Things I Learn From My Patients

[med2UCC]

Advertisement - Members don't see this ad

If you're a 15 year old boy, drink until you are paralytic, then steal your father's car to drive to the drug dealers. When your father reports you to the Mounties and you spot them behind you with the lights and sirens going, speed up and swallow all your drugs (only a little clonazepam as it happens) so you can be high in lock-up. Then tell the cops you have taken a drug overdose when they catch you.
But wait, the night is still young! When you arrive in emerg refuse to tell anyone what you've taken so they have to draw blood and do a full tox screen. Be sure to call the doctor on duty a crack ***** and a f---ing b-tch at the top of your lungs for spoiling your high. Then spit the activated charcoal on the nurses while complaining loudly about the bad taste. This will not, of course, result in four point restraints and a threat to use an NG tube to administer the rest of the dose. Please remember to mock the doctor for not knowing the street names of the drugs you claim to have taken (which were made up by you and your friends because you live in the extreme back woods and don't know the real names). Also shout all the swear words you know because no one will give you a cigarette or any of the good drugs.
We were so happy when this little fellow left the ED. This was in a 10 bed hospital in a rural area and he was seriously disturbing the demented little old ladies in the acute care beds. Fun times,
M

 

[med2UCC]

If you come in to the ED and I ask what meds you take, "Episcopalian" isn't an answer.

Or at least I naively thought so. He uses scopolamine.

Nor is latex a good water pill (lasix). Similarly Lycra is not good for pain (at least, not when taken orally - Lyrica might work though). My personal all time favorite though is "ibupropane", not least because it was a retired nurse who was taking it!
I do like your example though. We don't have Episcopalians up here in Canada (they're Anglicans up here), but we do use scopolamine.
Cheers, M

 

[docB]

Do not us a grinder that throws a lot of sparks while wearing oxygen. You will flash burn your face, melt your nasal prongs and wind up with charred nostrils, throat and lungs. This, on top of the severe COPD for which you use the oxygen in the first place, will result in a lot of pulmonary badness.

 

[DrFrankenstein]

I learned you shouldn't try bypass the regulator on your bbq while trying to cremate the family dog in your garage. You'll give your kids two things to cry about that day. 🙁

 

[error404]

Eat a giant roast beef sandwich and start having crushing substernal chest pain. Then, when I'm trying to admit you for those annoying ST segment changes, tell me, "you know, I think its my wife who's really sick."

I look over to see my next admit, muttering to herself in a puddle of her own urine, tachypneic and SOB from stopping her meds a few days ago, A&Ox1...

By all means, wait until you have an MI to bring your wife in.

 

[austinap]

Not my patient, but I ran across this gem of an abstract the other day:

Fulminant acute colitis following a self-administered hydrofluoric acid enema.


A 33-yr-old white male presented with bloody diarrhea, leukocytosis, and left lower quadrant direct and rebound tenderness after a self-administered concentrated hydrofluoric acid enema while intoxicated from intranasal cocaine administration. Intraoperative flexible sigmoidoscopy and a gastrografin enema revealed severe mucosal ulceration and edema in the rectum and sigmoid colon. Laparotomy revealed an ulcerated, necrotic, and purulent sigmoid colon and intraperitoneal pus. The patient underwent a limited sigmoid resection and a Hartman procedure. Five months later, the patient presented with a rectal stricture which was resected. This case demonstrates that a hydrofluoric acid enema can cause fulminant acute colitis and chronic colonic strictures.

And for anyone that wants more details: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8420252

 

[PennyLane153]

If you get a gun shot wound in your leg and it gets infected, but you obviously dont have any idea how to change your dressing, I guess the alternate could be to use your secret stash of weed to put into the wound so it heals faster, plus its a great antiseptic. But don't get pissed off when you don't have anything left to smoke, since you're using It to heal your leg.

