The Mellow Yellow Lounge

[fido!]

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ITZ AGOOD ONE!READ THIS! 👍 READ THE MORAL,GUYZZZZ! 👍



>
>Subject: What do women really want ?
>
>
>
>
>>
>>
>> >
>> >King Arthur and the Witch:
>> >
>> >
>> >Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a
>> >neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by
>>Ar
>> >thur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as
>>long
>> >as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year
>>to
>> >figure out the answer and, if after a year! , he still had no answer, he
>> >would be put to death.
>> >
>> >The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex
>> >even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an
>> >impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the
>> >monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
>> >
>> >He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the
>> >priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone,
>> >but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
>> >
>> >Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would
>>have
>> >the answer.
>> >
>> >But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the
>>kingdom
>> >for the exorbitant prices she charged.
>> >
>> >The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice b! ut to talk
>>to
>> >the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree
>>to
>> >her price first.
>> >
>> >The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the
>>Knights
>> >of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!
>> >
>> >Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only
>>one
>> >tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never
>> >encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
>> >
>> >He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible
>> >burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
>> >
>> >He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's l ife
>>and
>> >the preservation of the Round Table.
>> >
>> >Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question
>> >thus:
>> >
>> >What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own
>> >life.
>> >
>> >Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a
>>great
>> >truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
>> >
>> >And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and
>> >Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
>> >
>> >The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a
>>horrific
>> >experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most
>> >beau tiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The
>>astounded
>> >Lancelot asked what had happened
>> >
>> >The beauty replied that s ince he had been so kind to her when she
>>appeared
>> >as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only
>>half
>> >the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
>> >
>> >Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?
>> >
>> >Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to
>> >show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an
>>old
>> >witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by
>> >night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
>> >
>> >What would YOU do?
>> >
>> >What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll
>> >down below. OKAY?
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
>> >
>> >Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the
>>time
>> >because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own
>> >life.
>> >
>> >Now....what is the moral to this story?
>> >
>> >
>> >Scroll down
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >
>> >The moral is.....
>> >If you don't let a woman have her own way....
>> >Things are going to get ugly....YEAH RIGHT! 🙄
>> >
>> >
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>

 

[CALALILY]

HA HA HA HA HA well done fido! that was extraordinary! 😀
definitely, one up for the men on SDNs international dental threads! the girls have a match and now need to catch up..
HEHEHE - giggles 😛

 

[pv25]

This is really interesting!pretty good one!!

 

[quest_life]

How I knew ........hmmmmmmm blue crystal ball gazing !! lol

Rite Fido....with men cnt be sure of anything !! 😉

oh yeah...??firstly....how u knew i'm gonna ask u that? 😉
secondly....how can u be so sure??.....men r the one who generally break the ice!prove me wrong!

 

[quest_life]

good one Fido !!

Atlast u got it rite !! Way to go man !! 😀

ITZ AGOOD ONE!READ THIS! 👍 READ THE MORAL,GUYZZZZ! 👍



>
>Subject: What do women really want ?
>
>
>
>
>>
>>
>> >
>> >King Arthur and the Witch:
>> >
>> >
>> >Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a
>> >neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by
>>Ar
>> >thur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as
>>long
>> >as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year
>>to
>> >figure out the answer and, if after a year! , he still had no answer, he
>> >would be put to death.
>> >
>> >The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex
>> >even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an
>> >impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the
>> >monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
>> >
>> >He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the
>> >priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone,
>> >but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
>> >
>> >Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would
>>have
>> >the answer.
>> >
>> >But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the
>>kingdom
>> >for the exorbitant prices she charged.
>> >
>> >The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice b! ut to talk
>>to
>> >the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree
>>to
>> >her price first.
>> >
>> >The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the
>>Knights
>> >of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!
>> >
>> >Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only
>>one
>> >tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never
>> >encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
>> >
>> >He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible
>> >burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
>> >
>> >He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's l ife
>>and
>> >the preservation of the Round Table.
>> >
>> >Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question
>> >thus:
>> >
>> >What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own
>> >life.
>> >
>> >Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a
>>great
>> >truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
>> >
>> >And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and
>> >Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
>> >
>> >The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a
>>horrific
>> >experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most
>> >beau tiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The
>>astounded
>> >Lancelot asked what had happened
>> >
>> >The beauty replied that s ince he had been so kind to her when she
>>appeared
>> >as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only
>>half
>> >the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
>> >
>> >Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?
>> >
>> >Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to
>> >show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an
>>old
>> >witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by
>> >night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
>> >
>> >What would YOU do?
>> >
>> >What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll
>> >down below. OKAY?
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
>> >
>> >Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the
>>time
>> >because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own
>> >life.
>> >
>> >Now....what is the moral to this story?
>> >
>> >
>> >Scroll down
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >
>> >The moral is.....
>> >If you don't let a woman have her own way....
>> >Things are going to get ugly....YEAH RIGHT! 🙄
>> >
>> >
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>

