Post-doctoral Residency Dilemma

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Lived in nyc for a few years and it’s the epitome of the northeast “don’t talk to me unless I already know you or try to greet me on the street” culture. I was surprised moving out west how long things like buying groceries can take because everyone wants to exchange pleasantries.
 
As a native New Yorker, we can be guarded and unfriendly, just part of living in a big city with a lot of scammers and crazy folks. Passive-aggressive, definitely not....just aggressive sometimes.

So that's why you are the way you are... 😉
 
I wouldn't say New Yorkers are guarded, they're just rude and self absorbed. As for the PNW, I don't know if guarded is the right descriptor. Extremely passive aggressive is still the best way I can describe those folks. That made for the most dysfunctional VA setting I've ever seen.
I lived in the PNW for almost a decade and loved it. I think people in the PNW tend to be very uncomfortable with confrontation and directness but generally speaking, are perhaps the nicest, most giving, and least judgmental group based on my frames of reference.

I've heard whispers here and there that the mental health line at the Puget Sound VA has historically been dysfunctional/potentially downright toxic but a little bit down I-5, things are chill at the American Lake facility and more representative of what I think the PNW is like.
 
So that's why you are the way you are... 😉

Oh, I'm a mess of things. Funny story, my first time going home to NYC after a over a year in the south for grad school, I found myself literally walking slower than the average New Yorker on the sidewalk. Never true before. Went back to school and realized I walked too quickly for the south. That is still true to this day. Though, my wife tells me that when we are visiting NYC, I walk and drive like a different person (generally faster and more aggressively).
 
Being from the PNW originally I always thought they were genuinely friendly as heck, although I tend to specify the Washingtonians. In my mind, the California types who seem friendly are the more passive aggressive. I used to live there and when I visited New York I loved the direct “get out of my way” type communication contrasted with the fake friendly California folk who invented the term passive aggressive.
 
Being from the PNW originally I always thought they were genuinely friendly as heck, although I tend to specify the Washingtonians. In my mind, the California types who seem friendly are the more passive aggressive. I used to live there and when I visited New York I loved the direct “get out of my way” type communication contrasted with the fake friendly California folk who invented the term passive aggressive.

As someone who grew up in the south, three words: bless your heart.

I think each region has its own special flavor of passive aggressive, but yes, some regions it's definitely more pronounced than others.
 
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I also think the majority of the "fake friendly California folk" are not from CA, at least speaking for LA area.
 
Everyone in the south is outwardly friendly and kind. People will stop on the side of a road to help a stranger change his or her flat tire. You can have long and meaningful conversations with anyone in the south. Southerns tend to be nice even when they are mean to others. The phrase “Bless your heart” is a prime example!

I think people in NY and the northeast just don’t have time for small talk but they will warm up to you once they get to know you.

I felt so alone and uncomfortable in Seattle.
The locals will be polite but they have no interest in getting to know you.

Eh, the south is similar to everywhere else in friendliness. Maybe more outwardly kind, but also much more likely to act out aggressively/violently when a perceived "honor" violation occurred. My family is from a southern state and I've spend many summers down there, In addition to living in another state for a few years in the postdoc time period. Maybe more outwardly friendly, as long as you're white. Racism exists everywhere, but the most open acts and interactions I have been witness to have been in the South.
 
Everyone in the south is outwardly friendly and kind. People will stop on the side of a road to help a stranger change his or her flat tire. You can have long and meaningful conversations with anyone in the south. Southerns tend to be nice even when they are mean to others. The phrase “Bless your heart” is a prime example!

I think people in NY and the northeast just don’t have time for small talk but they will warm up to you once they get to know you.

I felt so alone and uncomfortable in Seattle.
The locals will be polite but they have no interest in getting to know you.
These generalizations can be fun to chat about and try to identify sources of difference, but in reality, you can find your people anywhere. I find it helpful to keep in mind that many of the "locals" are transplants too. Keeps away the mindset that I'm the only new/"other" person there.

Also, if you've ever had a southerner say "bless your heart" to you as an insult.. it can be straight up aggression, nothing passive about it
 
These generalizations can be fun to chat about and try to identify sources of difference, but in reality, you can find your people anywhere. I find it helpful to keep in mind that many of the "locals" are transplants too. Keeps away the mindset that I'm the only new/"other" person there.

