Teach me how to party

[Callogician]

Hello. My name is Callogician, and I am a loser.

I was one of those kids in undergrad who studied all the time, pursued strange antisocial hobbies, and never partied. The only reason I got into medical school was big shiny numbers and dynamic interview charisma to mask my immaturity and complete social ineptitude.

Now, I realize the error in my ways and would like your wisdom to help me rectify the situation. Please give me the low down on the following activities:

1) Promiscuous sex.
2) Binge drinking
3) Illicit drug use
4) Extreme sports/stunts
5) Partying

Write as though you are trying to explain these activities to future historians who are trying to understand our primitive social culture.

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[Psycho Doctor]

Hello. My name is Callogician, and I am a loser.

I was one of those kids in undergrad who studied all the time, pursued strange antisocial hobbies, and never partied. The only reason I got into medical school was big shiny numbers and dynamic interview charisma to mask my immaturity and complete social ineptitude.

Now, I realize the error in my ways and would like your wisdom to help me rectify the situation. Please give me the low down on the following activities:

1) Promiscuous sex.
2) Binge drinking
3) Illicit drug use
4) Extreme sports/stunts
5) Partying

Write as though you are trying to explain these activities to future historians who are trying to understand our primitive social culture.

is this needed for an essay?

i'd stay away from them all now except perhaps sports (not necessarily extreme sports) and partying. You're supposed to be maturing now; your loss that you didn't engage in those illicit behaviors earlier, but don't bother now...

 

[Blake]

*slaps forehead*

 

[Flopotomist]

The general rule is to always participate in these activities in reverse alphabetical order lest you end up with horrible regret. The order should always move down this list:

Partying
Sports/Stunts
Sex
Drinking
Drugs

This rule will prevent you from being drunk and trying bungee jumping. It will also prevent you from having sex with the wrong gender for your preferences - always important to insure you get invited to future parties. Although, I suppose it depends on what parties you want to go to. Hmm... maybe I should send you an evite!

 

[lobster M.D.]

duct tape a 40oz. of malt liqour (Olde E. perhaps) to each hand, do not remove said 40's until finished, if you must release waste locate a kind soul to unzip your shorts and assist in business, upon finishing, head directly to a seedy part of town, to increase efficiency it is probable that both illicit drugs and sex can be found on the same block, i would go with ecstacy and a single ***** for first time escapades, slowly move up to higher risk narcotics and increase number of hookers per night as experience progresses, also wear a condom and dont share needles, enjoy!

 

[Callogician]

is this needed for an essay? [/pscyho doctor]

no

i'd stay away from them all now except perhaps sports (not necessarily extreme sports) and partying. You're supposed to be maturing now; your loss that you didn't engage in those illicit behaviors earlier, but don't bother now...

I would define maturity as the ability to act appropriately and effectively in a variety of situations. If anything, I think that my endeavor is conducive to this end.

*slaps forehead*

I dont' appreciate your condescension. I don't see what is wrong with admitting weaknesses and seeking improvement. I save my narcisism for my daily 3-hour nude rock out session in front of the mirror.

did u go to caltech for ugrad

UC Berkeley

The general rule is to always participate in these activities in reverse alphabetical order lest you end up with horrible regret. The order should always move down this list:

Partying
Sports/Stunts
Sex
Drinking
Drugs

This rule will prevent you from being drunk and trying bungee jumping. It will also prevent you from having sex with the wrong gender for your preferences

Thanks. That makes perfect sense.

- always important to insure you get invited to future parties. Although, I suppose it depends on what parties you want to go to. Hmm... maybe I should send you an evite!

I would be honored to join the ranks of the great Flopotomist!

...What's a Flopotomist anyways?

