Need some consolation

[popshoveit]

Hi people of the internet.

I just got my first MD acceptance (!!) and I'm in shock. I'm so so so excited to have achieved this and it is huge for me. I'm a Californian and this MD acceptance is way over in Vermont. I loved my time in Vermont and am pumped to start this new chapter.

Plot twist--I've been with my partner for 7 years. He is my guy. We're going to be old and frail together and change each others diapers and make poop jokes about it. I want my future with him.

I was also accepted into (and figured I would matriculate at) Touro CA (DO school), which would allow me to live with him the first couple years, and then stay in California for the foreseeable future.

I feel that Vermont is leagues ahead of Touro and this is a no-brainer. He, unfortunately for me, is just graduating law school and will be stepping into his career when I matriculate. Due to the nature of his career, he'll have to be in a big city. Vermont is therefore not an ideal place for him...

Can y'all give me some success stories about being in impossibly far long distance relationships? I'm excited about the prospect of getting an MD from a great school in a fantastic city--but I cant help but worry about my relationship.

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[altblue]

MD is noticeably better than DO for career prospects, especially in competitive specialties or academia, which is something to keep in mind

I'm a pre applicant, but LDRs are hard, even without med school. It was hard for my ex girlfriend and me, though we split for other reasons. Definitely make sure he's on board whether he moves with you or stays in Cali

 

[PhilzCoffeeAddict]

Yeah... professional school does hinder the relationship. My significant other left me because I couldn't get into one. I suggest sitting down and talking to him about it. I've seen it work out for couples and I've seen it end in a break-up for some. Find the time to see each other and to talk to each other. It's going to cost a lot for those flights but if both of you want see this relationship leading to a marriage and a family one day, you're going to have to sacrifice somewhere (here its going to be time and $$ for those flights). Both of you need to communicate about when to see each other and how you're going to pair up in the future (i.e. while you're in residency and when he's practicing). Best of luck, and congrats on your acceptance.

 

[Goro]

Hi people of the internet.

I just got my first MD acceptance (!!) and I'm in shock. I'm so so so excited to have achieved this and it is huge for me. I'm a Californian and this MD acceptance is way over in Vermont. I loved my time in Vermont and am pumped to start this new chapter.

Plot twist--I've been with my partner for 7 years. He is my guy. We're going to be old and frail together and change each others diapers and make poop jokes about it. I want my future with him.

I was also accepted into (and figured I would matriculate at) Touro CA (DO school), which would allow me to live with him the first couple years, and then stay in California for the foreseeable future.

I feel that Vermont is leagues ahead of Touro and this is a no-brainer. He, unfortunately for me, is just graduating law school and will be stepping into his career when I matriculate. Due to the nature of his career, he'll have to be in a big city. Vermont is therefore not an ideal place for him...

Can y'all give me some success stories about being in impossibly far long distance relationships? I'm excited about the prospect of getting an MD from a great school in a fantastic city--but I cant help but worry about my relationship.

This is why email and skype exist.

 

[Terror Billy]

While obviously it's not as close as being in California, what if they moved to somewhere like DC, NYC or Boston ? Those are big cities where I'm sure a lawyer could find a job. The distance would still be far, but maybe once a month they could visit.

 

[tiramisucheese]

Perhaps he could move to NYC? Big city with job opportunities in his field, plus closer to you.

 

[RNthenDoc]

I did an LTR/LDR. My advice is.... don’t do it.

Someone has to make the sacrifice.

Again, this is just me speaking from my own experiences. Your mileage may vary.




They need lawyers in Vermont.

 

[LibBum]

It can be done, with less pain than you might expect. Skype every night and always plan a weekend together every 1-3 months. It gives you something to look forward to.

My significant other and I did this for two years while I went to graduate school two time zones away. Now we go to medical school together. The long distance was easy since we wanted it to work.

 

[LoveBeingHuman:)]

I’ve talked to several older people about this and they said that going long distance at some point in the relationship can have benefits in the long run because it build up romantic energy that makes the relationship last longer.

 

[Girlygirl2020]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but most people in medical schools who are in LDRs break up. I've spoken to several medical students from many different schools tell me the same thing: everyone they knew who were in LDRs in the beginning of their class, are now single. If you're not interested in highly competitive specialities, why not go to the DO? Med school is stressful enough, you might as well not have to stress out about your relationship and your boyfriend who is 2500 miles away from you. Especially since he's very important to you. Live together. Go DO. Get married. Have kids. You'll be happier this way.

