endlesslove

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Stemming off of Caverject's "Who's a nerd?" thread, let's post all your corniest science jokes in this place! You would make my day :D. If anybody knows of any really good links to pharmacy jokes, do post them here to share with the rest of us! (If your post includes stuff beyond the joke, like in my case, please BOLD your joke so it makes it easier to read/see quickly for the rest of us ;)

I'll start:

My physiology professor gave this midterm that everybody thought was super hard (D+ mean, w00t!). He was like "man, everybody was giving me all this negative feedback about the exam that I was getting worried." :laugh:
 

Caverject

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In a protein lab, it is common for people to set up their proteins as a
fusion with other domains which are easily purified through their affinity
to ligands attached to resin beads. One of the most common of these
domains is the glutathione S-transferase protein or GST. Typically, there
is a small linker region between the protein of interest and the fusion
parner and this amino acid sequence contains recognition sequences for
proteases. After months in the lab, having limited success with her
proteolysis reactions, a young female grad student finally had her patience
and perseverence pay off when she destained yet another gel and saw that
her protein had indeed been cut by the protease. In her joy, the young
woman ran out into the hallway, proclaiming proudly to all:
"I've got cleavage. I've got cleavage. Come over here. Look at my
cleavage."
 

Caverject

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Here's a story that'll frost your test tubes. The lab had been operational
for several years when the technician decided that they were going to need
to be able to put more than two sample boxes in the lab's -70 C freezer.
Unfortunately, this was going to mean cutting through several feet of ice.
As well, there was the serious danger of drowning as the ice began to melt
into the lab. Thus, equipped with a hair dryer, hipwaders and aqualung,
the technician pulled the plug from the outlet and went to lunch while
waiting for the ice to begin to melt. (As an aside, please note the use of
the hair dryer... this is how men defrost a freezer, unlike many women I
have known who attack the ice with a knife or screwdriver, often leading to
punctured freon tanks and larger ozone holes.)

Returning from lunch, the technician spent the first half hour apologizing
profusely to the graduate student whose sequencing gel he had turned off
when he pulled the plug for the power pack instead of the one for the
freezer. After that, he pulled the correct plug and spent the next several
hours with the hair dryer pointed into the freezer and carefully pulling
small glaciers from the shelves and sides of the freezer. As he proceeded
deeper and deeper into the various icy strata, the history of the lab began
to unfold. Within the first foot, he began to uncover the now-soggy
cardboard storage boxes of the recently graduated students, unearthing
(de-icing?) a couple of years worth of work and a number of plasmid vectors
which the lab had given up on finding and had long ago reordered from the
supplier. An hour or so into the work, he began to scrape the second foot
of ice away and saw initial signs of a large package under the ice, but the
frosting of the ice prevented him from immediately determining what it
was. In the meantime though, he was able to free up some radiolabeled ATP
which was now colder than it's environment and there was a vial of
C14-labelled amino-acids which must have been a remnant of an early life
and defied dating even with the most modern techniques. Another layer
down, and on his third sink of ice, the technician got closer to the
unidentified object locked in its frosty grave. On the way, he then began
to pull out more sample boxes of people whose names the could't recognize
and small brown vials containing enzymes with a best before date which
predated him... not the date of his hiring, but his own age. But still,
the icy object eluded extraction.

As afternoon gave way to evening, the technician could begin to make out
details on the alien in the freezer and he quickly began to realize that
the poor thing had a human form. He increased his pace but still spent
several hours removing more ice before he could begin to free the poor
person from the ice. Finally, he had removed enough that an arm fell free
of the ice and the hair dryer began to warm the flesh. In less than an
hour, he had removed the last of the ice and the body fell to the floor,
shivering. As the body warmed, its lips moved as though trying to speak.
It was another hour though, before words began to form. The tech asked the
young man what had happened. Slowly, and with great effort, the young
scientist began to speak.

"I was on my way to the freezer to get some more DNA for my crystallization
trials -- I think that I'm close to getting a structure, you know -- when I
got trapped. I know I should have been using gloves, but I was in a
hurry. I grabbed for a box at the back of the freezer when my arm hit the
side and got stuck. Quickly the ice crystallized around me and someone
later came by, saw the door open and closed it without seeing that I was in
there.", he said, still shivering. "By the way, how are McCarthy hearings
going, anyway?"

This was not going to be an easy one to explain to the boss.
 

Ugo

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Geek...very geek

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
 

NotShorty

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My high school chem teacher had a t-shirt that said:

Time flies like an arrow
...Fruit flies like a banana

Always liked that one. :)

NS

p.s. Just in case; "fruit flies" = the little bugs. You see?
 

glagic

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oh man...ive got a lot of these

a neutron walks into a bar and orders the drink. he asks the bartender, 'whats the charge?' the bartender replies, 'for you, no charge'

Q. If a bear in Yosemite, and one in Alaska fall into water, which one would dissolve faster?
A. The bear in Alaska because it's polar.

