RANT HERE thread

Started by flyhi
Veterinary Science Graduate Programs from U. of I.
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DVMDream said:
As I am now ever so quickly approaching 30, my uterus and ovaries are screaming. So, I dunno, maybe I change my mind, but considering no relationship and no prospects and not really looking, probably not going to be changing my mind. Plus.... my list of reasons to not have kids is incredibly long.
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We are so similar sometimes....glad I’m not alone. 😍 gonna be 30 this year. Wowwwww 😉

My best friends are like you’ll be a great parent and I’m always like sure, but if someone’s expects me to just take my career and chuck it to stay home and raise babies...nope nope nopeee
 
pp9 said:
He's been really good about it tbh. I respect that it is hard for him to come to the realization that his own mother turned out to be the horror MIL you think you'll only read about. Part of the situation is letting him deal with this at his own pace and terms. The last thing I want is for him (or his family) to think I'm pressuring him about pushing his mom away. It's gotta be all him and at his pace, and he's seeing firsthand how bad it's getting now that she's been less than subtle about these things. I have no doubt that he'll give her an ultimatum if it comes to that. It's been hard for me to express my feelings in a constructive way as well, so that doesn't help him. I think it's innate for someone to struggle with the idea that they may have to push their family away somewhat in order for their romantic relationship to survive. Movies and TV bombard us with the idea that anyone who comes between you and family should be kicked to the curb, but they neglect to discuss the situation when the family/a family member is toxic.

I mean, besides her treating me like crap, he's got a lot of childhood baggage that he's just now starting to unpack, because he's just now seeing/realizing what she put her family through when they were kids. We both had crappy childhoods, but at least I knew mine was bad when it was happening. It's gotta be hard to come to the realization that your mom clearly has had serious issues for a while, and you just didn't realize that what you went through wasn't normal. I do feel quite badly for him.
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Oh man, no doubt about feeling bad for him! I had a difficult stepmom but your fiancé easily wins the difficult mother category. You’re also dead on about it probably being extremely difficult for him. He’s between 2 women he loves and that probably clouds his judgment on both sides.

I know this advice is unsolicited, so I won’t say anything more unless asked. I just see some things I feel obligated to point out, because no one did for me before I got married and it’s been very difficult to get to the good place we’re in now:

1) Don’t let his rough time be a reason you stick with the relationship even when your instincts are telling you to get out. I imagine that, if you’re going into medicine because you like to fix and help things, it might be a big pull to that relationship for you. Those issues are not going to be easily resolved. They aren’t impossible, but not easy.

2) There’s toxic family members and then there’s insane family members. From what you’ve said here, I have never heard of a potential MIL that bad. Trying to basically poison you with foods? Good. Lord. Do you really want that to be the potential grandma to your children? Or if you never have kids, do you really want to do deal with that for the rest of your life? Is one guy really worth a lifetime of that?

3) I got married pretty quickly. I was lonely and had never even dated before I met my now wife. There were issues in our relationship that I ignored because I unconsciously thought that she was the best I could do. I don’t know if you feel like that or not, but if so, please know it’s a lie. You deserve better, and you certainly don’t deserve to be miserable throughout your married life because of her. There really are other fish in the sea with family members who will love you like one of their own.

4) Don’t let pride keep you in the relationship. You might feel like you would be losing if you broke it off and she got her way. That’s not true.

5) It might feel like you have too much invested in the relationship to break it off, but imagine how you’ll feel after a wedding, multiple years of marriage, etc. Easier to do it now or then?

6) If you’re determined to stick it out, PLEASE see a counselor and get those things worked out before you get married. A counselor can be a HUGE help in communicating difficult things to someone you love. I’d even suggest pulling the MIL in after you and fiancé get on the same page. Just do it before the wedding.

Alright, I’m done. I really wish the best for you @pinkpuppy9 and I don’t envy the position you’re in!
 
I appreciate that my mother knows me well enough to support me not reproducing. And anyone who knows my partner (who is actually more open to the idea of a kid) knows how much of an experiment that child would be to him, which is... not great lol.

Extended family are a different matter. I'm going back this summer for the third wedding in a row on my deeply religious side and already preparing myself to get peppered about marriage and grandchildren and yada yada.

