Dec 29, 2009
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I have been with my GF for over three years now and when I think about Medical School it worries me. She will be getting her Ph.D while I am getting my M.D.. I have heard from some med students that Med school is extremely time consuming, and that you lose many friends because they do not understand how dedicated you need to be. Truth is, I don't know how dedicated I need to be. What is the time commitment for Medical school (per day or week)? Does it make sense to be in a serious relationship? To get married?
 

Narmerguy

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This is a bit of an odd question. If it was uncommon for people to get married or to be in serious relationships, would you end yours?

Plenty of people get married in medical school or even come to medical school already married. Many more students are in serious relationships (some would say the majority). Medical school is time consuming and it can exacerbate weaknesses already present in a relationship, but I believe that it would not be the cause of failure for a strong relationship.

I can't speak to the hours/week required specifically as I'm not there. It has been my understanding that it's different for each person and that it largely depends on what you're trying to get out of medical school and what you're willing to sacrifice. No matter what though, everyone has said that you do have free time and you do have time for relationships so don't let that impede you.

Best of luck.
 
Mar 15, 2010
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You need to do what is best for you. If the relationship is strong enough; it'll make it.

At this point, I'm still not ready to settle down. I'm enjoying myself, but I think in med school many people walk in married or in a long-term deal. Problems come up; it's how you deal with them.
 

riverjib

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I have been with my GF for over three years now and when I think about Medical School it worries me. She will be getting her Ph.D while I am getting my M.D.. I have heard from some med students that Med school is extremely time consuming, and that you lose many friends because they do not understand how dedicated you need to be. Truth is, I don't know how dedicated I need to be. What is the time commitment for Medical school (per day or week)? Does it make sense to be in a serious relationship? To get married?
Are you going to the same school? If so, it shouldn't be much of an issue. But if you're not, it's likely a deal-breaker, unless you're in the same area. You might work it out, but it's not likely. College relationships actually fare better, because there is the opportunity for one person to transfer. In grad school, that's practically unheard of.

If you can work out the logistics, it's not a problem. I chose to delay applying a year because my fiance will finish grad school in May 2011. This gives us time to get married, and he can come with me to med school wherever I'm accepted. It allows me the luxury to apply broadly.

I know a couple in my major who I'm really rooting for. I rarely view relationships between 22-year-olds this way, but they're perfect together. He's applying to med school and she's applying to pharmacy. If they can't make it work, I'll be really sad for them. But that is reality. You shouldn't sacrifice your dreams for someone unless your dream is to be with them, and figure the rest out later. That has to be a carefully planned decision, because it's not worth sacrificing your own goals and happiness...you'll only resent your significant other, even if it's not her fault...
 

ar2388

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i am first year med student and my bf is a first year phd student. we have been together for over 5 years (and only 22 now) and we are making it work. but we are currently living together and both go to the same school although on slightly different campuses. it depends on how supportive and understanding you are of each other and how willing you are to make it work and sacrifice for the relationship.
 

armybound

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My friend always says that marriage (or relationships) in medical school are just like another class. You can put them off, but you have to eventually put in the work to get a passing grade before you fail out. A few quality hours per week go a long way.

I've personally had no problem with being married in medical school. My wife is getting a PhD, and every once in a while we're both so busy/stressed out that we're not communicating as much as we'd like to, but we realize it and work on it.

It's all about the effort you put into it.
 
Nov 11, 2009
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My professor talked to me about this not too long ago...He was getting his Ph.D in New York while his wife was going through medical school in Kansas or something like that....they made it work out just fine he says! As long as you both keep busy doing your thing and are understanding of each other it will probably work out just fine! But you really really have to be understanding
 

ar2388

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My professor talked to me about this not too long ago...He was getting his Ph.D in New York while his wife was going through medical school in Kansas or something like that....they made it work out just fine he says! As long as you both keep busy doing your thing and are understanding of each other it will probably work out just fine! But you really really have to be understanding
and not have any jealousy issues....long distance + stress + less time communicating can lead to many problems.. i think it really depends on what your relationship is personally like
 

DP4NB3S301314

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Are you going to the same school? If so, it shouldn't be much of an issue. But if you're not, it's likely a deal-breaker, unless you're in the same area. You might work it out, but it's not likely. College relationships actually fare better, because there is the opportunity for one person to transfer. In grad school, that's practically unheard of.

If you can work out the logistics, it's not a problem. I chose to delay applying a year because my fiance will finish grad school in May 2011. This gives us time to get married, and he can come with me to med school wherever I'm accepted. It allows me the luxury to apply broadly.

I know a couple in my major who I'm really rooting for. I rarely view relationships between 22-year-olds this way, but they're perfect together. He's applying to med school and she's applying to pharmacy. If they can't make it work, I'll be really sad for them. But that is reality. You shouldn't sacrifice your dreams for someone unless your dream is to be with them, and figure the rest out later. That has to be a carefully planned decision, because it's not worth sacrificing your own goals and happiness...you'll only resent your significant other, even if it's not her fault...

+1:thumbup:

Very reasonable, I wish my future significant other can understand this...Then I can really focus on study. You know what really scare people off from medicine? Not how hard med school is, but life. For me, I only need someone to love with, and she loves me. That's all I want, nothing more.
 
Mar 27, 2010
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Good question. I was worried about it myself. Both me and my new wife will be entering med school at the same time. We live together and go to the same school though, so hopefully it'll work out. It doesn't stop in med school. As a professional in medicine, or indeed, any field which is highly professional, you will constantly need to balance out work and relationships.

I understand where you're coming from, I'm scared too. We're having med school x 2, but at least we'll be able to study together and relate to one another as we will be both studying medicine at the same med school. Only time will tell, but you have to keep going, doing your best to balance both, regardless of what occurs.
 

plauto

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Good question. I was worried about it myself. Both me and my new wife will be entering med school at the same time. We live together and go to the same school though, so hopefully it'll work out. It doesn't stop in med school. As a professional in medicine, or indeed, any field which is highly professional, you will constantly need to balance out work and relationships.

I understand where you're coming from, I'm scared too. We're having med school x 2, but at least we'll be able to study together and relate to one another as we will be both studying medicine at the same med school. Only time will tell, but you have to keep going, doing your best to balance both, regardless of what occurs.
I'll tell you, I think that's a lot harder than doing two different things. I'd never be able to be in a healthy relationship if I were with my wife the whole day everyday (we'd end up killing each other I think...)
 
Mar 27, 2010
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Haha, touché. We understand the value of personal time though, so It's not like we'll be attached by the hip. It's just that it'll be easier for us to mix study and communication since we can do them both at the same time. However, we also have alone time as well, which I believe to be vitally important, since we're not carbon copies of the same person with different genitalia. :D
 

rem6775

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Of course it can work. When I started, I dragged my fiance half way across the country and we're (finally) getting married in a couple months (just 2 weeks before Step 1, yay). It all depends on your relationship though. I know many of my friends had serious relationships, but when they started, they moved away and they fell apart. Staying close probably makes it much easier. As for time commitment, it varies between people. Some spend all day working (like myself, I'd say roughly 100 hours a week between everything) and others are much more relaxed. It depends on your goals and priorities. But don't worry too much about it.