The amount of cognitive distortions in this thread! For a bunch of psychologists, we could really do better with our stereotyping...

I second the above comment. If you are open to meeting new people and approach with an open mindset, you will find your people. If you approach assuming everyone sucks, then everyone will suck.

Signed,
A very extroverted Northeastern person now living on the west coast (with many friends I've made as an adult in cities that've been called out specifically as being unfriendly and unkind)
 
There are regional differences in personality traits, so there is definitely something to that aspect. There are also distinct differences in social mores in different regions, so we have that as well. So yes, while there are always commonalities no matter where you are, there are also differences which are very real. This is nothing new, or really all that controversial.
 
There are regional differences in personality traits, so there is definitely something to that aspect. There are also distinct differences in social mores in different regions, so we have that as well. So yes, while there are always commonalities no matter where you are, there are also differences which are very real. This is nothing new, or really all that controversial.
I think this is right and wouldn't argue against it. In the context of the OP's repetitive handwringing over postdoc, I think it to be unhelpful.
 
I think this is right and wouldn't argue against it. In the context of the OP's repetitive handwringing over postdoc, I think it to be unhelpful.

As to the latter portion, of course. But, we've moved beyond the OP's catastrophizing. Now we're into good ol tribalism and bashing the backwards yokels that live elsewhere 🙂
 
Something new to ponder and direct my mental energy, I guess?
Learning where to direct mental energy is quite the useful skill. I like to use what I know about psychology to guide that process so I can be healthy, wealthy, and wise. Apparently, I might take a bit of guidance from ol' Ben Franklin too.
 
Something new to ponder and direct my mental energy, I guess?
Hang in there - I know the feedback you've received from folks here has been varied. I think receiving feedback in general, can be a challenge at times, especially when it's coming from folks you frankly do not know, so I wanted to validate that. Alternatively, I think much of the feedback that's been presented is sound and very much useful. Know that you are not alone and that what you are experiencing now has been experienced by many others. Know that this too will pass and that sometimes, "growth" comes in different forms, even aside from integrating/applying formal feedback from others. I too struggle with this at times, but I'd like to think I tend to make new mistakes to learn from (for the most part), but it still can be challenging due to my own intrapersonal dynamics.

Oh, and BTW - it's okay to not have everything in your personal or professional life figured out right now. Sometimes, going with the flow is more advisable.
 
Hang in there - I know the feedback you've received from folks here has been varied. I think receiving feedback in general, can be a challenge at times, especially when it's coming from folks you frankly do not know, so I wanted to validate that. Alternatively, I think much of the feedback that's been presented is sound and very much useful. Know that you are not alone and that what you are experiencing now has been experienced by many others. Know that this too will pass and that sometimes, "growth" comes in different forms, even aside from integrating/applying formal feedback from others. I too struggle with this at times, but I'd like to think I tend to make new mistakes to learn from (for the most part), but it still can be challenging due to my own intrapersonal dynamics.

Oh, and BTW - it's okay to not have everything in your personal or professional life figured out right now. Sometimes, going with the flow is more advisable.

I mean that is true at most stages of life. The truth is that we don't often have as much choice as we think we have. As someone who overanalyzes things, I have learned to wait and worry about things once my choices are in front me. Think back to grad school applications. People hem and haw about which schools to apply to and where they attend. In the end, most applicants end up with only 1 or 2 options after all that anxiety. The only real choice was take the spot offered or don't. Most of life is like that and the older you get the simpler the choices become.
 
Thank you! After careful self-reflection, I have realized some things. To be honest, I expected to have more options and control over this situation than reality. I guess I am a bit disillusioned by the outcome of postdoc because I really believed things would work out in my favor. I have had to settle for less many times and thought things could work out with effort and hope. I feel defeated and despondent about my future.