 

[Trollest]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but most people in medical schools who are in LDRs break up. I've spoken to several medical students from many different schools tell me the same thing: everyone they knew who were in LDRs in the beginning of their class, are now single. If you're not interested in highly competitive specialities, why not go to the DO? Med school is stressful enough, you might as well not have to stress out about your relationship and your boyfriend who is 2500 miles away from you. Especially since he's very important to you. Live together. Go DO. Get married. Have kids. You'll be happier this way.

what the heck is this? You have no idea what you are saying. DO is harder than MD! And i wouldnt recommend attending Touro anyways. OP go MD and try to compromise with your bf. Your future and your kids future is a non starter. What you guys need to discuss is how you are going to make this thing work.

 

[getdown]

Sorry to break it to you my friend, but sadly enough, the stories of failed long distance relationships and especially those involving stressful careers like medicine and law (due to huge time commitments) FAR outweigh success stories. It's hard but not impossible if both of you are committed and understand not seeing each other much.

 

[DBC03]

My husband and I kind of lived apart all of last year - except we saw each other nearly every weekend. It worked and there were absolutely no issues on our end except it made me realize I did NOT want to be in the military or in a position where we would have to be that far apart again for such a long time. But you can certainly do it. I think some comments made above about matching from MD (especially from Vermont) have some truth to them - it might be really difficult for the first year or so, but you might find it easier to be together in the long run if you go MD. I also found it a LOT easier to study when I was away from my husband, so being separated for that time might make it easier to study (but definitely more depressing). There's a balance there. Feel free to PM if you have any questions on how to make it work.

 

[FutureOncologist]

This is hard because as a resident with a fiance who practices in a different field about an hour and a half away, it already puts a huge strain on us. I'm a 2nd year IM resident and she's an intern in an ortho residency. The hours are grueling for both of us and there are times where our relationship is tested. And this is with us living together. I go weeks where I sleep alone while she is on call, doing scut/assisting in surgery, or doing rounds at 3 am in post-op. And vice versa; I work at least 80 hours a week if my program decides to be nice to me. Even though we are engaged, our profession will come first. I have 1.5 years left and she's got 4.5. By the time I can become a board certified hospitalist, she will still be a Junior Resident. If I pursue a 1-2 year fellowship, then we will be attending physicians together.

See if your partner can get his license in NY instead of CA. I don't know anything about logistics in that, but if you're serious about staying together, this may happen. No matter what, you come first in life. Always.

Go to Vermont, especially if you want to do anything outside of Primary Care. Your partner, even if he can't leave CA, should make an effort to make an LDR work. I wish nothing but the best for you both and hope it works out either way.

 

[shortcoatdream15]

You simply should not attend Touro over Vermont. You gotta talk to him and figure out a way to make this work: either long-distance for some amount of time, or he needs to start studying for the Vermont Bar

 

[RockMcat520]

This is why email and skype exist.

I don’t think think skype exists anymore lol, more like FaceTime? Watsapp?

 

[foxwood]

Hi people of the internet.

Definitely go to Vermont over Touro (CA). Your partner could apply to law firms in Boston and within 3 hours of Burlington.

I just got my first MD acceptance (!!) and I'm in shock. I'm so so so excited to have achieved this and it is huge for me. I'm a Californian and this MD acceptance is way over in Vermont. I loved my time in Vermont and am pumped to start this new chapter.

Plot twist--I've been with my partner for 7 years. He is my guy. We're going to be old and frail together and change each others diapers and make poop jokes about it. I want my future with him.

I was also accepted into (and figured I would matriculate at) Touro CA (DO school), which would allow me to live with him the first couple years, and then stay in California for the foreseeable future.

I feel that Vermont is leagues ahead of Touro and this is a no-brainer. He, unfortunately for me, is just graduating law school and will be stepping into his career when I matriculate. Due to the nature of his career, he'll have to be in a big city. Vermont is therefore not an ideal place for him...

Can y'all give me some success stories about being in impossibly far long distance relationships? I'm excited about the prospect of getting an MD from a great school in a fantastic city--but I cant help but worry about my relationship.

 

[treatem-and-streetem]

How about this...do you want to learn and be tested on OMM or not?

 

[JonathanHusky]

This is why email and skype exist.

who emails a SO? us millennials just snap and send dank memes back and forth

 

[deleted804295]

Hi people of the internet.

