Urrrrgh ...single?

WhtsThFrequency said:
Speaking as a girl, if a guy invited me in a one-on-one situation when he wasn't actually interested in me and was using me in order to potentially meet women he actually wanted to date later on, I can assure you I would be annoyed. There is nothing wrong with adding women to your social circle in group activities, but asking asking out women (especially women on dating sites) who you aren't actually inerested in is called leading people on.
Click to expand...
That's just under the assumption that (1) the girl treats it as a date (2) the girl finds out his real intention. The reality is some girls don't treat it as a date. Even if she does, she will probably never find out his real intention, because she will not know if something went wrong on that one-on-one occasion which made the guy lose his interest. And no girl assume that she is not worth dating from the right beginning. So the most likely scenario is that the girl believes that he was initially attracted but the "date" went wrong, and she will have to choose if she will be his platonic friend or stay away from him or try harder to impress him (and none of these choices hurt the guy). And there are some girls that would like to go one on one to "fill the void in their life" instead of developing relationship.
That's why I am suggesting OP to try this to build a friendship network and learn how to talk to a girl. Once you are more comfortable being around girls, you will be less nervous when you go for "the kill"
And I think it will be especially difficult for OP to organize a group activity in the rural area due to low population density, not to say that he is not good at small talk so he need "big talk" that lasts for a longer time which is more realistic in one-on-one occasion.
 
Last edited:
ruralsurg4now said:
But, for example, the women in the city where I work are, as I said, the "white trash" type, where they're either pretty good looking jailbait (with no future, likely) or they're old and obese with kids. I can't see that as a compromise. I just finished doing a race in the nearby college town and there were lots of attractive women ...but they were all with guys. It's sort of the same thing, where people basically pair off very early, leaving me SOL. Now, theoretically, those guys could just be friends, but it's not like I'm going to approach them to find out.
Click to expand...
Then build friendship with the attractive women and their boyfriends, and ask them to help you.
The key is if you don't want to sell yourself short, then you need to broaden your horizon and market yourself well (AKA: locate the people you like and advertise yourself to them).
 
ctcell said:
That's why I am suggesting OP to try this to build a friendship network and learn how to talk to a girl. Once you are more comfortable being around girls, you will be less nervous when you go for "the kill"
Click to expand...

Probably won't work. I'm not nervous talking to women I'm not attracted to. Only to ones I am attracted to.
 
ruralsurg4now said:
Probably won't work. I'm not nervous talking to women I'm not attracted to. Only to ones I am attracted to.
Click to expand...

Maybe friend attractive women you know are in relationships so they can introduce you to their friends?
 
njac said:
Maybe friend attractive women you know are in relationships so they can introduce you to their friends?
Click to expand...

Um, it's really hard to just be friends with women you're attracted to. 😛
 
That Russian chick in the featured article is pretty cute. But she says she's married. Booooo.
 
Here is why SDN sucks. I googled for her and here's her actual full (uncropped by SDN) picture. Notice what they cropped out? 😀

Elleseff-T_LT2.jpg
 
mercaptovizadeh said:
Yep, it's bizarre. Some guys are just attracted to anything with a vagina. She can be fake, plastic, ugly, stupid, nasty, disgusting, etc. - as long as it's female, they're all for it.

Other guys are a bit more picky. They're actually thinking of where things might go in the long term.
Click to expand...
There is also a third category, which IMO is the way to go. Guys who have a type or find certain women attractive and don't mind to have some fun, yet are open to a serious relationship afterwards once the got to know each other well and if they are a good match.

btw, second category of guys who are just looking to get serious right away often come across as really creepy, at least in the states.
 
phoenx said:
The sad thing is, girls never really know where they stand or what category they're in.
Click to expand...

