Really bitter friend?

[Osudairy]

I had a frenemy that applied with me this cycle who wasn't necessarily bitter, but just felt the need to one up me constantly

I know how this feels. I dated a girl back in UG and found out she liked to do this and got irritated when I scored a higher grade then her in classes we shared. Needless to say, it didn't last between us lol.

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[vetmedhead]

Personal rule of thumb: don't spend time on people who make you feel bad. If every time you're around a person you feel like **** after, why spend time and effort trying to accommodate them and make them feel good about themselves? I have no time for people who take joy in being the hateful little center to life's tootsie roll pop, you know?

 

[yugen]

As an example, one of my best friends from childhood essentially disappeared after college. I'm pretty old so, there was no Facebook to stay connected. She always had an excuse to cancel our plans. It hurt terribly to lose that friendship, but she chose to withdraw. We reconnected at our high school reunion and are close again. She went through some really heavy stuff when she cut off contact and needed time to figure things out.

This.

I'm sure your friend is going through a super difficult time right now and it may not have as much to do with you as it seems on the surface. It might be that you've turned into a trigger for some deeply personal dilemma. I agree with most of the posts above; sticking around might not do you or her any favors.

Give her space, don't take it personally, and let her figure it out. If she wants to be friends again, you can always choose to be there when she comes back.

 

[TerraVet]

Le sigh. This brings back such (unhappy) memories of my late teens and early twenties...I feel your pain.

All I can say is this: There have been people who I dearly loved and who's friendship I was deeply invested in who at one point or another "freaked out" on me for (to this day) reasons that aren't entirely clear/don't make sense to me. And we went our separate ways. And it sucked. There have also been people who were deeply invested in ME as a friend, who I liked for a while but for a variety of reasons made me angry/lost my trust/were too selfish/judgmental for me. Being young at the time I "ghosted" them or blocked them, rather than just straight up telling them what I was feeling. So I have both been the do-er and the do-ee (?) of ending friendships. I did have a close friend in high school who "broke up" with me who later told me she'd been struggling with severe depression at the time...it took seven years to go by, but we're friends again, though not like we were. So sometimes people will come around and realize that they made mistakes, and if you're willing to forgive then you can move on. However, it sounds like you're her little punching bag right now, and that's not healthy for you. It sucks her kitty is sick, but that's not your fault or your problem to fix. Let her work out her problems, tell her you'd like to be friends (if that's even still the case) but that her reaction (avoid "overreaction" since that will PO her more) was hurtful so you'll give her space until she seeks you out (and apologizes). But don't place too much hope on reconciliation. Once people reach a breaking point in a friendship, it's often hard to repair the damage, even if both sides want it (and usually, one or both sides don't).

 

[vetmedhead]

I did have a close friend in high school who "broke up" with me who later told me she'd been struggling with severe depression at the time...it took seven years to go by, but we're friends again, though not like we were.

Oh man, depression is such a monster for stuff like this. I can't even begin to describe how many relationships I damaged when I was suicidally depressed in high school, and how much of that damage I don't even remember causing because of how depressed I was. It sucks when people have other stuff going on like that, because while it explains the behavior it still, unfortunately, doesn't excuse it.

 

[sheltermed]

Oh man, depression is such a monster for stuff like this. I can't even begin to describe how many relationships I damaged when I was suicidally depressed in high school, and how much of that damage I don't even remember causing because of how depressed I was. It sucks when people have other stuff going on like that, because while it explains the behavior it still, unfortunately, doesn't excuse it.

I can relate to this a lot. It's still something I deal with every day, though not to the extent as when I was a teenager in high school.

Thanks for the support everyone. I think I will just wait it out, see if she comes around. If not, it wasn't meant to be!

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[rockatiel]

Oh man, depression is such a monster for stuff like this. I can't even begin to describe how many relationships I damaged when I was suicidally depressed in high school, and how much of that damage I don't even remember causing because of how depressed I was. It sucks when people have other stuff going on like that, because while it explains the behavior it still, unfortunately, doesn't excuse it.

Anxiety does the same thing. I lost more friends than those that supported me when I had my nervous breakdown this last semester.

 

[vetmedhead]

Anxiety does the same thing. I lost more friends than those that supported me when I had my nervous breakdown this last semester.

Anxiety
OCD has wrecked so many good things in my life.

 

[rockatiel]

Anxiety
OCD has wrecked so many good things in my life.

Right!?

 

[lhmhtd]

I don't mean to say it's a good thing so many of us struggle with some form of mental illness (anxiety, depression, ocd, gad, etc), but it's good that we can be open on here and find support through this community. I think mental illness is very real in the vet profession and although it's becoming less stigmatized, it still is and it's important to feel like you have a good support system. Even just seeing others talk about it normalizes it a little bit, and can be helpful for someone who might feel isolated.