Official Accepted Pre-Allo Gunner Advice Thread
Started by DoctorFunk
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Maybe you could explain the dirty details of the penis and testicle epithelia slides.
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I love it!
Please tell me you made this up?
W
Wizard of Oz
Bump.
We've got too many of these threads going on about this.
We've got too many of these threads going on about this.
Make sure to dress super preppy every day and wear chunky brown Dockers type fugly boat shoes regardless of your gender. (hopefully this is just a german medical student thing, those shoes are sooo hideous!) Girls should wear the obligatory pearl necklace and cashmere sweater. And dont forget to cake on the makeup. Guys should wear a button down shirt (must be impeccably ironed) with a crew sweater. Pointy European shoes are of course a must if you decide to deviate (heavens, how could you?) from the chunky boat shoe trend.
Pile up your desk in the library with the thickest possible textbooks to intimidate the other students. Doesnt matter if you never even open them .. just having them on your desk does the trick.
Pimp as many people as you can, anytime .. anyplace. Doesnt matter who they are, fellow student, nurse, resident, bum on the street. Do it during class, in the library, in the bathroom, on the train, dont ever miss an opportunity to show off all that glorious knowledge! If you dont pimp people, others will think you are a ***** and will make fun of you behind your back. Ive heard it done on mulitple occasions. Be the first one in seminars to answer the questions, as quickly as possible to beat out the others for the profs attention. Then lean back in your chair and tell everyone, prof included, how you didnt read the thick physiology book, only the short version.
If you really want to make friends quickly, wear a T shirt saying "Lassen Sie mich durch, ich bin Arzt!" (Let me through, Im a doctor). Sorry folks, I **** you not, some dweeb in my class wears that shirt.
Pile up your desk in the library with the thickest possible textbooks to intimidate the other students. Doesnt matter if you never even open them .. just having them on your desk does the trick.
Pimp as many people as you can, anytime .. anyplace. Doesnt matter who they are, fellow student, nurse, resident, bum on the street. Do it during class, in the library, in the bathroom, on the train, dont ever miss an opportunity to show off all that glorious knowledge! If you dont pimp people, others will think you are a ***** and will make fun of you behind your back. Ive heard it done on mulitple occasions. Be the first one in seminars to answer the questions, as quickly as possible to beat out the others for the profs attention. Then lean back in your chair and tell everyone, prof included, how you didnt read the thick physiology book, only the short version.
If you really want to make friends quickly, wear a T shirt saying "Lassen Sie mich durch, ich bin Arzt!" (Let me through, Im a doctor). Sorry folks, I **** you not, some dweeb in my class wears that shirt.
Someone's bitter..
The guy with the shirt probably has what people call a "Sense of Humor"... while people wear makeup because their not fembots who refuse to wear makeup/shave their legs/brush their teeth/have heterosexual sex..
As for me.. I just wear t-shirts with a warmup jacket on top.. but if someone wants to iron their shirt and look more crisp.. more power to them.. Freud says your bitterness comes from the fact that you suck at life.. 🙂
No, of course I actually do that.
<--- Future neurosurgeon / surgery attending in the making.
Not. 😛
I thought of another good one: If you live around a lot of other medical students, position your car in a strategic spot on the street the night before a major exam. In the middle of the night, set off your car alarm. Let it ring loudly and obnoxiously for about 2 minutes at 2 am. Repeat at 5 am. You will win the exams and get the powerup / level-up!!
Thanks for your concern, but I'm not bitter in the least. I go to a top 15 internationally ranked med school for FREE, that's right, no tuition for me. 🙂 I won't be in debt when I finish. If I sucked at life, I wouldnt be one of the international students accepted, less than 3% of the applicants are accepted. I study medicine in a foreign language that I learned only a few years ago. And I study in one of Europe's most beautiful cities, Heidelberg.
http://lwi2.wiwi.uni-frankfurt.de/caise99/heidelberg.jpg
I was simply pointing out some of the insanity that goes on here, it's amusing and was appropriate for this thread. Especially because of the cultural differences.
