RANT HERE thread

[Doctor-S]

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My lab tests came back today. It actually appears that the hypothyroidism is being overtreated, so we're going to back off on the levothyroxine a bit.

My liver values are elevated. Which is... rather concerning. At any rate, she told me to definitely continue trying to lose the weight and come back in in a month for another check.

Also still haven't found a job and am still broke. So there's that, too.

Ugh. So discouraged with everything right now.

@Elkhart hope you start feeling better ... and sending good thoughts to you! 🙂

 

[Doctor-S]

Need I go on? You should hear the nutritionists at Tufts. I wish I had a recording of the rants...

@kaydubs I receive "Tufts Catnip."

I like to read nutritional information about my cat's wet cat food and dry kibble before I provide it to my cat.

Did you see this article:

The ‘Guaranteed Analysis’ Puzzle - Tufts Catnip Article

If yes, any thoughts or comments?

 

[pp9]

We just got an email telling us to start submitting schedule requests for our ER/ICU on call shifts....before we have our actual rotation schedules.... (we're only on call if we're on Cardio, Derm, Dentistry, Ophtho, Onco Primary Care, Shelter med, Internal med or Imaging).

 

[kaydubs]

I wish you did too

I might. I recorded all my vet school lectures 😀

 

[allygator13]

I was reading an article the other day that linked grain-free diets to dilated cardiomyopathy in golden retrievers due to the lack of taurine in the diet. It's my new favorite thing to tell owners when they ask what I think of their grain-free food.

We actually were just talking about this in rounds today, but they were saying it isn’t a taurine-responsive disease but all dogs getting it were on grain-free diets.

 

[missdarjeeling]

That happened last year where a whole section was left off the final. Good to know it's still happening. Was it pharm by any chance?

It was orthopedics. The course organizer was pretty frustrated about it and was very fair in dealing with it. Just makes you wonder how many smaller mistakes might not get caught at all, especially if we can't go back and check.

 

[JustPaws]

ANOTHER package didn't get delivered to my house even though tracking says it did. I've been waiting with the front window (picture window) open watching for it. This usually happens with FedEx, last time they delivered it to the wrong house two blocks away, but this time it happened with the post office. I'm in a really small town so my mail carrier knows the addresses with no issue [emoji24][emoji24] plus when I called around 3pm, the mail carrier had already left for the day so I have to wait until tomorrow [emoji58]

 

[genny]

Why is it my epileptic dog likes to have breakthrough seizures right before I go on trips? I hadn’t even packed a bag yet, so I don’t know how he knew I was leaving.

 

[KCgophervet]

My bike (and my husband's brand new bike) was stolen out of our garage today. Mine was my dad's old bike, had been updated and used all through college, work, vet school, and first months of my residency. I rode in three MS150s on that bike (150 mile weekend bike ride from Duluth to the twin cities). I'm so freaking upset right now.

Sent from my phone using the mobile app because I bought it and I'm stubborn

 

[Skimble]

It was orthopedics. The course organizer was pretty frustrated about it and was very fair in dealing with it. Just makes you wonder how many smaller mistakes might not get caught at all, especially if we can't go back and check.

Not sure about your class, but I'm pretty sure these things don't ever really slip by without getting caught. There is always someone on the cusp of the next higher grade that is going over the tests with a fine tooth comb.

 

[JustPaws]

My bike (and my husband's brand new bike) was stolen out of our garage today. Mine was my dad's old bike, had been updated and used all through college, work, vet school, and first months of my residency. I rode in three MS150s on that bike (150 mile weekend bike ride from Duluth to the twin cities). I'm so freaking upset right now.

Sent from my phone using the mobile app because I bought it and I'm stubborn

That sucks so much :-(

 

[SkiOtter]

ANOTHER package didn't get delivered to my house even though tracking says it did. I've been waiting with the front window (picture window) open watching for it. This usually happens with FedEx, last time they delivered it to the wrong house two blocks away, but this time it happened with the post office. I'm in a really small town so my mail carrier knows the addresses with no issue [emoji24][emoji24] plus when I called around 3pm, the mail carrier had already left for the day so I have to wait until tomorrow [emoji58]

noooooooooooooooo </3

 

[SkiOtter]

My bike (and my husband's brand new bike) was stolen out of our garage today. Mine was my dad's old bike, had been updated and used all through college, work, vet school, and first months of my residency. I rode in three MS150s on that bike (150 mile weekend bike ride from Duluth to the twin cities). I'm so freaking upset right now.

