Its difficult for me to tell how many of the posters here are women. I've been following this thread for awhile and, as a woman, so much of it is cringe-worthy that I'm not sure where to start.
There does seem to be a lot of perpetuating of common stereotypes here; I get that, because its always difficult for a person of one gender to decipher the thoughts, logic, desire of another gender. But I think it helps if each of us can be aware that we're prone to some stereotyping and to avoid viewing individual people that we meet as automatically having characteristics of trends we see in populations.
Do women need to be attracted, physically, to their dates/partners? Of course. The hurdle you are trying to overcome is the initial "glimpse factor," which IS tough on a dating site. I've done online dating and it can be tough to overcome a bad set of pictures no matter how interesting the guy sounds on paper. But when it comes to dating, I think I, and most women, quickly start looking for more tangible qualities in men we date. The physical attraction factor wanes VERY quickly for most well-adjusted women if the mental/emotional stimulation is lacking.
I will tell you what I 'look for" in a guy but obviously, I'm just one person. But all of this talk about wanting "tall hot men that we can show off" is ridiculous. For a serious relationship, do I want someone I can brag about? Sure, but not in the way you think. I am attracted to men who, if you'll excuse the expression "have their **** together." I also expressly avoid men who appear to be flailing or who show signs of needing a significant other to prop up their self-esteem; having a significant other should not significantly vary your sense of self or self-image for the worse OR better. Can I bring you around my friends (both male and female) and be proud of how you carry yourself? Can I brag to my girlfriends about how you show me you care about me and listen to me without crossing the line into being obsequious? Can people tell you care about me by the way you treat me, the way you talk about me when I'm not around, by the respect you show my friends and family?
Does having a steady career (not just a job) make men more attractive to most women? Absolutely. It's not about the amount of money, it is about the fact that most women want someone who will be their partner, their teammate. Can you be counted on to be dependable, to be proactive, to be self-motivated, to be strong in a crisis? These are the qualities I see in most of my male colleagues which I believe are attractive to women. Women are interested in dating doctors because they assume (and I think this is actually a pretty fair assumption) that there is a high degree of correlation between someone obtaining the degree/training of "doctor" and possessing the qualities of dependability, self-starter, ability to handle difficult situations, etc. The question most women forget to ask is "do these qualities carry over into their personal lives?" If you use up the best part of yourself at work and don't save any for me, than what good are those qualities to me?
I am only interested in men who are comfortable in their own skin and can hold a conversation on a wide variety of topics without either coming across either as a know-it-all or a poorly informed blowhard or neophyte. Be interesting, have interests, and be interested in me for something we share in common or some personality feature or quality you see in me, and not JUST my physical attributes (average though they may be).
I'm 5'3. I've dated/had serious relationships with men from 5'5-6'5. I know that some women will not date men shorter than they are as a matter of personal preference. Nothing you can do about that but it is NOT a universal quality in women. But consider this a good screening tool. Really, it sucks that some nurse told you that you needed to have surgery to get a date with her; it was really rude of her and she has no class. But really? It doesn't suck. At least you didn't get 6 months down the road and find out that she's judgmental and rude when she insults your mother's cooking the first time they meet. That exchange showed you exactly what you needed to know about that person; the only thing that exchange tells you about yourself is how you respond to it.
To the OP and others, are you putting yourself in situations with activities/interests you have where you can meet other people (including women) who have shared interests/personality types? If you're the type of person who might not fare well due to the "glimpse" factor, you're always going to do better to get to know people without the pressure of considering a romantic connection until you've developed some kind of relationship based on other factors.
From the flip side of this equation, as a female surgery resident, I find a lot of men quickly lose interest when they find out what I do for a living. I think it is far more rare for women who are school teachers, nurses, or flight attendants, etc to have that problem. But conversely? I'm not interested in anyone who doesn't want to date a woman with as much or more education than they do or who is concerned I might someday make more than them. I suggest you take the same approach and learn to like your life as a single person before you try to find someone to like your life enough to consider adding you to their own. We all get lonely sometimes - that's human nature and it is normal. But focus more on enjoying the life you have (or do what is necessary to get an interesting and enjoyable single life) instead of thinking the only flaw in your life is your lack of a significant other and I think you might be surprised at how things work out.
