marriage?

[Bmblee888]

I wanted to know if anyone had thoughts about the best time to get married during med school. I'll be going to med school next fall while my bf is a first year med student. We were thinking maybe the best time would be the summer after my fourth year and for him it would be the summer after his first year of residency. (Of course I probably would be doing most of the planning) Does anyone here have any first hand experience that you could share? Oh, and how about financing the wedding? Take out a big fat loan?!?

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[uffda]

I hate to bring up money questions, but you should consider:
Would being married sooner effect either of your financial aid packages, EFC, or expected combined debt?
Are you in the same city now? Will you be attending the same med school? Would being married effect your living situation at all (e.g. make married housing available to you)? Would you be attempting to limit your residency choices to be co-located (or at least same city) to whereever he matches?

 

[Bmblee888]

We will not be attending the same school. I will be about 1.5 hour drive away.

 

[ubiquitous]

Is your boyfriend interested in doing research/MPH/something else for a year? It might be more helpful to apply for residency together through Couple's Match to make sure that you end up in the same place for residency. Marriage sometime during fourth year doesn't sound like a bad idea since your schedule will probably be less demanding.

Just a thought...

 

[mikecwru]

Originally posted by Bmblee888
I wanted to know if anyone had thoughts about the best time to get married during med school. I'll be going to med school next fall while my bf is a first year med student. We were thinking maybe the best time would be the summer after my fourth year and for him it would be the summer after his first year of residency. (Of course I probably would be doing most of the planning) Does anyone here have any first hand experience that you could share? Oh, and how about financing the wedding? Take out a big fat loan?!?

Don't get married until you can both live together and are out of med school. A LD relationship is no way to start a marriage and unless you're ok with not seeing each other alot as NEWLYWEDS then you're going to have problems. Getting married often screws up financial aid packages. You should not take out a loan to pay expenses. If you cannot afford the bells and whistles *have a simple ceremony*. If you both love each other, waiting should not be a crisis.

I got married after first year to a non-MD. And we didn't have a lot of time to spend together because of just one of our jobs. The marriage has been good, however, but my financial aid has been a constant mess even though she doesn't make even close enough to "supporting us," like the FA office thinks.

Marriage is not a cure-all. I've seen lots of people rush to get married because "if I don't X will leave me," or "we need this in our relationship." If that's the case, the marriage will fail anyway.

At least my wife and I got to live with each other and when I could get home sometimes in third year, I lnew she was there and not doing med school herself. Your case is slightly better than worst case, because you're one year behind him.

mike

 

[Capri]

I am much more optimistic about marriage and medical school. I have found that being married provides foundation, stability, comfort, joy and support that my umarried friends don't get.

And being married to a medical student won't screw up your financial aid. You will each be able to say that there are 2/2 people in your household who are in school FT, which is treated the same way by FAOs as 1/1. And if you are maintaining separate houses, you will actually fare better.

An hour and a half apart isn't bad at all. You could live together somewhere in between, you could have two places and during periods where one person has a light schedule that person could stay at the other one's home, or you could turn each weekend into a honeymoon.

My husband and I lived in separate countries for the first year of our marriage, and although that was unbelievably hard, it was also wonderful. Every time I saw him I was in heaven.

If you are ready to get married, do it. If you are not, don't. That should be the biggest determinant. If you are young (under 30) I recommend holding off. There is a lot of personal development that you go through in your 20s that affects the success of a marriage ... and if it's right, it will last that long. If it's wrong, it's much easier to break up than to divorce.

So the advice I give has nothing to do with medical school, but instead with your age, your relationship, and your readiness to commit to a lifetime with one person.

Capri

 

[gmendese]

I'm a first-year student this year and am getting married in June. That way it's between first and second year, so that we can enjoy the last time off I'll have together. We both live together in Worcester now and have been living here since June. She is not a medical student or anything of the sort. Actually, she's a massage therapist, which works out well for me. LOL.

Hope that helps and best of luck to you!

 

[Katie]

Originally posted by Bmblee888
I wanted to know if anyone had thoughts about the best time to get married during med school. I'll be going to med school next fall while my bf is a first year med student. We were thinking maybe the best time would be the summer after my fourth year and for him it would be the summer after his first year of residency. (Of course I probably would be doing most of the planning) Does anyone here have any first hand experience that you could share? Oh, and how about financing the wedding? Take out a big fat loan?!?

probably the time you suggested is good as long as you and your husband-to-be are going to be in the same area (e.g no more than a 30-45 minute commute from the hospitals at which you do your residency). You can couple match even if you are in different years, that is what the Dean of Students at Tufts and her husband did (he was a year ahead of her at NEMC as a surgical resident while she was finishing up at Michigan). Since there's no way to predict where you two might end up for residency; you may have to take more of a "wait and see" approach.

and I agree with one of the posters that it really isn't that big an issue if you are married to another doc or not. Nearly all of the physician couples I know are happily married and have children, and out of the 5 relationships that started in my med school class last year, NONE have broken up or had any major relationship drama that involved the whole class (which is a dire prediction constantly touted on SDN, LOL). Anyway, good luck to you.

 

[pheck]

i got married after my first year. she's non-MD tho so it's a bit different than your situation. went to the five year program, which most of us do anyway, after that. got involved in some other projects, but mostly used the extra time to hang out with my new wife. never regretted it for a second. love/family imo should come before career. do what feels right in your heart, then make everything else in your life work. best of luck to you and your loved ones.