Sorry for venting and I am by no means trying to play the victim here. These are just my core beliefs and raw feelings that I am working through.
I don't mean this to be disrespectful or insensitive but in reading your posts and the last statement "I have had to settle for less many times" implies that you had an another opportunity you turned down, when it seems this is not the case as these are the portions where you got offers. And, this has implications for your future. I would ask myself "what am I doing in interviews and in my positions that is preventing me from achieving the positions I most want?" Are there competency or interpersonal (venting, maturity, or entitlement) issues that result in people not wanting to recommend or work with you?
 
No, I never had opportunities that I turned down. I missed out on several good opportunities such as jobs and postdoc positions despite coming close. I believe that if I want something really bad, I might try too hard and come across as anxious or nervous during interviews. I wouldn’t say that I act entitled or appear immature.

It’s strange because I did really well during interviews at postdoc sites that I didn’t care for including the one I matched at. I felt way more relaxed and calm in these situations in comparison to the more high stakes interviews at sites that I really wanted. As Dave Matthews once said, “Funny the way it is.”

I did stumble a lot when confronted with complex questions during internship and postdoc interviews. Maybe, I also ramble a lot? Idk.
Improving interview skills is what I would be focusing on for the next stage, rather than the woe is me. We're in a competitive field and knowing how to answer complex questions and think on our feet is part of the job - and does reflect on how we'd handle stressful situations and work with more challenging clients.
 
Improving interview skills is what I would be focusing on for the next stage, rather than the woe is me. We're in a competitive field and knowing how to answer complex questions and think on our feet is part of the job - and does reflect on how we'd handle stressful situations and work with more challenging clients.
I agree. Practicing interview skills is almost always beneficial, even for people who interview well. You're potentially always going to be at least a little nervous about opportunities you're excited about, and going forward, you're also likely going to be applying primarily or solely for such opportunities. The interview questions may or may not get easier as you go along.
 
I guess it’s a problem if I want desperately want something. The top places where I interviewed seemed to ask the hardest questions. Those case example questions were brutal.

Just curious - why does it have to be a "top" place to train? I'm curious as to why so much emphasis on the pedigree of your post-doc. Could you be okay with a training program that truly does offer something of a new training experience that could actually make you look good for employment going forward? I'm wondering if you are setting some really high expectations and ideals for yourself and that by not achieving them, it's potentially impacting you by way of thinking you have not achieved any relevant goals for your professional growth. Maybe I am overlooking something and completely offbase in my impressions thus far, and if so, I will admit as much.
 
The main concern is that if I’m not happy with something, it’s very hard for me to hide it. My dissatisfaction with the postdoc site might be extremely palpable to supervisors. I definitely plan to use as much leave as possible and do the bare minimum.
You sound like you're creating a self fulfilling prophecy of having a miserable year. This thread is like...whiplash. you seem to start internalizing more realistic/adaptive thoughts, and then...something maladaptive.
 
Well if you have a name brand site on your CV, it could mean the difference between getting a job or being passed over. I was told that it is especially true with positions in those big metro areas!
Eh...this is largely a fallacy. Besides, I'd be more concerned about those who are emphasizing this component of your application for a job. That's a red flag IMO. Not to knock "top-notch" institutions like Harvard, but places like Harvard are not the only ones pumping out highly competent practitioners. I can tell you from experience (no, I do not have 3 peer-reviewed references to support this), that having experiences that are meaningful, applicable, and useful in the positions you'd like to see yourself working in will be more far-more valuable to you as you venture into you early career. Again, as mentioned before, your internship and post-doc training by no means defines who you are or who you could/will be as a future psychologist. You absolutely have the capability in developing the relevant competencies you desire within an employment context that allows you to further your career wherever you'd like to see it. The APA ethics code and most state licensing boards tend to outline what you can do in order to gain certain competencies, and most emphasize options that do not necessarily require you to go and complete an endless string of post-docs over your lifetime.
 
The main concern is that if I’m not happy with something, it’s very hard for me to hide it. My dissatisfaction with the postdoc site might be extremely palpable to supervisors. I definitely plan to use as much leave as possible and do the bare minimum.
The post-doc site is investing in your training and giving you an opportunity. You may not realize this but many of your responses seem ungrateful as well as emotionally immature, and entitled. The hard truth is you did not match anywhere else and it maybe yourself getting in the way based on the attitudes you've expressed here. Everyone here is advising you to learn from this experience as you did on internship. Professionalism is a competency - and what you said above does not meet the bare minimum for this standard.
 