It's a shame to see that you feel the need to personally attack others. Perhaps you should consider the meaning of your Freund quotation. Have a nice day!
You know my car alarm actually went off around 3 am on a test night and the night before many students' USMLE Step 1 exam because of a goose, gander, and their 23432 goslings walking by. It did not stop ringing until the last gosling had crossed over my parking space to the pond.
...Unfortunately, my car alarm is very distinctive, so everywhere I went on campus over the next two months and ran into someone getting their Step 1 results back, he/she would look at me like this: 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡
Wouldn't you have to be awake yourself to pull off said shenanigans? Seems to be a zero advantage game.
No, everyone knows that gunners don't sleep the night before an exam. They are staying up, memorizing those last few factoids that might show up on the exam once every million years.
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If you ask a question after lecture about what's going to be on the test by going down and talking to the lecturer, you'd better hope that the record feature isn't still on if the lectures are online or taped, or there aren't astute people paying attention to the recorded lecture when it's formally done, especially if the lecturer says to pay attention to something in particular, and then spread the word to the rest of the class. You know you really don't want to spread the word to anyone else.
HAHAHA! I heard that too. Wonder who it was...
I wasn't the one who heard it... Dr. Funk told me. I was one who was sitting in lecture, and had no intention of listening to the lecture online, so I would've had no idea.
This is the funniest sh-it I've ever read.
I like this guy. If, like me, you're such an a$$hole that you see pissing off fellow students as an end unto itself, here are 10 ways to do it--without being a gunner.
1. Tell as many people as possible that you don't know why you went to med school, since you hate people or at least don't care about them at all. Complain that you should have been an investment banker/lawyer/veterinarian/anything else.
2. Tell everyone that you only got in because of your numbers. Emphasize how incredibly easy it is to get a 4.0 in undergrad and a 35 on the MCAT.
3. Loudly and persistently state your desire to become a pharma company 'consultant' after medical school, and how you don't want to do a residency at all.
4. Better yet, say that after medical school, you want to go to law school so that you will have more expertise in suing doctors.
5. Barring options 3 and 4, pick something esoteric (my current favorites are forensic psychiatry and clinical pathology) to express your interest in and complain incessantly about how most things that you are learning will be useless to you in the future.
6. You will probably be forced to see standardized patients. Be sure to tell them that since you want to be a psychiatrist/be a pathologist/be a pharm company consultant/go to law school, you really don't care about the exam you're doing on them. Let them know that it's a big waste of time for you, for them, for everyone really. Make sure you loudly voice this complaint to the course director as well.
7. You will probably also be forced to do a clinic preceptorship at some point in the first 2 years. Make sure to always complain about being forced to see patients when you should be studying for path or pharm (or anatomy or phys if you're a 1st-year).
8. Whenever you do well on a test, be sure to express your complete amazement, since you of course didn't study at all! The test must have just been easy...
9. Whenever you do poorly on a test, be sure to make everyone aware of how incredibly useless you think the material covered is.
10. If anyone says they really want to do well in a course, be sure to always berate the person and talk about how useless that course is and how he/she's a fool for wasting so much time on it. Bonus points if you throw out there that you got a 95 in it even though you never studied, went to class, or had the slightest interest in the course.
ABOVE ALL: Never stop talking about how much you HATE people, DO NOT want to help them, and are ONLY in this for the money to finance your lavish lifestyle.
These tips worked for me--i'm one of the most villified members of my class.
I like this guy. If, like me, you're such an a$$hole that you see pissing off fellow students as an end unto itself, here are 10 ways to do it--without being a gunner.
1. Tell as many people as possible that you don't know why you went to med school, since you hate people or at least don't care about them at all. Complain that you should have been an investment banker/lawyer/veterinarian/anything else.
