to be or not to be

[foofish]

Although not the running the track spikes up to school part, my mom as a doctor was able to take afternoons off for sporting events or take a day off to help in the classroom. You probably can't do that as a surgeon, but if you join say a larger IM specialty group you can make the time by wisely using your afternoons/days-off. It's not as impossible as you're making it seem.

Good point, I know of several doctors in my town who have modified schedules to be able to spend time with their kids....one internist, for instance, shifted her day "earlier"....having appointments starting at 7am and ending early afternoon (when school got out). If anything, the early morning appointments are the most popular since people can go before work and not have to take time off. If medicine is something the OP really wants to do, she'll find a way to do both (and do both well).

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[Law2Doc]

Good point, I know of several doctors in my town who have modified schedules to be able to spend time with their kids....one internist, for instance, shifted her day "earlier"....having appointments starting at 7am and ending early afternoon (when school got out). If anything, the early morning appointments are the most popular since people can go before work and not have to take time off. If medicine is something the OP really wants to do, she'll find a way to do both (and do both well).

That assumes she works for herself and works in an appointment based practice. Not all docs do either.

 

[foofish]

That assumes she works for herself and works in an appointment based practice. Not all docs do either.

Right, but the OP seems to think it's impossible to both be a physician and to be involved in her kids' lives...I guess my point is that there are definitely choices she can make that will let her do both, and that there are people successfully doing both.

 

[aubreytex]

.

 

[Cirrus83]

How can you complain about 2k a year while not even working full time?

Double-u tee eff!?!?!?!


That's like how much unemployment money someone could collect in a month without working at all.

Or how much my little bro made in 3 weeks working as a high school graduate...

Or how much money I made from selling 2 HD Camcorders once.

Who the hell works "part time" and makes 2K a year?!!? What the hell is part time, 3 hours a year?!?

Do you mean 2 million? Or what? I'm really confused how anybody would think making $2000 a year is fun times.

 

[variablistic]

I read through this forum expecting someone to have said it already, but they hadn't, so here's your SDN cliche of the day.

If you can see yourself doing something other than medicine, then do something else.

 

[gujuDoc]

just found a useful site..
http://www.mommd.com/

btw.. thanks to everyone for the valuable input. i'm not asking anyoen to make the decision for me as it is mine and mine alone to make. but the more information and personal stories i have, the easier it'll be and the more confident i'll be that i'm making the right one.

There are a few things I will say on this topic:

1. My mother, though she had a college degree, didn't get a degree that was useful for any real sort of job and was a stay at home mom before going to work for 7-11 and now as a bank teller. She regrets it every day of her life that she didn't follow her dream and let my father push her down. Her dream was to be a librarian.

Think about whether you could see yourself happy as a stay at home mom. You may find yourself regretting not going for it once your kids are a bit older and aren't home whole day.

2. If you want to consider other career options, look into PA school, optometry school, dental school, pharmacy school. While in school it will be intensive but the hours aftewards are far better then a doctor's hours unless you go into lifestyle specialties which brings me to point 3.

3. If you do go into medicine and think you can pull what you need to get into a good lifestyle specialty like Derm, Rads, pathology, or maybe even EM, then perhaps you could have it all or most of it anyways. Dermatologists have very few hours and from what someone in allo was saying they may work a little under 40 hrs/week even in residency.

4. You could just wait til they are older and then do medicine.

 

[gujuDoc]

i bet working 2 days a week makes it hard to stay up to date. and it's really hard to find those positions. every doctor i've talked to said they could never find part time work, despite extensive efforts.

...funny my other career would probably be a financial advisor. some people i know at my condo work 30 hours a week at most doing personal financial advising and bring in 2k a year.i think my internship this summer with Ernst & Young will help a lot - if I love it or hate it.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so family oriented. I've shadowed surgeons and it's probably the most enjoyable periods of my life as of late. I absolutely loved it. But that would definately not allow for both

i also have to look at the fact that if i choose med school i'll be a year behind in college. i'll graduate when i'm 23. start med school at 24. graduate when i'm 28. finish residency around 31-36. and try to raise kids while in residency. that's when you miss a lot of key moments, like first steps.

i'm also going to be marrying a lawyer - he'll be working a ton. i don't want a nanny or babysitter to 'raise my kids'. i want my kids to be raised by their parents.

Did you mean 20k or 200k????? Because 2k = 2000 which is almost as much as my minimum wage job working part time in a computer lab on campus for one semester would make or what a full time job at other places make in a few weeks.

 

[Drmom2b]

I think you are trying to maybe talk yourself into being a stay at home mommy. Just my opinion. Let me tell you a little about me and how I made this decision. I have a 16month old. I wasnt supposed to be able to have a baby and God gave me one. I absolutely LOVE being a mom. So I told myself that I would be ok being a psychologist instead of a Doctor. WRONG! I struggled and struggled and finally came to the conclusion that by the time I become a doctor ... Camden will need me more. You see he will be in his teenage years and thats when many children need more guidence. I am currently in college getting my nursing degree...bc of personal financial reasons, but I will not give up the dream of becomming a doctor. You can have both you just have to have the drive and will to succeed.

 

[gary5]

Just do both. They're not mutually exclusive. Kids are only dependent for 18 years, after which time they don't need much at all. Plus, they're in school full-time starting at age 6.

