Things I hate to hear patients say:

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I got an "I know my body" today from a patient who has been "new" to me 3 times now. The first time was 2 weeks into my new job out of fellowship for follow up on colon cancer diagnosed in the 90s. She refused chemo and f/u imaging or colonoscopy. The 2nd time was for an early stage breast cancer for which she refused tamoxifen. Today, 6 years from the first visit and 3 from the last, is for Hodgkin's Lymphoma. She's debating getting the PET scan I ordered vs flying to Switzerland and having true Physician Assisted Suicide.
 
gutonc said:
I got an "I know my body" today from a patient who has been "new" to me 3 times now. The first time was 2 weeks into my new job out of fellowship for follow up on colon cancer diagnosed in the 90s. She refused chemo and f/u imaging or colonoscopy. The 2nd time was for an early stage breast cancer for which she refused tamoxifen. Today, 6 years from the first visit and 3 from the last, is for Hodgkin's Lymphoma. She's debating getting the PET scan I ordered vs flying to Switzerland and having true Physician Assisted Suicide.
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While that's a giant bummer for all parties involved, I like how you capitalized the last three words of your paragraph.
 
After an hours-long, million dollar workup for their potentially legitimate chief complaint, which has come back completely negative for acute findings, the results of which you have thoroughly explained to the patient, so dispo is home, f/u w/ PCP: "You guys did nothing for me...you barely even touched me, and you're sending me home already??!!" Bonus points if some version of this is said to a nurse, support staff, or family member over the phone within earshot of the docs
 
bravotwozero said:
Can I get the liquid antibiotic prescription? I can’t swallow pills - has a BMI of 35


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This kills me, every time.

"I can't swallow pills."

CAN YOU EAT ? MOTHER****ER!!?!

If you can't swallow pills, I guess you can die.
 
ATTENTION EVERYONE:

YOU CAN SWALLOW PILLS!

IF YOU CAN EAT OR DRINK, YOU CAN SWALLOW A PILL.

YOUR CHILD CAN SWALLOW A PILL.

IF YOUR CHILD DOES NOT WISH TO SWALLOW A PILL; THEN HOLD THE PILL IN ITS MOUTH UNTIL IT SWALLOWS IT.

THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD PARENT.

THIS MAKES YOU A GOOD PARENT.

I CAN'T.
 
"Dr A is my primary, Dr B is my cardiologist, Dr C is my dermatologist, and Dr D is my pain management specialist, they were very angry last time I was admitted because nobody told them, I want them notified that I am here immediately so they can tell you what they need done."

.....yah ok. I'm right on top of that rose...


"I feel like I'm going to die"

....somehow they get this one right 50% of the time
 
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BoardingDoc said:
I literally ask these patients what they were hoping to have happen in the ED tonight. When they invariably answer as you said with "I want to know what's wrong", I flat out tell them up front that this is almost certainly not going to happen, that I'm going to do some tests to make sure that they don't have an emergency condition and that if I don't find anything they'll be going home.

I've found that blunt expectation setting up front is very helpful in diffusing this particular breed of neurotic patient.
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I use a car analogy. "We are really good, in the ED, at working on emergent things, like a battery shop is really good at taking care of batteries. But if you take your tire problem to a battery shop....they're gonna tell you to go to the battery shop. YOU have a chronic condition so need to see your PCM!"
 
"How am I supposed to get home ? "

Happens to us all. the. time.

I don't know the bus schedule, sister has the car, I need oxygen in the vehicle, don't have the keys to my house, husband's not picking up the phone, you name it.

I'm always genuinely curious but when I ask "How were you planning on getting home ?" patient's get really, really offended/angry often.
 
RustedFox said:
CAN YOU EAT ?

YES?

THEN YOU CAN SWALLOW A PILL.

NO.

****YOU.
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To be fair I personally can’t swallow a pill bigger than an extra strength Tylenol. It’s totally psychologic. I just crush it or break it up if I need to.
 
^^ same me, couldn't swallow a pill till I was 25 or so. Instant gagging.

Thought of one too that I think only really bugs me, and maybe bugs me cause I know it's coming.

Coming back in to the room on a busy shift to tell someone the xray showed a broken bone and explain what we're gonna do about it. For some reason 99% of the people feel the need to say " I knew it ! Because when I tripped . . ." and they tell me the whole. story. all. over. again.

