Work itself was a lot better today. I talked to my boss last night and we had a long, much needed conversation. The work atmosphere was completely different today than it has been.
But . . . we had a HBC dog with a spiral fracture in his femur. Prepped for surgery several hours later than we wanted to get started, because that's how things go. It was my first time scrubbing in, and co-worker's first time monitoring. Surgery went well. His respiratory rate had been on the low side, so we turned the gas lower, and lower, and when he was finally off co-worker couldn't find his heart anymore. I listened and it was very faint. Then it was just gone. My boss did everything she could but he didn't make it.
It's just so weird, it doesn't even feel like a rant. Everything was normal until it wasn't, and then he was just gone. I feel like I should be more sad, or angry, or something, but I'm not.
I had concerns about the surgery yesterday when my boss scheduled it. The doctor who's on vacation is the one who does all of our surgeries (boss does some lump removals, laceration repairs, etc.). My boss has had issues with her eyes and I know it's been years since she last did a surgery like this. I feel so bad about this now, but I said something to my boss about being uncomfortable w/out other doctor here. I have no qualifications to make any sort of judgement call or anything like that, and I hate myself for saying anything to her. I wish I could go back and not mention it.