Starting to feel terrible...I am afraid to make that jump

[Lilmasie]

Hello all, I am currently a senior with one semester left and in a tough spot. I had originally wanted to go to med school and had a decent cum gpa and science gpa (3.6/3.5). I also had over 2000 hours of shadowing and amazing extracurricular activities but I bombed the MCAT with a 494. I still applied to schools thinking I’d have a chance and was waitlisted at one of the thirty I applied to. I know that was not a smart move but I had external pressures by family abuse to just cross my fingers and hope to leave. When I realized I couldn’t, I applied to podiatry school and got in with a hefty scholarship somewhat close to home (an hour) I began shadowing a podiatrist and realized that you need a lot of thick skin and need to really be in love with the profession to not be miserable. I tried my best to tell myself I don’t have a choice and to settle because at this point if I take a year off I’m afraid I will just lose my drive and give up entirely. I don’t have a supportive family and was so afraid of the abuse I was willing to do anything to leave even if it meant giving up on what I wanted all my life. I don’t know why my mind is afraid of taking the leap and retaking my MCAT. I’m afraid it won’t go well again and then I’ve got nothing if I reject my spot in podiatry school. My gpa dropped senior year to around a 3.5ish. I keep burning out from frustration and it keeps leaking into other parts of my life. It’s as if I keep bandaging myself up every time to make it seem alright but it’s not. I need advice. Yes, I know what I want but I’m not sure if I know myself at this point because I was willing to change for the sake of leaving my family. I went from gunner premed to let me get out of here. I betrayed myself and I don’t trust my feelings anymore. This is so weird. Advice would be nice. And an understanding point of view.

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[curbsideconsult]

It seems to me that you really need to take some time off and move away from your family. I think you need to find a job somewhere else, work and save up and study for the MCAT for a couple of years, and then reapply. If things are this bad now, it won't get any better in med school. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I think you also need to find a counselor. Perhaps even call an anti-DV advocacy group and get some advice from them.

 

[Isoval]

It seems to me that you really need to take some time off and move away from your family. I think you need to find a job somewhere else, work and save up and study for the MCAT for a couple of years, and then reapply. If things are this bad now, it won't get any better in med school. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I think you also need to find a counselor. Perhaps even call an anti-DV advocacy group and get some advice from them.

This.

I think you need to step away from your family in whatever way is possible for some time and potentially seek counseling or other professional help before you continue you on your journey.

With a better MCAT score, you can make it. Dedicate a few months to MCAT study and kill it, reapply, and I think things will work out for you! But please, make sure you’re alright.

 

[curbsideconsult]

And I should add that you should be proud of yourself for at least starting to find some help, even if it's through the anonymity of SDN. It seems like you're mature enough to stop, evaluate yourself, and realize that you need some guidance. Many people don't even get that far. I truly hope you find the help you need and that you're able to get through to the other side stronger and better.

 

[Osminog]

Don't settle for any career path that you're not prepared to devote the rest of your life to.

It's better to get a low-level job and delay med school for a year or two than it is to spend decades of your life doing something that you're not 100% committed to -- in your case, podiatry.

Think hard about what you want to do, and when you figure out what it is, never settle for less. If you decide that being an MD or DO is your real dream, then make the dream a reality: gain more relevant experience while pushing that MCAT to 500+.

Good luck!

 

[Goro]

It seems to me that you really need to take some time off and move away from your family. I think you need to find a job somewhere else, work and save up and study for the MCAT for a couple of years, and then reapply. If things are this bad now, it won't get any better in med school. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I think you also need to find a counselor. Perhaps even call an anti-DV advocacy group and get some advice from them.

This.
/thread.

 

[jab12]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking a year or two off to get your application in order, specifically studying for the MCAT. Med schools aren't going anywhere and the remainder of your app seems in good shape so please don't give up on your dreams because of a 7-hour exam. Ask yourself if someday when you're 40 you're gonna wish you gave it just one more shot & that should be enough motivation to keep pushing. Do not go into podiatry if it's not for you. Life is honestly way too short to be unhappy with your career choice and to rush into something just for immediate satisfaction. I really wish you the best of luck with your decision

 

[theLastprocastination]

A healthy/safe/happy YOU, is better than physician/podiatrist YOU! So move away, find a job somewhere else, if there’s no way, join the military ( I know I may get criticisms for this one but you’ll be getting paid to stay away from home, if you stay wise then save up for a year of med school tuition or more and earn that GI Bill all the while strengthening your application) but take that time away to take care of yourself first!!
Didn’t you say podiatry school was somewhat close to home anyways? Close enough for home drama to spill over to your new residence in school?
Move away, Wait, take your time, retake mcat, and go conquer!