 

[dchristismi]

Along those lines, if you get really, really high, and really really relaxed, you might find that your lady can shove a rather large snow-globe up somewhere and require a general surgeon to help remove said object. At least, we think it was a snow globe. Felt like it. Just couldn't see it to confirm.

 

[med2UCC]

Tonight I learned that, if you fall down a couple of stairs and maybe break your ankle at 8pm, the absolute best time to go to the A&E to be seen is at 2:30 am after you have been out partying. Once there you should absolutely refuse any x-rays because all you need is a wrap but you can't get one at the drug store because it closed at midnight. Then get totally offended when the treating doctor (me) explains that we are not a drug store/dispensary and usually like to determine treatment options based on actual knowledge of what happened to the ankle (ie. get x-rays so we know it is not broken). Oh, also give me grief because it is going to take about 45 minutes to get said x-ray since it is ... 2 am! And there are some sick people in line ahead of you with things like kdiney stones and bowel perforations that need diagnosing too. Then change your mind and cunningly agree to the x-rays so you can elope as soon as you are out the door with the req, leaving a cubicle tied up for an hour while we figure out you have done so.
Please bring with you your loser boyfriend so he can register 3 times in an hour and then leave without being seen for a cut sustained while opening a beer can. Apparently he opened many of them successfully before meeting his match and coming up to visit us.

 

[Djake]

I first want to say a big "Thank You" to all the EM staff that have helped me in the past. When I first started reading this post I thought it was me she was talking about. I had spinal meningitis at 6 m/o, causeing a neurogenic bladder and having to self-cath, countless UTI's over the years destroying my kidneys and I'm now on hemodialysis. I had to look up what "bilateral BKA" was and figured out it wasn't me, I've still got all my limbs. But up until then I was wondering what I'd done to warrent being in this thread. Oh and my tattoo:teeth ratio is higher than the before mentioned patient. One tat, and um...how many teeth do we have anyway? I've still got all of mine anyway.

Anyway, this thread is awesome, I've spent the last three days reading it and LMAO. I've spent lots of time in the ER, both as a patient and as a State Corrections Officer. Yeah, I'm one of those guys that bring those fine outstanding fellows to you after "Some Dudes" jumped them while they were just SOCMOB in the rec yard, or the one guy I remember that kept waving his hand (the other one was cuffed to the rail) in front of his face as he murmered "black spots!!...black spots" while he tried to fake one of those "gramma" seizures.

Oh...what little knowledge do I have to pass on from a patient, well...if you're in defensive tactics training and another officer bends your thumb back while demonstrating a wrist lock, and you hear a loud "pop", and the instuctor yell "STOP!....oooooh!", you should probably take his advice and go to the ER right then and not wait 5 hrs till the end of class and your hand has swollen to twice it's size. Where they tell you your thumb is broken and you end up with a cast from your knuckles to your elbow.
You do get some admiring look when you show back up for class the next day, and get sent home for 6 weeks of workman's comp...right before your planned 2 week vacation. Ok..ok...the patient was me but I think it still applies.

I'm not a medical student of any type just yet, I'm on the transplant waiting list, and considering pharmacy tech or something similar as a career change. I just don't think a correction facility is a good place for someone that has to take immunodepressants for the rest of their life.

Ok, here's another one!

I also learned today that if you present with supra-pubic pain and a history of self-catheterizations and chronic UTI's from a neurogenic bladder from congenital spinal deformities and also bilateral BKA, that it is really acceptable to grab your private parts and vigorously - uh, 'soothe' them in a methodical gesture in front of the female medical student who is patiently trying to take a professional H&P.

Nevermind that you are a big honking dope head, with one of those freaking big hole-rings in your earlobe and a back full of elaborate tats. Go ahead, give yourself a real work out and please! go to town. Don't let me stop you even tho I politely ask you if you are in any discomfort. And by all means, keep insisting LOUDLY that we get you VERY strong pain meds because your pain is just unbearable.

