Parents that are too involved??

[BorderlineQueen]

So you are a rising senior?

Yes.

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[EdgeTrimmer]

Yes.

Applying this cycle or planning gap year(s)?

 

[penpenclown]

So sometimes I do wish I was poor because I would have grown up faster.

Oh yeah, growing up on food stamps and welfare was just a great experience. 10/10 would recommend. It's not like being low SES is linked to various mental health issues or anything.

My parents were almost the exact opposite and were mostly hands off in a lot of ways. Now I'm independent to the point I consider it a personality flaw. I'm nearly incapable of asking for help from anybody.

I'm not trying to be a dick here or anything, but at this point you're old enough to start doing things for yourself. Do your own laundry. Ask your mom for help if you need it and do it yourself. If she insists, take it to a laundromat. Take a cooking class. Budget. You're an adult, you're going to have to learn how to take care of yourself so just start doing now. Baby steps and all that.

Moral of the story, there's a balance somewhere between micromanaging your kids and leaving them to fend for themselves entirely.

 

[EdgeTrimmer]

This thread has maybe been a little derailed I will add my own opinions and experiences. My parents are also immigrants from another country. We used to be fairly poor until my parents started a business. My mom also opens all the mail I get and then gives it to me. I wish that my parents weren't wealthy sometimes. Why do you ask? I'm almost 22 year old and have no clue what having a real job is like. I've had jobs and have gotten expensive things then quit the job and then my parents were responsible for paying the bill. I still feel like a child I've had friends who have had to support themselves through undergrad and are more mature because of that. My parents pay for everything I use there card for everything I'll go to taco bell, Starbucks. I'll go to Trader Joes and spent a ridiculous amount. My parents like most over-bearing parents have poorly raised me to be an adult. I can't do anything without their help I've had my mom call my boss because I was too anxious to call. Now I'm an almost college grad who still likes to mooch off mommy and daddy. I've really have never worked hard a day in my life. Because I have mommy and daddy. So sometimes I do wish I was poor because I would have grown up faster. My mom still cooks for me does my laundry and gets anxious when I go on the highway. This isn't life this is an overextension of adolescence. If my parents were on SDN for me I would feel like a 14-15 year old. I'm sorry to say but this is my experience. I'm almost 22 years old and my parents have saved my butt every step of the way. I feel like a child because of how unable I am to deal with my own emotions and experiences.

Sorry to hear that. We don't do any of those things and he is very careful with spending.

 

[BorderlineQueen]

Applying this cycle or planning gap year(s)?

Gap year I need more volunteer hours still and I want to get a job where I get clinical experience.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

Statistically yes. Top applicants disproportionately come from top schools which provide disproportionate resources to their pre-health-professional departments (premed, predent, preoptho etc).

However, this is not always the case. Ie. I go to a podunk university where the premed advisors didn’t even know psych was on the new MCAT, @EmbryonalCarcinoma is 6 years removed from his premed office, @Cornfed101 hasn’t been in college since Jesus rode the dinosaurs, @Matthew9Thirtyfive went to like 8 different undergrad schools...

So yes, your assumption is correct. However, being a top applicant does NOT mean that you came from a top school.

11 schools actually. But yeah I actually finished my undergrad online at a very small brick and mortar school that has more online students than in person students (not university of Phoenix lol).

 

[Cornfed101]