The main concern is that if I’m not happy with something, it’s very hard for me to hide it. My dissatisfaction with the postdoc site might be extremely palpable to supervisors. I definitely plan to use as much leave as possible and do the bare minimum.
Your postdoc supervisor will be writing letters of recommendation for you - for your first job, possibly for promotion, etc. Do you really want them to say lackluster things about you because you "use[d] as much leave as possible and [did] the bare minimum"? I would be more concerned about that feedback following me after postdoc more so than the prestige / name of my postdoc site.
 
I no doubt have heard supervisors list specific big named sites and say if one of those are on your CV, “you will get any job you want.” I recently moved to the area on the west coast and I’m not lying everything I anticipated about the area has been true…if not worse.

Oh, I believe you - I've also experienced it myself. I had a supervisor that presided over a very well-respected Ph.D. program at an AMC; they flat out said that one of the things they consider to filter applicants out is their pedigree from undergrad. There are absolutely folks out there in this profession who do place more of an emphasis on stuff like this. I do not agree with it, but they can do whatever they'd like I suppose. For me, based on my personal values and what I tend to look at in terms of a conducive training and employment environment, this sentiment would likely be a red flag for me. Not all of us can go to "fill-in-the-blank" prestigious institutions; it doesn't mean you don't have the capability to learn and be a productive and competent practitioner. Your not going to "fill-in-the-blank" prestigious institution will not make or break your career. Anecdotally, I went to a sub-par Psy.D. program - I knew this would likely impact me when I applied for internships and post-doc placements. Now, I am living it up frankly. With all things considered, I am doing what I enjoy (testing/assessments, and therapy), learning new things, and getting out of my comfort zone - I was able to get into the workforce sooner rather than later with the VA and began earning much more than most post-docs would earn, have AMAZING federal benefits and training/growth opportunities. Moreover, I am leaving one VA after a year and moving to a new one in my home state where I will also have a joint faculty appointment at an AMC. I consider all of these things "wins" in my books. I did not go to a post-doc. Idk...maybe I can re-visit doing a neuro post-doc in the future, maybe not. Frankly, there is way more to life than my profession, and I place a lot of emphasis on having a good house, a good truck, being near family, going on trips and vacations, and doing things that matter to me. Life is more than one's professional identity.
 
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I no doubt have heard supervisors list specific big named sites and say if one of those are on your CV, “you will get any job you want.”
A question to ask yourself might be ‘what is a quality life lived mean for me?’

If the answer to that question is being employed by ‘prestigious’ institutions and having a robust CV drove you into this profession, by all means, pursue that to the fullest.

But a more probable answer may not even have work at its center and even if it does, it’s likely more focused on how we spend our time, the things we do with it, the people we connect with and hopefully positively impact, etc. Where you do these things professionally will not always be in your control as you’ve found out but your process is very much in your wheelhouse.
I definitely plan to use as much leave as possible and do the bare minimum.
I am an advocate of trainees using 100% of their leave and setting appropriate boundaries. But if intentionally sandbagging it during postdoc because you didn’t match where you thought you deserved is acceptable by your values and ethics, nobody here is gonna stop you. But I sure as hell wouldn’t want to hire somebody with that attitude.
The top places where I interviewed seemed to ask the hardest questions. Those case example questions were brutal.
From my experience, a good answer balances clinical knowledge with self-awareness/self-presentation (and strong verbal communication skills). If you have struggled and believe this may have contributed to not matching at more desired sites, this might be an area to introspect on and perhaps even get some honest feedback from a mentor.
 
A question to ask yourself might be ‘what is a quality life lived mean for me?’

If the answer to that question is being employed by ‘prestigious’ institutions and having a robust CV drove you into this profession, by all means, pursue that to the fullest.

But a more probable answer may not even have work at its center and even if it does, it’s likely more focused on how we spend our time, the things we do with it, the people we connect with and hopefully positively impact, etc. Where you do these things professionally will not always be in your control as you’ve found out but your process is very much in your wheelhouse.