Just bizarro sitting there patiently pretending I haven't it heard it already or like what they say might change the plan at all but knowing that it aint gonna.
 
Redrox said:
^^ same me, couldn't swallow a pill till I was 25 or so. Instant gagging.

Thought of one too that I think only really bugs me, and maybe bugs me cause I know it's coming.

Coming back in to the room on a busy shift to tell someone the xray showed a broken bone and explain what we're gonna do about it. For some reason 99% of the people feel the need to say " I knew it ! Because when I tripped . . ." and they tell me the whole. story. all. over. again.

Just bizarro sitting there patiently pretending I haven't it heard it already or like what they say might change the plan at all but knowing that it aint gonna.
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You listen to the entire story again? I wait for a pause for breath and interject "Exactly, that is why I am going to go right now and get ready to reduce the break/order pain meds/ work on admission." and walk out.
 
theseeker4 said:
You listen to the entire story again? I wait for a pause for breath and interject "Exactly, that is why I am going to go right now and get ready to reduce the break/order pain meds/ work on admission." and walk out.
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Yeah, but they really really hate that.

Used to say the same schpeal as you, but they'd interrupt my interruption and then I'd interrupt their interruption of my interruption and it becomes a cranky loop.

Did that a bunch when I's first outta residency but peeps take it out on the nurses if they're grumpy with me, so now I just sit and take it a bit before nodding and exclaiming something like "some kinda luck! " and chuckle in a friendly way and go.
 
Redrox said:
"How am I supposed to get home ? "

Happens to us all. the. time.

I don't know the bus schedule, sister has the car, I need oxygen in the vehicle, don't have the keys to my house, husband's not picking up the phone, you name it.

I'm always genuinely curious but when I ask "How were you planning on getting home ?" patient's get really, really offended/angry often.
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Not my prob. Not my job.

Uber?
 
hmm things I hate to hear patients say :

"hello"

"nice to meet you"

"the"

"I "

<breathes>


Ok maybe im just a little burned out ..smh
 
Jlaw said:
"Dr A is my primary, Dr B is my cardiologist, Dr C is my dermatologist, and Dr D is my pain management specialist, they were very angry last time I was admitted because nobody told them, I want them notified that I am here immediately so they can tell you what they need done."

.....yah ok. I'm right on top of that rose...


"I feel like I'm going to die"

....somehow they get this one right 50% of the time
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I still haven't found a great response to them wanting me to call all their doctors at 3AM for their vague belly pain that I haven't even placed orders on yet. I want to tell them those docs don't give a **** they are here (hell, I will probably have to fight for admission if it gets to that point) but can't really say that.

Ya... I hate when they say they're going to die. Last one that said that was dissecting.

Petypet said:
Really you need pee, I just peed 5 minutes ago.
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Can we all please petition for a door to urine time? Imagine if every patient you saw had urine on the counter and was undressed when you walk in... I wouldn't know what to do with myself.
 
HLxDrummer said:
I still haven't found a great response to them wanting me to call all their doctors at 3AM for their vague belly pain that I haven't even placed orders on yet. I want to tell them those docs don't give a **** they are here (hell, I will probably have to fight for admission if it gets to that point) but can't really say that..
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I either say that their doctor isn't on call tonight, or I do something like "dr x works really hard and is one of our bests docs and I don't want to burn him out by waking him up every night. Don't worry I'll be sure to contact him once we find something wrong with you"
 
mng24 said:
“When am I gonna see the doctor??”

......I’ve been talking to you for 10 min


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Are you a dude or a lady? Happens to my female colleagues all the time...


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" Let me give you a an extensive review of every food I've eaten in the last 24 hours and the time at which I ate it and how much and yes I'll be pausing to think hard about it often and will be talking very slowly and intensely like every word I say is super duper important. "
 
"Are all of these records going to be sent to my doctor?"
 
Redrox said:
" Let me give you a an extensive review of every food I've eaten in the last 24 hours and the time at which I ate it and how much and yes I'll be pausing to think hard about it often and will be talking very slowly and intensely like every word I say is super duper important. "
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I seriously read a handscribbled note from a patient that said:

"Ate two grapes and a banana. Symptoms did not return."
 
