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- Jan 9, 2014
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There are basically only seven types of anesthesiologists out there. Which one are you? Be honest with yourselves (and us).
1) Dr. Niceguy (or Nicegal): This is the dude/dudette who is the ultimate doormat. S/He will go out of his/her way to befriend everyone from the complete PITA cardiothoracic surgeon that no one even says "hi" to in the hallway to the person who empties the wastebaskets after hours. Conflict is not a word in their vocabulary. Extra call? Sure. Take all my cases so I can go golfing? No problem. Secretly s/he is miserable and should be high on the list of diversion suspects when the narcs go missing.
2) Dr. Stuffy Crotchetypants: There are only two ways of doing things. (Don't make me repeat the cliche.) So don't waste your breath with any suggestions about how to do something different, Crotchetypants has been an anesthesiologist for 30 years and there's nothing he can learn from anyone. No discussion. No debates. He especially doesn't want to argue with you. Just go away.
3) Dr. Lazybum: Starts to complain at 11:30 AM about why he hasn't yet been relieved for the day. Of course, it's the Monday after a golden weekend so it's only fair that he's worried about how hard he's going to have to work the rest of that week. After all, his 12-weeks of annual vacation means that he only has one week off this month. Yet, he's willing to exert the effort to find you and make sure you help him with his pre-ops and covering his 2 directed rooms (in addition to your 3 or 4). Oh, and make sure you get him that lunch break if you can't get him relieved by noon.
4) Dr. Fraidy Katz: Everyone whose BMI is over 25 gets an endotracheal tube. Central lines and a-lines are routinely handed out like PEZ candy. BiS monitors are placed while the patient is awake just to get a baseline. Any "blip" or "beep" or "ping" needs to be investigated, treated, and completely squashed before she can feel at ease. "The patient is about to die any second, damn it, unless I do something!"
5) Dr. McClueless: This is the doc that everyone is scratching their heads trying to figure out how they passed the board-certification process. Actually most wonder how they simply remember to breathe. Somehow they still have a job despite spending a disproportionate amount of time defending themselves at M&M meetings. You wouldn't let them anesthetize your pet.
6) Dr. Grandstander: This doc loves an audience. Things tend to be ten times more involved and complicated than they need to be when he's around. Simply intubation? No way! This Grade I airway will clearly need a retrograde wire! Somehow they can figure out how to use every single drug in the drawer during a case. Why they became an anesthesiologist rather than a Broadway actor is a little baffling, but it shouldn't be surprising that deep down they know they have little real talent for either profession. So they make up for a lot of their deficiencies with unnecessary hand-flapping and smoke-and-mirrors. And the more attention and acknowledgment you give them, the worse it gets.
7) Dr. Notme: For those of you who for some reason don't think you fit into one of the above categories. You have this special category just for you. You know who you are. You're special. You're not like the rest. 😉
1) Dr. Niceguy (or Nicegal): This is the dude/dudette who is the ultimate doormat. S/He will go out of his/her way to befriend everyone from the complete PITA cardiothoracic surgeon that no one even says "hi" to in the hallway to the person who empties the wastebaskets after hours. Conflict is not a word in their vocabulary. Extra call? Sure. Take all my cases so I can go golfing? No problem. Secretly s/he is miserable and should be high on the list of diversion suspects when the narcs go missing.
2) Dr. Stuffy Crotchetypants: There are only two ways of doing things. (Don't make me repeat the cliche.) So don't waste your breath with any suggestions about how to do something different, Crotchetypants has been an anesthesiologist for 30 years and there's nothing he can learn from anyone. No discussion. No debates. He especially doesn't want to argue with you. Just go away.
3) Dr. Lazybum: Starts to complain at 11:30 AM about why he hasn't yet been relieved for the day. Of course, it's the Monday after a golden weekend so it's only fair that he's worried about how hard he's going to have to work the rest of that week. After all, his 12-weeks of annual vacation means that he only has one week off this month. Yet, he's willing to exert the effort to find you and make sure you help him with his pre-ops and covering his 2 directed rooms (in addition to your 3 or 4). Oh, and make sure you get him that lunch break if you can't get him relieved by noon.
4) Dr. Fraidy Katz: Everyone whose BMI is over 25 gets an endotracheal tube. Central lines and a-lines are routinely handed out like PEZ candy. BiS monitors are placed while the patient is awake just to get a baseline. Any "blip" or "beep" or "ping" needs to be investigated, treated, and completely squashed before she can feel at ease. "The patient is about to die any second, damn it, unless I do something!"
5) Dr. McClueless: This is the doc that everyone is scratching their heads trying to figure out how they passed the board-certification process. Actually most wonder how they simply remember to breathe. Somehow they still have a job despite spending a disproportionate amount of time defending themselves at M&M meetings. You wouldn't let them anesthetize your pet.
6) Dr. Grandstander: This doc loves an audience. Things tend to be ten times more involved and complicated than they need to be when he's around. Simply intubation? No way! This Grade I airway will clearly need a retrograde wire! Somehow they can figure out how to use every single drug in the drawer during a case. Why they became an anesthesiologist rather than a Broadway actor is a little baffling, but it shouldn't be surprising that deep down they know they have little real talent for either profession. So they make up for a lot of their deficiencies with unnecessary hand-flapping and smoke-and-mirrors. And the more attention and acknowledgment you give them, the worse it gets.
7) Dr. Notme: For those of you who for some reason don't think you fit into one of the above categories. You have this special category just for you. You know who you are. You're special. You're not like the rest. 😉