 

[NileBDS]

Enjoy !

 

[boardssuccess]

Office inspiration
Top 10 sayings we'd like to see on those office
inspirational posters:

1. Rome did not create a great empire by having
meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed
them.

2. If you can stay calm, while all around you is
chaos...then you probably haven't completely
understood the seriousness of the situation.

3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done.
Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job
security.

4. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into
jet engines.

5. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural
Stupidity

6. A person who smiles in the face of
adversity...probably has a scapegoat.

7. Plagarism saves time.

8. If at first you don't succeed, try management.

9. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid
altogether.

10. TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the
blame yourself.

 

[boardssuccess]

Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

*******************************************************************

Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.

*******************************************************************

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

*******************************************************************

Stress Reliever # 1

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

____________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 2

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.

Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

_____________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 3

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

______________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 4

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

______________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 5

Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrow! ed it. He wants to scare his parents."

______________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 6

Interviewer to Milionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: " Billionaire"

_____________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 7

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

_______________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 8

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sexy body?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of
humour.

 

[kilani]

good stuff, nice to read after a long day, keep it coming guys

 

[NileBDS]

Stress Reliever # 8

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of
humour.

That one takes the cake ! It's hillarious !
Excellent posts board ... I enjoyed them a lot, thanks for the laughs buddy ...

 

[CALALILY]

he he he he - hilarious board success! 😀

 

[quest_life]

😀 these are good ones....really enjoyable....ty for posting them

 

[cubabella]

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.

What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."

Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.

What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."

How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.

What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.

What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
Sex.

Hope you like it guys

 

[mekha]

it was wonderful

 

[drtanujpuri]

hey ..did anyone watch that historic match b/w aultralia and s. africa.I was trying to find if I could get some videos or clips from it and yesterday I stumbled across this one on google videos.this is the 2nd innings (s. africa batting) but then u can see them winning. I totally loved it.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-669760072641448766&q=cricket

 

[Smile2007]

Hey thats too mean!!! 😡 But even these things are just fine as long as we r not terrorists!!!

 

[b'lore]

thanks alot for the link,drtanujpuri....

hey ..did anyone watch that historic match b/w aultralia and s. africa.I was trying to find if I could get some videos or clips from it and yesterday I stumbled across this one on google videos.this is the 2nd innings (s. africa batting) but then u can see them winning. I totally loved it.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-669760072641448766&q=cricket

 

[HIM0098]

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to
take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take
it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten
to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying
"Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f**in
number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down
Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally
transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an dingus!"
and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'assho le' next to
it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad
day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an dingus!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "dingus
calling" would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the
Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID
Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an dingus!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting
for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign
in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down
the number .

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshol e (I had
his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW
dingus, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is", he said.

"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.

"Yes, I live at 34 Mow Bray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house,
and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an dingus!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my
speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two dinguses to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called dingus #1. "Hello." "You're an
dingus!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"dingus, I live at 34 Mow Bray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with
my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, dingus," and hung up.

Then I called dingus #2. "Hello?" he said.

"Hello, dingus," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said!

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, dingus, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived
at 34 Mow Bray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to
kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war
going down in Mow Bray Blvd, Vaucluse.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mow Bray.

I got there just in time to watch two dinguses beat ing the crap out
of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter
and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really works...

 

[g3k]

This is the funniest thing I have heard in ages......

