- Joined
- Jun 23, 2003
- Messages
- 15,455
- Reaction score
- 6,725
Such an odd place. I am greeted by a display of nonprentention. I mean, sure, the airport COULD call the place you micturate the "restroom", "lavatory", "powder room", "wash room", "latrine", "head", or some other much nicer euphamism. At least the sign didn't say "The ****ter."
That probably isn't as funny to everyone else as it is to me for some reason.
So then I get on the rental car bus. I see this weird ass sign:
I debated to myself for the entire trip to the rental car hut what the hell the thing in the middle was. Or what the hell the thing to the right was. Ok. No smoking. Got that. Is the last thing "no personal heaters" or perhaps "no 1960s visualization of future robots" or perhaps "no cars with ****ty cassette tape decks?"...hell if I know.
That middle one threw me for a loop, too. WTF...is that "no supersoakers" or perhaps "no Master Chiefs from Halo" or "no race cars from F-Zero circa SNES 1993?" The I got closer to it and realized that it was a hot dog in front of a cup that had two straws in it for some damned reason.
God damned ******ed ass airport people.
So then I get my rental car. I told them I wanted a 2010 Taurus. "We're out sir, sorry." And then I say, "Give me a true red blooded American car then. No damned Asian cars. I hate them." Dude looks up at me and says "ok, sir." Kinda like he had no idea wtf I was talking about.
So what do they give me? A ****ING HYUNDAI SONATA. **** you, dammit.
The thing cracks me up though. I forgot to get my own picture. But the steering wheel has all of the cruise control buttons on the right side. The left side had a giant piece of plastic with chrome plastic and strategic indentures to make it look like some sort of button panel. LMAO. Who the hell wastes money to put a fake button panel on a steering wheel? Here's a picture from the interweb:
LMAO.
So it's only 11AM. I wonder off for a while until the hotel check in starts. I wind up at this ungodly, 'uppity-bitch" mall called "The Galleria" where things like this happen:
You too can sit in this pretentious-ass furniture and watch gracefully at an arbitrary intersection right off of an exit ramp! WTF? There were actually people sitting there...just staring at traffic.
So I go a but further and I go into Macy's. I swear to God I smell something. *sniff-sniff* WTF? Is that BBQ Ribs? The ENTIRE f'ing Macy's smells like a BBQ smokehouse. Following my nose, I come upon the source of the scent:
I don't know if you can tell, but that's a fast food BBQ joint inside Macy's. The hell kind of Jungian duality of man type of **** is that? Your snobby ass women on one side buying lame ass expensive clothes...good ol' boys 20 feet away with a BBQ bib on munching on some ribs. Honestly...I like it.
Other than that, the entire mall was lame. I don't get my generation AT ALL. WTF is this **** with the style being "I'm going to look as dirty as humanly possible. I shall also dress like a homeless person that was alive when Nixon was president." Ok, ok, fine, we aren't creative enough to come up with our own style. Yes...ironic retro or whatever the **** it is. Great. Can we at least look clean? Jesus...everyone must have thought I was 35 because the printing on my shirt wasn't faded.
I find my hotel. Really a beautiful place. Nice, huge suite. I walk into my room. I see this:
Yes. That my friends is a giant-ass fecal looking brown stain. Guh. The bathroom also had pubes all over the place. Holy hell.
Also of note, I'm starting to get this crazy horizontal vertigo ****. Keep in mind I am a hilljack. Hill. Jack. How the hell is this place so damned flat? If I go up to the third floor of a building, I'm pretty sure I can see the curvature of the Earth. That **** is weird as hell, making me nauseous, and is taking some time getting used to.
I'm about to go to a comedy club.....god damn this place is weird as hell. God damn Hyundai.
That probably isn't as funny to everyone else as it is to me for some reason.
So then I get on the rental car bus. I see this weird ass sign:
I debated to myself for the entire trip to the rental car hut what the hell the thing in the middle was. Or what the hell the thing to the right was. Ok. No smoking. Got that. Is the last thing "no personal heaters" or perhaps "no 1960s visualization of future robots" or perhaps "no cars with ****ty cassette tape decks?"...hell if I know.
That middle one threw me for a loop, too. WTF...is that "no supersoakers" or perhaps "no Master Chiefs from Halo" or "no race cars from F-Zero circa SNES 1993?" The I got closer to it and realized that it was a hot dog in front of a cup that had two straws in it for some damned reason.
God damned ******ed ass airport people.
So then I get my rental car. I told them I wanted a 2010 Taurus. "We're out sir, sorry." And then I say, "Give me a true red blooded American car then. No damned Asian cars. I hate them." Dude looks up at me and says "ok, sir." Kinda like he had no idea wtf I was talking about.
So what do they give me? A ****ING HYUNDAI SONATA. **** you, dammit.
The thing cracks me up though. I forgot to get my own picture. But the steering wheel has all of the cruise control buttons on the right side. The left side had a giant piece of plastic with chrome plastic and strategic indentures to make it look like some sort of button panel. LMAO. Who the hell wastes money to put a fake button panel on a steering wheel? Here's a picture from the interweb:
LMAO.
So it's only 11AM. I wonder off for a while until the hotel check in starts. I wind up at this ungodly, 'uppity-bitch" mall called "The Galleria" where things like this happen:
You too can sit in this pretentious-ass furniture and watch gracefully at an arbitrary intersection right off of an exit ramp! WTF? There were actually people sitting there...just staring at traffic.
So I go a but further and I go into Macy's. I swear to God I smell something. *sniff-sniff* WTF? Is that BBQ Ribs? The ENTIRE f'ing Macy's smells like a BBQ smokehouse. Following my nose, I come upon the source of the scent:
I don't know if you can tell, but that's a fast food BBQ joint inside Macy's. The hell kind of Jungian duality of man type of **** is that? Your snobby ass women on one side buying lame ass expensive clothes...good ol' boys 20 feet away with a BBQ bib on munching on some ribs. Honestly...I like it.
Other than that, the entire mall was lame. I don't get my generation AT ALL. WTF is this **** with the style being "I'm going to look as dirty as humanly possible. I shall also dress like a homeless person that was alive when Nixon was president." Ok, ok, fine, we aren't creative enough to come up with our own style. Yes...ironic retro or whatever the **** it is. Great. Can we at least look clean? Jesus...everyone must have thought I was 35 because the printing on my shirt wasn't faded.
I find my hotel. Really a beautiful place. Nice, huge suite. I walk into my room. I see this:
Yes. That my friends is a giant-ass fecal looking brown stain. Guh. The bathroom also had pubes all over the place. Holy hell.
Also of note, I'm starting to get this crazy horizontal vertigo ****. Keep in mind I am a hilljack. Hill. Jack. How the hell is this place so damned flat? If I go up to the third floor of a building, I'm pretty sure I can see the curvature of the Earth. That **** is weird as hell, making me nauseous, and is taking some time getting used to.
I'm about to go to a comedy club.....god damn this place is weird as hell. God damn Hyundai.
