everything but tuition and fees). Granted, I'm not going to see musicals every weekend, but who has time for that anyway?

OP, I considered living with my parents for med school, but I didn't get in the school near home, so it was moot. I think it's been good to strike out on my own -- independence is a valuable skill. Plus, I like living just down the street from class; my commute is literally 10 minutes (5 if the elevator-gods are kind).

 

[pakbabydoll]

undergrad and I live with my parents. I just started though. I am not living with parents in MD school if I get in. my friend does though he is in pharmD program.

 

[jochi1543]

In what city? I'm living in New York on about 1k/month (including rent for my dorm room, food, textbooks, laundry, travel -- basically everything but tuition and fees). Granted, I'm not going to see musicals every weekend, but who has time for that anyway?

What the hell, I've got a friend who lives in the Columbia grad student dorms and it's $800 for the room. How could you possibly cover everything else in $200?

 

[shaggybill]

I'd live with my parents if it meant saving ~10-15k/year in living expenses. I'll be 28 by the time I start MS though, so that would probably be a little wierd.

 

[Archdelux]

Hi. To answer some questions: My parents live in Plano (quite close to UT-Southwestern). Someone asked about my age: Ill be 22. I think the best bet might be to live at home for a year (free food, free house, have my own room, etc.) and then the following year, see what I want to do..

What I really would like to hear, though--is someone who has gone through this before (this why I posted on Allo), and if they could give me specific reasons why it worked/didn't work...The thing I want to avoid to do is isolate myself from fellow med students by not living near them, hanging out with them, etc...

 

[Omyss]

Well if i get into the medschool of the university i'm going to right now... i'd be living 5mins away from the school (at home)... so i would jsut seem pointless to move out and pay extra cash.

 

[medguy83]

In what city? I'm living in New York on about 1k/month (including rent for my dorm room, food, textbooks, laundry, travel -- basically everything but tuition and fees). Granted, I'm not going to see musicals every weekend, but who has time for that anyway?

OP, I considered living with my parents for med school, but I didn't get in the school near home, so it was moot. I think it's been good to strike out on my own -- independence is a valuable skill. Plus, I like living just down the street from class; my commute is literally 10 minutes (5 if the elevator-gods are kind).

I probably should have specified this was the average cost of room and board here in FL for med students; approx. 20K per year, not to mention personal expenses (car, etc.) When you add up food, bills, laundry, etc. you'll save well over 100K in the span of four years by living with parents. Like I said, there is a tradeoff in terms of personal freedom, but cutting your bill almost in half is definitely something to think about.

 

[smq123]

Hi. To answer some questions: My parents live in Plano (quite close to UT-Southwestern). Someone asked about my age: Ill be 22. I think the best bet might be to live at home for a year (free food, free house, have my own room, etc.) and then the following year, see what I want to do..

What I really would like to hear, though--is someone who has gone through this before (this why I posted on Allo), and if they could give me specific reasons why it worked/didn't work...The thing I want to avoid to do is isolate myself from fellow med students by not living near them, hanging out with them, etc...

Sure, I did it. It worked out okay so far.

Some issues, though:

• How far away do they live from the school? If it's close enough to drive or take a bus (< 10 min), then you can still hang out with classmates, and you won't be isolated. If it's farther, though, it's tougher.
• Do your parents know anyone else whose child has gone through med school? Or are you the first in the family? If they have no experience of what it's like to go through med school, then it will be hard to explain that, no, you REALLY DO have to study.
• Do you get along really well with your parents? Do they give you your space? Med school can be stressful, and sometimes you need a little space to unwind.
• Does your school offer recordings of the lecture? If they do, then it'll be nice, especially if you need to drive to school. You can then have the option of skipping a few lectures if you're really tired. If they don't, though, that's more problematic.

Some things to think about. Just PM me with questions, if you have any.

 

[Revenant]

Are you single? Because if not then a definite NO.

 

[Cuteasaurus]

I know of one person in my class who lived with her parents for at least part of medical school. I can def. see some advantages, depending on your relationship with your parents. She always had homemade food to bring to student groups. And, I'd imagine it's like a step beyond the benefits of renting vs. owning. There are even fewer "outside" things you have to worry about (like making supper everyday) and potentially that'd be less stress. But, like I said before...it'd depend a lot on your relationship with your parents and who else was still living at home.