I am an advocate of trainees using 100% of their leave and setting appropriate boundaries. But if intentionally sandbagging it during postdoc because you didn’t match where you thought you deserved is acceptable by your values and ethics, nobody here is gonna stop you. But I sure as hell wouldn’t want to hire somebody with that attitude.


From my experience, a good answer balances clinical knowledge with self-awareness/self-presentation (and strong verbal communication skills). If you have struggled and believe this may have contributed to not matching at more desired sites, this might be an area to introspect on and perhaps even get some honest feedback from a mentor.

Depends, especially in the VA system. Depending on breaks in service, you can roll leave over. That leave is much more valuable at later stages (postdoc, faculty) than it is at the intern level. That is of course, if you were planning on staying the in the VA.
 
Another quick point about leave: remember that its use typically does need to be approved by a supervisor/TD, and it could potentially be denied if it would interfere with meeting training goals, etc. Also, if you're planning on saving it up and using most or all of it at one time (e.g., the end of postdoc), let your training director know that ahead of time so they can try to ensure you've meet all requirements up to that point.

Glad to hear you're liking the new location so far.
 
The error in thinking here is that the only way to achieve peace of mind is to leave. Which, is unfortunately the choice that you made before ever stepping foot on the site. I suspect that no matter how good the site and supervisors were, your decision would have still been the same. I do not believe that this decision will serve your best interests in the short, intermediate, or long terms.
 
I have also encountered numerous problems with obtaining proper health care here and dealing with the ridiculously high cost of living.
As a person who spent the last 18 months moving across the country and getting sufficient documentation in my medical file, including an MRI, CT scan, 3 or 4 specialists, taking meds that my neurologist, who I waited 6 months to see in the first place, said probably won't work, to be able to get Botox for migraines covered by my insurance (my first appt. is actually today! wish me luck!) Expensive costs and lack of access are the nature of the world & healthcare right now. As a psychologist, I have to imagine you've got patients telling you they waited 6 months + to try to see you, so I'm surprised you're surprised by this. I very much doubt that moving is going to be better for you with this problem.
 
So I wanted to update you all on how things have been going. The training site is great and everyone is very supportive. Unfortunately, the adjustment has been incredibly agonizing and painful. I am basically isolated on an island by myself. I have also encountered numerous problems with obtaining proper health care here and dealing with the ridiculously high cost of living. I don’t really see an incentive in torturing myself for 1 year. Therefore, I am most likely going to leave the program within the next few weeks. My peace of mind is more important than the potential benefits associated with staying.

My family has not been supportive about this plan. They have been insisting that this position is the only way for me to have a career. It’s as if 7 years of hard work meant nothing.

Two points to be made. First point - do it; you can certainly move wherever in hopes it will be better. Perhaps it will be. Perhaps not. Heck, sometimes, the lessons we learn are by doing things and learning from them. So, if you did this, at least do this with the mindset that you will see it for what it is. Experiential avoidance. This leads me to my second point. We know that experiential avoidance maintains certain challenging cognitions and resulting emotions. So, is the trade-off worth it? Maybe it is, maybe it isn't? Time will be a good judge of that.

On a side note - take this revelation you are having, and note that it is an option, but may not be "the" option for you. What's the worst that will happen if you stay? If you truly believe your problems center around the training environment, then perhaps your leaving will resolve your internal struggles. Alternatively, if you find otherwise, then perhaps there are some underlying factors that are also serving as overlaying factors in this decision-making process. Also, for what it's worth, family members can be helpful with insight. Granted, they likely have a bias, and there are probably some dynamics you might have with some of your family that can be contentious, but, they've known you the longest. They know your quirks. They are going to likely provide you with the "come to Jesus" conversation and provide you raw feedback. Sometimes...that can be necessary. Alternatively, I do not agree with their sentiment in that your staying in your current post-doc is a pivotal moment of your career. It isn't.
 
So I wanted to update you all on how things have been going. The training site is great and everyone is very supportive. Unfortunately, the adjustment has been incredibly agonizing and painful. I am basically isolated on an island by myself. I have also encountered numerous problems with obtaining proper health care here and dealing with the ridiculously high cost of living. I don’t really see an incentive in torturing myself for 1 year. Therefore, I am most likely going to leave the program within the next few weeks. My peace of mind is more important than the potential benefits associated with staying.