Sent from my phone using the mobile app because I bought it and I'm stubborn

im sorry kc 🙁

 

[variegata]

Have you tried cuddling a pillow while you sleep

Since injuring my shoulder/having surgery, I have to do this if I sleep with the bad arm on top. When my shoulder rotates forward toward my chest, it's too uncomfortable to stay there long, but the pillow really does help.

 

[missdarjeeling]

Not sure about your class, but I'm pretty sure these things don't ever really slip by without getting caught. There is always someone on the cusp of the next higher grade that is going over the tests with a fine tooth comb.

Well, only if they let us actually review our exams! For a few exams, we haven't had that option unless we show up at a specific time to an admin's office, and they don't let us write anything down.

 

[kaydubs]

Why is it my epileptic dog likes to have breakthrough seizures right before I go on trips? I hadn’t even packed a bag yet, so I don’t know how he knew I was leaving.

🙁 poor pengen dog...

 

[Skimble]

Well, only if they let us actually review our exams! For a few exams, we haven't had that option unless we show up at a specific time to an admin's office, and they don't let us write anything down.

I'm well aware 😉. I just know in my class, there were always a few people that made that effort, and I don't think many, if any errors slipped though.

 

[jaboo]

Day 5 of whatever flu/illness/death disease I have:

Moving takes an insane amount of work. Standing for more than 10 minutes is damn near impossible. I'm living off of water and advil. Hardly went to work this week. I hate this.

 

[TheGirlWithTheFernTattoo]

Small rant:

Went to donate blood for the first time today, which I have wanted to do for a long time. However within about 3 minutes of starting they had to pull the needle out because I got pretty sick and it was just getting worse the longer I went. Not from being squeamish or panicking about being poked with a needle, I don’t really even know what happened.

Don’t even think they got enough blood to donate, and I’m angry that my body was such a jerk about it. It was a waste of the staffs’ time, the volunteers’ time, and all of the supplies they used.

 

[pp9]

Small rant:

Went to donate blood for the first time today, which I have wanted to do for a long time. However within about 3 minutes of starting they had to pull the needle out because I got pretty sick and it was just getting worse the longer I went. Not from being squeamish or panicking about being poked with a needle, I don’t really even know what happened.

Don’t even think they got enough blood to donate, and I’m angry that my body was such a jerk about it. It was a waste of the staffs’ time, the volunteers’ time, and all of the supplies they used.

I don't know about other blood donation programs, but the Red Cross uses blood that can't be donated for whatever reason (not enough, didn't pass the tests, etc.) for research purposes!

Well, only if they let us actually review our exams! For a few exams, we haven't had that option unless we show up at a specific time to an admin's office, and they don't let us write anything down.

Yeah, same. We can look at the exam, but only for the specific one hour that our course coordinator has scheduled. She often schedules that hour on a day when half the class has junior surgery, which is the same day that a chunk of the class has mandatory wildlife rounds...and we can't write anything down either.

Also, for some reason, no corrections have been made to these exams even though there have been errors, garbage questions, etc. Why bother allowing an exam review (if you can call it that)?

 

[cdo96]

Don’t quote please. Will delete it later

*poof*

 

[SkiOtter]

Don’t

I’m sorry cdo 🙁
Always here if you need someone to talk to

 

[nyanko]

So my ACL reconstruction last week went okay I guess. I kind of felt rushed out the door afterwards without being given proper instruction on what I can and can't do right after surgery, and the only appointment I was given notification of was a suture removal one on the 14th. Nowhere on my discharge paperwork is written an appointment before that. The whole leg is basically wrapped in an ACE bandage and the brace is locked in full extension. Icing didn't feel very effective through the ACE bandage. I called on Friday (one day post op) about the brace and the bandage and they again didn't mention anything about a sooner post-op appointment. Luckily I went into the medical records app to check on the notes from the surgery yesterday and noticed that there was an appointment made for me today at 12:30 pm. I wouldn't have known had I not checked that. Hopefully they'll remove the bandage. I hate it.