 

[jace's mom]

I don't think it's possible for a parent to truly grasp the amount of work you'll be doing in med school.

Because parents don't value education, haven't been telling their kids to study hard for years, and have never had jobs of their own that required insane amounts of work and time commitment?

Sorry if that sounds a little snarky, but there are parents out there who work very hard and will understand that medical school is hard work. Speaking as a parent, I know that my husband and I both work extremely hard at jobs that don't pay enough, require us to work many hours for which we do not get paid, and force us to bring home extra work to do in the evenings so that we don't fall behind on our responsibilities. We have talked about having our children stay with us while they are in college (if they desire), and it's not because we want to control everything they do and live vicariously through them. Amazingly enough, I have a great life with my spouse that is my primary concentration. However, I know that it will help my kids financially if they stay at home while attending school, as well as providing some stability (in the way of meals and laundry, etc) that will help them be successful. I won't really be concentrating on "spending every minute with my kid", however...because I've waited a long time to be my husband's girlfriend again and not bring kids with me everytime I go out to eat, and I'll be enjoying that freedom.

Speaking as a medical school applicant, I would tell the OP that all parents are different, and only you can decide if it will work for your particular situation. However, if you feel like you can live with your parents and not lose your own identity, the financial benefits and living security might make it worthwhile. Medical school will be very hard, and it might be nice to come home at the end of the day to family who care about you.

 

[gary yoghurt]

The question alone sends shivers down my spine.

 

[shaggybill]

Dude, would you really want to be a 26 year-old living with your mother? Think about it.

I would do it if it meant being $80K less in debt when I graduated. Ya got to think about what's best in the long run as opposed to how "uncool" something sounds. I don't think anybody would hold living with your parents over your head if you're a medical student.

 

[Writer1985]

What the hell, I've got a friend who lives in the Columbia grad student dorms and it's $800 for the room. How could you possibly cover everything else in $200?

My room's ~660/month; I spend maybe $20-30 on transportation per month and about $100 on groceries. Most of the rest is textbooks/fiction and the occasional dinner out. I'm not a big drinker, which is where the crazy money goes.

I also scavenge as much free food as possible; in a good week I can get lunch and/or dinner 4+ days. Finding free food is probably the most valuable skill you will learn in med school.

Obviously, my situation's fairly untypical, but the point is that as a student, one can live (relatively) cheaply even in New York.

 

[gary yoghurt]

I would do it if it meant being $80K less in debt when I graduated. Ya got to think about what's best in the long run as opposed to how "uncool" something sounds. I don't think anybody would hold living with your parents over your head if you're a medical student.

It doesn't just "sound" uncool. It's uncool incarnate.

Let's not forget the favorite battle cry of the idealistic pre-med: money isn't everything. This is one case where they'd be correct.

 

[jochi1543]

The question alone sends shivers down my spine.

 

[DeadCactus]

I would do it if it meant being $80K less in debt when I graduated. Ya got to think about what's best in the long run as opposed to how "uncool" something sounds. I don't think anybody would hold living with your parents over your head if you're a medical student.

By this logic, no one should ever move out of their mom's place. Why pay $80k a year when you can live with mommy for the rest of your (well, I guess more accurately her) life? That's what, $800k you save?

 

[BME-doc]

Either live alone with find a roomate. Parents = distraction. Plus, commuting sucks. Get a place near med school, will save you a lot of very well needed time!

 

[PreMD86]

To all of you who said no, ya'll need to really reconsider the quality of your relationship with your parents. If I get into a school that's close enough to home, I think I would without a doubt opt to stay at home.

If you are renting and living as comfortably as home, not like the anomaly that lives in nyc for 1000/month (wtf dude, I probably drop a 1000 every time I visit??), it's going to cost you 15-20g's. Like many have mentioned, it would easily add up to $80,000. No, I am not worried about my parents distracting my studies, and cannot understand anyone who thinks their parents will- your parents should be your biggest supporters through the whole process, and would go above and beyond to help you succeed. No, I'm also not even slightly worried about the stigma associated with being 22, 26, or even 30 while living with my parents. It's NOT as if you are some loser middle-aged hermit watching startrek in their basement, you're studying towards becoming a DOCTOR. Do you really think anyone would look down on your situation?
Also, my gf loves to stay at my house, and my parents love to have her. If your significant other is ashamed of your living situation, they are probably not right for you.

