I think you're probably also having a difficult time because you have very high expectations. From your responses, you require someone who is attractive, intelligent, financially independent, and also a "girl next door" (does this entail domestic aptitude, cooking and cleaning?!). You're focusing way too much on your checklist to actually take the time to get to know if you are compatible with someone. You're also not doing yourself any favors by hiding your occupation. How do you know that there aren't women who are overlooking your profile because they're also interested in getting to know someone who is highly educated and financially independent?
I honestly think online dating is still your best shot considering you've admitted you aren't strong in small talk or charisma, dislike most of your colleagues' suggestions, and have basically discounted your entire town for potential romantic interests. Sign up for a website where you actually have to pay a membership fee -- this will screen out a lot of the casual participants, look for a site that matches you based on your personality and values, and make an honest profile. You'll have a much wider pool to choose from since you are very selective, and if you connect strongly enough to someone, the distance may become negotiable.
No, "girl next door" refers more to her personality. I couldn't care less if she cooks or cleans. Nevertheless, I understand what you're saying about my having high expectations and that making it difficult. I think it's coming off that way because it's hard to explain things. For example, if I say "attractive," chances are that everyone immediately thinks "oh, he wants a Victoria's Secret model, no wonder he's SOL." But the girls I've been attracted to, while certainly pretty, aren't viewed by most guys as "hot." (In fact, in medical school, a lot of the women considered "hot" were ones that I was uninterested in, not that they were interested in me.) I never said I wanted someone financially independent -- and actually I've never mentioned money at all in this thread, since it's pretty irrelevant to me (I still drive a 15-year-old car despite the fact that I could go out and buy a new car with cash right now). Now, I wouldn't date someone who had money problems, such as someone who constantly maxes out their credit cards and is into just buying tons of stuff, but that's different.
As far as hiding my occupation, you're right. I mean, if some woman said to me "I'll tell you later if I have kids," I'd assume the worst. So I went back and put in that I was a surgeon and was pretty open about everything. However, I didn't get any interest. I've talked with some people and they say that online dating is a different beast, that my profile doesn't "pop out of the crowd." And that's true. I mean, I'm a responsible guy who has a good job and who is in good shape, but other than that, there's nothing special, which is what hurts me in real life too, I guess. I've actually decided to abandon online dating because I don't know if I'm doing it wrong or what. I at first only messaged women that I was attracted to, but the reality is they probably get dozens of messages a week and I never got any responses. So next, I messaged women even if I wasn't really attracted to them, so long as they were educated, and wrote that I was interested in meeting professionals in the area, whether they just wanted to hang out or perhaps date. Still nothing. So I said "look, this is getting ridiculous. I'm not going to next start messaging women I'm not attracted to who aren't educated, just so I can say that someone messaged me back." Clearly it doesn't work for me. So I'm focusing on good old fashioned real life.
I guess, coming back full circle to the OP, that's what is so frustrating to me. As I said, there's a belief that if you're a doctor you "have it made" in the dating world. I've even had attendings who are married say to me "what I wouldn't give to be in your shoes." And I never know what that means. I mean, let's face it, I know a lot of guys are of the "I'll hit anything that moves" mentality, so I can see someone like that doing quite well in my shoes. But other than that, I don't get it. I've said before, and had many people agree, that you don't go to bars or clubs to meet Ms. Right. (And women say the same thing, that they wouldn't go to a bar to meet Mr. Right.) But other than bars or clubs, the prevailing theory to meeting someone seems to be to literally just run into them somewhere, which is why people are having such a hard time telling me where to meet people. It's sort of like people saying "well, I met my girlfriend because we were both waiting for the bus one day" or "I met my boyfriend when I needed some help in a Best Buy." Well, that actually doesn't happen to me. I mean, I've heard people say "airports are a great place to meet people!" And while you may initially disagree, the person just says "sure, you're waiting for a plane to board and you see an attractive woman, just start talking to her." Now, again, that's sort of like most dating advice I run into: yeah, I get that, theoretically, but I don't get it, realistically. That's why I get frustrated with dating advice, to be honest. You can say "meet someone in the grocery store ...it's the easiest thing, just go up to a woman and start talking to her about whatever produce she's looking at." Again, theoretically, yes; realistically, no. I get how, in theory, you could even meet a woman in the feminine hygeine aisle, if you want to act like that. Someone might say "that's actually a perfect place to meet women! Just make a joke about the tampons she's holding!" I can't really argue with that, but I also can't really see it happening.