I also leaned that it is also somehow part of the therapeutic process to attempt to pull your pants down in front of said medical student, and failing that to then pull your gown top down to more fully display your attractiveness while she attempts to listen to your heart and lungs.

 

[Cardinals]

If after leaving a football game you see an injured guy lying on the ground being evaluated for a neck injury, go ahead and pick up the guy's legs and try to move him around. Never mind the doctor and several EMTs telling you to leave the guy alone, what do they know? After all, you used to have a non-medical job in the Army, so clearly you know more than they do.

 

[docB]

If you are a 75 yo with a history of brain tumors, seizures, hemiplegia and DVTs for which you take rat poison don't climb up ladders. Jeeze this is so common and stupid. What is wrong with these people?

 

[njac]

I just want to know what my guy last week was taking recreationally. Besides his prescribed Lortab 10s, Soma, Neurontin, and Librium.

Because he had a 4cm wide lac in his scrotum through the perineum, up to his rectum, and didn't complain of any pain.

In fact, somehow the DRE got missed, and no one noticed until a couple hours later when the nurse was trying to help him pee. Ooops.

 

[beanbean]

Having a "seizure" in the waiting area may get you seen a bit quicker.
AND
Thinking you have "bugs and parasites" crawling under your skin explains why you have scratched off your eyebrows.
BUT
You seriously need to calm down and stop yelling "What kind of hospital is this?!?" after I tell you we do not have dermatologist staffing in the ED.

 

[Cerberus]

If you are going to have your bf fist you, please insist he take any rings off before doing so. A bowel perf is no way to end a night of kinky sex.

 

[Apsaras]

I'm not a doctor by any means - just getting into some very basic EMS studies now, and working on staff at my university campus. That said, I've heard a few crazy stories.

If you're overly gung-ho in your construction work, take a chainsaw to the neck and miraculously live, don't do it again. (He lived again - dude looks like a regular Frankenstein, with scars on both sides of his neck. We're waiting for the third strike.)

If you're going to have a heart attack, it's a pretty good idea to have it in front of a full group of EMS students leaving training. Guy caught a lucky break, there.

If your kid is running a fever for a week, it's obviously cheaper to call EMS in when he spikes a 104.4 fever than to just bring him into his PCP. Bonus points when it's all our fault.

I'll think of more later when it's not 2:00am.

 

[docB]

If your very elderly mother is forced to live in a nursing home so she can have round the clock care to manage her brittle diabetes it's probably not a great idea to take her out of said nursing home and bring her to Vegas for the holidays without any of her medications. If that's beyond you you might at least want to know what medications she's supposed to be on or even what types of medical problems she has.

You see, if you fail in those measures, your mother will wind up in the ER in florid DKA with a glucose of >1200, pH of 7.13, renal failure, hyperkalemia, sepsis, altered mental status, etc. If I seem frustrated when you answer all of my questions with "I don't know.," even easy questions like "Can she usually talk?" you will understand. If you're lucky I might not even explode all over you and tell you outright that you've killed her with your stupidity.

 

[Apollyon]

If you're putting tape - the big, 2 inch cloth tape - onto a dressing over a butt boil that's been I & D'd, do NOT put the tape on the anus. That's not skin, that's mucosa. 1. it will hurt like hell when the patient is going about their life (MUCH worse than the incision site), and 2. when the tape comes off, it will take "DNA laden tissue" (a/k/a "rectal mucosa") with it. On the flip side, the patient will get almost instant relief.

 

[Old_Mil]

If you're a woman, significant movement just as you're about to get a rectal exam is a bad idea. The physician's finger may end up somewhere that neither he, nor you, want it to.

 

[aphobic]

Storing money in your vagina and then claiming you're not mad and try to give your attendings some of said money is probably not gonna win you any points.

 

[BADMD]

Storing money in your vagina and then claiming you're not mad and try to give your attendings some of said money is probably not gonna win you any points.