 

[HumidBeing]

I'm just a college commuter who doesn't tend to take the cool factor into account for most decisions. As far as I'm concerned, basing a decision on what other people think is cool, is a totally uncool thing to do.

Some of the big factors on whether that would be a good decision for you would be your relationship with your parents and your living conditions. Some people need the separation. For others, it's a very workable arrangement.

I come from a very large family. We enjoy being around each other and respect each other. It's not as though I'm treated like a child, or can't come and go as I please. I've got all the privacy I want. Plus all my expenses are taken care of. Friends and girlfriends can come and go, no comments made. Short of throwing loud, all night bashes, or purposely destroying property, I'm free to do whatever. I couldn't do that in an apartment, anyway.

Even after they were out of college, my sister and her husband lived with us until they were able to save up enough to buy their own house. By that time, they even had a two year old. I think it worked because they had their own living areas and could either interact with everyone else, or be on their own as much as they wanted.

OTOH, most of our friends don't even like to stay at home during breaks. They tend to stay over here, instead. Heck, they even call MY MOM instead of their own when they have a problem at school or are homesick.

Maybe it would be different if it were just my parents and me. It's more like a community that supports each other. Someday I'd like to live in a different part of the country, but while I'm here, this is convenient and works for me. I'm going to take it one year at a time. So far, all I haven't felt like I've missed out on a thing.

Your decision has to be based on your own circumstances and reasons. Works for some and not for others.

 

[Jolie South]

Hi. To answer some questions: My parents live in Plano (quite close to UT-Southwestern). Someone asked about my age: Ill be 22. I think the best bet might be to live at home for a year (free food, free house, have my own room, etc.) and then the following year, see what I want to do..

What I really would like to hear, though--is someone who has gone through this before (this why I posted on Allo), and if they could give me specific reasons why it worked/didn't work...The thing I want to avoid to do is isolate myself from fellow med students by not living near them, hanging out with them, etc...

ok so I live in Plano as well and would NOT stay with parents and commute to UT Southwestern. I would hate to have to fight the traffic from here to downtown everyday! Also, I think as far as having friends and studying with them, driving down there all the time would be a huge bummer.

As you probably know, there aren't a lot of cool young people up here in plano either. it'd be hard to have a separate "friend" base here, unless you have tons of old high school friends that you hang out with (mine are all gone).

Just a thought! I personally can't wait to get the heck out of Plano. It could not be less interesting or less diverse.

 

[PreMD86]

OK, I'm going to end this non-sense

The answer is NO

Let me guess- are your parents paying for your medical education by any chance? If they were'nt, you'd probably be more reluctant to reconsider, or at least articulate your position.
No, living at home is not the most convenient of options, but neither is paying an extra 80k in loans.

 

[smq123]

The thing I want to avoid to do is isolate myself from fellow med students by not living near them, hanging out with them, etc...

More things to consider:

• Some people in med school seem to have a hard time "clicking" with classmate anyway. There have been a few threads about this over in the allopathic forum.
• If you study with people, and go to post-exam parties and events, you'll be able to find a group of friends, even if you DO live with your parents.

Socially, things are different in med school. Generally, there's less drinking (just because you won't have time to go out 4-5 times a week). Many more people are married/in serious relationships, and don't want to hang out much either.

Either way - it's your decision. You can make it work either way if you really want to. Good luck!

 

[jochi1543]

Are you for real? Why don't you go live with your parents for the rest of your life.

That's actually a good point. Why ever move out then? It'll always save you money...

The other problem is that eventually the 'rents will probably start getting cranky and make you pay rent to THEM....DAMMIT!

 

[PreMD86]

Are you for real? Why don't you go live with your parents for the rest of your life. And it's not if YOU want to live with them, it also depends on if THEY want you there for another 4 years. You'll be 22 or 23, it's time to move on.