Well, women who are fairly attractive know it because they get more attention. The women who were in my med school class who were attractive (but whom I wasn't attracted to) certainly knew they were attractive. Now, it's all relative, because if you went out to a random club, you'd most certainly find "hotter" women. It's really once you get into the "second tier" that I think women really are not sure where they stand. More realistically, those women are attractive to certain people and not to others. That's probably true for guys, too.
 
ruralsurg4now said:
Well, women who are fairly attractive know it because they get more attention. The women who were in my med school class who were attractive (but whom I wasn't attracted to) certainly knew they were attractive. Now, it's all relative, because if you went out to a random club, you'd most certainly find "hotter" women. It's really once you get into the "second tier" that I think women really are not sure where they stand. More realistically, those women are attractive to certain people and not to others. That's probably true for guys, too.
Click to expand...
Then I guess I'm second tier. I've always had guys who were interested but I didn't always reciprocate or wasn't in a position to reciprocate.

Though it seems that there are plenty of guys to flirt with these days, nothing else is really happening.
 
phoenx said:
Then I guess I'm second tier. I've always had guys who were interested but I didn't always reciprocate or wasn't in a position to reciprocate.

Though it seems that there are plenty of guys to flirt with these days, nothing else is really happening.
Click to expand...

Well, if you had guys who were interested but didn't reciprocate, was it because you felt they were not attractive?
 
phoenx said:
Sometimes it was a lack of attraction. Other times, just too insecure.
Click to expand...

See, to me that makes no sense. I can see it if you're not sure if they're interested in you, but if you know they were interested, what's the problem?
 
I spent my entire night reading this entire thread with my girlfriend. We laughed, we cried. That is all. Oh, and you and Freesia should definitely get back together again. WE WANT HAPPY ENDING!

Oh, and just FYI, her and I met online started an LDR, and now we live together. So, it can happen 🙂
 
ruralsurg4now said:
I'm pretty sure I mentioned that I'm attracted to women that most guys don't consider to be really hot.
Click to expand...
I'd like to say that you shouldn't have many problems... but... any chick who's a 4-5/10 and above will get male attention.
It's quite true that for purposes of casual sex and casual dating... ~20% of guys get ~80% of chicks. Especially in the younger years (early 20s AND below). Other guys have more options once these former sluts want to settle down.
 
FutureGlobalDoc said:
I spent my entire night reading this entire thread with my girlfriend. We laughed, we cried. That is all. Oh, and you and Freesia should definitely get back together again. WE WANT HAPPY ENDING!

Oh, and just FYI, her and I met online started an LDR, and now we live together. So, it can happen 🙂
Click to expand...

Eh, it can happen, but the odds are low, you gotta admit.
 
that redhead said:
Just so you're aware, studentpox, it's considered pretty rude to refer to women who may have had multiple sexual partners as sluts.
Click to expand...

I don't necessarily think he means anyone who has had sexual partners. I'm not saying this is every woman around, but it's pretty well known (at least among guys) that there are women who will party and sleep around when they're young and attractive and then, when they're getting older, then switch to trying to find some responsible guy (generally the boring guy they had contempt for earlier) to hook themselves to for security. It leads to a lot of bitterness and resentment amongst guys, which admittedly sometimes is misdirected towards women who don't deserve it, but you're not really going to be able to change that.
 
Sleeping around = having multiple sexual partners, no? 😉

I understand what you're talking about. I don't expect to win anyone over, just making note that it's considered a pretty nasty thing to call a woman, at least in many women's opinion.
 
phoenx said:
Agreed. It seems like guys who use such descriptions are the ones who are bitter beyond belief because some girl did them wrong. Total misogyny.
Click to expand...

Partly it's because they've been shunned because women latched onto the handsome/charming/abusive types in their 20s and early 30s and then want to leech their way through the rest of life (with children in tow) off of the erstwhile contemptible nerd/geek/"nice guy" who didn't play the "bad boy" game.
 