Otherwise I feel okay. There's a decent amount of pain but I'm trying to keep it at what I can tolerate without overly relying on narcotic painkillers. They gave me a TENS unit and I'm taking acetaminophen alone for most of the day and only taking the opioids at night. My ex who I still live with was being a slight butthead the first day but I haven't really asked him for much otherwise so he's been fine.

I kind of feel rushed into going back to class today because there's a discussion section that's graded. I'm not looking forward to hobbling all the way across campus from my parking spot to the classroom building though. 🙁

 

[Lupin21]

So my ACL reconstruction last week went okay I guess. I kind of felt rushed out the door afterwards without being given proper instruction on what I can and can't do right after surgery, and the only appointment I was given notification of was a suture removal one on the 14th. Nowhere on my discharge paperwork is written an appointment before that. The whole leg is basically wrapped in an ACE bandage and the brace is locked in full extension. Icing didn't feel very effective through the ACE bandage. I called on Friday (one day post op) about the brace and the bandage and they again didn't mention anything about a sooner post-op appointment. Luckily I went into the medical records app to check on the notes from the surgery yesterday and noticed that there was an appointment made for me today at 12:30 pm. I wouldn't have known had I not checked that. Hopefully they'll remove the bandage. I hate it.

Otherwise I feel okay. There's a decent amount of pain but I'm trying to keep it at what I can tolerate without overly relying on narcotic painkillers. They gave me a TENS unit and I'm taking acetaminophen alone for most of the day and only taking the opioids at night. My ex who I still live with was being a slight butthead the first day but I haven't really asked him for much otherwise so he's been fine.

I kind of feel rushed into going back to class today because there's a discussion section that's graded. I'm not looking forward to hobbling all the way across campus from my parking spot to the classroom building though. 🙁

I have heard that somewhat often on people not really getting outpatient instructions that lay out do and don't and expectations. And definite boo about the ex. Decency is super hard I suppose... And does the school not have a handicap place that you could use until you can get around better? It would not be bueno if you did something that made the surgery less effective. Hope you get some relief sooner than later!

 

[nyanko]

They gave me a lot of written info but it conflicts with the verbal info I was told prior to surgery so I'm not really sure what to do. All of the written info says weight bearing as tolerated is okay but I specifically remember the physical therapist prior to surgery (not my usual one that I've been working with for 6 weeks) saying no weight bearing for 2 weeks (which I was not thrilled with). The written stuff also says since it's my left leg and I have an auto transmission I can drive as long as I'm not taking narcotics, but prior to surgery the PT said no driving. I also have a list of exercises to do with the brace off but was told not to take the brace off verbally. So I really have no idea and made a long list of questions to ask today.

 

[Lupin21]

They gave me a lot of written info but it conflicts with the verbal info I was told prior to surgery so I'm not really sure what to do. All of the written info says weight bearing as tolerated is okay but I specifically remember the physical therapist prior to surgery (not my usual one that I've been working with for 6 weeks) saying no weight bearing for 2 weeks. I also have a list of exercises to do with the brace off but was told not to take the brace off verbally. So I really have no idea and made a long list of questions to ask today.

Good grief. 😕

 

[cheathac]

It's so hard losing someone during school... missing class and trying to catch up along with trying to focus and take multiple exams each week. I'm doing well in school so far this semester.. just hope it doesn't change.

 

[nyanko]

OH also my last remaining grandparent (my paternal grandmother) died while I was under anesthesia on Thursday and I had no idea that she was not doing well so that was a big shock to me, and I can't make it back home for the funeral or anything at all so I feel awful about that.

 

[Lupin21]

🙁 That is a bunch of sad. Sympathies to you guys.