 

[Callogician]

duct tape a 40oz. of malt liqour (Olde E. perhaps) to each hand, do not remove said 40's until finished, if you must release waste locate a kind soul to unzip your shorts and assist in business, upon finishing, head directly to a seedy part of town, to increase efficiency it is probable that both illicit drugs and sex can be found on the same block, i would go with ecstacy and a single ***** for first time escapades, slowly move up to higher risk narcotics and increase number of hookers per night as experience progresses, also wear a condom and dont share needles, enjoy!

*takes notes greedily*

Keep em coming.

 

[Taus]

the old "Edward 40-Hands"....good times...

 

[Flopotomist]

...What's a Flopotomist anyways?

A play on words for a poker player - wait, don't tell me - you don't know how to gamble either. Another thing to add to the list (it goes under P for poker on the reverse alphabetical list).

 

[cdql]

How to be Cool 101:

While you are boning a girl, be sure to drink excessively. Mix up the occasional swig of pure whiskey with a sprinkle of PCP. Ideally, you will be doing all this while parachuting over the Himalayas with Sean Paul's "Temperature" ringing in the background. Once you can achieve all this at once, you have reached ultimate coolness and are ready to begin decooling yourself to fit into the ranks of medical school!

 

[lobster M.D.]

How to be Cool 101:

While you are boning a girl, be sure to drink excessively. Mix up the occasional swig of pure whiskey with a sprinkle of PCP. Ideally, you will be doing all this while parachuting over the Himalayas with Sean Paul's "Temperature" ringing in the background. Once you can achieve all this at once, you have reached ultimate coolness and are ready to begin decooling yourself to fit into the ranks of medical school!

its really hard to have sex with a girl will parachuting, unless you are doing a tandem jump, but i guess the pcp could give you the ability to accomplish incredible feats

 

[red dot]

maybe you should watch reruns of beauty and the geek?

 

[SanDiegoSOD]

All you have to do to be cool at a party is do a ridiculously long keg stand. Everything else falls into place. Master the keg stand, my friend, and the world is your oyster.

 

[SanDiegoSOD]

Oh, also, if you provide the keg, people will pretend to be your friend for at least an hour.

 

[100041]

The general rule is to always participate in these activities in reverse alphabetical order lest you end up with horrible regret. The order should always move down this list:

Partying
Sports/Stunts
Sex
Drinking
Drugs

Did anyone else notice that P comes before S?

 

[Callogician]

maybe you should watch reruns of beauty and the geek?

I like hot lady-geeks, not stupid sorostitutes.

 

[racerx]

if you must release waste locate a kind soul to unzip your shorts and assist in business

Of course, real hardcore partiers don't even bother with unzipping. They just go.

 

[mstald1]

Learn to play the guitar and sing. These skills alone will make up for any social ineptitude and will automatically equip you with a pass into the exciting world of promiscuous sex, binge drinking, partying, and illicit drug use.

 

[WhatUpDoc!]

How to be Cool 101:

While you are boning a girl, be sure to drink excessively. Mix up the occasional swig of pure whiskey with a sprinkle of PCP. Ideally, you will be doing all this while parachuting over the Himalayas with Sean Paul's "Temperature" ringing in the background. Once you can achieve all this at once, you have reached ultimate coolness and are ready to begin decooling yourself to fit into the ranks of medical school!

Is this part of the script to a new Triple X film

 

[SanDiegoSOD]

I like hot lady-geeks, not stupid sorostitutes.

Good luck getting laid.

 

[Chronic Student]

This is an advice thread I'll be happy to post to.

Here ya go, in 10 easy steps.

1. Think about what is right and logical to do in a particular situation and do the opposite.

2. If you're really gonna tie one on get some Depends otherwise, you'll be in the bathroom all the time and miss the party.

3. Make sure to mix your liquor. I prefer to mix Guinness, Jagermeister and everclear. If you're going to stick with beer only, then make sure you eat pizza. Because there is no aroma that compares with beer and pizza vomit.