I just got my first MD acceptance (!!) and I'm in shock. I'm so so so excited to have achieved this and it is huge for me. I'm a Californian and this MD acceptance is way over in Vermont. I loved my time in Vermont and am pumped to start this new chapter.

Plot twist--I've been with my partner for 7 years. He is my guy. We're going to be old and frail together and change each others diapers and make poop jokes about it. I want my future with him.

I was also accepted into (and figured I would matriculate at) Touro CA (DO school), which would allow me to live with him the first couple years, and then stay in California for the foreseeable future.

I feel that Vermont is leagues ahead of Touro and this is a no-brainer. He, unfortunately for me, is just graduating law school and will be stepping into his career when I matriculate. Due to the nature of his career, he'll have to be in a big city. Vermont is therefore not an ideal place for him...

Can y'all give me some success stories about being in impossibly far long distance relationships? I'm excited about the prospect of getting an MD from a great school in a fantastic city--but I cant help but worry about my relationship.

If you can't keep 7 years due to distance you won't be able to survive a lifetime of union. Good luck

 

[Goro]

I don’t think think skype exists anymore lol, more like FaceTime? Watsapp?

Mea culpa for showing my age.

 

[DBC03]

Mea culpa for showing my age.

Nah. I tutor daily on Skype- I prefer it to hangouts. I sometimes use FaceTime, but Skype is generally better ...


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[DrRiker]

Sorry to break it to you my friend, but sadly enough, the stories of failed long distance relationships and especially those involving stressful careers like medicine and law (due to huge time commitments) FAR outweigh success stories. It's hard but not impossible if both of you are committed and understand not seeing each other much.

I think success in LDR is less about statistics and more about partner compatibility. A bad or mediocre relationship will fall apart. A great relationship may last. If it does, they're probably worth keeping around for a while.

99% of dates don't end in marriage, but it's irrational to advise against trying.

To OP: I think that a period of long term is an opportunity to demonstrate commitment. It is polarizing and will strengthen or end your relationship. If you think it might end your relationship, consider of it was strong to begin with. On the other hand, if you are confident in the relationship, you can probably make it work!

 

[chemdoctor]

Yeah... professional school does hinder the relationship. My significant other left me because I couldn't get into one. I suggest sitting down and talking to him about it. I've seen it work out for couples and I've seen it end in a break-up for some. Find the time to see each other and to talk to each other. It's going to cost a lot for those flights but if both of you want see this relationship leading to a marriage and a family one day, you're going to have to sacrifice somewhere (here its going to be time and $$ for those flights). Both of you need to communicate about when to see each other and how you're going to pair up in the future (i.e. while you're in residency and when he's practicing). Best of luck, and congrats on your acceptance.

Because you couldn’t get into one? Not to tell you your business but seriously?

 

[PhilzCoffeeAddict]

Because you couldn’t get into one? Not to tell you your business but seriously?

Yeah… I guess I wasn't good enough. But I got into a very good MD school now. Very happy with how things turned out for me.

 

[chemdoctor]

Yeah… I guess I wasn't good enough. But I got into a very good MD school now. Very happy with how things turned out for me.

Yeah but to dump a SO because they couldn't get into med school is ridiculous honestly...

 

[FutureOncologist]

To be positive, I moved to the East Coast for residency while my then-girlfriend (now fiancé) finished her 4th year. We skyped almost every night, even if it was for 5 minutes. Some nights I had a couple of hours. During 2 interviews she was able to see me for a weekend which was great and helped out a lot. We made it work and when she matched at a hospital near me, I proposed. Though it was only 14 months of being long distance, we lasted and we were in the same mindset as you (she was "the one," can't see myself with anyone else, 3+ years at the time of being together.)

 

[FutureOncologist]

Yeah but to dump a SO because they couldn't get into med school is ridiculous honestly...

It's actually a blessing if you ask me. Why have someone in your life if they can't handle some trials and tribulations? Trust me, medical school and residency will be enough for the both of them.

 

[that redhead]

Obviously not in the same field, but my now-husband and I did LDR for four years, 1200 miles apart while I was in vet school. It was scary and it was tough but it worked and we’re happy now. Feel free to PM.

 

[DokterMom]

The best relationships can survive LD -- Weaker ones cannot.