 

[Doctor-S]

They gave me a lot of written info but it conflicts with the verbal info I was told prior to surgery so I'm not really sure what to do. All of the written info says weight bearing as tolerated is okay but I specifically remember the physical therapist prior to surgery (not my usual one that I've been working with for 6 weeks) saying no weight bearing for 2 weeks (which I was not thrilled with). The written stuff also says since it's my left leg and I have an auto transmission I can drive as long as I'm not taking narcotics, but prior to surgery the PT said no driving. I also have a list of exercises to do with the brace off but was told not to take the brace off verbally. So I really have no idea and made a long list of questions to ask today.

@nyanko glad to hear you're post-op, following ACL reconstruction.

Your long list of questions definitely must be answered ... because there is a standard list of "can do's and do not do's" following reconstructive ACL surgery (including important information about weight-bearing, automobile driving, showering, blood clot prevention, etc.).

Sending you lots of good thoughts for a swift recovery! 🙂

 

[dyachei]

@nyanko
i usually find the verbal instructions beforehand to be more reliable and the written instructions to be more of a form letter thing for "all knee surgeries". So I'd follow verbal the best you can.

Hope you continue to heal well

 

[vetmedhead]

@nyanko glad to hear you're post-op, following ACL reconstruction.

Your long list of questions definitely must be answered ... because there is a standard list of "can do's and do not do's" following reconstructive ACL surgery (including important information about weight-bearing, automobile driving, showering, blood clot prevention, etc.).

Sending you lots of good thoughts for a swift recovery! 🙂

View attachment 230115

Where do you always find such cute photos?! 🙈

 

[nyanko]

@nyanko
i usually find the verbal instructions beforehand to be more reliable and the written instructions to be more of a form letter thing for "all knee surgeries". So I'd follow verbal the best you can.

Hope you continue to heal well

They basically said follow the written ones when I had my appointment today. vOv

 

[DVMDream]

They basically said follow the written ones when I had my appointment today. vOv

More reasons why veterinarians are better than human doctors.

Hope you recover quickly.

 

[Doctor-S]

Where do you always find such cute photos?! 🙈

@vetmedhead the photo is from your veterinary school's teaching hospital.

 

[Doctor-S]

They basically said follow the written ones when I had my appointment today.

@nyanko if you have any questions concerning your recovery from ACL reconstructive surgery, please don't hesitate to contact your orthopod's office and ask to converse with her or him directly. Post-op ACL recovery/rehab is lengthy; and s(he) is your surgeon; and s(he) has a professional duty of care to you. You don't need to rely solely on a "standard" list of instructions that might be (or might not be) applicable to your case. Your health is too important.

 

[nyanko]

@nyanko if you have any questions concerning your recovery from ACL reconstructive surgery, please don't hesitate to contact your orthopod's office and ask to converse with her or him directly. Post-op ACL recovery/rehab is lengthy; and s(he) is your surgeon; and s(he) has a professional duty of care to you. You don't need to rely solely on a "standard" list of instructions that might be (or might not be) applicable to your case. Your health is too important.

I asked a lot of questions yesterday and I'm more clear on things now. I did about 6 weeks of pre-op PT with the same person I'm going to start post-op PT with, so I trust her to help to keep me on the right track. I will start seeing her again on Thursday and have some home exercises to do in the meantime which I think are going pretty well. Everyone's clear on my goals - I will actually need to have a second surgery for an articular cartilage graft so I do have specific milestones that I'm going to try to reach by specific times in order to be able to do the second surgery on the right timeline for me.

 

[Coopah]

I asked a lot of questions yesterday and I'm more clear on things now. I did about 6 weeks of pre-op PT with the same person I'm going to start post-op PT with, so I trust her to help to keep me on the right track. I will start seeing her again on Thursday and have some home exercises to do in the meantime which I think are going pretty well. Everyone's clear on my goals - I will actually need to have a second surgery for an articular cartilage graft so I do have specific milestones that I'm going to try to reach by specific times in order to be able to do the second surgery on the right timeline for me.