 

[omegaxx]

Not to make life more complicated, but my mom was an analyst, and was most definitely not at every little event in my childhood. (But also note, I'm not emotionally scarred and have a close relationship with my mom.)

Same here. My mom was a single mother for a good part of my childhood (~7 years), so she had to pursue her professional dreams (I was present at both her Masters and PhD ceremony and proofread her PhD thesis), put bacon on the plate, and take care of me. Sure, she was never the one to drive me and my friends on field trips or to watch over me after school. I spent my summers doodling around the lunch room of her department. Did I feel like I missed a thing? Absolutely not. Every minute I spent with her was filled with laughter and love. Her being a career woman only made me value independence and self-motivation all the more. Does anything less than 24/7 attention on your kids make you a bad mom? Shoot anyone who tells you that.

PS. I also just recalled two of my research supervisors. Both were very career-driven women and single mothers. Somehow they all struck the balance quite well, and their kids all grew up into independent, motivated, and happy adults. I know how hard it is, but it's definitely possible to be a career woman and a great mom at the same time!

 

[Anjlprincezz]

I also think the OP is trying to talk herself into being a stay-at-home mom, or a financial anaylst so she can have less hours and more money.. I have to say even if u were an anaylst i doubt you'd have the type of flexibility your mother had.. That's a bit much.. I can see that u really want to be a good mother but i feel like personalyl i can't give that much to another person without first talking the time to pursue more selfish desires, like medicine. i know i want medicine and i always have, i wouldn't feel fulfilled if i didn't pursue it, and if that means i miss a spelling bee or soccer game here and there so be it, i hope my kids will love and respect me enough to understand, and want for my happiness as well as their own.. besides i couldn;t imagine living solely for my kids, i have to be my own person too, kids grow up, and they leave, then what? It's great to be responsible for the lives of children and raising great men and women that will be a great asset to society, but what about u? how will you benefit society? You also don't want to end up resenting your kinds now do you? especially when they're ungrateful teens telling you how much they hate you (as all teens do its a rite of passage)


Oh im just rambling, ignore me, its past my bed time..

 

[gujuDoc]

Same here. My mom was a single mother for a good part of my childhood (~7 years), so she had to pursue her professional dreams (I was present at both her Masters and PhD ceremony and proofread her PhD thesis), put bacon on the plate, and take care of me. Sure, she was never the one to drive me and my friends on field trips or to watch over me after school. I spent my summers doodling around the lunch room of her department. Did I feel like I missed a thing? Absolutely not. Every minute I spent with her was filled with laughter and love. Her being a career woman only made me value independence and self-motivation all the more. Does anything less than 24/7 attention on your kids make you a bad mom? Shoot anyone who tells you that.

PS. I also just recalled two of my research supervisors. Both were very career-driven women and single mothers. Somehow they all struck the balance quite well, and their kids all grew up into independent, motivated, and happy adults. I know how hard it is, but it's definitely possible to be a career woman and a great mom at the same time!

Yeah I don't think its about spending every waking hour with your kids. Raising good children is about teaching them values and making sure they learn what's important in life i.e. a good education, good moral values whether you affiliate it with culture/reigious beliefs or don't, treating others how you'd want them to treat you-with respect and dignity, etc.

 

[mikkey]

Hey
I know many women in your situation. They just got out of med and dental school with specialties and would like to start a family. (I live in Quebec and no one here gets married in school, much less has kids). However, they work as surgeons, and don't want an office practice. Dilemma...
My mother was one of them. She worked 100 hours a week with 3 kids and pregnant with a fourth and my father was doing a Master's in a city 8 hours away. After a while, she made the heart-wrenching decision to become a full time mom. She loved her job, but she realized that her family was more important than her career or the X-digit income.
As a woman, I have made the decision that I will not have children, because my career is, to me, more important and both are not possible. I am however only 21, so that may change, as priorities do change with time. Most women and their families are torn when it comes down to kids. My dad really believes that what you leave behind is your kids, but he wants my sister and I to fulfill our dreams and not be confined by our uterus like in the past. It is a difficult choice, both as individuals and as a society, because more working women equals less kids, and hence a dying society.

 

[lilnoelle]

I think the big difference between an individual who doesn't see the problem with having a kid spend more time in daycare verses being with a family member is whether or not the parents' values differ from society's values. If society and the parents values match up, then the child will probably be perfectly fine reared by society. (as far as the parent is concerned) If the parents' values differ substantially from society's, then the parent really needs to be a huge part of the child's life in order for their values to be carried on by their child.
(I am of course assuming in both scenerios that the children are in a safe and encouraging environment.)

 

[Doctor Bagel]

My mom is not a physician, but she worked a lot when I was growing up. I admired her for it and always knew that she was there for me if I needed it. She stayed at home prior to going back to work and was always happier working, as are lots of women I know.

 

[dutchman]

Do not go into medicine.

 

[baylormed]

Do not go into medicine.

I think that's already been well-established in your post-history here on SDN.

 

[MDAdam]

So how do you choose? What's more important when you want both?

I don't know if this has already been suggested, and I don't have time right now to read through all the responses to check, but what about becoming a Physician's Assistant? They have good pay and a flexible schedule.