Sometimes I get the impulse to just tell them all the truth of my relationship boundaries (really, my lack thereof and altogether heathen inclinations) and get myself shunned and not have to deal with them. But that would be frowned on.
 
pp9 said:
He's been really good about it tbh. I respect that it is hard for him to come to the realization that his own mother turned out to be the horror MIL you think you'll only read about. Part of the situation is letting him deal with this at his own pace and terms. The last thing I want is for him (or his family) to think I'm pressuring him about pushing his mom away. It's gotta be all him and at his pace, and he's seeing firsthand how bad it's getting now that she's been less than subtle about these things. I have no doubt that he'll give her an ultimatum if it comes to that. It's been hard for me to express my feelings in a constructive way as well, so that doesn't help him. I think it's innate for someone to struggle with the idea that they may have to push their family away somewhat in order for their romantic relationship to survive. Movies and TV bombard us with the idea that anyone who comes between you and family should be kicked to the curb, but they neglect to discuss the situation when the family/a family member is toxic.

I mean, besides her treating me like crap, he's got a lot of childhood baggage that he's just now starting to unpack, because he's just now seeing/realizing what she put her family through when they were kids. We both had crappy childhoods, but at least I knew mine was bad when it was happening. It's gotta be hard to come to the realization that your mom clearly has had serious issues for a while, and you just didn't realize that what you went through wasn't normal. I do feel quite badly for him.
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Welcome to dealing with parents with personality disorders. You and/or future hub may find the raisedbynarcissists reddit to be helpful.

My mother is along your MIL's lines and I'm hoping to cut contact with her eventually. It sucks and yeah I'm going to be in therapy ages but she does so much more damage than she ever helps anything. So...just remember that while going at his pace is good and all, your perspective is valid too. You shouldn't have to put up with Satan just because your fiance isn't quite there yet.
 
kaydubs said:
We are so similar sometimes....glad I’m not alone. 😍 gonna be 30 this year. Wowwwww 😉

My best friends are like you’ll be a great parent and I’m always like sure, but if someone’s expects me to just take my career and chuck it to stay home and raise babies...nope nope nopeee
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Mooster is an only child, hello? He would not take kindly to babies, anyways :laugh:

Also yikes... I'm the same age as you two and I haven't even started school yet :hilarious::hilarious::hilarious:
 
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pp9 said:
I can be in love with someone and place extreme value on my education/career at the same time. I cannot understand why so many people believe a woman has to pick between the two.
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I'm getting married in June, and shortly after I got engaged I actually had a couple people ask me "so you're going to continue with vet school after you get married, right??" Uhhh yeah. 😵 At least it was with a tone of "You better be continuing!", but the thought of quitting halfway through after working so hard to get here is just absurd to me.
 
nohika said:
Welcome to dealing with parents with personality disorders. You and/or future hub may find the raisedbynarcissists reddit to be helpful.

My mother is along your MIL's lines and I'm hoping to cut contact with her eventually. It sucks and yeah I'm going to be in therapy ages but she does so much more damage than she ever helps anything. So...just remember that while going at his pace is good and all, your perspective is valid too. You shouldn't have to put up with Satan just because your fiance isn't quite there yet.
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Actually...after I posted all of this, he told me that she called him the other day and essentially grilled him out of the blue. "When are you guys having kids? What do you mean you're not sure if kids are in the future? What animals does she have now? Well how many more pets is she getting (no, she doesn't use my name when she's complaining about me)? Are you going to move? You know, your brother said he'd never move away from us because he would miss us too much, he's such a good boy!" For context, his brother said the exact opposite, and fiance knows he said the opposite. So he just got another huge dose of her manipulation and is pretty upset but I think this is just going to speed up this whole process.

Nohika, if you ever need to vent, you can message me. I'll have to check out that reddit, Gwen introduced me to a few other relevant ones that I've already enjoyed perusing. Wow, narcissism is pretty much spot on. This woman is the type who will call you out of the blue to ask you how much you loooooved the christmas gift she got you a year ago and then when you say 'Yes, it was nice' she ends the conversation and hangs up :laugh::bang:

Said gift was was 100 k-cups for a keurig I DON'T OWN, AND SHE KNOWS I DON'T OWN, BUT KEEPS GETTING ME KCUPS EVERY SINGLE YEAR.
 
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nohika said:
Welcome to dealing with parents with personality disorders. You and/or future hub may find the raisedbynarcissists reddit to be helpful.