It's great to hear you are on the road to recovery. I hope everything goes smoothly!

 

[pp9]

I was super excited that one of my sisters was coming to my white coat, but she just told me "sorry, can't come, husband has to work." You really can't come by yourself? She knew I was excited, I cleaned out my entire apartment so she could stay here, etc.

Also, side rant, but it really seems like the only thing people care about is if you are pregnant or already have a kid. Some people don't think a woman could do anything that could be more important, and that if your priorities are different, you must be bitter about being single or being unable to have children. I'm not the first, and I don't know if I'm the second, I just would rather have a demanding career than a demanding human. Don't ask me sh*tty questions if you're not going to like my answer.

 

[Gwenevre]

I was super excited that one of my sisters was coming to my white coat, but she just told me "sorry, can't come, husband has to work." You really can't come by yourself? She knew I was excited, I cleaned out my entire apartment so she could stay here, etc.

Also, side rant, but it really seems like the only thing people care about is if you are pregnant or already have a kid. Some people don't think a woman could do anything that could be more important, and that if your priorities are different, you must be bitter about being single or being unable to have children. I'm not the first, and I don't know if I'm the second, I just would rather have a demanding career than a demanding human. Don't ask me sh*tty questions if you're not going to like my answer.

You're not alone! I haven't had to deal too much with the commentary on my uterine baby status, but when I do it's effing infuriating. You're not wrong for wanting to prioritize your career!

 

[pp9]

You're not alone! I haven't had to deal too much with the commentary on my uterine baby status, but when I do it's effing infuriating. You're not wrong for wanting to prioritize your career!

I just don't understand why people feel they can ask/comment on my reproductive organs. It really happened the second I got engaged. To be fair, my future MIL is a nasty, rude, manipulative person anyways and regularly asks despite me repeatedly telling her it's none of her business (she also regularly tries to get me to eat stuff with coconut in it even though we constantly tell her I'm allergic...coincidence? lol). She also keeps calling me Mrs. *last name of fiance* even though I've also told her I won't be changing my last name.

The baby stuff isn't coming from just her though.

 

[SkiOtter]

I just don't understand why people feel they can ask/comment on my reproductive organs. It really happened the second I got engaged. To be fair, my future MIL is a nasty, rude, manipulative person anyways and regularly asks despite me repeatedly telling her it's none of her business (she also regularly tries to get me to eat stuff with coconut in it even though we constantly tell her I'm allergic...coincidence? lol). She also keeps calling me Mrs. *last name of fiance* even though I've also told her I won't be changing my last name.

The baby stuff isn't coming from just her though.

Wtf is wrong with her
Who tries to feed someone something they know they’re allergic to. And if she’s forgotten many many times, wtf is wrong with her with not caring to remember a REALLY****INGIMPORTANT piece of information about her future daughter in law. And also if she throws a fit about the last name, he didn’t earn the degree, YOU did so YOUR name is staying with it.
Tell them all that the only grandchildren they’ll be getting from you will be furry and that if they have a problem, they can take it up with your fists. 😛

 

[DVMDream]

I just don't understand why people feel they can ask/comment on my reproductive organs. It really happened the second I got engaged. To be fair, my future MIL is a nasty, rude, manipulative person anyways and regularly asks despite me repeatedly telling her it's none of her business (she also regularly tries to get me to eat stuff with coconut in it even though we constantly tell her I'm allergic...coincidence? lol). She also keeps calling me Mrs. *last name of fiance* even though I've also told her I won't be changing my last name.

The baby stuff isn't coming from just her though.

Tell her that if you happen to ever have any children, they'll all have your last name if she doesn't stop calling you "Mrs. fiance's last name".

 

[pp9]

Wtf is wrong with her
Who tries to feed someone something they know they’re allergic to. And if she’s forgotten many many times, wtf is wrong with her with not caring to remember a REALLY****INGIMPORTANT piece of information about her future daughter in law. And also if she throws a fit about the last name, he didn’t earn the degree, YOU did so YOUR name is staying with it.
Tell them all that the only grandchildren they’ll be getting from you will be furry and that if they have a problem, they can take it up with your fists. 😛

Tell her that if you happen to ever have any children, they'll all have your last name if she doesn't stop calling you "Mrs. fiance's last name".

