Romantic Involvment- No-No?

[ForpulteFaen]

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I am a pgy-2 resident in neurology, and there is a female cardiologist often consulting that displays a fair amount of interest towards me. She searches for my eyes, gladly tells me small stories and lectures, smiles at me, gives me small compliments (wish that was more common in hospital) and makes use of every opportunity to touch my hand, arm, back, chest and so on. (There are other ways of indicating "I'll let you in on a little secret, without using physical contact).

She is not your classical supermodel, but she is the type of woman that I know I am attracted to after a couple of seconds, cute, slightly puffy cheeks, cute nose, gorgeous eyes and a perfect waist-hip ratio. Normally, I have dated women who were objectively more universally attractive, like 8s and 9s, but often, I haven't really cared about these girls.

So what is the problem, then? Why am I writing this?

Well, first of all, I have never had an intimate relationship in a working environment. I keep hearing that this is a big no-no, so I am not quite sure. 2nd, she is one of the brighter doctors, having already published in respectable journals, and she is probably gonna be a professor at some point. For me, I wish I could say that the same applied, but unfortunately, I am not that exceptional. I am almost embarrased to say this, but I am not sure that I could have a relationship to someone outsmarting me like that. Could anyone?

Would appreciate some input.

 

[Sivastraba]

It's a Big No-No for us the males, but female could care less about it. Be careful though, from what u have described there is the possibility that she might be a player (and just wants to add u as another trophy to her collection of guys who have fallen for her). The Q u have to ask ur self is why such an attractive lady and with so many accomplishments is still single? If u want to play the cards, I recommend you too be careful. Just poke her and nothing serious. Otherwise, u might end up hurted.

 

[BlondeDocteur]

and nobody wants to end up hurted, right?

OP, You sound like a top-notch human being! All the best in your conquest!

 

[ForpulteFaen]

It's a Big No-No for us the males, but female could care less about it.

Really? I may be a little dense, but I thought the females would run the risk of gaining a reputation of having slept their way to the top? Are you thinking about the risk of being falsely reported for sexual harassment?

Be careful though, from what u have described there is the possibility that she might be a player (and just wants to add u as another trophy to her collection of guys who have fallen for her).

Could be. But I can't see what trophy features I have that she would find attractive. There are tons of sport jocks in e.g ortho that are both taller than me, and more muscular. I look more like an 800 runner. And academically, I am a cockroach in comparison to her. I am not even in a competitive field. Maybe it just ticks her off that I haven shown her excessive amount of admiration?

The Q u have to ask ur self is why such an attractive lady and with so many accomplishments is still single?

That is a very good question. Not even the most socially withdrawn women have problem getting men, it is always men who take the initiative in most cultures. But I don't know how long she has been on the market. People get divorced. I don't see any clear features of mental illness, but then again, I am working on the "plumbing" side of the brain, and not as a psychiatrist.

If u want to play the cards, I recommend you too be careful. Just poke her and nothing serious. Otherwise, u might end up hurted.

Well, of course I could just flirt back for the fun of it, but never make any advances. I guess you just gave me even more reasons for letting this go. Problem is, I see her, and I just keep thinking "what is your problem? Go for it!"

and nobody wants to end up hurted, right?

OP, You sound like a top-notch human being! All the best in your conquest!

Thanks. I wish I was more top-notch, but everybody has their own small problems, right? Oh...wait, was that sarcasm?

 

[sirus_virus]

I am a pgy-2 resident in neurology, and there is a female cardiologist often consulting that displays a fair amount of interest towards me. She searches for my eyes, gladly tells me small stories and lectures, smiles at me, gives me small compliments (wish that was more common in hospital) and makes use of every opportunity to touch my hand, arm, back, chest and so on. (There are other ways of indicating "I'll let you in on a little secret, without using physical contact).

She is not your classical supermodel, but she is the type of woman that I know I am attracted to after a couple of seconds, cute, slightly puffy cheeks, cute nose, gorgeous eyes and a perfect waist-hip ratio. Normally, I have dated women who were objectively more universally attractive, like 8s and 9s, but often, I haven't really cared about these girls.

So what is the problem, then? Why am I writing this?

Well, first of all, I have never had an intimate relationship in a working environment. I keep hearing that this is a big no-no, so I am not quite sure. 2nd, she is one of the brighter doctors, having already published in respectable journals, and she is probably gonna be a professor at some point. For me, I wish I could say that the same applied, but unfortunately, I am not that exceptional. I am almost embarrased to say this, but I am not sure that I could have a relationship to someone outsmarting me like that. Could anyone?

Would appreciate some input.