Are you for real?? Why don't you move out of your parent's house at 11 and go sell your body for Pez. Your argument rings completely hollow- it seems your entire consideration is boiling down to how your image would be affected by living with your parents. In my opinion, the logical point of leaving home should be when one is capable of financing a mortgage and moving away. For some that's 18, for most it's 22, and for medical students it's 26. If your parents don't want you living in their house, I am very sorry for you. However, parents of medical students tend to be extremely supportive- emotionally and financially. I have confidence in saying that most medical students would find their parents more than happy to have their kids live with them through medical school. If not, I'm sure the $80,000 in savings would help tip the scales. If your parents want you gone so bad they'd be willing to pay your rent for you, then by all means, take advantage.
I have a hard time believing that your parents would kick you to the curb, and tell you to take out loans that you'd be spending your whole life repaying, simply because moving out at 22 is the "cool" thing to do.

 

[gary yoghurt]

Are you for real?? Why don't you move out of your parent's house at 11 and go sell your body for Pez. Your argument rings completely hollow- it seems your entire consideration is boiling down to how your image would be affected by living with your parents. In my opinion, the logical point of leaving home should be when one is capable of financing a mortgage and moving away. For some that's 18, for most it's 22, and for medical students it's 26. If your parents don't want you living in their house, I am very sorry for you. However, parents of medical students tend to be extremely supportive- emotionally and financially. I have confidence in saying that most medical students would find their parents more than happy to have their kids live with them through medical school. If not, I'm sure the $80,000 in savings would help tip the scales. If your parents want you gone so bad they'd be willing to pay your rent for you, then by all means, take advantage.
I have a hard time believing that your parents would kick you to the curb, and tell you to take out loans that you'd be spending your whole life repaying, simply because moving out at 22 is the "cool" thing to do.

It's not image so much. I just wonder how I'll be able to soft taco female suitors over the arm of my couch when Mom and Dad are watching the O'Reilly Factor.

 

[smq123]

OK, I'm going to end this non-sense

The answer is NO

We get it. You think it's a bad idea. You can stop repeating yourself.

You're not in the OP's shoes. You're not in med school yet. Telling the OP your opinion (without some explanation) is not useful.

For some people, if they don't live at home, they are faced with the fun choice of a) not going to med school at all, b) joining the military so that the government can pay for it (and dictate your professional life), or c) being in debt until they're 60, because they went to very expensive colleges for undergrad (and had to pay for it themselves).

Well, I suppose they could bust their ass to get into ortho/derm, so they can pay off their loans faster, but that doesn't help the situation - because then, you're so busy trying to get AOA that you don't have time to go out anyway.

Consider yourself lucky that you have other options.

P.S. Living at home may put a damper on your social life while in med school, but making sure that EVERYONE around you knows your opinion on certain subjects (by repeating yourself 6 times) is guaranteed to absolutely kill your social life.

 

[PreMD86]

That's actually a good point. Why ever move out then? It'll always save you money...

The other problem is that eventually the 'rents will probably start getting cranky and make you pay rent to THEM....DAMMIT!

Actually, it only saves money if the only prospect when moving out is renting. If one has the money to put a down payment and finance a mortgage, you'd be saving much more money by owning a house. That is precisly why I believe the point when one should move out is when one is able to afford buying a place. If you are wasting your life away playing video games in your parents' basement, they might get cranky (even though I'm pretty sure their love is still unconditional?). However, if you are a medical student studying towards one of the most respected fields known to man, things might be slightly different.

 

[gary yoghurt]

Why they gotta be Republican? Why can't they watch Countdown with Keith Olbermann?

Because if they were watching Countdown, they'd try to join in.

I'm on your side.

 

[david594]

After 4 years of undergrad living away from my parents I am living at home again as I finish up the last of my requirements and I have come across 2 big factors.

Commute time. If you have a half hour commute each way with a little extra buffer time you will have to plan on spending 1.5 hours a day in your car. Thats 7.5 hours a week you could be using for anything else. Also during a 2-3 hour break between classes its not worth going "home" because you will spend most of that time driving.

The other issue is how one gets along with their parents. Are they going to be looking for you to be mowing the lawn or rakeing the leaves when you need to be studying? Or the "can you fix this" or fielding the "whats wrong with our computer??" questions when you just done have time? There are also the stresses of parents fighting/drinking/anything that will be unavoidable if you are living at home.

 

[PreMD86]

How about you grow up and stop asking your parents for everything. It's not about being "cool," it's about being independent and not being a burden.

