Medical school and kids/significant other

[chalklette]

First and foremost HEY HEY HEY to all those of the official class of 2008.

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[Swiper]

I'm interested too. Although, this might get a few more responses in Allo.

 

[juddson]

I start med school in August. I'm married and will have two youngins. Looking forward to it. My school is kinda "optional" as far as going to class is concerned, and everything is streamed on the web anyway. So, i expect to be home plenty, at least for teh first two years. But, I'll be busy studying, of course, so I'm not sure how my wife is going to handle all the work without a lot of help on my part.


Judd

 

[fischer]

I'll be starting school in the Fall as well, with a husband, a one year old and two dogs in tow

Although I am a little scared, I know we will be alright. I have a wonderfully supportive husband who wants to help me fulfill my goals. And I am lucky enough to have my mom watch my son while I am in school.

I know there will be sacrifices along the way. One day I will have to not study and perhaps get a lower test in order to be with my family, and one day I will have to miss a soccer game because I am in clinics.

But hopefully I can find balance so we all come out okay, that my family knows I love them and that my son knows I am doing what I have always wanted to do.

 

[theringworm]

I'll be doing it and I am not too concerned about it. I have a four month old son right now. My wife will be working full time which will help us stay a float. Probably the hardest thing will be putting my son in a day care. I absolutely detest them but I don't really have a choice. We are talking about my wife just working during the 1st and 2nd year. I have a friend who has three kids and is a MS3. His wife works like two days a week. My approach to it is, take out all the loans possible to make life for them as comfortable as possible. If I don't spend it then I'll just save it. We just purchased a home and are really excited. It's going to be a sacrifice but it is doable. Just remeber to make time for your spouse and kids. Don't get caught up in studying more than you need to. My friend studies until about 7pm and then after that it's family time, unless there is a test coming up. Friday nights are his date night. He gets up early Sat. morning and puts in about 4 or 5 hours of studying and then takes a break for his family the rest of the day. He does absolutely no studying on Sundays. Does this work you ask. Well, he scored a 250 on Step I. I hope I can do the same. I seem to take studying to the extremes sometimes so breaking away from that will be hard. I do think that having atleast one night a week as a date night for your spouse is a must. Just manage your time and use it wisely and everything will work out. Congrats and Good Luck

 

[Laura JC]

I've been in medical school for 2 years with a husband and two kids, and it has been working out well. I was a stay at home homeschooling mom before that, so it's been quite a change for everyone. But if your spouse is supportive and the people in your family are the laid-back type who are flexible, I don't think it will be a problem. Try to do most of your 'venting' with other students and keep the family atmosphere as non-medical school related as possible, would be my only advice.

 

[Ex-fix]

I started med school married with one kid and graduated with three. I graduated in the top 15% of my graduating med school class. Currently, doing ortho residency with 4 kids. Yes, I am finished with the kids. Med school wasn't easy, but through good time management and a supporting spouse I made it through.

The most important factor is a supporting spouse. Residency is much harder on my time than med school ever was. Without a good,understanding spouse, you're divorce is inevitable.

Well good luck.

 

[efex101]

I start this fall and have two kids and a great hubby, will it be hard? sure, can we do it? heck yeah! bring it on baby!

 

[beanbean]

I am 36, married and in my MS1 year. I have two daughters, ages 5 and 7, and my son is 7 months. Yes, for those of you counting backwards he was born 2 1/2 weeks into my first year. Surprise!

I was a stay-at-home mom with my daughters so being away from John during the day has been a bit of an adjustment. I have a wonderful nanny and my school schedule allows me to leave at 12:00 pm Mon, Wed, Fri.

The keys to success are:

1) A supportive spouse who is willing to pick up the slack when you have exams and such.

2) Family and friends to give you a wider support network when you need it

3) Balance. Don't try to be a perfect Mom or perfect med student - just do the best that you can and don't sweat the small stuff.

4) Prioritize your life! My first priority is my own health and happiness. Without that I am good to no one. My second priority is my family. Without them, everything else would mean nothing. My third priority is school.

5) Don't compromise your priorities!

If it is meant to be, it will happen. Just work hard and hug your kids every chance you get!

Deirdre

 

[efex101]

I study best alone always have and probably always will. This does not mean that I do not hang out with some of my classmates every now and then. I feel none of this tug of war you are talking about...my family knows that they come first but when it is test time they do take a backseat until the exam is over.

 

[ms. a]

Are there any single parents out there? How do you manage? I have an 18 month old daughter, and while I am happily married, my husband just got a job that means long hours and frequent travel. So even though he is a totally dedicated father, there will be many times when he simply cannot pick up any slack. Already, I am going to have to miss my school's retreat, since he will be away on a training trip. Since it's so unpredictible, I have to consider myself a single parent. Anyone have a similar experience?

 

[medicalmedical]

I'm not sure if this is the right thread to post this but i'm going to be going into my third year this summer and my fiance was just offered a ridiculously high paying job in colorado. i'm going to school in new york. does anyone know how much of your third and fourth year you're allowed to do in another state without actually transferring to that school?