 

[Lilmasie]

A healthy/safe/happy YOU, is better than physician/podiatrist YOU! So move away, find a job somewhere else, if there’s no way, join the military ( I know I may get criticisms for this one but you’ll be getting paid to stay away from home, if you stay wise then save up for a year of med school tuition or more and earn that GI Bill all the while strengthening your application) but take that time away to take care of yourself first!!
Didn’t you say podiatry school was somewhat close to home anyways? Close enough for home drama to spill over to your new residence in school?
Move away, Wait, take your time, retake mcat, and go conquer!

Its an hour away, so I’d be living in an apartment close to the school.

 

[Lilmasie]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking a year or two off to get your application in order, specifically studying for the MCAT. Med schools aren't going anywhere and the remainder of your app seems in good shape so please don't give up on your dreams because of a 7-hour exam. Ask yourself if someday when you're 40 you're gonna wish you gave it just one more shot & that should be enough motivation to keep pushing. Do not go into podiatry if it's not for you. Life is honestly way too short to be unhappy with your career choice and to rush into something just for immediate satisfaction. I really wish you the best of luck with your decision

Don’t people usually say students score around the same the second time? That’s really what’s holding me back from giving it another go. The thought of scoring poorly again is what’s keeping me from retaking and instead grabbing on to the only source of security I do have. I am not too financially stable as well, so although podiatry school seems reasonable for someone in my circumstance, the emotions of working so hard and then getting something I’ve never quite wanted are causing frustration.

 

[Lilmasie]

A healthy/safe/happy YOU, is better than physician/podiatrist YOU! So move away, find a job somewhere else, if there’s no way, join the military ( I know I may get criticisms for this one but you’ll be getting paid to stay away from home, if you stay wise then save up for a year of med school tuition or more and earn that GI Bill all the while strengthening your application) but take that time away to take care of yourself first!!
Didn’t you say podiatry school was somewhat close to home anyways? Close enough for home drama to spill over to your new residence in school?
Move away, Wait, take your time, retake mcat, and go conquer!

Agreed. Society really doesn’t care too much about mental health until the worst happens and by then nothing can be done. I’m still in a limbo where I’m weighing the pros and cons. Yes, the heart wants what it wants, but I can’t risk losing what I have for grabbing on to something I wanted. It is possible to defer podiatry school for a year though isn’t it? If someone could give some input I’d appreciate it. I will be most likely calling the school though, if I feel strong enough to let go and take that jump.

 

[Lilmasie]

This.

I think you need to step away from your family in whatever way is possible for some time and potentially seek counseling or other professional help before you continue you on your journey.

With a better MCAT score, you can make it. Dedicate a few months to MCAT study and kill it, reapply, and I think things will work out for you! But please, make sure you’re alright.

I know many recommend masters programs along with retaking the MCAT. Is that a reasonable avenue even though my gpa is decent at the moment? I know many students who have done a masters and then retook their MCAT. But masters programs are pricey and I don’t mind just working as a scribe for a year and studying for my MCAT. I’m trying to find the best way to do about this without doing something unnecessary.

 

[RNthenDoc]

If taking a year off is all it would take to keep you away from medicine forever... are you sure it’s what you want?

It’s never going to be convenient or easy, and you’ll face much harder burdens that gap years/MCAT retakes...

 

[curbsideconsult]

If taking a year off is all it would take to keep you away from medicine forever... are you sure it’s what you want?

I've read through some of your posts to know that you have a lot of life experience. And congratulations on your MD acceptance! But I have to majorly disagree with you here.

OP's case is not a matter of "hmmm I think I'm wishy-washy, let me take a year off." OP has significant challenging life issues that s/he needs to address before plunging into med school. Med school is not the place to go heal from these types of wounds. Med school rips them open, pours dirty salt on them, and then expects you to be an empathetic budding physician and do well in all your classes.

Plenty of people come back from a year (and more) to find that their desire to do medicine is stronger than ever. In OP's case, if it came down to those two options of crumbling in medical school from the pressure or finding that s/he no longer has the desire for it, then the latter is the much preferred outcome. Of course there's always the possibility that OP will magically be able to over come his/her struggles without time, major reflection, and counseling, but that's not a risk I would want my friend/family/mentee/etc. to take.

 

[curbsideconsult]

Agreed. Society really doesn’t care too much about mental health until the worst happens and by then nothing can be done. I’m still in a limbo where I’m weighing the pros and cons. Yes, the heart wants what it wants, but I can’t risk losing what I have for grabbing on to something I wanted. It is possible to defer podiatry school for a year though isn’t it? If someone could give some input I’d appreciate it. I will be most likely calling the school though, if I feel strong enough to let go and take that jump.

You need to find out if deferring the podiatry acceptance prohibits you from exploring further educational opportunities.