So you'd prefer that all women that were promiscuous when they were younger get stuck with the a-holes they caroused with at that time? Let's not pretend that these women are a separate population of society - most, if not all people I know would take back something they did as a teenager and 20-something. People are allowed to change for the better. (And yes, I do believe some women do this maliciously. But not all.)
 
ruralsurg4now said:
I don't necessarily think he means anyone who has had sexual partners. I'm not saying this is every woman around, but it's pretty well known (at least among guys) that there are women who will party and sleep around when they're young and attractive and then, when they're getting older, then switch to trying to find some responsible guy (generally the boring guy they had contempt for earlier) to hook themselves to for security. It leads to a lot of bitterness and resentment amongst guys, which admittedly sometimes is misdirected towards women who don't deserve it, but you're not really going to be able to change that.
Click to expand...

Young men do the exact same thing, though. Often they doggedly pursue the popular, outgoing, sometimes crazy, "hot" women in the high school and college years, and all they want to do is bang one after the other. They rack up their points and try to bang the hottest (or whatever society tells them is hot at the time) girls possible. Then, when men get older, they start looking for someone more "wife" material - often the same types of girls they ignored while sowing their oats. So while the "nice guys" of the world may have their own resentment, the "nice girls" got shafted just as bad.

It isn't a sex issue (and by sex I mean gender) - it's an experience and maturity issue that comes when people realize what they really want in other person besides a good time between the sheets or what society tells them is the pinnacle of sexual achievement (i.e. hitting the physical 10/10).
 
mercaptovizadeh said:
Partly it's because they've been shunned because women latched onto the handsome/charming/abusive types in their 20s and early 30s and then want to leech their way through the rest of life (with children in tow) off of the erstwhile contemptible nerd/geek/"nice guy" who didn't play the "bad boy" game.
Click to expand...
Why leech? The guys are not children. They know who they are marrying. Many of them get money partly because they want to end up with really good looking women and could care less about the past. I don't see why everyone blames women here when it is clearly guy's problem that he couldn't fix his game to land a girl of his dream before he amassed a fortune.
 
that redhead said:
So you'd prefer that all women that were promiscuous when they were younger get stuck with the a-holes they caroused with at that time?
Click to expand...

Truthfully? Yeah, I think all guys would prefer that. I mean, if you want to be brutally honest, I think that would make most guys quite happy. Since you're (presumably) not of that nature, why would that bother you? It's not a question of "sisterhood," it's just a belief that people should reap what they sow. They way they do it now, they're really taking advantage of the other person. Now, WhtsThFrequency says that men do the same thing, but I'd disagree. NOT that men aren't total a-holes and don't sleep around when they are young if they are good-looking. But men aren't smart enough (or tolerant enough) to then turn around and "settle" for the nerdy girl who is a CEO or a lawyer. They're not doing to do that because she's not hot enough for them (or they would have tried to get her already). That's the main difference between the genders.
 
SunsFun said:
I don't see why everyone blames women here when it is clearly guy's problem that he couldn't fix his game to land a girl of his dream before he amassed a fortune.
Click to expand...

Sure, that's fair. But by the same token, I don't see why you have a problem with everyone looking down on the women, as it's clearly their fault that their actions bring them contempt from society. See, you just want it so that they can act any way they want and not be judged. Too bad, they're hos.
 
ruralsurg4now said:
Sure, that's fair. But by the same token, I don't see why you have a problem with everyone looking down on the women, as it's clearly their fault that their actions bring them contempt from society. See, you just want it so that they can act any way they want and not be judged. Too bad, they're hos.
Click to expand...
Not everyone. As a matter of fact, most guys I've met who are successful with women do not. They can care less. I personally think they have a right to act any way they want as long as they do not cause harm to others. Them sleeping around didn't cause anyone harm except guys whose egos got hurt when those same girls denied them. I think it's just a common decency to not judge people here. Also, you might have less experience with girls but once you do you will realize that each one of them is an actual person with feeling and beliefs who did what she thought was a right thing to do and thought she was gonna be happy. Things didn't work out for some. No point in bringing up the past to guilt trip people when we all have skeletons in out closets.
 
that redhead said:
So you'd prefer that all women that were promiscuous when they were younger get stuck with the a-holes they caroused with at that time? Let's not pretend that these women are a separate population of society - most, if not all people I know would take back something they did as a teenager and 20-something. People are allowed to change for the better. (And yes, I do believe some women do this maliciously. But not all.)
Click to expand...
Well... they intentionally seek out those ass holes or whatever. lol.