If you find yourself getting pulled and start to feel "selfish", consider that the difference between Touro, DO and Vermont, MD is likely every bit as great as practicing law in LA or practicing in Burlington.

Boston or NYC could work for you both --

 

[willow84]

Could he practice in Boston? You could at least see each other every other weekend if he's there.

 

[Girlygirl2020]

You need to sit down and ask yourself what's more important: your relationship with your S/O or getting into MD vs DO? Because you have to face the reality that the chance of you two being together at the end of the four years is very slim. Being in Vermont also lowers your chance of coming back to CA for residency (not significantly, but it's another factor to think about). It's much easier to get a residency in CA when you're already there. You will have to think about that too. Do you want to specialize? LDRs don't work unless you have an "end date" to the long-distance factor. When you're in med school, you don't necessarily have one.

 

[altblue]

You need to sit down and ask yourself what's more important: your relationship with your S/O or getting into MD vs DO? Because you have to face the reality that the chance of you two being together at the end of the four years is very slim. Being in Vermont also lowers your chance of coming back to CA for residency (not significantly, but it's another factor to think about). It's much easier to get a residency in CA when you're already there. You will have to think about that too. Do you want to specialize? LDRs don't work unless you have an "end date" to the long-distance factor. When you're in med school, you don't necessarily have one.

It's hard but doable...4 years is definitely an end date

Whether or not it's workable really depends on the OP and her SO, and their interests

 

[Girlygirl2020]

It's hard but doable...4 years is definitely an end date

Whether or not it's workable really depends on the OP and her SO, and their interests

Not necessarily. She's not guaranteed a residency back in CA near her SO. But even if they want it to work, sometimes it doesn't. You can be the greatest couple in the world, and sometimes it just won't work out.

 

[altblue]

Not necessarily. She's not guaranteed a residency back in CA near her SO. But even if they want it to work, sometimes it doesn't. You can be the greatest couple in the world, and sometimes it just won't work out.

Lol, I know. I just wanted to make it clear that they can work, and OP and her SO might be able to reconcile after med school.

 

[DokterMom]

You need to sit down and ask yourself what's more important: your relationship with your S/O or getting into MD vs DO? Because you have to face the reality that the chance of you two being together at the end of the four years is very slim. Being in Vermont also lowers your chance of coming back to CA for residency (not significantly, but it's another factor to think about). It's much easier to get a residency in CA when you're already there. You will have to think about that too. Do you want to specialize? LDRs don't work unless you have an "end date" to the long-distance factor. When you're in med school, you don't necessarily have one.

@Girlygirl2020 - Although you didn't explicitly say so, I perceive a default "she should sacrifice her career" to preserve her relationship mindset as opposed to a "one of you will need to sacrifice some career advantage" if you want to say geographically proximate.

Please tell me that in 2018, your mindset has evolved beyond that "his career takes precedent over hers" assumption.

 

[tammyp]

No amount of success stories are gonna make you feel any less anxious. All you can do is prepare yourself, because its gonna suck to a certain degree. This may make me seem like a bad person but I'll also be doing long distance again come August (not as far as yours) and I've just been coming to terms with the fact that I'll be ecstatic if we work out but it'll be okay if we don't. I personally had to detach a little the first time. I don't love him any less but I had to become okay with the possibility of us not working out or every fight and pang of loneliness would have made my grades suffer tremendously. You have to compartmentalize. You both have to put in A LOT of effort to make long distance work. He still has to be a priority, but I just don't think he can be your everything... or med school is gonna suck.

 

[Osminog]

From my completely unbiased perspective, doctors are of greater moral worth than lawyers. Therefore, he should move to Vermont to be with you.

 

[Girlygirl2020]

@Girlygirl2020 - Although you didn't explicitly say so, I perceive a default "she should sacrifice her career" to preserve her relationship mindset as opposed to a "one of you will need to sacrifice some career advantage" if you want to say geographically proximate.

Please tell me that in 2018, your mindset has evolved beyond that "his career takes precedent over hers" assumption.

We shouldn't assume what people want. She's stressed the importance of her relationship. She's been with her partner for 7 years, that's a long time. Obviously she is thinking about this decision. Some people value their relationship over their careers and there's nothing wrong with that. Just because we value it over everything else, doesn't mean other people need/want to. And she's not sacrificing her career, she got into medical school near her SO as well. But I'm not going to sit here and pretend that most LDRs in med schools end well.