My family has not been supportive about this plan. They have been insisting that this position is the only way for me to have a career. It’s as if 7 years of hard work meant nothing.
Honestly it feels like you made this decision before you started. How do you plan on getting another post-doc? To be blunt, the recurring theme here is not getting the prime positions (internship, postdoc) that you feel you like you deserve and then catastrophizing about the positions you match into and agreed to take. Perhaps it's your behavior/attitude that's holding you back and not some mysterious fluke of internship/postdoc matching. Even more blunt, based on what you've said in these posts, I don't think resigning will bring you the peace of mind you seek. Regardless of what you decide, I hope what you learn in the process helps in your endeavors going forward.
 
As someone who has lived in some pretty harsh situations myself, I guess I am confused about why peace of mind is determined by where you live. You might want to read some Viktor Frankl. Here’s one quote that could be applicable,
“Our greatest human freedom is that, despite whatever our physical situation is in life, WE ARE ALWAYS FREE TO CHOOSE OUR THOUGHTS!”
Viktor E. Frankl
 
This thread (and not just the length) reminds me of one of my favorite books: Tolstoy's Anna Karenina and specifically, the story of Levin.

Levin is a simple, honest man whose primary purpose and source of fulfillment is farming (and maintaining the land he inherited which includes being kind and fair to his peasant sharecroppers).

Yet there is a singular thing in his life that is not within his control: to be married to a noble woman named Kitty, who happens to care for more things in life than farming such as her husband's physical appearance, socializing in moderation, and starting a family.

Much of Levin's character arc focuses on his internal struggle between maintaining his self-generated expectations (I'm happiest alone with my scythe clearing a field) with pursuit of Kitty, who seems like a gem of a woman (and how marriage to her would upset his carefully crafted equilibrium).

Spoiler alert: Levin ultimately has an epiphany that synthesizes what he previously viewed as competing aims, and he ends the novel with hope and momentum for the future (which stands in stark contrast to the fate of the novels main character).

To the OP, I hope you find what you're looking for. From my perspective, leaving or staying at this postdoc, even though it is a big decision and will shape a number of next decisions, is likely the beginning of that process, rather than the end. Good luck!
 
We have all done 7 years of hard work +++. In my case more like 11. I will tell you that until the day that I actually got my license to practice it all would have meant nothing had I decided to indulge myself by quitting. I had a miserable grad school experience and a very checkered series of pre-doc internships. I felt like quitting many times but was smart and resilient enough to not do that because it would have rendered all the work I did before meaningless. You should be able to tolerate a bit of adversity since this will not be the last time you will encounter it. I suspect that your troubles with your family are at the root of all this. Get some help, please.
 
Honestly it feels like you made this decision before you started. How do you plan on getting another post-doc? To be blunt, the recurring theme here is not getting the prime positions (internship, postdoc) that you feel you like you deserve and then catastrophizing about the positions you match into and agreed to take. Perhaps it's your behavior/attitude that's holding you back and not some mysterious fluke of internship/postdoc matching. Even more blunt, based on what you've said in these posts, I don't think resigning will bring you the peace of mind you seek. Regardless of what you decide, I hope what you learn in the process helps in your endeavors going forward.
Without using diagnostic labels here, there are certain people that are never satisfied with what they get and are always angry and resentful about what they did get and will tell you they deserved better.

It hurts to have your brilliance and specialness go unappreciated.
 
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I agree with much of what was posted above, and am separately curious if you've brought these concerns to your training site? You describe them as excellent and supportive, so it's quite likely they can help with local resources and social adjustment. It would be unsurprising that you feel isolated on an island if you've yet to ask for help.
 
