something funny for you people stressed about apps

[stifler]

Actual question and response on Columbia's famous GoAskAlice.com

http://goaskalice.com/1434.html

Thought this might give you a few cracks as you 06 ppl go through the process. Good Luck.

Hi Dr. Alice,

I'm a male pre-med student (eighteen yrs) currently studying in a university. But I have an important question: I try not to masturbate, but sometimes find it hard to stop it (masturbate). Recently, I've been masturbating almost every week and since I'm a sincere pre-med student, I've developed a concern about whether too much masturbating/ejaculating will cause me to lose my memory skills and intellectual abilities, and interfere with my mental and physical abilities (including interference with my education due to lack of energy and poor memory skills caused by masturbation). I get depressed due to these thoughts and am afraid to talk about this with my parents or anyone else. Please help me. I need your help because other postings confuse me and don't answer all my questions. I'm sorry for this long question.




Dear Reader,

Alice isn't a doctor (nor does she play one on TV) and still knows that masturbation -- once a week, or once an hour -- does not cause memory loss, decreased brain power, fatigue, or depression, unless you're doing it instead of school work, socializing, eating, sleeping, bathing, etc. Your stress and sadness about your normal masturbation pattern, combined with the energy you use "trying not to do it," will probably decrease your productivity far more than playing doctor with yourself. Alice would be surprised to learn that Einstein, Curie, DeBakey, and Spock didn't take stimulating study breaks every now and then. All work and no playing with yourself can make a dull boy or girl without any way to release natural sexual energy.


Alice

FEEL FREE TO POST OTHER MEDICAL or PREMED RELATED HUMOR.

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[Turkeyman]

hahaha, what a n00b

 

[PostalWookie]

That's what happens when a religious authority (I'm looking at you, Vatican) declares masturbation a sin and goes all fuzzy-science on it

 

[Avalanche21]

 

[Avalanche21]

Nice... Here's something I found entertaining...can't remember where I got it.

TOP TEN THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR IN SURGERY
1 Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
2 Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card?
3 Damn! Page 84 of the manual is missing!
4 Everybody stand back! I lost a contact lens!
5 Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie
6 Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
7 "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"
8 Whoa, wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
9 "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, he's got two of'em
10 What do you mean "You want a divorce?"

 

[BlinkyCat]

Actual question and response on Columbia's famous GoAskAlice.com

http://goaskalice.com/1434.html

Thought this might give you a few cracks as you 06 ppl go through the process. Good Luck.

Hi Dr. Alice,

I'm a male pre-med student (eighteen yrs) currently studying in a university. But I have an important question: I try not to masturbate, but sometimes find it hard to stop it (masturbate). Recently, I've been masturbating almost every week and since I'm a sincere pre-med student, I've developed a concern about whether too much masturbating/ejaculating will cause me to lose my memory skills and intellectual abilities, and interfere with my mental and physical abilities (including interference with my education due to lack of energy and poor memory skills caused by masturbation). I get depressed due to these thoughts and am afraid to talk about this with my parents or anyone else. Please help me. I need your help because other postings confuse me and don't answer all my questions. I'm sorry for this long question.




Dear Reader,

Alice isn't a doctor (nor does she play one on TV) and still knows that masturbation -- once a week, or once an hour -- does not cause memory loss, decreased brain power, fatigue, or depression, unless you're doing it instead of school work, socializing, eating, sleeping, bathing, etc. Your stress and sadness about your normal masturbation pattern, combined with the energy you use "trying not to do it," will probably decrease your productivity far more than playing doctor with yourself. Alice would be surprised to learn that Einstein, Curie, DeBakey, and Spock didn't take stimulating study breaks every now and then. All work and no playing with yourself can make a dull boy or girl without any way to release natural sexual energy.


Alice



FEEL FREE TO POST OTHER MEDICAL or PREMED RELATED HUMOR.

 

[AStudent]

That explains why men are so dumb.

If I lost a brain cell everytime I had an orgasm, or two, than I'd probably still be trying to bite my own ear.

 

[BaylorGuy]

Here is another good one...


A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to see a gynaecologist. The doctor takes one good look at this woman and his professionalism is a thing of the past. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh.
As he does he says to the woman: "Do you know what I`m doing ?"
"Yes," she says, "you`re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"Correct," says the doctor.
He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I`m doing now", he says.
"Yes," says the woman, "you`re checking for any lumps or breast cancer."
"That`s right," replies the doctor. He then gradually proceeds to having sexual intercourse with her. "Do you know," he pants "what I`m doing now?"
"Yes," she says. "You`re getting herpes."

 

[aragonh]

Nice... Here's something I found entertaining...can't remember where I got it.

TOP TEN THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR IN SURGERY
1 Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
2 Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card?
3 Damn! Page 84 of the manual is missing!
4 Everybody stand back! I lost a contact lens!
5 Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie
6 Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
7 "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"
8 Whoa, wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
9 "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, he's got two of'em
10 What do you mean "You want a divorce?"

 

[ShyRem]

I always thought the number one thing you don't want to hear in surgery was:

"OOPS."

 

[MD Rapper]

x

 

[nebrfan]

This made me chuckle a few times while i worried about my fate...

 

[jon stewart]

Here is another good one...


A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to see a gynaecologist. The doctor takes one good look at this woman and his professionalism is a thing of the past. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh.
As he does he says to the woman: "Do you know what I`m doing ?"
"Yes," she says, "you`re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"Correct," says the doctor.
He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I`m doing now", he says.
"Yes," says the woman, "you`re checking for any lumps or breast cancer."
"That`s right," replies the doctor. He then gradually proceeds to having sexual intercourse with her. "Do you know," he pants "what I`m doing now?"
"Yes," she says. "You`re getting herpes."

 

[stifler]

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgerytable with the body covered by a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing", he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at t hem and told them, "The second most important quality is Observation. "I stuck my middle finger in, and sucked on my index finger." "Now learn to pay attention."

 

[stifler]

nothing else is funny about working your ass off for many years?