Dude, you are going about this the wrong way. Nothing wrong with office hookups as far as you follow the cardinal rule of "poking from ground up". Get your feet wet by slaying a few cafeteria workers, then move up gradually to nurses, PAs, ........,cardiologist.

 

[f_w]

Happily married to a girl I met when she consulted on one of my patients many years ago 🙂

You are:
- both adults,
- neither of you has to sign evals on the other,
- you are in services far enough apart that you don't have to sit in the same conferences for years to come if things don't work out.
So nothing wrong with going on a date or two.

Now, if you are afraid of dating a smart woman, that is a problem you'll have to figure out somehow.

 

[tr]

The Q u have to ask ur self is why such an attractive lady and with so many accomplishments is still single?

Actually I have to say that among the people I know it is typically the most beautiful and accomplished women who have remained single the longest. I think they're just really really picky.

 

[Old_Mil]

I am almost embarrased to say this, but I am not sure that I could have a relationship to someone outsmarting me like that. Could anyone?
Would appreciate some input.

Life is complicated. In the long run you are much better off ending up with a woman who is cute and as smart as Einstein than one who is a cover girl with the IQ of a cocker spaniel.

 

[michaelrack]

😕

Life is complicated. In the long run you are much better off ending up with a woman who is cute and as smart as Einstein than one who is a cover girl with the IQ of a cocker spaniel.

😕 deleted

 

[nonesuchgirl]

1. This thread is useless without pics.

2. Go for it.

 

[dragonfly99]

You didn't tell us if it's a cards attending or a fellow. If it's a fellow then who cares...go for it.

I do have to say you sound a tad superficial, though. Do we really need to know the details of her "puffy cheeks" and "waist to hip ratio"? Argh.
The unfiltered male mind is a strange, strange, thing.

I say go for it though...

 

[lowbudget]

I am a pgy-2 resident in neurology, and there is a female cardiologist...

Dude, you're thinking too much. Follow your heart... so to speak.

 

[MilesMayhem]

You didn't tell us if it's a cards attending or a fellow. If it's a fellow then who cares...go for it.

I do have to say you sound a tad superficial, though. Do we really need to know the details of her "puffy cheeks" and "waist to hip ratio"? Argh.
The unfiltered male mind is a strange, strange, thing.

I say go for it though...

You troll.... like it is any less superficial to look at the man's butt, hands, shoes, height, hair color, occupation, income, etc. You don't exactly do charity at the local computer nerd gaming convention, either, so you chicks need to STFU about that superficial crap. Guys are dating looks, you are dating power. After all, if all you did was having babies, you could only make about 30 of them, so you need to look for the ones most likely to carry the family on, right?

 

[RTrain]

You troll.... like it is any less superficial to look at the man's butt, hands, shoes, height, hair color, occupation, income, etc. You don't exactly do charity at the local computer nerd gaming convention, either, so you chicks need to STFU about that superficial crap. Guys are dating looks, you are dating power. After all, if all you did was having babies, you could only make about 30 of them, so you need to look for the ones most likely to carry the family on, right?

Jeez, touchy touchy.

I think dragonfly was pointing out that it sounded a little superficial to enumerate the cards chick's physical attributes to us, as if knowing her waist-to-hip ratio would help us advise the OP on whether or not to Hit That. I don't know what a woman's lifetime procreation potential has to do with anything. 😕

P.S. I date looks, not power. 😉

 

[michaelrack]

Do we really need to know the details of her "puffy cheeks" and "waist to hip ratio"? ...

We don't need to know that, but it makes the thread more interesting

 

[TOXOSIS]

We don't need to know that, but it makes the thread more interesting

I agree... I drew a great picture of this lady in my head when I read the OP's post.

 

[DarthNeurology]

She searches for my eyes, gladly tells me small stories and lectures, smiles at me, gives me small compliments (wish that was more common in hospital) and makes use of every opportunity to touch my hand, arm, back, chest and so on. (There are other ways of indicating "I'll let you in on a little secret, without using physical contact).

Would appreciate some input.

Realize that I have myself observed many attractive female attendings who are just plain super nice, i.e. smiles, tells "small stories" and rub people on the back, they aren't being flirtatious they are just being, well, like females, very touchy-feelie. It could be you got the wrong idea. I would try to figure out if she has a significant other as such super nice women are usually taken because guys have already fallen for this. ALSO some people have a work spouse, i.e. someone who assumes the role of their real spouse at home, i.e. you maybe her work husband/boyfriend and it may be a subconcious thing with her as well.