As a corollary to that, don't leave your money in "the other purse" for more than week. It won't come out looking like money and due to the smell, no one is going to accept it as payment. The resident who does the pelvic and digs it out, will likely throw up.

 

[Ray o Moonlight]

Maybe he was actually a smart fellar who figure out he had an intestinal blockage. You don't know. 🙄

Also, drive 8 hours to your nearest not so close ER because you say the metal in your leg broke. Doctors don't suspect a thing when you tell them about your surgeon "wiping his hands of you" and all of the ER's that have turned you away because you're an "African American...[dramatic pause]...Wo-man".

Ok, so you are a 50ish male that has 6+ MIs, multiple stents, angios and a quadruple bipass... You start to have CP at 2300 and you decide to drive 4 hours to a University for a second option. You arrive at another facility because you finally pull off the road and dial 911. Ekg unremarkable. Upon arrival you demand 4mg Dilaudid IVP (his words) and Valium for the anxiety. You try to refuse Nitro b/c it gives you a headache (duh!). We explain that narcotics are out of the question until the CP is under control. You proceed to ask for your Dilaudid every 5min. When calling his primary med. fac. for records, the nursing supervisor just laughs when we tell her that Pt. X is here. ******... 😀

 

[Drawing Dead]

Today I learned that Fiber Niagara is really painful.

And while I was learning this, a family member stepped out of the bathroom in the pt. room after "blowing it up". Had a hard time not laughing in the patient's face as this was occuring.

Also learned that you will be transported to the ED if you are doing whippits. Not symptomatic, just witnessed doing it.

 

[omgwtfbbq?]

A young woman comes in with dysuria. She was treated for a UTI about six months ago, and has been having pain while urinating since, and even though every time she has a UA it's clear, she's convinced she has a UTI.

"We're going to refer you to a urologist"
"Why can't you people give me antibiotics?"
"Because you don't have an infection. There may be another cause of your pain."
"Nobody does anything for me. I've been to 5 different doctors and not a single one of you has checked if my prostate is the problem!"
"Your what?"
"My prostate. My friend William had all sorts of peeing trouble and they found out it was his prostate making the problem."
I motion her to lean closer. "You don't have a prostate."
Her eyes get wide. "What happened?"
"You're a woman."
Explanation followed. She turned beet red.

 

[PsyDGrrrl]

"Nobody does anything for me. I've been to 5 different doctors and not a single one of you has checked if my prostate is the problem!"
"Your what?"
"My prostate. My friend William had all sorts of peeing trouble and they found out it was his prostate making the problem."
I motion her to lean closer. "You don't have a prostate."
Her eyes get wide. "What happened?"
"You're a woman."
Explanation followed. She turned beet red.

I currently have a patient (with pretty serious dementia) who requested some medication that he saw an ad for on TV or in a magazine for his "postmenopausal osteoporosis"

 

[Kittenmommy]

A piece of steel pipe makes an awesome sex toy!

Some highlights:

A MAN who got his genitalia stuck in a steel pipe had to be cut free by eight firefighters using an industrial grinder.

St Mary’s crew manager Adrian Johnson said: “It was a very delicate operation. We did not want anything heating up.

The person who did it deserves a commendation for his nerve and steady hand.”

Meanwhile, watch manager Greg Garrett from Redbridge station added: “I’ve only come across this type of thing three or four times in my 17 years as a firefighter. It’s not a daily occurrence.”

The man’s private parts were left bruised and swollen.

So, what have we learned today, kids? I think the take home message here is, "Nothing that can be purchased at Home Depot should ever be used as a sex toy.". 😛

 

[orderly]

1: It can take around 2 hours to cut your hand off at the wrist with a butter knife.

2: If you pull your own tooth out with pliers, you will probably get an infection and need to go to hospital.

3: It's probably a good idea to dress like Iron Man when using angle grinders.

4: When you get drunk with your bogan mates and decide to steal an old Ford Falcon sedan with no head/taillights from a wreckers yard and then crash it into a power pole you will probably die.