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to
take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take
it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten
to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying
"Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f**in
number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down
Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally
transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an dingus!"
and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'assho le' next to
it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad
day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an dingus!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "dingus
calling" would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the
Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID
Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an dingus!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting
for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign
in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down
the number .

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshol e (I had
his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW
dingus, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is", he said.

"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.

"Yes, I live at 34 Mow Bray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house,
and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an dingus!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my
speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two dinguses to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called dingus #1. "Hello." "You're an
dingus!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"dingus, I live at 34 Mow Bray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with
my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, dingus," and hung up.

Then I called dingus #2. "Hello?" he said.

"Hello, dingus," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said!

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, dingus, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived
at 34 Mow Bray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to
kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war
going down in Mow Bray Blvd, Vaucluse.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mow Bray.

I got there just in time to watch two dinguses beat ing the crap out
of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter
and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really works...

 

[fido!]

hey hibaq..thatz the best one so far!

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to
take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take
it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten
to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying
"Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f**in
number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down
Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally
transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an dingus!"
and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'assho le' next to
it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad
day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an dingus!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "dingus
calling" would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the
Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID
Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an dingus!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting
for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign
in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down
the number .

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshol e (I had
his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW
dingus, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is", he said.

"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.

"Yes, I live at 34 Mow Bray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house,
and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an dingus!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my
speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two dinguses to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called dingus #1. "Hello." "You're an
dingus!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"dingus, I live at 34 Mow Bray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with
my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, dingus," and hung up.

Then I called dingus #2. "Hello?" he said.

"Hello, dingus," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said!

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, dingus, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived
at 34 Mow Bray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to
kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war
going down in Mow Bray Blvd, Vaucluse.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mow Bray.

I got there just in time to watch two dinguses beat ing the crap out
of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter
and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really works...

 

[fido!]

gr8 stuff,boardssuccess!way to go! 👍 i better try out these stress relievers!it may work 4 me!

Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

*******************************************************************

Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.

*******************************************************************

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

*******************************************************************

Stress Reliever # 1

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

____________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 2

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.

Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

_____________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 3

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

______________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 4

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

______________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 5

Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrow! ed it. He wants to scare his parents."

______________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 6

Interviewer to Milionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: " Billionaire"

_____________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 7

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

_______________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 8

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sexy body?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of
humour.

 

[Smile2007]

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven
>
>1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
>
>2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?
>
>1st woman: I froze to death.
>
>2nd woman: How horrible!
>
>1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the
>cold,
>I

>began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.
>What

>about you?
>
>2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that
>my

>husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the
>act.

>But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
>
>1st woman: So, what happened?
>
>2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there
>somewhere
>that

>I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the
>attic

>and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through
>every

>closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I
>had

>looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I
>just

>keeled over with a heart attack and died.
>
>1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both
still be alive.

 

[fido!]

👍

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven
>
>1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
>
>2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?
>
>1st woman: I froze to death.
>
>2nd woman: How horrible!
>
>1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the
>cold,
>I

>began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.
>What

>about you?
>
>2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that
>my

>husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the
>act.

>But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
>
>1st woman: So, what happened?
>
>2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there
>somewhere
>that

>I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the
>attic

>and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through
>every

>closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I
>had

>looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I
>just

>keeled over with a heart attack and died.
>
>1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both
still be alive.

 

[HIM0098]

This is the funniest thing I have heard in ages......

hey hibaq..thatz the best one so far!

You both are most welcome.. I am so tired of being cussed, screamed at, and threaten .. all by the Medical Assistant. And the worst comes from AIDS patients. They already hate their life and now their drugs is not ready, so they just give it to you ( all of IT 😡 )..