Burden? Is that what you were to your parents your whole life?
I'm once again, terribly sorry for you. In my house, I clean, cook, do the dishes and laundry, and buy groceries. The house is paid for and my room is there for me. Unless my parents are planning on renting my room to a European exchange student, I have a hard time imagining how I would be a burden. On a side note, I do not know you, and you do not know me. Please do not question my maturity, responsibility, or independence.There is no right or wrong answer to this question, and you are entitled to your own opinion. I would have agreed to disagree if you would have only provided any articulation to your stance and not repeated the same "NO" on and on...

 

[gary yoghurt]

In my house, I clean, cook, do the dishes and laundry, and buy groceries.

And you get to live with your parents? Sweet deal!

 

[milliya]

Burden? Is that what you were to your parents your whole life?

I'm once again, terribly sorry for you. In my house, I clean, cook, do the dishes and laundry, and buy groceries. The house is paid for and my room is there for me. Unless my parents are planning on renting my room to a European exchange student, I have a hard time imagining how I would be a burden. On a side note, I do not know you, and you do not know me. Please do not question my maturity, responsibility, or independence.There is no right or wrong answer to this question, and you are entitled to your own opinion. I would have agreed to disagree if you would have only provided any articulation to your stance and not repeated the same "NO" on and on...

how did you find time to study. i know that even if i found a way to do that in my house, it still wouldnt be a good arrangement because my parents have 3 younger children. i dont think the average person could do what you're doing so i think the average person actually would be a burden to their parents. most parents actually breathe a sigh of relief when their kids leave and i would imagine it disappointing to find them back on the doorstep again.

 

[HumidBeing]

Did he say that he does ALL of the cleaning, cooking, dishes and laundry? No. Living in a dorm or apartment doesn't save you from doing them, either. Families who get along well together tend to find a balance that's comfortable for them.

It's nice to have someone bring you a hot meal when you're swamped with major studying. It also feels good when you do things around the place and other people notice. Expecting to live at home and just be taken care of hand and foot without taking care of your own stuff or contributing anything back is really immature and not good for you or the rest of the family. Living at home doesn't mean being coddled and babied.

 

[milliya]

i would imagine that in a dorm you could do significantly less housework than if you were living with your parents trying to make it easier for them to have you there.

 

[smq123]

i would imagine that in a dorm you could do significantly less housework than if you were living with your parents trying to make it easier for them to have you there.

True. However, most medical schools don't have dorms (some don't even have official student housing), and I've never heard of a med school with a meal plan.

Fun stuff.

Say you live at home for med school. And after graduation, you somehow end up in the same internship/residency/fellowship program as your medical school in SURGERY. You'll be 26/27 then, would you live through all those additional years at home to save money and get hot meals??? Your reasoning on saving money supports this decision because you don't make jack in residency and you'll always get 'em hot meals at home. Or will it be time move out?

3 key differences:
1) As a resident, you do get paid something. It's not a lot, but it is something. Compared to the $40,000 that you were paying, it's a lot, and certainly enough for you to rent an apartment without feeling terribly guilty.

2) As a resident, you get to eat in-house (i.e. in the hospital), often for free, when you're on call. And there are more opportunities to grab free food as a resident than as a student. Besides, as I said, you make some money.

3) As a resident, you don't have that much laundry to do. Technically, scrubs are never supposed to leave the hospital, so the hospital washes them for you.

It's not the fact that I would have to take out loans to live in an apartment. It's the fact that I would have to pay interest on those loans. I mean - you will have to pay (a lot) interest just for your food. That's just stupid.

 

[HumidBeing]

Say you live at home for med school. And after graduation, you somehow end up in the same internship/residency/fellowship program as your medical school in SURGERY. You'll be 26/27 then, would you live through all those additional years at home to save money and get hot meals??? Your reasoning on saving money supports this decision because you don't make jack in residency and you'll always get 'em hot meals at home. Or will it be time move out?

Did you have such a miserable life that you feel the need to be a pain in the a** to anyone enjoying a lifestyle that wouldn't work for you? I'm not wasting my time now, planning where I'll live 7 years down the road. I'm taking it one year at a time. What's working for me is working well. Your choices are what, hopefully, works for you. Since you don't enjoy a good family life around your parents and siblings, shut up on the subject of those of us who do, because you obviously don't know what you're yammering about.