Name this compound: BaNa2
Answer: Banana

Avagadro will soon be in the past, but Ampere will always be CURRENT!!!


thats all i got for right now
 

Mr_Ritim

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Genetics joke that I know here

Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary?

A: Because it runs in your Jeans! :laugh:
 

smilinh

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A hydrogen atom walks into the bar and tells the bartender, "I think I lost an electron."
The bartender asks "Are you sure?"
The Hydrogen replied "I'm positive!" :D
 

dgroulx

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Here's a stupid math joke.

What do you call a parrot on a diet?

Polly-no-meal
 

jemc2000

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Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Klingons aren't afraid of the dark.
 

DScheveningen

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haha you guys are funny, pretty silly jokes :laugh:

A queen wanted to be bathe in milk, as she was told bathing in milk will allow her skin to be silky smooth. The servant comes in and asked her how high the queen wants the milk to fill into the tub. The queen said,
Past-eur-ize! "dee dum cheet! (drums)"
 
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endlesslove

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quoting a joke my friend, who heard it from another friend, told me in the car ride on the way back from Point Reyes :)

a guy had an umbrella on a windy and rainy day and all of a sudden it turned inside out (so instead of an upside down U, it's now a right-side-up U) and a UCSF student or possibly faculty member riding on the Muni that just passed that guy goes "hey, look, it's an SN2 reaction!"

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: i laughed during the entire car ride back.

go ochem!!!
 

CSzGirl

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So I'm sitting at a table in our Science Resource Center at school, all my stuff spread out...as usual. A guy walks in and picks his notebook up off the table, apologizing for leaving it there. "I'm sorry," he says. "Oh, no, it's my fault," I reply, "I'm like a gas - I spread out to fill any space I'm given." We both laugh and then share a look as if to say "Who is the bigger geek here, me for telling the joke or you for laughing at it?"
 

TrojanAnteater

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The Neutron and Electron jokes are a couple of my favorites.

Another favorite would have to be: What do you do when a chemist dies?

Barium.
 

meg

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More stupid math jokes thanks to my high school math teacher:

What would a female seahorse wear under a shirt?
Algae bra.

What did the sapling say when it grew up?
Gee, I'm a tree!

(If you don't get it read it out loud.)
 

Laferno

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These are great so far..

Q: Why should anti-microbials never be used?
A: Because bacteria is the only culture that some people have.


Dr. Willie was a chemist
Dr. Willie is no more
For what he thought was H20
Was really H2SO4


Prevent slavery!!!! Free radicals!!!!!


A Physicist, Biologist and Chemist all go to the beach. The Physicist decides to study the currents and fluid dynamics of the waves. He goes into the water and drowns. The Biologist decides to study the aquatic life of the ocean. He goes into the water and drowns. The chemist takes out his notepad and writes, "Physicists and Biologists are soluble in ocean water."
 

txpharmdude

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haha this thread is hilarious.. sorry guys, cant think of any good jokes now but this sure gave me a good laugh =) :laugh:
 

Teg

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Q: What is uttered by a sick duck?
A: Quark!
:rolleyes:
 

twester

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Laferno said:
"Physicists and Biologists are soluble in ocean water."
:laugh:

What do dipoles say in passing?

Have you got a moment?
 

aquaregia

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A small piece of sodium which lived in a test tube fell in
love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame. I melt
whenever I see you . . .", the sodium pined.
"It's just a phase you're going through", replied the Bunsen
burner.
:laugh:
 
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endlesslove

endlesslove

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aquaregia said:
A small piece of sodium which lived in a test tube fell in
love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame. I melt
whenever I see you . . .", the sodium pined.
"It's just a phase you're going through", replied the Bunsen
burner.
:laugh:
hahahahha! even though it is a G-chem joke as opposed to O-chem, at least it's chem-related ;)

keep 'em comin' guys! :thumbup:
 

RedheadedNerd

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twester said:
:laugh:

What do dipoles say in passing?

Have you got a moment?
If you're not part of the precipitate - your're part of the solution

We used to call a girl in my class the nucleophile because she was really really annoying and she couldnt take a hint that we didnt want to talk to her and she would come up behind us and attack ---anyway nucleophile---backside attack...pretty funny

My chem teacher saw this on a bumper sticker --- Watch out ---its amino world out there ;)!

i came up with this one....my own corniness -
Keep your friends close and your enamines closer...

organic chemistry joke...


A friend of mine is a chem major and so was her bf and they were laying on the bed one night turned different ways reading or soemthing and she said he turned over and goes look how we are laying --- we are stereoisomers!!!

ANYWAY --guess u had to be ther ebut it was HILARIOUS!!!

okay im done for now
 

jdpharmd?

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Check some of these "Far Side" style comics out. Some are WAY out-there geeky, but they are all pretty funny.

http://www.nearingzero.net/labinitio/labinitio.html

http://www.nearingzero.net/work/screenres/work007.jpg
http://www.nearingzero.net/work/screenres/work023.jpg
http://www.nearingzero.net/quantum/screenres/quantum003.jpg
http://www.nearingzero.net/quantum/screenres/quantum004.jpg
http://www.nearingzero.net/quantum/screenres/quantum005.jpg

If anyone can find the complete lab initio collection online, I'd love to see it. A lot have been lost over time, and I can only find handfuls here and there.
 