2. Tell everyone that you only got in because of your numbers. Emphasize how incredibly easy it is to get a 4.0 in undergrad and a 35 on the MCAT.
3. Loudly and persistently state your desire to become a pharma company 'consultant' after medical school, and how you don't want to do a residency at all.
4. Better yet, say that after medical school, you want to go to law school so that you will have more expertise in suing doctors.
5. Barring options 3 and 4, pick something esoteric (my current favorites are forensic psychiatry and clinical pathology) to express your interest in and complain incessantly about how most things that you are learning will be useless to you in the future.
6. You will probably be forced to see standardized patients. Be sure to tell them that since you want to be a psychiatrist/be a pathologist/be a pharm company consultant/go to law school, you really don't care about the exam you're doing on them. Let them know that it's a big waste of time for you, for them, for everyone really. Make sure you loudly voice this complaint to the course director as well.
7. You will probably also be forced to do a clinic preceptorship at some point in the first 2 years. Make sure to always complain about being forced to see patients when you should be studying for path or pharm (or anatomy or phys if you're a 1st-year).
8. Whenever you do well on a test, be sure to express your complete amazement, since you of course didn't study at all! The test must have just been easy...
9. Whenever you do poorly on a test, be sure to make everyone aware of how incredibly useless you think the material covered is.
10. If anyone says they really want to do well in a course, be sure to always berate the person and talk about how useless that course is and how he/she's a fool for wasting so much time on it. Bonus points if you throw out there that you got a 95 in it even though you never studied, went to class, or had the slightest interest in the course.
ABOVE ALL: Never stop talking about how much you HATE people, DO NOT want to help them, and are ONLY in this for the money to finance your lavish lifestyle.
These tips worked for me--i'm one of the most villified members of my class.
ROFL, good stuff man.
Sign up for all the intramurals, especially the ones you were All-State in way back when. Really show off your skills on the court/field so as to impress the never-even-seen-a-ball med school nerds you're playing against. Adopt an ultra-competitive roid rage demeanor while playing these sports. Your classmates will really look up to you as a role model.
Before you matriculate, pre-order your white coat and embroider it with your name and the words "Future Physician" in script font. Iron and starch your coat into crispy submission and wear it the week before your school's white coat ceremony. Supplement with anatomy flashcards (make sure to place them in the outside pockets). When your nervous, inferior classmates ask how you got your coat so early wink and simply reply "I just wanted to break it in." Take a loud sip of a protein shake shortly afterwards
you guys are funny.
hilariously funny.
🙂
hilariously funny.
🙂
bump...hilarious, and appropriate given all the new c/o 2011 threads!
Oh man, if only I there had been a thread like this before I started med school life would have been so much better. They probably would have already given me my MD here in the middle of M2 year.
If people don't have the desire to throw their shoes at you every time you ask a &%#*ing question in class, you aren't inquisitive enough. Remember, with everyone else's time at your disposal, why on earth would you need to Google something. Just raise your hand and ask!
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In college there was a girl in general chemistry lab who, when we were asked to write our names on our white lab coats, wrote "Dr. Whatever-her-name-was". Gen chem lab!
Study group? Real gunners don't participate in study groups or share notes!!
Useless.
Here's how a real gunner fills out a lab coat ID tag:
Name: Dr. <insert last name>
SAT Score: <add 100 pts to whatever you got>
MCAT Score: <add 3 to whatever you got>
Desired Step 1 score: 280 <this is a minimum level>
Desired Profession: Chief of <enter a highly competitive field here>
ahhh I knew I was slacking!!! When I was studying for the MCAT this summer and witnessed the med students coming in to study for Step 1 that should have been a WAKE UP CALL!!!!!! I am a waste of space!!!🙁
Be sure to brag about how much medical terminology and "real clinical experience" you picked up in your 6 weeks as an EMT or an ER tech. That'll make your classmates feel inferior and inexperienced.