Yes, many people do about the same on the MCAT on subsequent attempts, but many people do significantly better. You need to find out why you did poorly the first time around. If it's a matter of under preparation, then you should do much better next time with more preparation under your belt.

You probably don't need an SMP/post-bacc/etc. Just continue on with your amazing ECs, study hard for the MCAT (maybe even enroll in a course), and get some counseling.

 

[Lilmasie]

If taking a year off is all it would take to keep you away from medicine forever... are you sure it’s what you want?

It’s never going to be convenient or easy, and you’ll face much harder burdens that gap years/MCAT retakes...

Johanna for the reply. Judging from your name I’m assuming your an RN who went the doctor route. That’s very inspiring. I may need to do some more soul searching but I think I may have to learn to fight for what I really want. Usually my response is to burn out and stop if I’m overwhelmed, that may be happening at the moment.

 

[RNthenDoc]

I've read through some of your posts to know that you have a lot of life experience. And congratulations on your MD acceptance! But I have to majorly disagree with you here.

OP's case is not a matter of "hmmm I think I'm wishy-washy, let me take a year off." OP has significant challenging life issues that s/he needs to address before plunging into med school. Med school is not the place to go heal from these types of wounds. Med school rips them open, pours dirty salt on them, and then expects you to be an empathetic budding physician and do well in all your classes.

Plenty of people come back from a year (and more) to find that their desire to do medicine is stronger than ever. In OP's case, if it came down to those two options of crumbling in medical school from the pressure or finding that s/he no longer has the desire for it, then the latter is the much preferred outcome. Of course there's always the possibility that OP will magically be able to over come his/her struggles without time, major reflection, and counseling, but that's not a risk I would want my friend/family/mentee/etc. to take.

I totally agree that taking the year off is a great idea. In the OP, they said that they are worried that if they take a year off they’d never do it, that’s what prompted my post!

 

[RNthenDoc]

Johanna for the reply. Judging from your name I’m assuming your an RN who went the doctor route. That’s very inspiring. I may need to do some more soul searching but I think I may have to learn to fight for what I really want. Usually my response is to burn out and stop if I’m overwhelmed, that may be happening at the moment.

If being a physician is what you really want, don’t ever stop fighting! Taking breaks and being healthy is not the same as giving up!

I once had a nurse tell me I would never make it in nursing school. I wasn’t discouraged, but used it as motivation to do my best.

I just want you to realize that the processes are rough (I’m just a premed and I already got stressed during the application cycle!), but if it’s what you really want don’t let anyone stop you.

People who give up at the first sign of resistance have brittle spirits and won’t like the patient interactions they’re going to have to endure.

 

[GypsyHummus]

People always try and search for a better deal/trading up: better looking partner, better paying job, better car, the list goes on. Eventually, people settle, even the successful people!

I would be wary of taking advice from the “you can do it live your dreams!” crowd on the forums. You are only getting the perspective of people who made it. Most people who fail don’t post their problems on the internet for the world to see. For every business venture that succeeds, there are 7 that fail.

That being said, you’ve only taken the test once. If it were me, I’d give it at least 3 tries before throwing in the towel and looking at plan B.

Agreed. Society really doesn’t care too much about mental health until the worst happens and by then nothing can be done. I’m still in a limbo where I’m weighing the pros and cons. Yes, the heart wants what it wants, but I can’t risk losing what I have for grabbing on to something I wanted. It is possible to defer podiatry school for a year though isn’t it? If someone could give some input I’d appreciate it. I will be most likely calling the school though, if I feel strong enough to let go and take that jump.

 

[cliquesh]

Don’t people usually say students score around the same the second time? That’s really what’s holding me back from giving it another go. The thought of scoring poorly again is what’s keeping me from retaking and instead grabbing on to the only source of security I do have. I am not too financially stable as well, so although podiatry school seems reasonable for someone in my circumstance, the emotions of working so hard and then getting something I’ve never quite wanted are causing frustration.

How many practice questions did you do? As I progressed in my medical education I've discovered practice questions are the key to success when preparing for standardized exams (usmle/comlex/board cert exams). I'm talking about doing thousands of questions and reading the answers, and I'm talking about scoring above the 90th percentile.

Also, being a DO/MD is just a job. It isn't the end of the world if you do something else. Just try to be happy.

 

[IslandStyle808]

How many practice questions did you do? As I progressed in my medical education I've discovered practice questions are the key to success when preparing for standardized exams (usmle/comlex/board cert exams). I'm talking about doing thousands of questions and reading the answers, and I'm talking about scoring above the 90th percentile.

Also, being a DO/MD is just a job. It isn't the end of the world if you do something else. Just try to be happy.

Read any book on memory and this is the top advice you will get, do as many questions as possible. And cliquesh has some pretty baller board scores to back up this statement.