Everybody picks up a work-spouse, I knew one nurse who would rub my back ask me what was wrong if I had a funny look on my face and gave me a lot of extra attention (which I really didn't care for as it was silly) and I wasn't surprised to learn that she was married. It was just her nature to switch into a wife/girlfriend mode although her choosen mate was not at work. I know that when I left the service it would somebody else to glom on to. Realize that this cardiologist could be offended or say no to you if you pursue it furhter and it isn't really leading you on in her mind, it is just her nature.

Also females higher up will sort of adopt a male underling like a cute little brother and play with them (us!) as a pet, . . . you just have to go along with it because this is how they have choosen to interact with you. On a subconcious level the opposite sexes who work together sort of form little boyfriend/girlfriend units although who they really come home to is totally different. I think that some married women have great relationships with their husband and sort of try to recreate that in the workplace i.e. flirtatious behavior with their favorite male at work. . . It is a big no-no at work because if you ask her out and she isn't interested in you then you have broken the professional bounds of the workplace as she views her behavior as normal and being friendly and it makes you look bad. (Also I would guess she would be very mad as she subconciously realizes that she lead you on although she has a significant other and would be even mader at you for forcing her to come to terms with her flirtatious behavior).

In conclusion, I don't think that the girl who is hyperflirtatious with you is serious, but just a "wanting to excite/intrigue bredding age males" reflex that is occurring subconciously. If she was really interested in you as a potential mate she would be asking you questions about your family, about your life etc . . . rather than it being a show all about her. I feel sorry for such women in the workplace (what sort of girl needs to act like a monkey in heat to get the attention she needs!) and just try to be nice to them and smile but don't ask them for dates!

 

[Apollyon]

You didn't tell us if it's a cards attending or a fellow. If it's a fellow then who cares...go for it.

I do have to say you sound a tad superficial, though. Do we really need to know the details of her "puffy cheeks" and "waist to hip ratio"? Argh.
The unfiltered male mind is a strange, strange, thing.

I say go for it though...

...and you're a fellow...Hey, how YOU doin'?

 

[dragonfly99]

I actually agree somewhat with the 2nd to last post...but I didn't want to crush the OP's ego. It's actually been proven that men often interpret generalized friendly behavior by a woman as "signs of sexual interest" even when they are not....has been proven in scientific studies. However, I think that if she doesn't have a ring, then asking her out in a casual type way would probably not be offensive...even if she's already spoken for. People shouldn't be offended by such things...unless he starts acting like a stalker he should be fine, whatever happens.

And for the record Miles, YOU are being a troll. Man...no reason to cuss and get irate about what I said. And for the record, I DO NOT choose my dates by examining their butts...or how much money, or how much "power" they have...whatever that retro nebulous term means to you. I actually have plenty of power and money of my own...or at least will have soon 🙂
I also don't think power, looks and money are the most important things in life...or even that high on the list.

 

[buckley]

Now, if you are afraid of dating a smart woman, that is a problem you'll have to figure out somehow.

 

[edmadison]

Oh for God's sake just ask her to grab a coffee and see what happens. How hard is that. If that goes well ask her out to dinner. You have to seize the day.

As an aside, I find it interesting that a new member calls a fellow with ten times as many posts a "troll". I also respect dragonfly for ignoring it.

Ed

 

[MilesMayhem]

I actually agree somewhat with the 2nd to last post...but I didn't want to crush the OP's ego. It's actually been proven that men often interpret generalized friendly behavior by a woman as "signs of sexual interest" even when they are not....has been proven in scientific studies. However, I think that if she doesn't have a ring, then asking her out in a casual type way would probably not be offensive...even if she's already spoken for. People shouldn't be offended by such things...unless he starts acting like a stalker he should be fine, whatever happens.

Agree, good advise.

And for the record Miles, YOU are being a troll.

NO, You are!!!! *banging dragonfly in the head with toy car.

And for the record, I DO NOT choose my dates by examining their butts...or how much money, or how much "power" they have...whatever that retro nebulous term means to you. I actually have plenty of power and money of my own...or at least will have soon

Then you are a woman placed very far on one of the Bell curve sides, in many aspects. However, seeing as you are bringing up scientific studies, even women with education tend to marry upwards or among their peers. That is part of the reason why men of lower status have an increasingly hard time finding spouses in these days of female emancipation. Yin and yang, I suppose.

 

[MilesMayhem]

Life is complicated. In the long run you are much better off ending up with a woman who is cute and as smart as Einstein than one who is a cover girl with the IQ of a cocker spaniel.

But then again, there are enuff wimmen out there who are willing to date doctors, so why take any of these two? I gotta admit, I know that I would have a problem dating a woman who were better educated and more intelligent. It would cause some identity and confidence issues, fo sure. There are enough fish in the ocean, why not go for someone that complements you, not someone who out-competes you? Date a geologist, and engineer, a chemist, an opera-singer, a journalist, someone who is different and doesn't pose a threat. Dating sites do a lot of research on what people prove to be a good match, and similar people seldom match that well. This chick seems to me like a fast ticket to a miserable life, but perhaps it could be doable due to the discrepancies of brain and heart. (pun intended) I'd say forget about her, unless you are already so infatuated you can't let go.

 

[Winged Scapula]

There are enough fish in the ocean, why not go for someone that complements you, not someone who out-competes you? Date a geologist, and engineer, a chemist, an opera-singer, a journalist, someone who is different and doesn't pose a threat. Dating sites do a lot of research on what people prove to be a good match, and similar people seldom match that well. This chick seems to me like a fast ticket to a miserable life, but perhaps it could be doable due to the discrepancies of brain and heart. (pun intended) I'd say forget about her, unless you are already so infatuated you can't let go.

I dunno...she's a cardiologist and he's a neurologist. If there were ever two disaparate specialties, this would be it.

Stereotypically, she'll be outgoing and he'll be more reserved - these differences are the ones commonly touted on dating sites as keys to a successful relationship (ie, enough difference to add some "spice" to the relationship).

Then again, you have some very old fashioned views about relationships which, thankfully, many men in medicine or other successful fields do not share. While I do not select men based on how they look in jeans, I will admit that because education is very important to me, having someone who feels the same is important. They do not need to be "powerful" or make more money than me (which would be severely limiting my potential mates), but yes, they must be "educational peers".

 

[HurricaneKatt]

Go for it! Ask her on a date, see what happens. 👍 Good luck!

 

[orientedtoself]

Are you saying she's fat?

he is. and he's intimidated by her smarts. i'm calling it now- it wouldn't work out.

 

[ForpulteFaen]

Thought I'd give an update on this. Tired, you are right that I am both attracted to her academic prowess, but it is a double-edged sword. Like Scapula, I prefer relationships where my significant other has smarts, but I dislike a strength relationship that gets my confidence down. BTW, I wasn't saying she was fat, but you know there is a subtype of men that prefer women who actually look like women (not the ideal body of a male gay fashion designer), and I might be one of them. 😉

Anyway, I didn't have to worry about deciding upon whether I should take initiative with this one, she asked me out for dinner!!!! She was complaining about her night shift schedule, and I shared mine, and said something about how I just hate eating take out after every long shift, because I am too down to start cooking something fancy for myself. She had an excuse for not wanting too cook herself that day, and what do you know. Coincidences, eh? 😛

 

[edmadison]

Cha-Ching!

 

[EM_Rebuilder]

Happily married to a girl I met when she consulted on one of my patients many years ago 🙂

You are:
- both adults,
- neither of you has to sign evals on the other,
- you are in services far enough apart that you don't have to sit in the same conferences for years to come if things don't work out.
So nothing wrong with going on a date or two.

Now, if you are afraid of dating a smart woman, that is a problem you'll have to figure out somehow.

I agree with this. Med students (or nurse students) are NO-NOs. Nurses, better just be careful. Other doctors, espically residents in OTHER fields/programs, certainly seem to be relatively fair game. Just go forward slowly and for the right reason. Dont make it a score and dump. Word gets around...

 

[Long Dong]

Five bucks says he hits it once and quickly loses interest.

All men do this once in their life.

Word.

 

[DOCTORSAIB]

Banned? 😡

I wanted to know how the date went. Damn.

Wonder why he got banned...

 

[f_w]

Banned? 😡

I wanted to know how the date went. Damn.

Wonder why he got banned...

I wonder too, sometimes the mods here seem a bit erratic.

I reviewed all of his 4 posts and couldn't find anything in there that I can remotely connect with 'trolling' or other violations of the TOS.

The only post outside of this thread was somewhere in the 'how much nurses a## do you have to kiss to survive in the hospital' thread. His contribution sounded rather innocent.

 

[f_w]

I agree with this. Med students (or nurse students) are NO-NOs. Nurses, better just be careful. Other doctors, espically residents in OTHER fields/programs, certainly seem to be relatively fair game. Just go forward slowly and for the right reason. Dont make it a score and dump. Word gets around...

Here is the laundry list:

Off limits:
- medstudents
- nursing/tech students (big nono)
- your PD
- your PDs wife
- your PDs mistress (or that 'hot' resident he has an eye on)
- co-residents who won't be done at the end of this academic year

Risky:
- RNs

Fair game:
- residents from other services
- faculty from other services
- Pharmacists
- PTs
- drug/equipment reps *

*actively encouraged

 

[Winged Scapula]

Banned? 😡

I wanted to know how the date went. Damn.

Wonder why he got banned...

I dunno either...it wasn't done through the infraction system, so it becomes a PITA to figure it out.

It was most probably that his IP matched that of a previously banned troll.

 

[f_w]

It was most probably that his IP matched that of a previously banned troll.

In the age of dynamically assigned IPs that sounds like a really fair approach.

 

[Winged Scapula]

In the age of dynamically assigned IPs that sounds like a really fair approach.

Its very rarely that simple and we're a little more sophisticated than that. Repeat trolls are easier to catch than they think they are.

Clearly we don't ban everyone with an AOL IP, etc but honestly, many many users do not have a dynamic IP and its fairly easy to match them up when there are suspicions. We have other ways as well in addition to IPs.

Anyway, the OP matches several factors to a previously banned troll besides the IP.

 

[1 Up]

Dude, you are going about this the wrong way. Nothing wrong with office hookups as far as you follow the cardinal rule of "poking from ground up". Get your feet wet by slaying a few cafeteria workers, then move up gradually to nurses, PAs, ........,cardiologist.

ROFL!!!

Seriously, if you want to go for the gold, you're going to have to risk getting hurt. NEVER let a girl slip past you if you think she is truly worthy. But for Christ's sake, don't you people ever try being friends with someone and getting to know them before you decide to wed them? I mean, if you're in it for the fun (i.e. sex) then who cares, just go for it. But if you want a long term relationship, then there is absolutely no reason to NOT become closely acquainted first and then see where that leads you. If you're both compatible then a deep friendship will likely ensue that will lead to a committed relationship if the chemistry is right later on. If you aren't, then at least you found out the easy way, rather than plunging in head first and crapping your pants the whole time for something that was destined NOT to work anyway.

Just get to know her and you're heart will let you know what to do next.

 

[Leukocyte]

There is plenty of "fish" out there in the wide open sea, sailor. Why eat "fish" from your captain's work boat? Why take the risk?

 

[Faebinder]

There is plenty of "fish" out there in the wide open sea, sailor. Why eat "fish" from your captain's work boat? Why take the risk?

Interns dont have time to go fishing... they prefer ready made platters despite the quality of the available fish dishes in the hospital.

 

[bluealiendoctor]

You didn't tell us if it's a cards attending or a fellow. If it's a fellow then who cares...go for it.

I do have to say you sound a tad superficial, though. Do we really need to know the details of her "puffy cheeks" and "waist to hip ratio"? Argh.
The unfiltered male mind is a strange, strange, thing.

I say go for it though...

Yeah? Well consider this: How often do you see some dumpy, scabby rich girl going out with a young hot man? How often do you see six-pack beef cakes screaming to go back stage with Carnie Wilson or Loretta Lynn? However, can you even count the times we all see a totally gorgeous babe givin' it up to some fat, hairy slob with a bank account? Or supermodels with Axle Rose? Donald Trump? Hell, Meat Loaf has had wonder babes banging on his door. Women have flings with good looking carpenters, but they marry wallets. And men appreciate a woman with great looks.....shallow?

 

[dragonfly99]

OK, I can see that several of you have taken offense to my joke about the "unfiltered male mind". I was really just kind of joking around. I do think the OP sounds kind of obviously young, though...I mean in his approach to people/dating.

I actually think that Loretta Lynn was pretty in her younger days, but hey I'm not a guy - I'm a heterosexula female, so I guess my opinion may not count much... She's a great musician also, and seems a very down to earth person.

Meat Loaf wasn't that ugly, though he's kind of chubby. Axl Rose is definitely not cute, though...LOL

 

[bluealiendoctor]

People who take offense to other peoples comments on a forum are just pansies..no argument. It just seems guys take a beating all the time regarding 'all we care about is looks' propaganda when in fact women are just as guilty with money. It is very common that women use men simply for what will be bought for them. Never heard of 'Trophy Husband' have you? When a woman uses a man for his money women say things like, 'hell yeah! You go girl' or 'Damn right, take him for what he's worth'. Hey, I gotta get what I can'. When a man uses a woman simply for sex because she's hot..he's a 'scum' 'cheater'....SOB. Shallow is shallow, be it for money or sex.

 

[Winged Scapula]

I agree that dating a man for his money is pretty shallow. But there is the potential for a man to become more powerful or earn more money; he has some control over the situation.

Refusing to date a woman because of the way she looks, something over which she has little control (short of surgery), seems to be a different sort of shallow.

But that's just my two cents on the subject.