My mother is along your MIL's lines and I'm hoping to cut contact with her eventually. It sucks and yeah I'm going to be in therapy ages but she does so much more damage than she ever helps anything. So...just remember that while going at his pace is good and all, your perspective is valid too. You shouldn't have to put up with Satan just because your fiance isn't quite there yet.
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I have to tack on as someone else who grew up surrounded by personality disorders that this type of upbringing oftentimes leaves a mark and it can take a very long time to unpack and recognize all of the abnormal things that were aggressively normalized during your formative years. PP, it may be beneficial to have your fiance talk to a professional about the relationship he has with his mother if he hasn't already. I'm still regularly discovering things that I thought were normal aspects of childhood were decidedly not and I've been well aware of what my upbringing was like for a long time.
 
pp9 said:
Actually...after I posted all of this, he told me that she called him the other day and essentially grilled him out of the blue. "When are you guys having kids? What do you mean you're not sure if kids are in the future? What animals does she have now? Well how many more pets is she getting (no, she doesn't use my name when she's complaining about me)? Are you going to move? You know, your brother said he'd never move away from us because he would miss us too much, he's such a good boy!" For context, his brother said the exact opposite, and fiance knows he said the opposite. So he just got another huge dose of her manipulation and is pretty upset but I think this is just going to speed up this whole process.

Nohika, if you ever need to vent, you can message me. I'll have to check out that reddit, Gwen introduced me to a few other relevant ones that I've already enjoyed perusing. Wow, narcissism is pretty much spot on. This woman is the type who will call you out of the blue to ask you how much you loooooved the christmas gift she got you a year ago and then when you say 'Yes, it was nice' she ends the conversation and hangs up :laugh::bang:

Said gift was was 100 k-cups for a keurig I DON'T OWN, AND SHE KNOWS I DON'T OWN, BUT KEEPS GETTING ME KCUPS EVERY SINGLE YEAR.
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I want her to be my mom! (...no thanks....) sorry pinky 🙁
 
Teepster87 said:
It just takes some of us a little while longer to get places that's all

Us old folks move slow
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Aw exactly! And, now, if anything, with young, over-enthusiasts, I’m like "slow down, you’re making me tired with all your joy and optimism turbo!" ....oh wait, I was always that way :sendoff:
 
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SkiOtter said:
Time for you to get yourself a keurig and beat her at her own game?

She lowkey sounds like a dick and I do hope everything eventually works itself out and you’re able to cut her off or work things out
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Too much plastic waste 😛 At least, with the actual k-cups that is. There are those reusable cup things you fill with your own coffee that seem pretty nice.
 
SkiOtter said:
What do you do with the ones she’s given you tho
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I give them to people I know who are Keurig users. No point in just throwing them out or anything, but the fact that we have the "You know I don't own a Keurig, right?" "Yes, I know."

🙄

Also, separate rant with some rave:

My dog made it through her surgery today, her anesthesia went surprisingly well (she was so important that she had the house officers and clinician monitoring her, there was no anesthesia student 😛). Unfortunately, the ballooning failed and there is no change to her condition. 🙁
 
pp9 said:
I give them to people I know who are Keurig users. No point in just throwing them out or anything, but the fact that we have the "You know I don't own a Keurig, right?" "Yes, I know."

🙄

Also, separate rant with some rave:

My dog made it through her surgery today, her anesthesia went surprisingly well (she was so important that she had the house officers and clinician monitoring her, there was no anesthesia student 😛). Unfortunately, the ballooning failed and there is no change to her condition. 🙁
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Yay!!

Boooo 🙁
 
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I didn't pass my comprehensive exams. I passed 6 sections but not biochemistry. I have never felt more stupid. I haven't failed like this before and I feel like maybe it's indicative of how I will do in vet school. I have to pass these exams to graduate. Apparently I get another shot to pass in a month or so. If I don't pass that, I have to wait at least 6 months before taking it again. And then I wouldn't have my bachelor's before vet school and I have no idea if I would still qualify for admission. I feel like there is no one to talk to about this. Everyone in my major is such a high achiever and I don't want to feel more dumb than I already do. I feel like no one ever fails these and I feel like a complete and utter ****-up. I feel like I put myself in this situation due to lack of studying because I have been so busy with research and other activities. I don't know what else to do besides cry and honestly that sounds so pathetic. Jesus.
 
ziggyandjazzy said:
I didn't pass my comprehensive exams. I passed 6 sections but not biochemistry. I have never felt more stupid. I haven't failed like this before and I feel like maybe it's indicative of how I will do in vet school. I have to pass these exams to graduate. Apparently I get another shot to pass in a month or so. If I don't pass that, I have to wait at least 6 months before taking it again. And then I wouldn't have my bachelor's before vet school and I have no idea if I would still qualify for admission. I feel like there is no one to talk to about this. Everyone in my major is such a high achiever and I don't want to feel more dumb than I already do. I feel like no one ever fails these and I feel like a complete and utter ****-up. I feel like I put myself in this situation due to lack of studying because I have been so busy with research and other activities. I don't know what else to do besides cry and honestly that sounds so pathetic. Jesus.
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Ah, sorry to ready this :/ Chin up. You got this. Cry first (maybe have a beverage), then make a game plan and get at it.
 
