Sep 16, 2015
10
0
Status
Pre-Pharmacy
Hi everyone. I am looking to submit my pharmcas application by the end of the week. I would greatly appreciate it if my personal statement can be reviewed by some of you. I don't have much experience writing them and I want to make sure my essay is solid.

Thank You All!!!
 

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TheBlaah

7+ Year Member
Apr 10, 2010
426
280
Status
Pharmacist
You have a really strong personal statement.

Maybe reword or get rid of the sentence about dreaming about removing the fentanyl from the safe, lol. But good job.
 
OP
A
Sep 16, 2015
10
0
Status
Pre-Pharmacy
Thank you for reviewing it! I appreciate any comments, the more strict the better.

But whats wrong with the fentanyl dream? :(
 
Jul 29, 2015
100
30
Status
Pharmacy Student
Thank you for reviewing it! I appreciate any comments, the more strict the better.

But whats wrong with the fentanyl dream? :(
Hello alitovsky123,
I agree with TheBlaah. I feel like you could take out "When in a hurry, they would ask me to remove some vials of the narcotic Fentanyl from a safe, only to laugh and realize I was not allowed to do that."- I feel like this statment is more of a "filler" statement and your essay is stronger without it. I would leave the statement that follows it ("This experience was exactly what I needed, in order to confirm that pharmacy is the perfect profession for me")- This is a good closing sentence. And I would remove the last sentence about dreaming about being able to remove the fentanyl. I just feel like your statement is much stonger without it.

But at the end of the day, this is your personal statement. Just my advice and opinion.
 
OP
A
Sep 16, 2015
10
0
Status
Pre-Pharmacy
Thank you all. I will take all your comments into consideration. I really appreciate it.
 

DrDrugs2012

5+ Year Member
Feb 8, 2011
416
87
Status
1) Definitely remove the fentanyl part per other comments above.

2) Work on eliminating the word "I". Overuse of it is quite distracting. And very few actually achieve success as an individual - more often it's part of a team.

3) Choose less bragadocious words. Instead of dominating chemistry, excel at chemistry. You want to sound confident, not cocky. There were a few other words to rewrite as well.

4) You say you want to be a supervisor but have shown no aptitude for it. Being boastful certainly doesn't help your case here. You haven't depicted any leadership skill development in your essay. Either rework the tail end to reflect your potential as a leader or eliminate the idea of being a supervisor from the essay.

5) The answer to why not med school isn't very clear. After re-reading the answer several times, its still awkward. Simplify the answer. But to be honest, why are you even making that statement? It may be a better use of your word economy to focus on what you bring to the table. Undoubtedly you will be asked why not med school during an interview - don't waste time on the answer here. Remember that the reader has one objective - to classify you as a "must interview" candidate. Ask yourself if answering why not med school actually helps you here.

If it were my essay, keep the top part about your injury. Rewrite the paragraph about why that led you to pursue pharmacy. Delete the part about med school. And focus on your academic and person growth as well as achievements in your pursuit of pharmacy with a summary at the end about why those achievements demonstrate your passion, aptitude, and admission to pharmacy school.
 
Last edited:
Jun 30, 2015
20
0
Status
Pre-Pharmacy
1) Definitely remove the fentanyl part per other comments above.

3) Choose less bragadocious words. Instead of dominating chemistry, excel at chemistry. You want to sound confident, not cocky. There were a few other words to rewrite as well.
I second this. You talk about getting your A grades and everyone comes to you for tutoring advice. Grades are just a piece of the puzzle, passion for chemistry is just a piece of the puzzle. You should highlight skills that would make you a great pharmacist. What can you contribute as a pharmacist if a school were to give you a pharmacy degree? What makes you so different? Getting an injury may have been the fuel to ignite the flame, but what keeps it going? You have to highlight what you learned in each experience, not that you feel like "one of the pharmacists." If you have any work experience in life, you'll know that a personal statement is just like a cover letter. You need to sell yourself before they grant you an interview.