 

[NileBDS]

ITZ AGOOD ONE!READ THIS! 👍 READ THE MORAL,GUYZZZZ! 👍



>
>Subject: What do women really want ?
>
>
>
>
>>
>>
>> >
>> >King Arthur and the Witch:
>> >
>> >
>> >Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a
>> >neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by
>>Ar
>> >thur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as
>>long
>> >as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year
>>to
>> >figure out the answer and, if after a year! , he still had no answer, he
>> >would be put to death.
>> >
>> >The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex
>> >even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an
>> >impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the
>> >monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
>> >
>> >He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the
>> >priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone,
>> >but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
>> >
>> >Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would
>>have
>> >the answer.
>> >
>> >But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the
>>kingdom
>> >for the exorbitant prices she charged.
>> >
>> >The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice b! ut to talk
>>to
>> >the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree
>>to
>> >her price first.
>> >
>> >The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the
>>Knights
>> >of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!
>> >
>> >Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only
>>one
>> >tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never
>> >encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
>> >
>> >He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible
>> >burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
>> >
>> >He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's l ife
>>and
>> >the preservation of the Round Table.
>> >
>> >Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question
>> >thus:
>> >
>> >What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own
>> >life.
>> >
>> >Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a
>>great
>> >truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
>> >
>> >And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and
>> >Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
>> >
>> >The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a
>>horrific
>> >experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most
>> >beau tiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The
>>astounded
>> >Lancelot asked what had happened
>> >
>> >The beauty replied that s ince he had been so kind to her when she
>>appeared
>> >as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only
>>half
>> >the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
>> >
>> >Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?
>> >
>> >Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to
>> >show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an
>>old
>> >witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by
>> >night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
>> >
>> >What would YOU do?
>> >
>> >What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll
>> >down below. OKAY?
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
>> >
>> >Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the
>>time
>> >because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own
>> >life.
>> >
>> >Now....what is the moral to this story?
>> >
>> >
>> >Scroll down
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >.
>> >
>> >The moral is.....
>> >If you don't let a woman have her own way....
>> >Things are going to get ugly....YEAH RIGHT! 🙄
>> >
>> >
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>

The moral is there is no such thing as an ugly woman !

 

[NileBDS]

You both are most welcome.. I am so tired of being cussed, screamed at, and threaten .. all by the Medical Assistant. And the worst comes from AIDS patients. They already hate their life and now their drugs is not ready, so they just give it to you ( all of IT 😡 )..

Medical assistants are bullies ... If I were you, I would just stick them with a THICK %3 lidocaine needle ! That should do them good ! (Kidding ofcourse ... medical assistants are our friends not food, medical assistants are our friends not food, medical ... ).
I find surgery assistants to be just as BAD too ! Attitudes man ...

 

[fido!]

u said it man! 👍

Medical assistants are bullies ... If I were you, I would just stick them with a THICK %3 lidocaine needle ! That should do them good ! (Kidding ofcourse ... medical assistants are our friends not food, medical assistants are our friends not food, medical ... ).
I find surgery assistants to be just as BAD too ! Attitudes man ...

 

[NileBDS]

Studying on your mind (literally) ?
Take a look at this one !
Fashion ... ? Yeah, whatever ...

 

[doc12]

Check this one..

A successful Man is one, who can earn more than his wife can spend...
A successful Woman is one who can find such a husband!!!

 

[cheer_up]

Check this one..

A successful Man is one, who can earn more than his wife can spend...
A successful Woman is one who can find such a husband!!!

Good one . I hope I can indeed find 'the' husband with that quality in addition to everything else

 

[fido!]

all the best,cheerie! 👍 good luck ....with ur search!

Good one . I hope I can indeed find 'the' husband with that quality in addition to everything else

 

[cheer_up]

all the best,cheerie! 👍 good luck ....with ur search!

Thanks, fido!!I know it's really hard, man. It's like finding a needle in a huge haystack... either that or I'm just too picky

 

[kilani]

This is funny and scary at the same time !

http://www.adcritic.com/interactive/view.php?id=5927

Someday it might be a reality

 

[g3k]

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/050415.html 😱 😱

 

[kilani]

It sounds like ...... ouch 😱

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/050415.html 😱 😱

 

[NileBDS]

This is funny and scary at the same time !

http://www.adcritic.com/interactive/view.php?id=5927

Someday it might be a reality

THAT IS FUNNY ! Although, once I saw the link going back to the ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union) website, it all made perfect sense ... what were you doing on there anyways ?

 

[remore]

once few sardharjis in a coversation about the lie detector .they dont know what to do with that finally decided to use. first sardharji goes on lie detector and tell "i think" immediately everyone heard the buzz sound.