ziggyandjazzy said:
Apparently I get another shot to pass in a month or so. If I don't pass that, I have to wait at least 6 months before taking it again. And then I wouldn't have my bachelor's before vet school and I have no idea if I would still qualify for admission. I feel like there is no one to talk to about this. Everyone in my major is such a high achiever and I don't want to feel more dumb than I already do. I feel like no one ever fails these and I feel like a complete and utter ****-up. I feel like I put myself in this situation due to lack of studying because I have been so busy with research and other activities. I don't know what else to do besides cry and honestly that sounds so pathetic. Jesus.
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First, deep breaths. Don’t worry about everyone else in your major (they’re nutty and turbo). Be kind to yourself. Take time.

Two, study. Put your research and other activities on hold. Do what’s most important (focus on passing).

Finally, it will work out. It doesn’t feel like that right now but it will. I speak from a place of regular life instability.

You got this. Don’t let your nerves bring you down.
 
ziggyandjazzy said:
I didn't pass my comprehensive exams. I passed 6 sections but not biochemistry. I have never felt more stupid. I haven't failed like this before and I feel like maybe it's indicative of how I will do in vet school. I have to pass these exams to graduate. Apparently I get another shot to pass in a month or so. If I don't pass that, I have to wait at least 6 months before taking it again. And then I wouldn't have my bachelor's before vet school and I have no idea if I would still qualify for admission. I feel like there is no one to talk to about this. Everyone in my major is such a high achiever and I don't want to feel more dumb than I already do. I feel like no one ever fails these and I feel like a complete and utter ****-up. I feel like I put myself in this situation due to lack of studying because I have been so busy with research and other activities. I don't know what else to do besides cry and honestly that sounds so pathetic. Jesus.
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Fwiw, I don't know what school you're planning on attending, but there are very few that require your bachelor's before matriculation. Finish your pre-reqs, you're in. So investigate that along with the beverage and study tips above, I'd bet you'll be fine.
 
I’ve been working out with my trainer twice a week and eating healthy(ish) since January. Got on the scale after like a month. Gained 5 pounds. :rage: Vet school is the worst.

(I’ve been a weight rollercoaster between losing 10 pounds from anxiety & depression during finals to gaining it back immediately after and then gaining 5 more pounds these last months.)
 
cdo96 said:
I’ve been working out with my trainer twice a week and eating healthy(ish) since January. Got on the scale after like a month. Gained 5 pounds. :rage: Vet school is the worst.

(I’ve been a weight rollercoaster between losing 10 pounds from anxiety & depression during finals to gaining it back immediately after and then gaining 5 more pounds these last months.)
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MUSCLE WEIGHS MORE THAN FAT
 
SkiOtter said:
MUSCLE WEIGHS MORE THAN FAT
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Sorry, I'm being annoying, but one pound of muscle weighs the same as one pound of fat. Muscle is more DENSE than fat.

@cdoconn A lot of people I know that start working out and building muscle do gain on the scale initially. And there's the idea out there that after a tough work out, your muscles are all inflamed and water-retention-y which can lead to an artificial gain. Keep doing the healthy thing and it will pay off 🙂
 
I have a summer job now. It’s with my previous employer so they’re waiving the interview. That’s great, except the job I’m being offered is the intern position and not the higher paying temporary position that I’ve worked in the past.

I want to be happy, but right now I’m just disappointed. I won’t even be interviewing for the higher paid position according to what I heard from HR. That really sucks and is rubbing me the wrong way right now. I’ll still be making more money as an intern than I would working in a vet clinic in the area, but it really just feels like a major demotion. Plus, it’s almost $1000 less a month so that’s a good reason to be upset.
 
that redhead said:
Sorry, I'm being annoying, but one pound of muscle weighs the same as one pound of fat. Muscle is more DENSE than fat.

@cdoconn A lot of people I know that start working out and building muscle do gain on the scale initially. And there's the idea out there that after a tough work out, your muscles are all inflamed and water-retention-y which can lead to an artificial gain. Keep doing the healthy thing and it will pay off 🙂
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Shhhhhhhhhhh I’m tired
That’s what I meant

My brain is too tired for this and I need a nap
 
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that redhead said:
Sorry, I'm being annoying, but one pound of muscle weighs the same as one pound of fat. Muscle is more DENSE than fat.