 

[kll20697]

Hey, just a nurse here but I would like to add one I have treated...

If you have a history of a CVA with right sided weakness, are legally blind and have a splint on your right foot from a fall a week ago, it is not wise to drive yourself out to the woods in search of firewood. You will end up in the ICU.

 

[drputt]

I learned that when playing "feed the elephant" with your slightly intoxicated yuppie wife to never allow her to insert a sizable peanut into your urethra. Additionally, you should not allow her to exacerbate the problem by attempting to "fish it out" with a "coffee stirrer"(swizzle stick). This will lead to a nasty urinary obstruction & cause harsh rebuke from the urologist at 4:30AM.

 

[kll20697]

This one was from yesterday...

If you and your husband of 50+ years have not gotten along for 2 years and have been fighting all day, it is perfectly ok to come have us decide who is crazier because "one of us is." (PS, you're both nuts). Please proceed by telling us every detail of why you hate your spouse; also have us put as your cc "assault" because your husband threw a vegetable at you. Then when asked later if you feel safe to go home, answer yes and act like nothing happened.

 

[Altruist]

I learned that when playing "feed the elephant" with your slightly intoxicated yuppie wife to never allow her to insert a sizable peanut into your urethra.

Hope to God it was unsalted!

Some more lessons:
1. If you are giving "oral pleasures" to a woman with an Icebreaker mint in your mouth, and she starts to shake and hyperventilate, don't call the ambulance. Despite what your intoxicated brain might conclude, she is not having an allergic reaction to the mint. (Also, having police, firefighters and a couple of very amused paramedics in your apartment at 4 am will totally kill the mood.)

2. Don't put a wire coat hanger up your urethra into your bladder. Your abdominal film will be in the ER docs' teaching file for at least the next 50 years.

3. Don't put tin foil, a pen cap, and a AAA battery up your urethra all at the same time while on a coke bender. Corollary: Stop doing coke, unless you want to end up back in the ER for the same thing (with different objects) 2 weeks later.

 

[Rockrat]

EMT-B in training now. Found this thread and wondered if everyone here was keeping Darwin at bay, or were some of these stories from a fertile imagination. Instructor let me know that yes, people are that stupid and the bad part is, they breed.

Best story I heard was;

By all means, have a some EToh, roll your pickup, and before the EMT's arrive, walk home to take a shower to wash all the blood out of your hair and comb your hair. Want to look good, don't we!
Have your SO drive you back to the accident scene, let the perplexed EMTs ,who are wondering where the patient is (all the blood everywhere is a giveaway that there is one somewhere) know it was you driving the pickup. Refuse transport or even examining, but finally relent. Have the EMT examining you, call their boss to "take a look". Let the "boss" have a look, call your SO in and "insist" to transport you because of the hole in the top of your skull and they are looking at your brain.

 

[docB]

If you do more than the prescribed amount of cocaine and then get into an argument with the police officers who arrive because you are pacing around a casino screaming you're going to kill people you should not tell the officers you are going to get a machine gun and kill them all. Cops just don't see the humor in that.

 

[monkeybutt]

I got this one third-hand from an attending, so ... you know.

If you work at a gay bar, don't straight cath yourself and put vodka in your bladder so you can pee shots for the customers. You'll likely end up with recurrent UTIs even if you're a guy.

 

[Raryn]

Finally finished this thread again, so many posts since the last time I read it (as a lowly pre-med who hadn't even applied yet).

My contribution, as observed while shadowing:

If you're an elderly woman on every heart medication known to man, do decide to start skipping your "water pill" so you don't have to go to the bathroom as often.

Don't go into the ER as your limbs start swelling up, until your abdomen joins them in being grossly swollen (and painful at that point).

Also, don't seek any medical help if you fall down and hit your head on the bathroom floor. Not even when you have a pronounced bump on your head for a few weeks later. CT shows a subdural hematoma, which is made all the more fun by the fact that apparently the one pill that the patient had been taking was her warfarin (enough of it to get an INR of 6).