Thanks guys, it's just nice to have people who understand. I'm tired of hearing 'Oh, just let it slide, she doesn't know any better, she's just socially awkward.' No, if I'm telling her these things 100 times, it's malicious at that point.

And I don't even know where to start with the food stuff. So many examples. The worst: I'm horribly lactose intolerant, and she nearly sent me to the ER a few years back because she flat out told me something was dairy free, and then later told my fiance there was heavy cream in it when he called asking why I might be in the fetal position in the bathroom. That was the last time I really ate anything that she's made that I couldn't plainly tell whether it would contain anything problematic for me or not. I've broken multiple bones

I'm just so tired. lol. just so tired of it. I hate to say this, but she alone is one major reason I don't want a wedding. I just don't want to deal with her for an entire day. She seems to know what causes fights between my fiance and I and just PUSHES those buttons whenever she can. Part of me is wondering if she's hoping to get us to breakup or something. It's not even like my fiance is her only child or even the only boy. She actually treated him like crap throughout his childhood so I'm not sure why she's displaying the classic signs of those mothers who feel they are 'losing' their son to another woman.

I'm just getting more and more anxiety over having to deal with her for 30-40 more years of my life.

 

[MixedAnimals77]

I was super excited that one of my sisters was coming to my white coat, but she just told me "sorry, can't come, husband has to work." You really can't come by yourself? She knew I was excited, I cleaned out my entire apartment so she could stay here, etc.

Also, side rant, but it really seems like the only thing people care about is if you are pregnant or already have a kid. Some people don't think a woman could do anything that could be more important, and that if your priorities are different, you must be bitter about being single or being unable to have children. I'm not the first, and I don't know if I'm the second, I just would rather have a demanding career than a demanding human. Don't ask me sh*tty questions if you're not going to like my answer.

I can 100% relate what you are saying. I just got engaged. On his side all anyone cares about is when we are getting married and so on, plus his family is huge. I got engaged and accepted to all the vet schools around the same time. I was/am way more excited about getting into vet school than getting engaged and all that bs. (The JP keeps looking better and better at this rate). At least my parents get it, but they can't make up for the number of times I get asked about getting married,etc vs asking about the whole chaos and process that is going on trying to move and start school.

 

[pp9]

I can 100% relate what you are saying. I just got engaged. On his side all anyone cares about is when we are getting married and so on, plus his family is huge. I got engaged and accepted to all the vet schools around the same time. I was/am way more excited about getting into vet school than getting engaged and all that bs. (The JP keeps looking better and better at this rate). At least my parents get it, but they can't make up for the number of times I get asked about getting married,etc vs asking about the whole chaos and process that is going on trying to move and start school.

I think it can (obviously) very hard for people to understand that marriage/having children may not be the biggest event in a woman's life. I mean, for the longest time, that's all that women were allowed to do more or less. If some women feel marriage/children is their end goal and the only thing they want, that's completely great for them. One size does not fit all. I've found that when I try to explain this to people, the immediate next thing I hear is 'Oh, he must not be the one if your wedding day isn't going to be the best day of your life, or if you aren't sure you want kids.' I mean, I love him more than I could love anyone, but I've also been working towards getting this degree for ~20 years now. I can be in love with someone and place extreme value on my education/career at the same time. I cannot understand why so many people believe a woman has to pick between the two.

When I was a kid, I didn't once talk about getting married/having kids like some little girls do. It was always about being a vet. My classmates who wrote about marriage and kids are getting what they want, but it's deeply disturbing to a select few that I'm getting what I want.

And then there's 'Well, you know you'll have to stop working once you have kids. Why put yourself in that kind of debt in the first place?' (again, people always assuming you're going to be popping out babies)

 

[DVMDream]

Surprisingly the person who has been the most "pushy" in regards to my decision to not have children has been my father. My mother is totally supportive of that decision. My father is the one saying that I am going to "miss out on the best things", etc, etc.