It seems like a lot of people here relate to having experienced disappointment, fear and anxiety about relocating, being far from home, etc., when it comes to internship and/or postdoc. I won't repeat all of that but will only say that I've seen plenty of people go through those things as well. You're the only one who can reframe this situation somehow and I think there has been some good advice on how to look at it differently - in a way I can relate to what you're going through, there, or at least I could at one time. I didn't relish the idea that I might have to move for internship, but I went through a pretty radical cognitive shift as I was submitting applications and, that fall, decided I was going to take myself totally out of my comfort zone and and just see what happened. I matched to my top choice, which was a community mental health center so remote that it's removed from the nearest road system by over 500 miles. Flying is the only way to get here (it's literally almost Siberia - an hour's flight from the Chuckchi Peninsula). We also don't have reliable cell service or internet half the time. This move took me 4,000 miles from home and my husband wasn't able to come up here for over three months - talk about fear, anxiety, and plenty of moments where I was sure I had made a HUGE mistake. I got off the plane and didn't know where anything was, had no transportation, my phone didn't have service, and I was terrified. I also had a brief medical emergency within the first week which didn't help me settle in. Moral of the story is, though, I went through more personal and professional growth here than I could have fathomed. I don't even have words for it. It is a HARD training site but the idea that I was pushing myself to grow made me want to keep at it. I stayed here for my postdoc, just completed it last month. I would not change anything about this experience even though there were days (weeks, etc.) when I was super frustrated, overworked, and just tired.

Your postdoc may be something you are dreading but I can virtually guarantee you will get something out of it - even if it isn't what you thought. I would encourage you to try to take that mindset about it because it will make the experience a lot easier.
 
It seems like a lot of people here relate to having experienced disappointment, fear and anxiety about relocating, being far from home, etc., when it comes to internship and/or postdoc. I won't repeat all of that but will only say that I've seen plenty of people go through those things as well. You're the only one who can reframe this situation somehow and I think there has been some good advice on how to look at it differently - in a way I can relate to what you're going through, there, or at least I could at one time. I didn't relish the idea that I might have to move for internship, but I went through a pretty radical cognitive shift as I was submitting applications and, that fall, decided I was going to take myself totally out of my comfort zone and and just see what happened. I matched to my top choice, which was a community mental health center so remote that it's removed from the nearest road system by over 500 miles. Flying is the only way to get here (it's literally almost Siberia - an hour's flight from the Chuckchi Peninsula). We also don't have reliable cell service or internet half the time. This move took me 4,000 miles from home and my husband wasn't able to come up here for over three months - talk about fear, anxiety, and plenty of moments where I was sure I had made a HUGE mistake. I got off the plane and didn't know where anything was, had no transportation, my phone didn't have service, and I was terrified. I also had a brief medical emergency within the first week which didn't help me settle in. Moral of the story is, though, I went through more personal and professional growth here than I could have fathomed. I don't even have words for it. It is a HARD training site but the idea that I was pushing myself to grow made me want to keep at it. I stayed here for my postdoc, just completed it last month. I would not change anything about this experience even though there were days (weeks, etc.) when I was super frustrated, overworked, and just tired.

Your postdoc may be something you are dreading but I can virtually guarantee you will get something out of it - even if it isn't what you thought. I would encourage you to try to take that mindset about it because it will make the experience a lot easier.

All I can say to this is: wow, kudos to you. That's super impressive.
 
Disappointment and despair occur in the mind of the beholder. Not everyone has the same degree of resiliency. As a Psychologist, you would do well to remember that not everyone has the same strengths as you do, nor the same weaknesses.
All I can say to this is: wow, kudos to you. That's super impressive.
 
I’m wondering if it’s too late to find postdoc positions now? Like maybe informal ones?

Yes, it is far too late. The vast majority of postdocs available now are going to be predatory private practice positions. This is the bed you made for yourself.
 
To be honest, those positions in ideal locations sound way better than this facility.

You seem to be dead set on making terrible career and life decisions despite a near consensus opinion by those experienced in the field giving you good advice on this site.
 
Terrible decisions? I made a terrible decision to accept this site. I’d do anything to go back in time and reject the offer. I’m actually angry with the site for even giving me this position and putting me in a terrible situation! I’ve already made a terrible and painful decision that has destroyed my life. I’m trying to undo it. I’m so desperate that any opportunity is a viable way out of this mess.
The site did not put you in a terrible situation, you created a bad situation for yourself with your mindset. Please get some help.
 
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