4. Be overly confident and condescending, girls love it.

5. You must either wear a button down with the top three buttons undone, a wife-beater or a truly obnoxious t-shirt (you know like, "It's not a beer belly, it's a gas tank for my Love-Machine") or something similar.

6. Always wear funny underwear, cause ya never know and it will distract people from the depends.

7. You have to try and fight someone at least once during your night of partying.

8. Make sure you play or request a song (one-hit wonder) from at least a decade ago which everybody repeatedly tell you is lame but, which you claim is a true masterpiece. If you don't have a favorite you can always use "The Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats. It works everytime.

9. Be sure to jump up on a table at some point and do a really bad dance move, it's hot!

10. To gauge whether or not you are partying hard enough you should either wake up in an unknown person's hallway or closet or alternatively you could wake up in your vehicle in a ditch with two flat tires, some pot-leaf Mardi-Gras beads around your neck and a trooper tapping on your window with a flashlight to wake you up and with absolutely no idea how you got there.

-Mike

 

[beefballs]

Just go to Padia Beach in Thailand, or the Cannibis Cup in Amsterdam

 

[Flopotomist]

Did anyone else notice that P comes before S?

you uncool people are so smart with your ALPHABET knowledge and everything... friggin show off.. in kindergarten while you were learning your alphabet, I was off partying.

 

[oh Snap]

Hello. My name is Callogician, and I am a loser.

I was one of those kids in undergrad who studied all the time, pursued strange antisocial hobbies, and never partied. The only reason I got into medical school was big shiny numbers and dynamic interview charisma to mask my immaturity and complete social ineptitude.

Yes you where. Still are. Learning how to beer bong 1/5 of Brunette’s is not something you learn overnight. It takes practice people. Like my old friend DJ Quick used to say first you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the p***y. Start by working out. Go to a gym, remember “curls for girls”. Next don’t bring up the fact that you a med student. Maybe cool in the 80’s but not now, People hate that! Tell they your and grad school and leave it at that. Next get over the God complex that many med students have, remember you are starting at the bottom of the social ladder.

Now, I realize the error in my ways and would like your wisdom to help me rectify the situation. Please give me the low down on the following activities:

2) Binge drinking

Drinking is like any drug. You can become tolerant and therefore be able to consume copious amounts will not slurring your speech. Start your training at home with some Sparks or some Mike’s Hard. You can even practice with a friend, just not a girl you want to sleep with. Next move up to your standard 6-pack of bud light. Take it down in under 2 hours. Next time 1 1/2. After that you can try a game of century club (100 shots of beer every minute for a hundred minutes). Now you are ready for the bars or club or even a big house party. But be wary of shots since you will still be in the early phases of your training these things can be like live hand grenades to your reputation. Mostly girls do the shot thing, or you do them with girls (more on this later). Now don’t go buying everyone in the places shots, you will be labeled as an easy target will still end up friends-less and horny.

3) Illicit drug use

No one does these, this ain’t a movie. Some may have done X and what not in high school but no real fun down this long road.

4) Extreme sports/stunts

Start with football. You have to know and play football. The sport in sort of a crucifixion by fire. You will either win respect or become the stat guy. Remember as stated earlier work out. You can then go bridge jumping (not with a parachute….yet). Just a 20ft-40ft creek or river bridge, they are usually out by some campgrounds where you are already staying and drinking miller light with girls (key part here). Also being drunk takes any logical fear and apprehension and shoves a foot in its mouth. After that you can try your bungee jumping and then sky diving (get a group together and you get a way better rate), girls are optional on this part since you may wet yourself prior to takeoff or the jump, you call. If you board or ski then doing some large bowls will get you up there on the thrill meter.

5) Partying

After going to a few house parties you may be inclined to throw one of your own, BAD IDEA! Not only have you overestimated how much people like you, including girls, you are making people you physical setting, not good for the ego. For the first year or two, find a guys you know where all the parties, not med students, that won’t mind you hanging around.


1) Promiscuous sex.