As I am now ever so quickly approaching 30, my uterus and ovaries are screaming. So, I dunno, maybe I change my mind, but considering no relationship and no prospects and not really looking, probably not going to be changing my mind. Plus.... my list of reasons to not have kids is incredibly long.

 

[love2hunt]

I'm just getting more and more anxiety over having to deal with her for 30-40 more years of my life.

That anxiety you’re feeling? I’d really encourage you not to ignore it. That’s a big red flag to me. Marriage is hard enough with good in-laws (which I’m blessed to have), but it sounds like your fiancé needs to be putting up some serious boundaries for your sake. I can’t believe what you just wrote about her; she sounds freakin insane.

 

[pp9]

That anxiety you’re feeling? I’d really encourage you not to ignore it. That’s a big red flag to me. Marriage is hard enough with good in-laws (which I’m blessed to have), but it sounds like your fiancé needs to be putting up some serious boundaries for your sake. I can’t believe what you just wrote about her; she sounds freakin insane.

He's been really good about it tbh. I respect that it is hard for him to come to the realization that his own mother turned out to be the horror MIL you think you'll only read about. Part of the situation is letting him deal with this at his own pace and terms. The last thing I want is for him (or his family) to think I'm pressuring him about pushing his mom away. It's gotta be all him and at his pace, and he's seeing firsthand how bad it's getting now that she's been less than subtle about these things. I have no doubt that he'll give her an ultimatum if it comes to that. It's been hard for me to express my feelings in a constructive way as well, so that doesn't help him. I think it's innate for someone to struggle with the idea that they may have to push their family away somewhat in order for their romantic relationship to survive. Movies and TV bombard us with the idea that anyone who comes between you and family should be kicked to the curb, but they neglect to discuss the situation when the family/a family member is toxic.

I mean, besides her treating me like crap, he's got a lot of childhood baggage that he's just now starting to unpack, because he's just now seeing/realizing what she put her family through when they were kids. We both had crappy childhoods, but at least I knew mine was bad when it was happening. It's gotta be hard to come to the realization that your mom clearly has had serious issues for a while, and you just didn't realize that what you went through wasn't normal. I do feel quite badly for him.

 

[kaydubs]

Thanks guys, it's just nice to have people who understand. I'm tired of hearing 'Oh, just let it slide, she doesn't know any better, she's just socially awkward.' No, if I'm telling her these things 100 times, it's malicious at that point.

And I don't even know where to start with the food stuff. So many examples. The worst: I'm horribly lactose intolerant, and she nearly sent me to the ER a few years back because she flat out told me something was dairy free, and then later told my fiance there was heavy cream in it when he called asking why I might be in the fetal position in the bathroom. That was the last time I really ate anything that she's made that I couldn't plainly tell whether it would contain anything problematic for me or not. I've broken multiple bones

I'm just so tired. lol. just so tired of it. I hate to say this, but she alone is one major reason I don't want a wedding. I just don't want to deal with her for an entire day. She seems to know what causes fights between my fiance and I and just PUSHES those buttons whenever she can. Part of me is wondering if she's hoping to get us to breakup or something. It's not even like my fiance is her only child or even the only boy. She actually treated him like crap throughout his childhood so I'm not sure why she's displaying the classic signs of those mothers who feel they are 'losing' their son to another woman.

I'm just getting more and more anxiety over having to deal with her for 30-40 more years of my life.

Tl; dr: communication is key

I think she’s trying to kill you.... have you talked to your fiancé? Not “your mother is insane” but “I feel amxiety about this, can we talk please”

Cause, at least for me, if i ever broach the children topic in life (likely will adopt cause I think my genes are fraught with peril...) or even the fiancé-long term commitment thing, my person has to be open to discussion (and all my curiosity and questions) whilst we support each other even if we disagree. (I may be rambling but I think what I said made sense...)

I just saw your above post....remember, you’re marrying your fiancé but you inherit all the baggage and his family too. Which is sometimes an important key factor....

Regardless, on many levels, I am in your camp with you 🙂