RustedFox said:
I seriously read a handscribbled note from a patient that said:

"Ate two grapes and a banana. Symptoms did not return."
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The best handscribbled note I've ever received from a patient was an older guy who fell in the bathroom. I asked how it happened, and he pulled this out of his pocket and handed it to me. Honestly, it kinda made my day.

lAIVmNw.jpg
 
OnlyOneZlatan said:
"I don't like this hospital, my [insert relative] died here"
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Or, "this hospital killed my [insert relative]"

(People that think that, because someone died, that means the person was murdered make me cringe)
 
We need a new thread for "things I hate to hear my patient's family say."

"We need her to be admitted so she can go to a nursing home."

"She was just fine yesterday." Pt is septic from UTI, numerous pressure ulcers, severely dehydrated, and bedridden.
 
Apollyon said:
Or, "this hospital killed my [insert relative]"

(People that think that, because someone died, that means the person was murdered make me cringe)
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Trained at a level 1 trauma center, heard this constantly.

Yes, if your relative was shot 5 times in the chest they are probably going to die despite our best efforts, it does not mean we "killed them."
 
I'm on my ER rotation right now.

Pt: "I'm in so much pain, doc...can you give something that works? I was given I think.... diluted (he literally spelled it out that way for me) and it was great!

Me: **Acts surprise and extra stupid* oh!! That's right! you mean diclofenac for pain!

Pt: YASSSSSSS

Me: YASS let me go tell my attending!

The attending got mad at me that I misled him but laughed his ass off.
 
“Oh so you’re going to be a PA/nurse?”

Today at a clinic, I was assisting a physician and this patient said “so honey, what’s you doin in the future.”
Me:”I’m starting medical school in a few months.”
Pt:”oh that’s wonderful, you going to be a NURSE ASSISTANT?”
Me: wat

I’m sure I’ll get this in the future too, but I see pts say to med students “I want to see a doctor, not a nurse.”



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mybluedog said:
“Oh so you’re going to be a PA/nurse?”

Today at a clinic, I was assisting a physician and this patient said “so honey, what’s you doin in the future.”
Me:”I’m starting medical school in a few months.”
Pt:”oh that’s wonderful, you going to be a NURSE ASSISTANT?”
Me: wat

I’m sure I’ll get this in the future too, but I see pts say to med students “I want to see a doctor, not a nurse.”



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Just worked my first shift of residency (which is its own special story). It only took until my second patient ever until I was confused as a nurse. The only time my absolutely wonderful attending- who totally saved my butt all day and patiently explained everything- got legit serious with me all shift was when one room thought I was the nurse. He said even though our ED is pretty laid back, I need to introduce myself as "Dr. Runthiscity" and write "Runthiscity" on the board, not my first name. I had introduced myself as Dr but wrote my first name out of habit when I was a student.

It certainly isn't the first time I've been mistaken as a nurse and I'm sure it won't be the last time, either. On the plus side, I'm hoping explaining that going to "medical school" is to become a doctor and not a nurse assistant/nurse/PA/NP is in the past... And someday it will be for you as well! Congrats on starting medical school!
 
runthiscity said:
Just worked my first shift of residency (which is its own special story). It only took until my second patient ever until I was confused as a nurse. The only time my absolutely wonderful attending- who totally saved my butt all day and patiently explained everything- got legit serious with me all shift was when one room thought I was the nurse. He said even though our ED is pretty laid back, I need to introduce myself as "Dr. Runthiscity" and write "Runthiscity" on the board, not my first name. I had introduced myself as Dr but wrote my first name out of habit when I was a student.

It certainly isn't the first time I've been mistaken as a nurse and I'm sure it won't be the last time, either. On the plus side, I'm hoping explaining that going to "medical school" is to become a doctor and not a nurse assistant/nurse/PA/NP is in the past... And someday it will be for you as well! Congrats on starting medical school!
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Thank you! Congrats on your residency!
 
Garurumon said:
"Did you take any pain meds at home?"
"Oh no. I need you to see how bad the pain really is."
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I see you can only text 100 wpm. Do you normally text 150 wpm on your iPhone X when you're not in 15/10 pain?
 
My cousin is a [not an EM] doctor in [insert state], can you explain everything to him/her so they can make sure you didn't miss anything?

*tries to hand me their cell phone
 
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