I don't view having multiple partners as being a slut.. if you define multiple as like 3..5..6.. anything beyond then yes I do.
 
ruralsurg4now said:
I don't necessarily think he means anyone who has had sexual partners. I'm not saying this is every woman around, but it's pretty well known (at least among guys) that there are women who will party and sleep around when they're young and attractive and then, when they're getting older, then switch to trying to find some responsible guy (generally the boring guy they had contempt for earlier) to hook themselves to for security. It leads to a lot of bitterness and resentment amongst guys, which admittedly sometimes is misdirected towards women who don't deserve it, but you're not really going to be able to change that.
Click to expand...
Yea this basically.

I was the "jacked guy" going through high school so getting girls wasn't a big issue to me (not saying it was easy), but I don't have any hate built up or whatever. But it is true that 20% of guys get 80% of chicks through the prime sex years.
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
Young men do the exact same thing, though. Often they doggedly pursue the popular, outgoing, sometimes crazy, "hot" women in the high school and college years, and all they want to do is bang one after the other. They rack up their points and try to bang the hottest (or whatever society tells them is hot at the time) girls possible. Then, when men get older, they start looking for someone more "wife" material - often the same types of girls they ignored while sowing their oats. So while the "nice guys" of the world may have their own resentment, the "nice girls" got shafted just as bad.

It isn't a sex issue (and by sex I mean gender) - it's an experience and maturity issue that comes when people realize what they really want in other person besides a good time between the sheets or what society tells them is the pinnacle of sexual achievement (i.e. hitting the physical 10/10).
Click to expand...
no no.. nothing's been more false in this thread.

The very observation that a minority of men bang/date a majority of chicks and the near-fact that women have it wayyyyy easier than men... goes to show your statement is entirely false.
 
studentp0x said:
Well... they intentionally seek out those ass holes or whatever. lol.

I don't view having multiple partners as being a slut.. if you define multiple as like 3..5..6.. anything beyond then yes I do.
Click to expand...

Didn't you say on some other thread you're in your early 20s and have had 8 or 9? :laugh: gotta love that double standard.

This also depends heavily on age and context. An 18 year old gal who had 6 dudes in a few months does not equal a 25 year old who had 6 guys over 6 years.
 
I don't know why you take offense at us "losers" here "judging" slutty women. So what? I mean, since we clearly value good judgement and restraint over rampant frolicking in the hay, our values don't line up well with someone who hooks up with a different frat boy every weekend.

Then you trot out "most guys who are successful with women don't care," as if what they thought was supposed to be something we should aspire to?

Btw, if you found out your girlfriend was abusing cocaine and heroin, would you propose marriage to her or break up with her or make sure she went to rehab and dealt with her addiction before proposing? Would you ask a junkie out on a date?
 
Whoa...not sure if you're responding to me or SunsFun, but never did I defend people who go around throwing their vagina in everyone's face. I meant that giving it an arbitrary number (a realistic one, not 100 people a year or something) isn't the best way to evaluate.
 
Last edited:
SunsFun said:
Not everyone. As a matter of fact, most guys I've met who are successful with women do not. They can care less. I personally think they have a right to act any way they want as long as they do not cause harm to others. Them sleeping around didn't cause anyone harm except guys whose egos got hurt when those same girls denied them. I think it's just a common decency to not judge people here. Also, you might have less experience with girls but once you do you will realize that each one of them is an actual person with feeling and beliefs who did what she thought was a right thing to do and thought she was gonna be happy. Things didn't work out for some. No point in bringing up the past to guilt trip people when we all have skeletons in out closets.
Click to expand...

It's interesting because, if the guy DOES care about the woman's past, you characterize him as a loser who had no game, but if the same guy DOESN'T care about it, suddenly he's just a successful guy and the guys who the girl slept with are the losers who "got denied." Fascinating stuff.