This thread has maybe been a little derailed I will add my own opinions and experiences. My parents are also immigrants from another country. We used to be fairly poor until my parents started a business. My mom also opens all the mail I get and then gives it to me. I wish that my parents weren't wealthy sometimes. Why do you ask? I'm almost 22 year old and have no clue what having a real job is like. I've had jobs and have gotten expensive things then quit the job and then my parents were responsible for paying the bill. I still feel like a child I've had friends who have had to support themselves through undergrad and are more mature because of that. My parents pay for everything I use there card for everything I'll go to taco bell, Starbucks. I'll go to Trader Joes and spent a ridiculous amount. My parents like most over-bearing parents have poorly raised me to be an adult. I can't do anything without their help I've had my mom call my boss because I was too anxious to call. Now I'm an almost college grad who still likes to mooch off mommy and daddy. I've really have never worked hard a day in my life. Because I have mommy and daddy. So sometimes I do wish I was poor because I would have grown up faster. My mom still cooks for me does my laundry and gets anxious when I go on the highway. This isn't life this is an overextension of adolescence. If my parents were on SDN for me I would feel like a 14-15 year old. I'm sorry to say but this is my experience. I'm almost 22 years old and my parents have saved my butt every step of the way. I feel like a child because of how unable I am to deal with my own emotions and experiences.

Just because your parents are rich doesn’t mean you can’t be independent. My dad is a physician and does very well, but I wanted to work and live on my own and be my own person. It’s hard to go outside of your comfort zone, but it’s really satisfying. Realize that it will have to happen eventually, so why not sooner rather than later?

 

[Cornfed101]

11 schools actually. But yeah I actually finished my undergrad online at a very small brick and mortar school that has more online students than in person students (not university of Phoenix lol).

University of Phoenix is my top choice for med school

 

[ciestar]

This thread has maybe been a little derailed I will add my own opinions and experiences. My parents are also immigrants from another country. We used to be fairly poor until my parents started a business. My mom also opens all the mail I get and then gives it to me. I wish that my parents weren't wealthy sometimes. Why do you ask? I'm almost 22 year old and have no clue what having a real job is like. I've had jobs and have gotten expensive things then quit the job and then my parents were responsible for paying the bill. I still feel like a child I've had friends who have had to support themselves through undergrad and are more mature because of that. My parents pay for everything I use there card for everything I'll go to taco bell, Starbucks. I'll go to Trader Joes and spent a ridiculous amount. My parents like most over-bearing parents have poorly raised me to be an adult. I can't do anything without their help I've had my mom call my boss because I was too anxious to call. Now I'm an almost college grad who still likes to mooch off mommy and daddy. I've really have never worked hard a day in my life. Because I have mommy and daddy. So sometimes I do wish I was poor because I would have grown up faster. My mom still cooks for me does my laundry and gets anxious when I go on the highway. This isn't life this is an overextension of adolescence. If my parents were on SDN for me I would feel like a 14-15 year old. I'm sorry to say but this is my experience. I'm almost 22 years old and my parents have saved my butt every step of the way. I feel like a child because of how unable I am to deal with my own emotions and experiences.

No, you do NOT wish you were poor. That is an asinine thing to say.

What is stopping you from doing things for yourself? You say they “wont” let you grow up. You’re just immature. You can cook. You can do your own laundry. You can get a job and use your own money. You already know what is wrong but I don’t think you want to fix it either.

 

[907914]

You can do cook

I know this is a typo, but this is a BIG MOOD right here.

You can do cook

 

[ciestar]

I know this is a typo, but this is a BIG MOOD right here.

You can do cook

I originally was writing do your own laundry and yeahhh lolol

 

[deleted927028]

Not enough. Or too many. Depends who you ask.

Based on amounts of students who receive interviews reported on SDN versus reported by schools, I would say it is around a third of top applicants and around 10-15% of lower-tiered-but-still-successful applicants. I don’t think many lower tiered applicants use SDN as the prevalence of top applicants is fairly intimidating (understandably)

From my friends circle whose kids went through medical school application process, none of them knew about SDN.

 

[deleted927028]

I did exactly this (relying on anonymous forum posters) almost exclusively and here I am...on my first of four interviews, 3 T20s...and it is barely August....So...yah, relying on anonymous forum posters has been crucial to my success as an applicant.

Edit: This is not a intended as a brag, this is to emphasize the point of how useful it is for the student to directly engage in SDN if they choose to utilize this resource.

Congratulations on your great success. I am happy for you. Best of luck for that acceptance from your top choice.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I know this is a typo, but this is a BIG MOOD right here.

