We’re losing August so fast. Then it’ll be September. Fall makes me melancholy, with a side of ennui.
Really? Summer is the ennui-inciter for me. It's too hot to do anything but flop on the couch and be mournful that I can't go outside, or run, or walk the trails, or do anything with my dogs lest their little beans get burned...
Fall makes me sad here, but only because it doesn't feel fall-y enough. Our trees only change color from green to dead with no pretty autumnal shades in between. Besides, it continuing to be 80-90+ degrees into November only serves as a reminder of how much everyone is ignoring global warming and how I'll probably die in a climate catastrophe before I turn 40, therefore rendering my current striving toward a career that will require four more years of schooling before I can actually do what I want to do essentially pointless if I will only get to practice for less than a decade before dying against my will. Each summer feels like it gets longer, dragging into fall and turning what should be orange and yellow to green and crispy brown. And then we get only a flash of winter and spring before April ushers in a new era of summer, each hotter, longer, and bringing more risk of total power infrastructure collapse. And I am here against my will, gradually melting with each passing day and only partially re-solidified when the weather finally does something other than "hot."
It also reminds me how this is a terrible time to be alive, between ever-rising inflation, the knowledge what I want requires hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt, political strife, and climate change. It makes me irritated that I had to be born now, and in this hillbilly yeehaw political dumpster of a state.
I like fall. There’s an upbeat kind of energy. But it slowly gets colder in this relentless march into the long, cold winter with not but a few holidays to try and brighten our spirits and carry us through to spring when we do the dance all over again. I like fall, but it makes me sad too.
I might feel this if I actually *had* a winter.
But in the here and now, I love fall. I love how (in theory) cooler winds bring happier days. I love that first day when it actually feels moderately chilly, and I crack the windows and clean the house so I can have a blank slate to light my pumpkin or cinnamon candles and read a book, just slightly below the ideal temperature but covered up with a blanket and usually a dog to make up the difference. I love the aesthetic of orange shades everywhere, pumpkin patches, long sleeves and warm coffee. I love taking my dogs out and seeing them turn into total nutjobs zooming and flopping around because for the first time in half a year it actually feels
nice outside. I love being able to walk and not getting covered in sweat the second I step outside. I love the transition from October 31st, the spookiest day of the year, to November 1st, when the anticipation suddenly starts building for Christmas, which is undoubtedly the most magical day ever, my lack of religious beliefs aside.
I love fall. I love winter. They signal a change from the monotony of spring and summer. When the colder weather starts rolling in it makes me feel like I can change with the seasons, and maybe this year will be more exciting, inspiring, productive than the last. Fall and winter bring hope. Living here, summer may have brought a welcome break from school, but by July 1st I was ready to have the routine of school again. Because what was the break for, when I could do nothing but mope inside to take shelter from the heat? Never could I go to parks, or camping, or just frolic in a sprinkler because we're always in a drought.
No. Summer sucks.