 

[dr.grenouille]

OP, don’t listen to anyone saying it most likely won’t work out. Reflect on your relationship, have a serious discussion with your partner, and make the decision for yourself based on your unique situation. Everyone’s different, every relationship is different, and anecdotal evidence is useless. Be realistic, make yourself and your goals the priority, and the right people will always stick around.

 

[popshoveit]

Thanks for everyone's responses on here. To clarify -- I was sort of relieved to believe I wouldn't get into an MD program and would be "forced" to take the convenient option of Touro CA. I'm certain that there is very little anyone can say that would convince me to go touro now that I have a better option - so I wasn't necessarily looking for advice on that front--but I do appreciate the thought yall have put in to this.

We've also done ldr for 2 years when I transferred to a 4 year university and.. Woof it was not fun. But I certainly don't regret it and we've known this day would come.. I guess I'm just really anxious and hoping to hear some good words even if I am sort of deluding myself.

 

[getdown]

I think success in LDR is less about statistics and more about partner compatibility. A bad or mediocre relationship will fall apart. A great relationship may last. If it does, they're probably worth keeping around for a while.

99% of dates don't end in marriage, but it's irrational to advise against trying.

To OP: I think that a period of long term is an opportunity to demonstrate commitment. It is polarizing and will strengthen or end your relationship. If you think it might end your relationship, consider of it was strong to begin with. On the other hand, if you are confident in the relationship, you can probably make it work!

I agree that partner compatibility is very important in ultimately a successful long distance relationship and that bad/mediocre relationships will fall apart. But ultimately if you look at how most long distance relationships fare in medical school it's more breakups then staying together. Are those all poor relationships? Who's to say. Hence, there's obviously a lot of factors that play into it and many unforeseen circumstances may arise that will tilt it one way or another. OP was asking about success stories, I'm just trying to be realistic about it since it hurts a lot more when the break up comes out of the blue instead of at least knowing it's a possibility. But hey, I'm rooting for OP to succeed. This field requires a lot of sacrifices, it's just unfortunate we sometimes have to choose relationship vs career.

 

[tammyp]

Thanks for everyone's responses on here. To clarify -- I was sort of relieved to believe I wouldn't get into an MD program and would be "forced" to take the convenient option of Touro CA. I'm certain that there is very little anyone can say that would convince me to go touro now that I have a better option - so I wasn't necessarily looking for advice on that front--but I do appreciate the thought yall have put in to this.

We've also done ldr for 2 years when I transferred to a 4 year university and.. Woof it was not fun. But I certainly don't regret it and we've known this day would come.. I guess I'm just really anxious and hoping to hear some good words even if I am sort of deluding myself.

Wishing you success for you and me both!

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

Half of my cohort is doing this right now, mostly successfully. Of course we are all military so our families are more used to being separated. But they talk on the phone, FaceTime, skype, etc., and the spouses come out when they can. It’s definitely doable if you have a good relationship.

 

[FutureOncologist]

Thanks for everyone's responses on here. To clarify -- I was sort of relieved to believe I wouldn't get into an MD program and would be "forced" to take the convenient option of Touro CA. I'm certain that there is very little anyone can say that would convince me to go touro now that I have a better option - so I wasn't necessarily looking for advice on that front--but I do appreciate the thought yall have put in to this.

We've also done ldr for 2 years when I transferred to a 4 year university and.. Woof it was not fun. But I certainly don't regret it and we've known this day would come.. I guess I'm just really anxious and hoping to hear some good words even if I am sort of deluding myself.

This changes things a bit. If you've done it before, it'll be muscle memory. No, it isn't ideal and things can always change. But if you've done it before for that long of time, then I think this will be easier.

Keep your head up and chase after your dreams. Good luck and you'll love it in Vermont. It's so gorgeous up there

 

[SouthernGent]

2nd year long distant with S/O, and we are both in Medical school in different states with several years already in the bank from meeting in undergrad. Keep the lines of communication open, Video chat and phone calls. Know each other's schedules. Figure out when you can see each other in person. I get about 4 weekends a year right now, It F'ing sucks but you can guarantee we have 100% of each other's attention.

Compromise goes both ways, give and take equally. You will each make sacrifices for each other, and you must show you understand the sacrifice and reciprocate. Once again, communication is key.

 

[popshoveit]

Just wanted to come back here to say y'all are probably/ are going to be such great physicians--your thoughtful discourse about my emotional concern was refreshing.