Gross edema with extremely thin blood and a brain bleed. First case of the night while shadowing, and it only got better from there.

 

[Rendar5]

If you're going to insert a nuva ring, please look where you're inserting it. Just because you're 2 months post-partum does not mean that it's normal to hurt like crazy. When you start painfully pissing bloody urine you will be mortified when you realize you will have to come to the ED to remove it from your bladder.

(I honestly felt so bad for this lady)

 

[RisingSun]

Long time reader, first time poster.

This one from my FM rotation in an outpatient office.

If you are going to use erection enhancement medication that you bought over the internet, make sure that it contains yohimbe. Your BP of 220/180 will greatly impress us, but eventually you will have to confess to using the supplement (pun intended) to convince us to let you go home without further extensive w/u.

 

[dpmd]

If you are a 9 year old kid with belly pain, diarrhea, and vomiting be sure to not let your parents see how sick you are so you can come in to the ER a week later septic with diffuse peritonitis from your ruptured appy. I was ready to write the parents off as neglectful until I realized that the kid had not had any pain meds since the night before, but was sitting there talking to me looking absolutely comfortable despite her white count of 1.3, 103 degree temp, rigid abdomen, and CT scan with free air and fluid all over. Whiny crybabies are annoying, but there is such thing as being too stoic.

 

[DarkFark]

I hear this is actually fairly common, but it still horrifies me:


If you think you might be pregnant, coming to the emergency department to find out for sure is an efficient use of resources. When asked why you didn't just go to the drug store two blocks away for a $12 home pregnancy test, "Because this was closer" is an acceptable answer. It's not like an ED visit costs 50 times as much, or anything.

 

[MeowMix]

if you`re a 14 yo girl and you are really really mad at your mom, the best way to get back at her is to get pregnant. A good way to do this is have sex with your 23 yo boyfriend. If he insists on using a condom, just stick in your finger and put some of the ejaculate up inside yourself. When your mom notices you are getting fatter, be sure to tell her you are constipated and haven`t pooped in a week. When the hapless PA falls for your story and orders an abdominal X-ray to rule out obstruction, look amazed when the tech finds a 20-week fetus.

 

[Emergency 2009]

Just an FYI: Storing deli items outside of a refrigerator can cause cramping and an unpleasant odor.

Attending: "Are you aware there is lunch meat in your vagina?"

PT: "Ya, I knows that..." (not surprised and seemly unconcerned she continues to text friends at 3:30 am in the middle of a vag exam) 😕

 

[Arcan57]

75 yo with vag bleeding and discharge, abnormal PAP ~5 years earlier that she never had followed up. Had been douching with bleach for the last two weeks to try and get rid of the odor. Not a pretty sight...

 

[doctorFred]

you don't have pain "everywhere." nobody has pain "everywhere" (although you'd be fooled by a random sample!)

 

[docB]

If you are an 80 year old and you fall and hurt yourself in your home town and your hip hurts so much you can't put weight on it for 2 days you should go see your doctor. You should not go to the airport, have yourself loaded on to the plane in a wheelchair, which you don't normally use, and fly to Vegas. You see the airline crew will notice when you scream in pain every time they touch you when they are trying to get you off the plane. They will call an ambulance and you'll get to spend your vacation in the hospital, not to mention having your intertrocanteric hip fracture fixed by an ortho surgeon you'll never see again.

 

[Katydid]

I am not a doctor. Or a medical student. Or a nurse.

I deliver for a local pharmacy.

Today, I learned that if you have been smoking three packs a day for 40 years, have given yourself emphysema, and you are insured by the state? Asking you to pay a two dollar copay for two shopping bags full of nebulizer medication, two different inhalers, and Oxycontin is just too much. I mean, that cuts into your money for smokes, amirite?

And this person wonders why their delivery lady is not quite so friendly any longer. Hmmm, I couldn't tell you why.

