Problems with diversity essay.... Please help?

[Dr.Mika2012]

Hey all,

So I am currently working on a diversity essay for my secondary apps. It's required for Harvard, Stanford, the UCs and a couple of other schools. The longest character count is 6,000, so I am planning to make it about this long and then crop out portions. Problem is.....

I'm almost too diverse. Here are a couple of points about me:

1) I was raised by my grandparents in a foreign country
2) Though I identify as ethnically Hispanic, I have had a very mixed cultural experience growing up because my father is Indian.
3) Our family is of low socioeconomic status
4) I attended an unconventional high school (early college acceptance) and did not do so well.... not sure if I should justify my drop in academic performance or leave it out.
5) I am a first generation college student
6) My father has had an accident recently that rendered him handicapped. This event has changed my lifestyle (and is medically relevant, but I'm uncertain whether this is a good thing).
7).... I can go on and on.

I don't know what to include in this essay. How much info on personal history? I also have experiences in volunteering that correspond to different parts of my life and I likely want to include them:

Ethnic diversity --> being the front desk clerk at the hospital I volunteer
Low socioeconomic status --> initiating a project to distribute gifts to the homeless.
First generation college student --> helped establish a city-wide organization that extends learning activities to underprivileged children.


Right now, my essay is a mess. Since this is going out to some of the top schools, I really want it to be good. Does anybody want to read/ give opinions on this?

Any help is GREATLY appreciated!

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[gothicfoxes]

4) I attended an unconventional high school (early college acceptance) and did not do so well.... not sure if I should justify my drop in academic performance or leave it out.

Unless you've recovered from this academically, leave it out. Don't ask them to doubt you.

 

[steelersfan1243]

1) I was raised by my grandparents in a foreign country
2) Though I identify as ethnically Hispanic, I have had a very mixed cultural experience growing up because my father is Indian. (Depends how you spin it and the stories you have)
3) Our family is of low socioeconomic status (This is on the AMCAS)
4) I attended an unconventional high school (early college acceptance) and did not do so well.... not sure if I should justify my drop in academic performance or leave it out. (Nope, do not bring up the negatives)
5) I am a first generation college student (This is on the AMCAS)
6) My father has had an accident recently that rendered him handicapped. This event has changed my lifestyle (and is medically relevant, but I'm uncertain whether this is a good thing). (Maybe good for why medicine, but this is diversity)

In bold I wrote the potential flaws for the others one. I really like the first one, I think you must have some good story with that one. As for 3 and 5, that is already on your AMCAS, so unless you have a specific situation that is unlike most other SES disadvantaged or first generation, use the diversity to show something that the AMCAS does not already show

 

[Dr.Mika2012]

1) I was raised by my grandparents in a foreign country
2) Though I identify as ethnically Hispanic, I have had a very mixed cultural experience growing up because my father is Indian. (Depends how you spin it and the stories you have)
3) Our family is of low socioeconomic status (This is on the AMCAS)
4) I attended an unconventional high school (early college acceptance) and did not do so well.... not sure if I should justify my drop in academic performance or leave it out. (Nope, do not bring up the negatives)
5) I am a first generation college student (This is on the AMCAS)
6) My father has had an accident recently that rendered him handicapped. This event has changed my lifestyle (and is medically relevant, but I'm uncertain whether this is a good thing). (Maybe good for why medicine, but this is diversity)

In bold I wrote the potential flaws for the others one. I really like the first one, I think you must have some good story with that one. As for 3 and 5, that is already on your AMCAS, so unless you have a specific situation that is unlike most other SES disadvantaged or first generation, use the diversity to show something that the AMCAS does not already show

Thanks for the advice. I've been working on it a bit and I think I can combine 1 and 2 to make a good 2,000 character essay. I don't know how to elaborate for 6,000 characters, though....

 

[Dr.Mika2012]

Unless you've recovered from this academically, leave it out. Don't ask them to doubt you.

Yeah, you're right. I'll stick to self-promoting, as I'm sure there are enough adcom people to point out my flaws. >.<

 

[gothicfoxes]

Yeah, you're right. I'll stick to self-promoting, as I'm sure there are enough adcom people to point out my flaws. >.<

Exactly. Sell yourself as the applicant they're looking for. Identify what they want and play up on that.