As far as this goes it’s all about expectations. Don’t be thinking your going to get the top prize at the show. Be realistic. Start with the girls that look like they don’t talk to many guys at the bar/club/party. If you can bag her then increase the payload next time out. Like the hot girls friend, will also give an in to talking with way better looking girls than you should be. After that you will have to playing waiting game. Remember in your case you competing against many pros, they have been in the game for years and know how to work the system. You will be looking for the girls that tend to be slightly off the radar and waiting for the big one that “like for your personality”, cheesy but it does happen. Then you scratch her on the head board, confidence goes up and ripple the effect begins, sort of moving up a notch on the ladder. Don’t ever use the “I’m going to be a doctor” line or I will find you and back hand you. That *ish doesn’t work until to have money, lots of money.

Write as though you are trying to explain these activities to future historians who are trying to understand our primitive social culture.[/QUOTE]

 

[OddNath]

Good luck getting laid.

You think Hot Lady Geeks (HLG's) don't wanna get laid from time to time?

 

[SanDiegoSOD]

You think Hot Lady Geeks (HLG's) don't wanna get laid from time to time?

Oh, no, HLG's are constantly looking for action. But by cutting out all other options, one significantly reduces the pool of options, and therefore, one's chance of getting laid. And since the OP lacks game to begin with, he doesnt want to be doing that now, does he?

 

[synapse lapse]

You think Hot Lady Geeks (HLG's) don't wanna get laid from time to time?

Please send your photo and resume to my PM box I kid. Send it to Callogician!

 

[Dr. Weebs]

This is an advice thread I'll be happy to post to.


4. Be overly confident and condescending, girls love it.

5. You must either wear a button down with the top three buttons undone, a wife-beater or a truly obnoxious t-shirt (you know like, "It's not a beer belly, it's a gas tank for my Love-Machine") or something similar.

OK, so I have 3 obnoxious t-shirts that I wear all the time: "Trust me I'm a doctor". "I'm kind of a big deal". and "Got tickets to the gun show?" (With arrows pointing at my arms).

My fiancee tells me she hates them. However, I wore them all the time when I met her, and she for some weird reason broke up with her boyfriend to go after me. Was it my good looks? My intelligence? My confidence? Nope. T-shirts. She just won't admit it. Go with the obnoxious t-shirts and some confidence and you're set.

On a more serious note, now that I'm a medical student, opinions on whether its too obnoxious to wear my "Trust me I'm a doctor" shirt? Obviously, I know I'm joking when I wear it, but other people might not.

 

[Callogician]

4. Be overly confident and condescending, girls love it.

Hmmm.

And since the OP lacks game to begin with, he doesnt want to be doing that now, does he?

What are you talking about. I have mad game!

Wait...we're talking about chess, right?

T-shirts.

Ingenius. How does "I am the uber-cockmaster" in sharpie on my white coat sound?

 

[MirrorTodd]

Best pick-up line ever: Nice shoes, wanna ****? I have a 100% copulation rate with this one.
Here's another rule: Never, ever quote movie lines. You will be labeled a dork. Not a nerd, but a dork, which is actually worse than a nerd.

 

[45408]

I like hot lady-geeks, not stupid sorostitutes.

Hot lady-geeks? that's borderline oxymoron there, my friend.

 

[Callogician]

Best pick-up line ever: Nice shoes, wanna ****? I have a 100% copulation rate with this one.

Wowzers. I say that's NEJM-publishable if n > 2.

 

[R_C_Hutchinson]

Hello. My name is Callogician, and I am a loser.

I was one of those kids in undergrad who studied all the time, pursued strange antisocial hobbies, and never partied. The only reason I got into medical school was big shiny numbers and dynamic interview charisma to mask my immaturity and complete social ineptitude.