You can do cook

Aren’t you supposed to be at an interview?

 

[ciestar]

Aren’t you supposed to be at an interview?

SDN >>>>> all

 

[deleted927028]

Yeah it's too complicated to make generalizations. Through HS, my parents pushed me extremely hard to study a lot, monitored grades, and emphasized the importance of education a ton more than needed. It was annoying as all hell, but I'm glad they did it.

They did almost none of this in college but I carried the habits because the value of it became so internalized. Whether it did more harm than good, who knows, but how overbearing they were made me much more independent. Parental support varies culturally, and I find many immigrant families give their children full financial support (even if they struggle financially) with the expectation of academic success. It's questionable from different cultural perspectives, but still out of love and wanting your child to have a good life.

That being said, I truly believe that if you don't know the application process inside and out yourself, your success in it will be hindered. Whether it be in the essays, interviews, school lists, or what have you. It's your job to get in and you should care enough to double, triple quadruple-check the information you're given. My own parents are foreign-trained doctors, and if I listened to a word of what they said --or assumed-- about the application process, I'd be so screwed lol. But they were helpful for anatomy questions...

Yes, I completely agree with what you said in the last paragraph. My daughter is doing everything by herself. She is talking to her premed advisor to understand the application process even though the advisor’s time is very limited, her seniors, friends, current Med school students from her research team etc. she also visits SDN on and off, but she said that as a freshman SDN is too early for her and it stresses her out She will be a regular visitor at the appropriate time. I come here to learn the process so that I can be resourceful if and when needed. Sometimes she requests to verify the information she gets from her advisor and other resources with adcoms here. I do forward her certain posts sometimes if I thought it would be helpful for her. But she decides what to do, like non clinical volunteering, research, shadowing, Medical related foreign trips etc. I do not do anything unless she asked me to.

 

[EdgeTrimmer]

Yes, I completely agree with what you said in the last paragraph. My daughter is doing everything by herself. She is talking to her premed advisor to understand the application process even though the advisor’s time is very limited, her seniors, friends, current Med school students from her research team etc. she also visits SDN on and off, but she said that as a freshman SDN is too early for her and it stresses her out She will be a regular visitor at the appropriate time. I come here to learn the process so that I can be resourceful if and when needed. Sometimes she requests to verify the information she gets from her advisor and other resources with adcoms here. I do forward her certain posts sometimes if I thought it would be helpful for her. But she decides what to do, like non clinical volunteering, research, shadowing, Medical related foreign trips etc. I do not do anything unless she asked me to.

Still not acceptable to some here

 

[mdphd_applicant]

idg the hate towards moms on this thread. The whole point of parents is that they remain resources for you regardless of your age.

 

[ciestar]

Yes, I completely agree with what you said in the last paragraph. My daughter is doing everything by herself. She is talking to her premed advisor to understand the application process even though the advisor’s time is very limited, her seniors, friends, current Med school students from her research team etc. she also visits SDN on and off, but she said that as a freshman SDN is too early for her and it stresses her out She will be a regular visitor at the appropriate time. I come here to learn the process so that I can be resourceful if and when needed. Sometimes she requests to verify the information she gets from her advisor and other resources with adcoms here. I do forward her certain posts sometimes if I thought it would be helpful for her. But she decides what to do, like non clinical volunteering, research, shadowing, Medical related foreign trips etc. I do not do anything unless she asked me to.

Keep her away for those medical missions abroad

 

[ciestar]

idg the hate towards moms on this thread. The whole point of parents is that they remain resources for you regardless of your age.

Sure, they can remain resources and that is fine. OP’s mom never should have called the school, I hope we can at least agree on that.

 

[Cornfed101]

idg the hate towards moms on this thread. The whole point of parents is that they remain resources for you regardless of your age.

I think it's probably just weird to most of us. My parents barely know what facebook is. SDN would be well beyond their capabilities.

 

[EdgeTrimmer]

Sure, they can remain resources and that is fine. OP’s mom never should have called the school, I hope we can at least agree on that.