 

[anaesthesia]

Baby Beyonce

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IXd7IZkvbs

 

[CALALILY]

on my God! that was amazingly hilarious!!!! I actually had to watch that twice just so that I could laugh out loud again! Superb work anesthesia!!! 🙂

Baby Beyonce

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IXd7IZkvbs

 

[NileBDS]

Baby Beyonce

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IXd7IZkvbs

Shake it sista !

 

[anaesthesia]

Thanks CALALILY. I am glad you liked it. I watched it more than 5 times before I posted it here.

on my God! that was amazingly hilarious!!!! I actually had to watch that twice just so that I could laugh out loud again! Superb work anesthesia!!! 🙂

🙂

 

[anaesthesia]

Shake it sista !

 

[quest_life]

That is so cute !! JUst who well the lil one can shake her tush !! really cute.....

Baby Beyonce

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IXd7IZkvbs

 

[fido!]

👍 shake ur booty ,baby! 👍

Baby Beyonce

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IXd7IZkvbs

 

[CALALILY]

You have to admit, some of these are true!!

You know you are Asian when..

* When you tell your parents you got 98%, and they ask you what happened
to the other two percent.

* There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them.

* You make tea in a saucepan.

* You never buy bin bags, but use your saved grocery bags for it.

* You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes.

* You have a 'Singer Brother' sewing machine at home.

* Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and doesn't talk

to her for ten years.

* You call an older person you've never met before "uncle".

* You hide everything from your parents.

* Your mother does everything for you if you are male.

* You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.

* Your relatives alone could populate a small city.

* Everyone is a family friend.

* Everyone always called you for help on homework.

* You study law, medicine or engineering at university.

* You were thick so you studied computer science or business instead.

* You know no one who has studied music.

* You went to a university as far away from home as possible.

* You still came back home to live with your parents after you had
finished.

* Your best friend got married at the age of 18.

* You like the meat well done.

* You eat onions with everything.

* You use chilli sauce instead of tomato ketchup.

* You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

* You say you hate Indian films/songs but secretly watch/hear them

* You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex,
especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius.

* You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on".

* You secure your baggage with a rope.

* You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you
see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up.

* You get very upset when airlines refuse to accept your luggage which
is just 80 lbs. overweight.

* You go back to your parents' country and people treat you like a
member of the royal family.

* You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he
had to walk miles barefoot just to get to school.

* Your Dad drives a Nissan.

* You're rich so he drives a Mercedes.

* You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go

* When you were little you always wondered why your English friends
waited until after breakfast to brush their teeth when you did it first thing in
the morning

* To your English friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a
grooming aid

* Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work with just
stop when trying to read their names

* You have annoying nicknames like Chotu or Chicku

* Your parents call all your friends "Beta" (son/daughter)

* Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds

* Your parents drink 3 cups of tea a day

* Your parents compare you to all of their friends' kids.

* At least once a week your mom says, "I want to go to India/Pakistan"

* No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over
for a visit.

* Your parents worry what other people will think if you're not going to
be a doctor/ engineer.

* You're parent's always say while shopping abroad, "It's cheaper in
India/Pakistan"

And finally........You know you're Asian when.....................

You hit autoreply on SDN, just so that you can read it one more time while pretending to be cool and saying what a funny message it was!!!!!!!!!!!! 😀

 

[quest_life]

"saying what a funny message it was " !! 😀

really...its funny lolol

You have to admit, some of these are true!!

You know you are Asian when..

* When you tell your parents you got 98%, and they ask you what happened
to the other two percent.

* There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them.

* You make tea in a saucepan.

* You never buy bin bags, but use your saved grocery bags for it.

* You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes.

* You have a 'Singer Brother' sewing machine at home.

* Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and doesn't talk

to her for ten years.

* You call an older person you've never met before "uncle".

* You hide everything from your parents.

* Your mother does everything for you if you are male.

* You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.

* Your relatives alone could populate a small city.

* Everyone is a family friend.

* Everyone always called you for help on homework.

* You study law, medicine or engineering at university.

* You were thick so you studied computer science or business instead.

* You know no one who has studied music.

* You went to a university as far away from home as possible.

* You still came back home to live with your parents after you had
finished.

* Your best friend got married at the age of 18.