Be sure to bring up whatever you did in your gap year AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. There's nothing your peers want to hear about more than how your 2 years of bench work/time in public health school/parent-funded jaunt to Latin America CHANGED YOUR LIFE
as an addenum to that...
be sure to constantly claim that the year off was the best thing that ever happened to you. Proclaim that you developed a true appreciation for the medical field, and a renewed sense of service to your patients. Claim that despite being more non-traditional, you are really at an advantage when it comes to connecting with your patients, and remind everyone that you are, thus, morally superior to them.
And for M3 year, just get used to not sleeping at all. Make sure you're the first one at the hospital and know everything about every patient on the service whether they're yours or not, and make sure you're the last to leave.
1) Don't share any of your review sheets or study resources. Your excuse can always be "it's just that I'm really borderline in <insert class here>".
2) On day 1 pick a really competitive and prestigious (according to television) specialty and tell everyone that's what you're "going for". If anyone criticizes your choice, you should adopt a condescending smirk when you rattle off your various awesome reasons for being a pediatric neurosurgical oncologist.
3) Ask classmates difficult questions you already know the answer to in the library and when they try to reason through it with you, correct them.
4) Do every anatomy dissection because you "don't trust them to do it right". (Or, if you're a slacker, whip through and recklessly botch the dissection and scoff at your dismayed lab partners and call them gunners).
5) Gossip about people and sleep around but then complain about how med school's "so much drama" and "just like high school".
6) Expect the school to accommodate every whim of your laziness. Forget about mandatory sessions. On time = 10 minutes late every day. Refer to professional attire as "dressing up", and as such, wear high heels and perfume in the clinic.
7) You know the best way to train a physician, so your school/hospital doing something you don't like just means they're incompetent.
2) On day 1 pick a really competitive and prestigious (according to television) specialty and tell everyone that's what you're "going for". If anyone criticizes your choice, you should adopt a condescending smirk when you rattle off your various awesome reasons for being a pediatric neurosurgical oncologist.
3) Ask classmates difficult questions you already know the answer to in the library and when they try to reason through it with you, correct them.
4) Do every anatomy dissection because you "don't trust them to do it right". (Or, if you're a slacker, whip through and recklessly botch the dissection and scoff at your dismayed lab partners and call them gunners).
5) Gossip about people and sleep around but then complain about how med school's "so much drama" and "just like high school".
6) Expect the school to accommodate every whim of your laziness. Forget about mandatory sessions. On time = 10 minutes late every day. Refer to professional attire as "dressing up", and as such, wear high heels and perfume in the clinic.
7) You know the best way to train a physician, so your school/hospital doing something you don't like just means they're incompetent.
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1. If you are going on a date and meeting a girl for the first time, make sure you wear your white coat, it drives the girls wild.
2. When raising your hand to ask a question in class, the more inappropriate the better, it lets the professors know you can think outside the box. Questions regarding homosexuals losing their anal wink are especially warranted.
3. Make sure to bring a different article from a random foreign magazine to rounds everyday. If its not your day to present, make sure you interrupt the other medical student who is giving a talk to let your attending know you are the true master of Uptodate, Pubmed and OVID.
2. When raising your hand to ask a question in class, the more inappropriate the better, it lets the professors know you can think outside the box. Questions regarding homosexuals losing their anal wink are especially warranted.
3. Make sure to bring a different article from a random foreign magazine to rounds everyday. If its not your day to present, make sure you interrupt the other medical student who is giving a talk to let your attending know you are the true master of Uptodate, Pubmed and OVID.
I had a friend who actually got the staff of asclepius tattooed on the inside of his arm. What a tool.
Hahaha... no, she gave true examples from our school. That question was asked during an M2 lecture.
Here's how it all proceeded: the question was posed during a neuro physical exam class
"Is it true that the recipient homosexual male loses his anal wink reflex?"