Now, I realize the error in my ways and would like your wisdom to help me rectify the situation. Please give me the low down on the following activities:

1) Promiscuous sex.
2) Binge drinking
3) Illicit drug use
4) Extreme sports/stunts
5) Partying

Write as though you are trying to explain these activities to future historians who are trying to understand our primitive social culture.

first off, awesome thread.

1. losers have lots of promiscous sex and talk about it, cool people do what they please with their sex life (from abstenance to whoredom) safely and discreetly. lots of lame guys with no real experience will say things like "treat them bad, they love it". sorry douchebags, but if that's your attitude then you reap what you sow: a subset of women who generally suck. if you want a love life full of potential, just treat women like you'd want to be treated and keep your damn mouth shut about what you do in your own bed. discretion alone will get your far.

2. binge drinking as defined by textbooks is like speeding as defined by the law. you're going to go over the reccomendations, but you're a ***** if you go so far as to be a danger or problem for those around you. when it comes to booze pitfalls to avoid for a guy:
- drink whatever is there. learn to drink it all, none of it tastes good.
- dont be a booze snob. you should be fine drinking anything from PBR to don julio.
- dont be complex unless you're making your own drink. two ingredients is fine for a drink, let the girls be the ones to piss off the bartender.
- dont measure your dick by how much you can drink. that about what you're really saying: "i can poision myself more than you before my body gives in". ridiculous.
- always involve those around you and be cheeerful. even if someone isn't drinking, it makes them feel special if you offer them something or try to include them.

3. drugs are dumb for those looking to make a living from their minds. there may be the temptation to use things like coke or meth (and the presecription derivatives) as study aides, but obviously this is a terrible proposition long term. and everyone's favorite kid brother drug, weed, is just that. it might be cool when you're underage and not busy, but it's flat out lame and in turn makes you lame.

4. extreme sports are for losers. there i said it. play normal sports for fun with your friends and dont worry at all how you play. if they're inviting you to play it's because they want you in the game, not because they care how good you are. doing things like bungee jumping or whatever to prove how cool you are is the same as drinking your way to awesome. do it if it's what you want to do, but dont expect to gain any cool points with normal people for having done it.

5. partying is quite a topic. im sure you'll get tons of advice on this, some good and some bad, so i'll let you sort that out. the best advice i can give you is a general outlook on social interaction that will serve you well: always act with good intentions and dont worry about how others interpret it.

good luck and thank you for bringing something substantive and interesting to this forum.

R_C_

 

[MarzMD]

Do the opposite of what the above person wrote, and you should be fine.

 

[Rebecatfl]

This is hilarious!!!!! I'm just reminiscing about how much partying i wish i hadn't done.....but hey....you only live once.......

I'll trade anyone party advice for how to get into medical school!!!!!!!

 

[Rebecatfl]

oh and by the way...i LOVE dorks

and i'm a hot lady geek....

 

[ramstam]

Do the opposite of what the above person wrote, and you should be fine.

Roger that!
________________________________________________
Wait until you are done with school.

If you need to sow some wild oats, the above mentioned can. cup in Amsterdam is a good choice. I did it for my bachelor party and I still feel stupid.

The bottom line of all that stuff is feeling good about yourself. So for now, take Brazilian Jui-jitsu(to feel tough, it works) and talk nice to the girls, drink a few bottles of cheap red wine, the hangover will cure you of the drinking stuff. Be an honorable person and for the good of everyone who knows you don't do any drugs(not even in the Netherlands, the beer and girls are plenty).

Keep being a good person and you will emerge a happy man.

 

[ramstam]

oh and by the way...i LOVE dorks

and i'm a hot lady geek....

I bet you get some PM's from this post.

 

[prana_md]

Erowid Drugs
Burning Man Drugs and everything else, including HLGs.

 

[lil pook]

amen especially the part about bungee jumping. everybody respects a dude with gigantic ba!!s

 

[SanDiegoSOD]

I've gone skydiving, and you better believe that that little factoid can restart a conversation that is starting to get boring.