Moxxie

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Just a couple of shots out here...

All that glitters is not gold, but at least it contains free electrons...

What did the Catholic scientist do with his twins? He baptised one and saved the other for a control.

And a physics joke: My did the cat slide off the roof? It lost its μ.
 

gordo0878

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why pharmacy school is alot like sex!!!

Your happy your in,
but sorry you came!!!!
:laugh: :laugh:
 

Caverject

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gordo0878 said:
why pharmacy school is alot like sex!!!

Your happy your in,
but sorry you came!!!!
:laugh: :laugh:
Thats the dumbest joke I have ever heard on SDN...funny thing is that I would never equate pharmacy school to sex...unless you got a BDSM fetish
 

gordo0878

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those that have a sense of hummor find it funny...
:)
 

gordo0878

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hey, it was a joke(in a forum about jokes)...

if u don't like it don't laugh...


bbmufin i don't know you and visa-versa.. so don't make comment like u know me.

i was a JOKE, remove poll from anus first then u are allowed to make comments.

bbmuffin said:
don't listen to him....

he doesn't get laid often....
 

ultracet

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gordo0878 said:
hey, it was a joke(in a forum about jokes)...

if u don't like it don't laugh...


bbmufin i don't know you and visa-versa.. so don't make comment like u know me.

i was a JOKE, remove poll from anus first then u are allowed to make comments.

are you really as stupid as you now appear??

I was talking about c-ject, moron

why don't you stop posting now before you hurt yourself
 

Caverject

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gordo0878 said:
hey, it was a joke(in a forum about jokes)...

if u don't like it don't laugh...


bbmufin i don't know you and visa-versa.. so don't make comment like u know me.

i was a JOKE, remove poll from anus first then u are allowed to make comments.
Hey, it was a joke( in a forum about jokes)...

if u don't like it don't laugh.....

gordo0878 I don't know you and visa-versa.. so don't make comment like u know me

bbmuffin made a JOKE directed at ME, remove "poll" from anus first then u are allowed to make comments.
 

nev

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Ok....lets calm down now....everyone take a few deep breaths
 

fyli260

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One of my TA for a virology course once got a t-shirt from her grad school treat that said:

In the front: I don't have Herpes.....
In the back: ....but I'm working on it.
 

KUMoose

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This is more math related, but hey it's timely and geeky. :D

Why did the mathematician always confuse Halloween and Christmas??

Because 31 Oct(al) = 25 Dec(imal)


** works better with a calculator **
 

Caverject

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nev said:
Ok....lets calm down now....everyone take a few deep breaths
Silly texan....

Two atoms have a drink in a bar
atom 1: i think i lost an electron
atom 2: are you sure
atom 1: yeah...im positive
 

pharmeronadell

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Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
It changes their blood type.

Ok, that sucked, and it wasn't a science joke.



Name this molecule:

bunny-O-bunny


A: The ether bunny.
 

ndearwater

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A woman walks into the pharmacy and tells the pharmacist she wants to buy some arsenic.
He asks, "What do you want with arsenic?"
She said "I want to kill my husband because he cheats on me by having sex with another woman."
The pharmacist says, "I can't sell you arsenic so you can kill your husband lady, even if he is having sex with another woman."
She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a picture of her husband having sex with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist says, "Oh, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
 

RLK

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A mushroom walked into a bar and tried to order a drink.
The bartender said, "No No, We don't serve mushrooms here."
The mushroom said, "Why not, I'm a Fungi."

(that's fun-guy in case you're saying fun-gee to yourself and wondering what i mean)
 

ndearwater

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There's really no good place to post this but I could not stop laughing when I read this on a website today:

Your doctor should examine your penis regularly if you use Caverject. Use of Caverject may result in formation of fibrous (hardened) tissue in the penis or erections at an unusual angle. If those side effects occur, inform your doctor and stop using Caverject.

Had no idea what Caverject was. I thought that was his way of maybe mixing his true name with "reject"... I am truly enlightened. What happened to that guy anyway?
 

ultracet

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ndearwater said:
There's really no good place to post this but I could not stop laughing when I read this on a website today:

Your doctor should examine your penis regularly if you use Caverject. Use of Caverject may result in formation of fibrous (hardened) tissue in the penis or erections at an unusual angle. If those side effects occur, inform your doctor and stop using Caverject.

Had no idea what Caverject was. I thought that was his way of maybe mixing his true name with "reject"... I am truly enlightened.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

i have a feeling you're not alone....

What happened to that guy anyway?
mission accomplished :cool:
 

cheesygal

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i like this thread. :laugh: :love: :laugh:

I've got somethin' silly for you science nerds :)

If I could be any enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase...
so i could unzip your genes :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: