Parents that are too involved??

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AShap said:
Yeah it's too complicated to make generalizations. Through HS, my parents pushed me extremely hard to study a lot, monitored grades, and emphasized the importance of education a ton more than needed. It was annoying as all hell, but I'm glad they did it.

They did almost none of this in college but I carried the habits because the value of it became so internalized. Whether it did more harm than good, who knows, but how overbearing they were made me much more independent. Parental support varies culturally, and I find many immigrant families give their children full financial support (even if they struggle financially) with the expectation of academic success. It's questionable from different cultural perspectives, but still out of love and wanting your child to have a good life.

That being said, I truly believe that if you don't know the application process inside and out yourself, your success in it will be hindered. Whether it be in the essays, interviews, school lists, or what have you. It's your job to get in and you should care enough to double, triple quadruple-check the information you're given. My own parents are foreign-trained doctors, and if I listened to a word of what they said --or assumed-- about the application process, I'd be so screwed lol. But they were helpful for anatomy questions...
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Not every doctor is capable of giving advise my wife is a physician and she has no interest in this stuff but I like engaging in these discussions. Everyone is different.
 
MemeLord said:
I did exactly this (relying on anonymous forum posters) almost exclusively and here I am...on my first of four interviews, 3 T20s...and it is barely August....So...yah, relying on anonymous forum posters has been crucial to my success as an applicant.
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Dude, you’re impressive. Congrats!
 
MemeLord said:
I did exactly this (relying on anonymous forum posters) almost exclusively and here I am...on my first of four interviews, 3 T20s...and it is barely August....So...yah, relying on anonymous forum posters has been crucial to my success as an applicant.
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If I think this forum is not hepful I won't be spending time here. Again he has no interest and he figures out his own way.
 
AShap said:
It's not my place to judge anyone's parenting and I'm sure your son is a very accomplished student. I understand and agree that everyone is different. Despite popular belief, kids with full, continuous support and even help from their parents can be equally or more successful than students who had to work multiple jobs and figure it all out themselves without any help.

I get it. Just personally, I don't think it's a good idea for the information to be received in a sort of telephone game from a parent gone online. I double-check everything my parents even hear about the process from their residents, as some of it has been completely wrong, so I would encourage other students to take advice (from anyone - parents, prehealth advisors, med students etc) with a grain of salt until they do the research themselves.
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As I said before he is not purely relying on me or deciding everything based on what I say. It's strange that discussion moved away from OP's post to my involvement as a parent and my son's intelligence and work ethnic, but that's how anonymous forums evolve.
 
penpenclown said:
For parents heavily involved in the med school application process, will you also be doing the research for residency programs or jobs?
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Sure, why not? If he asks me to check out a residency program and give my 2 cents I will do. I was involved in my wife's residency, fellowship and job searches. She is a speciality chief at a reputed hospital now and teaches to medical students. I give advise but I don't make decisions!
 
Let me change topic away from me 🙂 What percentage of applicants use SDN?
 
srk2021 said:
Let me change topic away from me 🙂 What percentage of applicants use SDN?
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Not enough. Or too many. Depends who you ask.

Based on amounts of students who receive interviews reported on SDN versus reported by schools, I would say it is around a third of top applicants and around 10-15% of lower-tiered-but-still-successful applicants. I don’t think many lower tiered applicants use SDN as the prevalence of top applicants is fairly intimidating (understandably)
 
MemeLord said:
Not enough. Or too many. Depends who you ask.

Based on amounts of students who receive interviews reported on SDN versus reported by schools, I would say it is around a third of top applicants and around 10-15% of lower-tiered-but-still-successful applicants. I don’t think many lower tiered applicants use SDN as the prevalence of top applicants is fairly intimidating (understandably)
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I would have been lost without SDN.
I learned a lot navigating this on my own though.
 
MemeLord said:
Not enough. Or too many. Depends who you ask.

Based on amounts of students who receive interviews reported on SDN versus reported by schools, I would say it is around a third of top applicants and around 10-15% of lower-tiered-but-still-successful applicants. I don’t think many lower tiered applicants use SDN as the prevalence of top applicants is fairly intimidating (understandably)
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Is it possible lot of students have good pre-health offices at their schools? My son's school seems to have a good one (based on his feedback and what I have seen at their booth during parent weekend and I spoke with the advisor)
 
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srk2021 said:
Is it possible lot of top students have good pre-health offices at their schools? My son's school seems to have a good one (based on his feedback and what I have seen at their booth during parent weekend and I spoke with the advisor)
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Statistically yes. Top applicants disproportionately come from top schools which provide disproportionate resources to their pre-health-professional departments (premed, predent, preoptho etc).

However, this is not always the case. Ie. I go to a podunk university where the premed advisors didn’t even know psych was on the new MCAT, @EmbryonalCarcinoma is 6 years removed from his premed office, @Cornfed101 hasn’t been in college since Jesus rode the dinosaurs, @Matthew9Thirtyfive went to like 8 different undergrad schools...

So yes, your assumption is correct. However, being a top applicant does NOT mean that you came from a top school.
 
srk2021 said:
Is it possible lot of top students have good pre-health offices at their schools? My son's school seems to have a good one (based on his feedback and what I have seen at their booth during parent weekend and I spoke with the advisor)
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It seems to be hit or miss. I imagine universities that are large feeders into med schools do better than the ones that don’t.

(I was “average” stats-wise. My pre-med committee did help me with a school list and I think it was reasonable, but I still used SDN for advice for that. The advisor even pointed out a program I should apply to given my credentials which got me an interview there. I went to a.. *gasp* state school.)
 
MemeLord said:
Statistically yes. Top applicants disproportionately come from top schools which provide disproportionate resources to their pre-health-professional departments (premed, predent, preoptho etc).

However, this is not always the case. Ie. I go to a podunk university where the premed advisors didn’t even know psych was on the new MCAT, @EmbryonalCarcinoma is 6 years removed from his premed office, @Cornfed101 hasn’t been in college since Jesus rode the dinosaurs, @Matthew9Thirtyfive went to like 8 different undergrad schools...

So yes, your assumption is correct. However, being a top applicant does NOT mean that you came from a top school.
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I didn't mean that top applicants come from top schools ( I have corrected my question). I check matriculated class details of schools my son is interested and I see wide variety of schools. One thing I did notice is top schools tend to favor UGs from top schools and some even told me when my son gave an Ivy admission for full tuition scholarship.
 
ciestar said:
It seems to be hit or miss. I imagine universities that are large feeders into med schools do better than the ones that don’t.

(I was “average” stats-wise. My pre-med committee did help me with a school list and I think it was reasonable, but I still used SDN for advice for that. The advisor even pointed out a program I should apply to given my credentials which got me an interview there. I went to a.. *gasp* state school.)
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Was it a good state school or like mine where it is “*cardinal direction or location in state* *name of state* university”?
 
MemeLord said:
Was it a good state school or like mine where it is “*cardinal direction or location in state* *name of state* university”?
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Yeah, i’d say it is a good state school lol
It has an associated med school
 
srk2021 said:
I didn't mean that top applicants come from top schools ( I have corrected my question). I check matriculated class details of schools my son is interested and I see wide variety of schools. One thing I did notice is top schools tend to favor UGs from top schools and some even told me when my son gave an Ivy admission for full tuition scholarship.
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Yes, this is very VERY true. Remember, for every school that touts a 70+% acceptance rate for their grads (assuming they didn’t fudge the statistics) there will be 3 schools with a 30% acceptance rate for their grads.
 
ciestar said:
Im a non-trad with two parents that fall into the category of unskilled labor. So, I had to learn to do a lot for myself.

This also helped me stand out.
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Glad to hear about your successes. I advise lot of students on college confidential (for free) since I am very familiar with UG and BSMD admissions and not everyone has support systems.
 
MemeLord said:
Yes, this is very VERY true. Remember, for every school that touts a 70+% acceptance rate for their grads (assuming they didn’t fudge the statistics) there will be 3 schools with a 30% acceptance rate for their grads.
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I know lot of those 70% stats are managed i.e. 70% of those that were allowed to apply/given committee letter. As I said this whole process is messed up.
 
MemeLord said:
I rag on my school, but I like it. Plenty of resources for me to take advantage of. Wouldn’t be here without it. Just zero advisor advice or the like.
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I went pre-med after I graduated, so I utilized them basically not at all until my committee interview. They still got me here.
 
srk2021 said:
Glad to hear about your successes. I advise lot of students on college confidential (for free) since I am very familiar with UG and BSMD admissions and not everyone has support systems.
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Well, I have a support system (i know this isn’t what you meant), but they just have to support me in other ways that arent financial or in education. Believe me, you need the emotional side of things as well. As for the rest, that is where SDN and FAP helped me.
 
ciestar said:
Well, I have a support system (i know this isn’t what you meant), but they just have to support me in other ways that arent financial or in education. Believe me, you need the emotional side of things as well. As for the rest, that is where SDN and FAP helped me.
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FAP?
 
ciestar said:
The AAMC Fee Assistance Program
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Nice!. Yes, you need lot of emotional support to go thru medical school applications, medical school, residency and fellowship. I am married to a physician and residency and fellowship years were not easy.
 
I suppose my family is just different. I actually sought out my mother’s help (and my brother frankly) during the application process and I would not have done it any other way.