 

[RaspberryBlu]

Just finished reading the whole thread (sadface). It has entertained me for over a month, providing me with some great study breaks! My dad used to work in the emergency room for about 20 years (as a physician), so I can totally believe these stories. He has had many that were similar!

I'm currently just a pre-med, although hopefully I can say that I'm a medical student before too much longer! Here are a couple things I learned shadowing my dad in an urgent care setting in semi-rural SC.

1) If you're a guy who has had periodic UTIs for the past decade (at least), there's no need to see a urologist. In fact, blueberries (I kid you not!) are the best treatment for your definitely-not-an-STD! Blueberry-Boy will live on forever in my and my dad's medical lingo 😎

2) If you've been feeling bad all day after working for an electrical company out in the hot South Carolina summer sun, then it's definitely a good idea to drive PAST the emergency room and go to the urgent care facility 2 miles down the road. It's just a bit of dehydration right?

The sad fact is that it was probably a pulmonary embolism =/ The guy collapsed and started seizing the second he stepped out of the truck (his work crew drove him). He also stopped breathing and quickly started turning blue. Although my dad was able to pink him back up by the time the EMTs arrived, he died within a half hour of being rushed to that same ED that he had passed earlier. Chances are it really wouldn't have made too much of a difference with the pulmonary embolism, but still... even dehydration severe enough to cause such discomfort is a reason to go to the ED not urgent care!

The worst part of that was that his coworkers couldn't find the phone number for the guy's wife. No way that she would have had a chance to get to the hospital before he passed away 🙁

 

[USCDiver]

If you think you might be pregnant, coming to the emergency department to find out for sure is an efficient use of resources. When asked why you didn't just go to the drug store two blocks away for a $12 home pregnancy test, "Because this was closer" is an acceptable answer. It's not like an ED visit costs 50 times as much, or anything.

Something I DID actually learn recently from a patient (so take with a grain of salt). Medicaid apparently requires some sort of 'official' positive pregnancy test (ie from the ED or health dept) to get signed up for pregnancy benefits. That's why they all come in with vague complaints just to get that positive hcg they already know about from the home test they took half an hour ago.

 

[DarwinsDefeat]

1: No matter how badly you need narcotics, injecting stool into your IV line and into your hip to give yourself a legitimate infection CANNOT POSSIBLY BE THE BEST WAY to get them.

2: Crying babies can be hard to deal with. "Accidentally" reconstituting your infant's formula with straight vodka WILL fix that. He will sleep quietly with his BAL of .360, the fact that he only needs a little nasal cannula oxygen to support his O2 while he sleeps it off does make me think that perhaps this is not the first time he had a little assistance from the bottle additives department.


-A few new tidbits by an ER nurse for all of you who have leant me a sense of perspective by sharing your bits of insanity as well.

 

[aggiedoc2010]

I am only an ER tech waiting to go to med school in the fall, but this little event made most of our nights.

If you get into a minor MVA with a semi-truck, make sure to give the nurse your girlfriend's stripper advertisment card so he will "know her when she gets here." Also, have said stripper prance into the ED staight from work wearing her miniskirt and red gogo boots. She should also be all worried that her boyfriend "got plowed by a semi." After she finds out that you are ok, have her go back to the waiting room and bring additional stripper friends back. Make sure that at least one of your strippers then passes out drunk on trauma room 1's bed since that bed is never used at a level 1 trauma center.

 

[Renova]

If you were just discharged from the hospital after having a TIA (with L sided numbness/weakness), and later on that evening fall to the floor because you can't move the entire L side of your body, by all means drag yourself into bed and "try to sleep it off." Be sure to call your sister and make sure that this is an appropriate course of action. Then, when you aren't magically cured the next morning, have your sister drive you to the ED a full 12 hrs after the fact. Who needs tPA, when "sleeping it off" is just as effective? After all, both you and your sister are nurses.