No one supported that (including me) but you'll went after me full blaze LOL That's OK.

 

[LizzyM]

Ive still not seen Frozen

You can outsource these tasks.
Have your dad see it and report back to you.

 

[KnightDoc]

I get it. Why you are against it if your parent can also help you through his acquired knowledge? The goal is to learn the process , how does it matter how you learn or who help you to learn?

Nothing at all. That's why adcoms love it so much when they hear from parents!

 

[deleted804295]

I think it's probably just weird to most of us. My parents barely know what facebook is. SDN would be well beyond their capabilities.

I'm still horrified with my mother and her friend group's usage of snapchat. Boomers and smartphones scare me. I kinda regret that I taught her how to use snapchat but it is entertaining seeing the drama that happens with older people online.

 

[EdgeTrimmer]

Keep her away for those medical missions abroad

I hear if they are more than one week and done it right they are not bad. One of my first questions in SDN was about one week mission to troublesome Latin American country. My son was adamant about going and I asked the experts like Goro here and showed the responses to him and he changed his mind. So SDN does have purpose for parents

 

[HopeP]

It displays a dependency on mommy and daddy that is not healthy for a working professional.

If its same dependency through med school consultant than its called paying for service from another professional.

 

[EdgeTrimmer]

If its same dependency through med school consultant than its called paying for service from another professional.

or paying to shrinks LOL

 

[MacBee]

or paying to shrinks LOL

Ah, yes, let's make fun of using mental health professionals now. SO funny. I'm sure this will win you a lot of fans here.

 

[EdgeTrimmer]

Ah, yes, let's make fun of using mental health professionals now. SO funny. I'm sure this will win you a lot of fans here.

Everyone has a role including parents, siblings, friends and yes mental health professionals.

 

[deleted927028]

She said that she wanted to do it for her own satisfaction, not for medical school application process. But thank you and I will let her know

 

[futrdoctrfl]

Also I didn't mean that I wanted to pay for my med school tuition just to become independent from my parents. My parents have paid for a lot of my expenses but they aren't wealthy by any means. I'll let them continue to pay for rent if they want to but if they attempt to pay off my tuition they'll be dipping into their retirement money and I don't want them to do that.

 

[futrdoctrfl]

This thread has maybe been a little derailed I will add my own opinions and experiences. My parents are also immigrants from another country. We used to be fairly poor until my parents started a business. My mom also opens all the mail I get and then gives it to me. I wish that my parents weren't wealthy sometimes. Why do you ask? I'm almost 22 year old and have no clue what having a real job is like. I've had jobs and have gotten expensive things then quit the job and then my parents were responsible for paying the bill. I still feel like a child I've had friends who have had to support themselves through undergrad and are more mature because of that. My parents pay for everything I use there card for everything I'll go to taco bell, Starbucks. I'll go to Trader Joes and spent a ridiculous amount. My parents like most over-bearing parents have poorly raised me to be an adult. I can't do anything without their help I've had my mom call my boss because I was too anxious to call. Now I'm an almost college grad who still likes to mooch off mommy and daddy. I've really have never worked hard a day in my life. Because I have mommy and daddy. So sometimes I do wish I was poor because I would have grown up faster. My mom still cooks for me does my laundry and gets anxious when I go on the highway. This isn't life this is an overextension of adolescence. If my parents were on SDN for me I would feel like a 14-15 year old. I'm sorry to say but this is my experience. I'm almost 22 years old and my parents have saved my butt every step of the way. I feel like a child because of how unable I am to deal with my own emotions and experiences.

