Rest assured that, if you were murdered, I would work tirelessly to ensure the culprit (or culprits) were brought to justice using the full weight of the American justice system. This, my friend, is a vow I make to you. You should waste not a moment further considering this issue. Your killers will feel my wrath. In fact, I’m a little pissed off just writing this message, at the mere thought that this person (or persons) would even consider causing you harm. They had no right to hypothetically snuff out the life of someone with so much left to give. Mark my words. I will avenge you and your hypothetical death shall not have hypothetically been in vain.
*note-if this comes to fruition, I will eventually need your real name and to have your next of kin contact me to begin the process. 🙂