* You like the meat well done.

* You eat onions with everything.

* You use chilli sauce instead of tomato ketchup.

* You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

* You say you hate Indian films/songs but secretly watch/hear them

* You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex,
especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius.

* You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on".

* You secure your baggage with a rope.

* You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you
see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up.

* You get very upset when airlines refuse to accept your luggage which
is just 80 lbs. overweight.

* You go back to your parents' country and people treat you like a
member of the royal family.

* You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he
had to walk miles barefoot just to get to school.

* Your Dad drives a Nissan.

* You're rich so he drives a Mercedes.

* You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go

* When you were little you always wondered why your English friends
waited until after breakfast to brush their teeth when you did it first thing in
the morning

* To your English friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a
grooming aid

* Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work with just
stop when trying to read their names

* You have annoying nicknames like Chotu or Chicku

* Your parents call all your friends "Beta" (son/daughter)

* Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds

* Your parents drink 3 cups of tea a day

* Your parents compare you to all of their friends' kids.

* At least once a week your mom says, "I want to go to India/Pakistan"

* No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over
for a visit.

* Your parents worry what other people will think if you're not going to
be a doctor/ engineer.

* You're parent's always say while shopping abroad, "It's cheaper in
India/Pakistan"

And finally........You know you're Asian when.....................

You hit autoreply on SDN, just so that you can read it one more time while pretending to be cool and saying what a funny message it was!!!!!!!!!!!! 😀

 

[fido!]

brilliant,calalily!simply brilliant!i dont know about asians in general...but thatz the typical indian mentality....i guess no one can deny that!....at least holds good for me!!!

You have to admit, some of these are true!!

You know you are Asian when..

* When you tell your parents you got 98%, and they ask you what happened
to the other two percent.

* There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them.

* You make tea in a saucepan.

* You never buy bin bags, but use your saved grocery bags for it.

* You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes.

* You have a 'Singer Brother' sewing machine at home.

* Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and doesn't talk

to her for ten years.

* You call an older person you've never met before "uncle".

* You hide everything from your parents.

* Your mother does everything for you if you are male.

* You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.

* Your relatives alone could populate a small city.

* Everyone is a family friend.

* Everyone always called you for help on homework.

* You study law, medicine or engineering at university.

* You were thick so you studied computer science or business instead.

* You know no one who has studied music.

* You went to a university as far away from home as possible.

* You still came back home to live with your parents after you had
finished.

* Your best friend got married at the age of 18.

* You like the meat well done.

* You eat onions with everything.

* You use chilli sauce instead of tomato ketchup.

* You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

* You say you hate Indian films/songs but secretly watch/hear them

* You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex,
especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius.

* You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on".

* You secure your baggage with a rope.

* You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you
see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up.

* You get very upset when airlines refuse to accept your luggage which
is just 80 lbs. overweight.

* You go back to your parents' country and people treat you like a
member of the royal family.

* You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he
had to walk miles barefoot just to get to school.

* Your Dad drives a Nissan.

* You're rich so he drives a Mercedes.

* You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go

* When you were little you always wondered why your English friends
waited until after breakfast to brush their teeth when you did it first thing in
the morning

* To your English friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a
grooming aid

* Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work with just
stop when trying to read their names

* You have annoying nicknames like Chotu or Chicku

* Your parents call all your friends "Beta" (son/daughter)

* Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds

* Your parents drink 3 cups of tea a day

* Your parents compare you to all of their friends' kids.

* At least once a week your mom says, "I want to go to India/Pakistan"

* No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over
for a visit.

* Your parents worry what other people will think if you're not going to
be a doctor/ engineer.

* You're parent's always say while shopping abroad, "It's cheaper in
India/Pakistan"

And finally........You know you're Asian when.....................

You hit autoreply on SDN, just so that you can read it one more time while pretending to be cool and saying what a funny message it was!!!!!!!!!!!! 😀

 

[Stelon]

its really cool CALALILY and true also. haaaaaaaaa 😍

 

[starbucksfan]

this one was so funny ...so true.

 

[rahmed]

11 PEOPLE ON A ROPE

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one
woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one
had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't
able to name that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She
said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because,
as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little
in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping.