Hello everyone. I saw a few people already post messages of this type earlier on the forum, but I wanted to add my voice to it:
March 2018 was the worst month of my entire life. I was on an away rotation, far away from home. I was certain I was going to get my first choice: they had kept in touch, various attendings kept telling me "when you come here in July...", and I knew the program director went to the same religious services as my in-laws and personally knew my husband. And then... I didn't match.
And then... I only got 1 phone call the entire SOAP week. And... I didn't match. I had to scramble, and I'm confident the only reason they took me was because I did my core rotations at that hospital.
Last year, I had to re-apply all over. It was terrifying and miserable and stressful. March 2019 was panic inducing. And... I got into the program of my dreams. I matched as a PGY2 and could start July 2019. I'm so happy here.
So, it's possible to get there. Don't give up hope.
One thing I learned during SOAP week: talk to people. Not just your immediate support system. I spoke with my husband, my parents, my siblings, my schools therapist. None of them understood though. Not really. It wasn't until a friend of mine reached out to me and told me that she didn't match either that I felt like I was being understood. So reach out to people. If it's a friend, or someone on this site. Talk to people. If you want to PM me, go for it.
And remember: You are NOT a failure.
And now, a quote from Captain Jean Luc Picard: "It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life."