 

[rgporter]

A question for those of you who have much more experience than myself. I am married, will be starting school in August. We don't have any children currently but we definitely don't want to wait until school is over to start having children. My question is this, how were you able to handle child care? We don't really want to use a day care, my spouse doesn't trust them (apathetic employees, etc.) plus they're so expensive. The solution we keep coming back to is that my spouse will have to stay home with the children (it's what she wants to do anyway), but the finaid package won't allow us to survive this way.
How did you manage your time/money? any advice is greatly appreciated.

 

[beanbean]

To reply to a couple of posts:

I do not feel torn between my family and my peers at all. I tend to study alone and at home. This allows me plenty of time with my kids and husband and even before exams I am still "around", meaning I am in the house even if I am not as involved as my husband with day to day activities. My husband and I make a poin to get a babysitter and go out with my classmates to after-exam get-togethers and school events occasionally. I definitely feel a part of my class and yet I don't feel I have sacrificed any family time.

In terms of being a "single mom": My husband travels quite frequently (~50%) and I am often home alone. Having my parents a few miles away as been invaluable and they help me out in many ways. My husband also really works hard when he is here to minimize work for me and spend lots of time with the kids. Sometimes it is difficult to coordinate both schedules, but so far things are working out well.

In terms of childcare:

I am fortunate to have found an amazing nanny. I was a stay-at-home mom for 7 yrs before going back to school and the thought of leaving my newborn son with someone was very difficult. Childcare is very expensive and without my husband's job private childcare would not be an option. I do have a classmate who's wife stays home with their infant daughter. I don't know how they manage things financially, but it must be tough.

 

[ms. a]

A question for those of you who have much more experience than myself. I am married, will be starting school in August. We don't have any children currently but we definitely don't want to wait until school is over to start having children. My question is this, how were you able to handle child care? We don't really want to use a day care, my spouse doesn't trust them (apathetic employees, etc.) plus they're so expensive. The solution we keep coming back to is that my spouse will have to stay home with the children (it's what she wants to do anyway), but the finaid package won't allow us to survive this way.
How did you manage your time/money? any advice is greatly appreciated.

I wouldn't be so quick top brush off day care. My daughter is in one and we all absolutely love it. Granted there are day cares out there that you wouldn't put your family pet in, but there are definitely lots of really good quality day cares. For my girl, it's her only opportunity to interact with kids and adults other than my husband and I. Plus, they do so many more activities than I would do with her when I'm at home. A friend of mine has her boy with a nanny and is always having problems with it. Just recently, she discovered that the nanny keeps the TV on all day, which is potentially contributing to the boy's attention problem. You really have to investigate to find a good day care, but when you do, it's golden. One thing that helps at ours is that the center offers the employees fairly good benefits, which encourages them to stay around for a long time. We've been there almost a year and have had zero turn-over. Also, day cares are almost always cheaper than nannies.

 

[midlifecrisis]

An MD friend with a cool balanced life and husband and kids (one came during first year finals) gave me some great advice. She said to get used to not knowing everything and be cool with that. Learn what you need to and more and be happy with that. Med school is hard but doesn't have to be insane.

Hopefully she's right. I'd like to stay married through this too.

 

[WyldeWolf1]

My three main sources on this issue are two physician friends (one just finishing his cardiology fellowship with three young children at home) and one of my interviewers at Penn State who had very insightful advice.

1) For a young married couple, med school can be a blast. If you manage your time wisely, you can have a lot of fun.

2) A medical student with a supportive spouse is often MORE happy than someone without one. When the married student comes home, he's more likely to be getting a hot meal between study sessions and be encouraged verbally, emotionally, and sexu---did I say verbally?

3) Steel yourself mentally for very little downtime, even less than most medical students. This especially applies if you have children. They need you; you know it, but you're going to be tired and sometimes cranky.

4) This was perhaps the most interesting and insightful piece of advice I got from my Penn State interviewer: Don't tell your spouse about what is happening at school unless he/she specifically asks (and not just to be polite). You're going to be introduced to a whole new world with unbelievable experiences, a world your spouse will not be a part of. It's easy for them to become resentful, even unconsciously, and that can drive a wedge between you.

5) Make sure your spouse knows that the person who graduates from medical school will be a different person than the one who has just begun. Brace him or her for this well ahead of time, and make sure that throughout, you show you spouse that in the end, you still love and are devoted to them more than anything on this earth, including your career.

Both my wife and I are looking forward to this new beginning in our life together. In fact, our plan (subject to change) is to start having children around the time residency begins. We have the "bug" already, but we think we can wait.

 

[SaltySqueegee]

An MD friend with a cool balanced life and husband and kids (one came during first year finals) gave me some great advice. She said to get used to not knowing everything and be cool with that. Learn what you need to and more and be happy with that. Med school is hard but doesn't have to be insane.

Hopefully she's right. I'd like to stay married through this too.

That's what I was thinking. There is sooooo much to know, and even if I was a hermit monk I wouldn't be able to know it all. Hopefully I too can find some balance in this 'game.'

I also find that if I study too much, and avoid some of the simple pleasures of life; such as talking with my fiancee . I do worse academically, mentally, emotionally, etc, than if I were to relax a little.