It’s important to be independent and I get that, but why would you not let someone help you, especially when they are doing so for free, and they love you unconditionally?

Edited for punctuation.
 
catnip12 said:
I suppose my family is just different. I actually sought out my mother’s help (and my brother frankly) during the application process and I would not have done it any other way.

It’s important to be independent and I get that, but why would you not let someone help you, especially when they are doing so for free, and they love you unconditionally.
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Seeking help and advice =/= literally doing entire parts of the application process for them such as generating a school list
 
MemeLord said:
Just an FYI, I made this mistake too, just because the FAP is a really good thing to have, contextualize why they need it before saying things like ‘nice.’ Being low SES > the small benefit of not having to pay for secondaries/primary.
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Hah!
Yep, being poor is the life.
 
catnip12 said:
So what? So what if she makes the school list. If you agree with it then go ahead and use it. If you don’t then you don’t. What’s the big fuss?
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In order to be able to comfortably agree with it, the applicant would have done all of the research by themselves anyway. If not, then they are just blindly trusting a potentially uninformed parent.
 
MemeLord said:
Just an FYI, I made this mistake too, just because the FAP is a really good thing to have, contextualize why they need it before saying things like ‘nice.’ Being low SES > the small benefit of not having to pay for secondaries/primary.
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I do understand and I meant to say nice, AAMC is willing to provide fees assistance.
 
How I see it in very simplistic terms:

Parent is excited that their child is actually making a big life decision. You do your research in your own time. If your parent wants to use their time to look at schools and write a list then whatever. Compare lists. Use the ones you agree with. Cross out the ones you don’t agree with. Share thoughts.

MemeLord said:
In order to be able to comfortably agree with it, the applicant would have done all of the research by themselves anyway. If not, then they are just blindly trusting a potentially uninformed parent.
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MemeLord said:
In order to be able to comfortably agree with it, the applicant would have done all of the research by themselves anyway. If not, then they are just blindly trusting a potentially uninformed parent.
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Or need to know who to ask for help 🙂 I believe I am a very informed parent and other parents seek my advice.
 
This thread has maybe been a little derailed I will add my own opinions and experiences. My parents are also immigrants from another country. We used to be fairly poor until my parents started a business. My mom also opens all the mail I get and then gives it to me. I wish that my parents weren't wealthy sometimes. Why do you ask? I'm almost 22 year old and have no clue what having a real job is like. I've had jobs and have gotten expensive things then quit the job and then my parents were responsible for paying the bill. I still feel like a child I've had friends who have had to support themselves through undergrad and are more mature because of that. My parents pay for everything I use there card for everything I'll go to taco bell, Starbucks. I'll go to Trader Joes and spent a ridiculous amount. My parents like most over-bearing parents have poorly raised me to be an adult. I can't do anything without their help I've had my mom call my boss because I was too anxious to call. Now I'm an almost college grad who still likes to mooch off mommy and daddy. I've really have never worked hard a day in my life. Because I have mommy and daddy. So sometimes I do wish I was poor because I would have grown up faster. My mom still cooks for me does my laundry and gets anxious when I go on the highway. This isn't life this is an overextension of adolescence. If my parents were on SDN for me I would feel like a 14-15 year old. I'm sorry to say but this is my experience. I'm almost 22 years old and my parents have saved my butt every step of the way. I feel like a child because of how unable I am to deal with my own emotions and experiences.
 
BorderlineQueen said:
This thread has maybe been a little derailed I will add my own opinions and experiences. My parents are also immigrants from another country. We used to be fairly poor until my parents started a business. My mom also opens all the mail I get and then gives it to me. I wish that my parents weren't wealthy sometimes. Why do you ask? I'm almost 22 year old and have no clue what having a real job is like. I've had jobs and have gotten expensive things then quit the job and then my parents were responsible for paying the bill. I still feel like a child I've had friends who have had to support themselves through undergrad and are more mature because of that. My parents pay for everything I use there card for everything I'll go to taco bell, Starbucks. I'll go to Trader Joes and spent a ridiculous amount. My parents like most over-bearing parents have poorly raised me to be an adult. I can't do anything without their help I've had my mom call my boss because I was too anxious to call. Now I'm an almost college grad who still likes to mooch off mommy and daddy. I've really have never worked hard a day in my life. Because I have mommy and daddy. So sometimes I do wish I was poor because I would have grown up faster. My mom still cooks for me does my laundry and gets anxious when I go on the highway. This isn't life this is an overextension of adolescence. If my parents were on SDN for me I would feel like a 14-15 year old. I'm sorry to say but this is my experience. I'm almost 22 years old and my parents have saved my butt every step of the way. I feel like a child because of how unable I am to deal with my own emotions and experiences.
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But you are applying to medical school as a 22 yr old?
 
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