Sorry, but the fact of the matter is that people don't all have skeletons in our closets and we are allowed to judge people.
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
Whoa...not sure if you're responding to me or SunsFun, but never did I defend people who go around throwing their vagina in everyone's face. I meant that giving it an arbitrary number (a realistic one, not 100 people a year or something) isn't the best way to evaluate.
Click to expand...

He's responding to SunsFun, who was calling anyone who looked down on that behavior a loser. And I agree with him.

I mean, realistically speaking, they're both right. If the woman is up front with the man and says "hey, listen, we're all adults here. I slept around when I was young and now I'm looking for security or I've changed and I'm not a party girl anymore," and the guy doesn't mind, that's fine because he can make his decision. But everyone here -- even SunsFun, probably -- knows that's not how it goes down. What happens is that the guy just thinks he was lucky and met some woman who is attractive, but getting older, and that's all. There's nothing "odd" to him because he's always heard that women aren't gold diggers and all of the other "negative stereotypes" about women, so he presumes that she likes him for him. It's rather despicable behavior, isn't it?

By the way, every time I have this discussion, either in real life or on the Internet, what invariably follows is that the person in SunsFun's position then claims that everyone is indeed open. I've had at least six people tell me that "nobody" lies about the number of sexual partners they've had, that they tell all of their sexual partners about their entire past, and that "nobody" cares about it. None of which I buy because "everyone" I know does care about the past, both men and women.
 
Last edited:
WhtsThFrequency said:
Didn't you say on some other thread you're in your early 20s and have had 8 or 9? :laugh: gotta love that double standard.

This also depends heavily on age and context. An 18 year old gal who had 6 dudes in a few months does not equal a 25 year old who had 6 guys over 6 years.
Click to expand...
I don't have a "strict" number set. My gf had 3, I had 9, she said it did bother her but she accepted it. Just cause I've had 9, doesn't mean I'll be willing to date someone who's had 10 or whatever.
 
ruralsurg4now said:
He's responding to SunsFun, who was calling anyone who looked down on that behavior a loser. And I agree with him.

I mean, realistically speaking, they're both right. If the woman is up front with the man and says "hey, listen, we're all adults here. I slept around when I was young and now I'm looking for security or I've changed and I'm not a party girl anymore," and the guy doesn't mind, that's fine because he can make his decision. But everyone here -- even SunsFun, probably -- knows that's not how it goes down. What happens is that the guy just thinks he was lucky and met some woman who is attractive, but getting older, and that's all. There's nothing "odd" to him because he's always heard that women aren't gold diggers and all of the other "negative stereotypes" about women, so he presumes that she likes him for him. It's rather despicable behavior, isn't it?

By the way, every time I have this discussion, either in real life or on the Internet, what invariably follows is that the person in SunsFun's position then claims that everyone is indeed open. I've had at least six people tell me that "nobody" lies about the number of sexual partners they've had, that they tell all of their sexual partners about their entire past, and that "nobody" cares about it. None of which I buy because "everyone" I know does care about the past, both men and women.
Click to expand...
It's common on SDN-and some other forums (should have seen the thread in the med students section) to support the the idea that you shouldn't dare question a woman's past... even if she's former hooker or banged 110 guys unprotected, you should be very accepting of her, and never even think about questioning her past.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

D
Tired of being single
2
Replies
87
Views
17K
julie walker
julie walker
2
  • Locked
perpetually single...its starting to get to me
Replies
4
Views
3K
Winged Scapula
Winged Scapula
C
Meeting Singles in 2015
2
Replies
55
Views
6K
NeedToStudy
NeedToStudy
Staryy
  • Poll Poll
SINGLE Medical Students, Residents, and Physicians
Replies
15
Views
8K
fancymylotus
fancymylotus
F
Female pharmacist Single searching for nice Guy
Replies
10
Views
7K
deleted357625
D
Top