@cdoconn A lot of people I know that start working out and building muscle do gain on the scale initially. And there's the idea out there that after a tough work out, your muscles are all inflamed and water-retention-y which can lead to an artificial gain. Keep doing the healthy thing and it will pay off 🙂
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I’m thinking of going extreeeme after spring break (no soda, lots of salad, more vegetables, no comfort food) but @SkiOtter cam attest that when I cut out soda I turn into the spitting image of Satan.

Plus I’m going to be going through a lot in therapy and I comfort eat/ comfort drink Dr. Pepper soooooooo I don’t know how badly I want to push myself.
 
cdo96 said:
I’m thinking of going extreeeme after spring break (no soda, lots of salad, more vegetables, no comfort food) but @SkiOtter cam attest that when I cut out soda I turn into the spitting image of Satan.
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I mean, that’s because you literally are going through the symptoms of withdrawal. You’d be the same if you were cutting out your daily heroin versus cutting out your daily pop
 
SkiOtter said:
I mean, that’s because you literally are going through the symptoms of withdrawal. You’d be the same if you were cutting out your daily heroin versus cutting out your daily pop
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Yeah but in theory it should go away? Not still be like that a month later?

Alt theory: I’m actually just Satan, but caffeine makes me appear normal.
 
cdo96 said:
I’m thinking of going extreeeme after spring break (no soda, lots of salad, more vegetables, no comfort food) but @SkiOtter cam attest that when I cut out soda I turn into the spitting image of Satan.

Plus I’m going to be going through a lot in therapy and I comfort eat/ comfort drink Dr. Pepper soooooooo I don’t know how badly I want to push myself.
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I’m with you. I’ve tried tapers and quitting. I’ll give up other stuff so I can not have migraines more than I already do, thx. Gimme my Coca-Cola

In fact, enjoying a good ol’ rebound migraine right now. I hate this shiz....
 
cdo96 said:
I’m thinking of going extreeeme after spring break (no soda, lots of salad, more vegetables, no comfort food) but @SkiOtter cam attest that when I cut out soda I turn into the spitting image of Satan.

Plus I’m going to be going through a lot in therapy and I comfort eat/ comfort drink Dr. Pepper soooooooo I don’t know how badly I want to push myself.
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I successfully quit my Diet Coke/Diet Pepsi addiction in vet school for a time...then finals happened heh. I still drink way too much but I’ve been successful with my weight loss efforts :shrug: might have been faster without but whatever, I don’t have any other terrible vices so... 😛
 
Exactly. My residentmate drinks 3+ 20 oz mugs of coffee per day. I drink a can + a 20 oz bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper or Dr. Pepper Ten on average. I don't think their coffee habit is any more healthy/unhealthy than mine. I gave it up for almost a year after my wisdom teeth removal in vet school (deal with those caffeine withdrawl headaches while on the good pain meds was a brilliant idea), but internship and residency caused a relapse. I do drink at least one bottle of water every day at work and try to limit myself to water and tea at home in the evenings.
 
kaydubs said:
I’m with you. I’ve tried tapers and quitting. I’ll give up other stuff so I can not have migraines more than I already do, thx. Gimme my Coca-Cola

In fact, enjoying a good ol’ rebound migraine right now. I hate this shiz....
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that redhead said:
I successfully quit my Diet Coke/Diet Pepsi addiction in vet school for a time...then finals happened heh. I still drink way too much but I’ve been successful with my weight loss efforts :shrug: might have been faster without but whatever, I don’t have any other terrible vices so... 😛
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JaynaAli said:
Exactly. My residentmate drinks 3+ 20 oz mugs of coffee per day. I drink a can + a 20 oz bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper or Dr. Pepper Ten on average. I don't think their coffee habit is any more healthy/unhealthy than mine. I gave it up for almost a year after my wisdom teeth removal in vet school (deal with those caffeine withdrawl headaches while on the good pain meds was a brilliant idea), but internship and residency caused a relapse. I do drink at least one bottle of water every day at work and try to limit myself to water and tea at home in the evenings.
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I’m sorta glad I’m not the only one struggling with this. Tbh I’m kinda wondering if it’s just something I’m just gonna live with. I’ve tried tapering it, completely cutting it out, and whatnot but I always come back. :laugh:

I’m thinking life’s too short to be miserable all the time.

I do have to not drink it for the next two weeks because I’m getting my teeth whitened nightly after my jaw surgery aaaaand I can’t have them (or... I shouldn’t have them, they said it’d mess them up and I paid too much money for the whitening to not have them look great).

I already prewarned my friends about the onset of Satan. :laugh: Might squeeze in my coffee next week though instead, since it’s not dark colored and I have an incredibly high number of things I need to study for.
 
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