This sounds very similar to my situation growing up. I had a few jobs in college but my parents hateddddd that I was working because they wanted me to focus more on school. They would insist for me to quit but I kept the jobs anyway mostly because I liked getting experience working in a hospital. We aren't rich by any means, but they have always paid for my stuff (rent, gas, groceries), and they've been a huge help. Around junior year I noticed a lot of my friends were growing up faster than I was and I didn't really like feeling that way so I started taking it upon myself to save and budget my money. I still relied on my parents for rent and they would still give me whatever I needed whenever I asked for it, but I would try to use my own money for gas, groceries, and now medical school applications. I agree that maybe I would've been a little bit more responsible if my parents weren't the way they were, but I've also come a long way in the past few years. I don't think it's entirely a bad thing to have your parents help you out. Just try to take it upon yourself to grow up a little more. Get a job and save up, even if your parents are going to continue to pay for everything. Let them know you want to be more independent like your friends, and maybe they'll still treat you like a child at times, but you have to try. You can't change your past but you can work on building a better future!! Side note, if you don't already, get a credit card in your name asap. You want to start building credit so someday you can buy a house

 

[chaim123]

Lazyness in not a word you can use against my son. He is hard working and extremely smart kid. I don't know how many kids do more stuff rhan him. He has different priorities and he trusts my judgement.

Everyone believes this about their kid. That's why parents aren't the best judges of their kids shortcomings, and what they may need to be successful. People on SDN have no such conflict of interest.

 

[EdgeTrimmer]

Everyone believes this about their kid. That's why parents aren't the best judges of their kids shortcomings, and what they may need to be successful. People on SDN have no such conflict of interest.
[/QUOTE
depends on your assessment skills

 

[EdgeTrimmer]

Also I didn't mean that I wanted to pay for my med school tuition just to become independent from my parents. My parents have paid for a lot of my expenses but they aren't wealthy by any means. I'll let them continue to pay for rent if they want to but if they attempt to pay off my tuition they'll be dipping into their retirement money and I don't want them to do that.

Please never let your parents pay for college from retirement funds. I have seen this with immigrant families too often.

 

[futrdoctrfl]

Please never let your parents pay for college from retirement funds. I have seen this with immigrant families too often.

that's why I said I'm going to take out student loans lol

 

[HopeP]

Everyone believes this about their kid. That's why parents aren't the best judges of their kids shortcomings, and what they may need to be successful. People on SDN have no such conflict of interest.

Some extent I agree that love is blind and in a hind sight parents can hinder kids growth. Now I am forced to disclose gender, my wife, is like that parent, wants to do everything for freshman UG Simba as unfortunately he attends a college an hour drive away still in dorm rooms, while I am trying to force him to get out of his comfort zone and as you can imagine a typical family drama.

 

[EdgeTrimmer]

Some extent I agree that love is blind and in a hind sight parents can hinder kids growth. Now I am forced to disclose gender, my wife, is like that parent, wants to do everything for freshman UG Simba as unfortunately he attends a college an hour drive away still in dorm rooms, while I am trying to force him to get out of his comfort zone and as you can imagine a typical family drama.

@HopeP, By saying you have a wife you are not necessarily disclosing your gender.

 

[EdgeTrimmer]

Some extent I agree that love is blind and in a hind sight parents can hinder kids growth. Now I am forced to disclose gender, my wife, is like that parent, wants to do everything for freshman UG Simba as unfortunately he attends a college an hour drive away still in dorm rooms, while I am trying to force him to get out of his comfort zone and as you can imagine a typical family drama.

Agree it's hard to assess your own kid's strengths and weaknesses but it's not impossible. I was coach for different teams and get to observe him and other kids closely, hence I am little more confident.

 

[HopeP]

@HopeP, By saying you have a wife you are not necessarily disclosing your gender.

@srk2017 Lol you missed Simba in the message.

 

[bluepeony]

@srk2017 Lol you missed Simba in the message.

I mean there's IVF, sperm donor, adoption these days

 

[HopeP]

I mean there's IVF, sperm donor, adoption these days

Certainly those are valid options to be a parent.

 

[907914]

Aren’t you supposed to be at an interview?

I woke up 15 minutes before my alarm went off so I laid in bed until then.

 

[EdgeTrimmer]

I mean there's IVF, sperm donor, adoption these days

or same sex couple