vent, bad day, moody

[All4MyDaughter]

---

Members don't see this ad.

The laziness of said males.

Probably no more or less than you exaggerate how insufferable women are.

 

[StellargalS]

Imagine how boring you'd be with children. Good for you. You survived the murder of yourself by child. Too few of us will be that blessed. You are part of the reason why I say "many" rather than "all." Also why I don't take jabs at the "average man" personally. Because, thank God, that isn't me. Though I do try to understand and empathize with their plight. In which it sucks to be them. The average dude needs an advocate somewhere. Because nobody anywhere cares. Being a married man with children penciled into the "provider" role is pretty much my definition of hell. You no longer live your life. You transform into this weird human worker ant that then lives to support the queen bee...er, your kid...and that's it. You as a person is over. You are then you, the parent of whoever.

This is the exact admission that was just made to me during a date this morning! He said the kids were sadly the death of the marriage he was in previously. He ended up getting promoted and as such was on the road (ship) where contact was cut off from the wife who was "left" to care for the babies they both thought they wanted.

In retrospect he was working to support a group of ungrateful jackasses i.e. his family, and his wife resented him for "leaving her" with the burden of work in caring for the kids.

Today this dude thinks his ex wife and son are materialistic dinguses but he digs his daughter. This is the reality that people don't really disclose and it is a shame. I am finding the opposite is more the exception then the rule but this is specific to the population of people that I meet. So that being said I think the OP is a happy man and he takes the good with the bad. The grass is always greener on the other-side sometimes.

 

[xiphoid2010]

Imagine how boring you'd be with children. Good for you. You survived the murder of yourself by child. Too few of us will be that blessed. You are part of the reason why I say "many" rather than "all." Also why I don't take jabs at the "average man" personally. Because, thank God, that isn't me. Though I do try to understand and empathize with their plight. In which it sucks to be them. The average dude needs an advocate somewhere. Because nobody anywhere cares. Being a married man with children penciled into the "provider" role is pretty much my definition of hell. You no longer live your life. You transform into this weird human worker ant that then lives to support the queen bee...er, your kid...and that's it. You as a person is over. You are then you, the parent of whoever.

Like Stellargal said, I take the good with the bad. Kids are not for everyone, in every real sense, they are both a joy and pain. I enjoy having my son choose me over his mom, and the fun of having him imitate me never gets old. But on days when you are already worn down, they can be your worst nightmare. You do lose time being yourself, but sometimes you discover a new self (like on a free weekend when I'm playing lego with my son, something I never did as a child). All in all, I'm still neutral on having kids. I personally wouldn't categorically say it's a bad move like you, but I wouldn't endorse it as a good move either.

I do agree with you though, that the average dude needs an advocate somewhere. Too often we are taken for granted both at work and at home. Lucky for me, I married a woman who is usually fair and understanding, and my immediate superior (not so much at the corporate level) is pretty appreciative of what I do. Not all are that fortunate, some dudes out there are being totally shafted on both ends, I feel for them.

 

[spacecowgirl]

The anecdotal evidence that is your personal world is irrelevant, because the objective statistics show otherwise. The vast majority of American women are pretty insufferable.

Is there objective, nonanectodal evidence that the vast majority of women are insufferable? Citation?

By no means are all the husbands of my friends lazy. I never said that. No one knows what goes on in someone else's relationship. But I am tremendously proud to have hard-working PhD, JD, MEd, PharmD, MPH, MD, DO, PA, NP girlfriends.

I'm confused - are women supposed to be passive homemakers? Equal wage-earners? Both? I really don't know what some of you men are wanting here.

 

[Dr Wario]

Is there objective, nonanectodal evidence that the vast majority of women are insufferable? Citation?

By no means are all the husbands of my friends lazy. I never said that. No one knows what goes on in someone else's relationship. But I am tremendously proud to have hard-working PhD, JD, MEd, PharmD, MPH, MD, DO, PA, NP girlfriends.

I'm confused - are women supposed to be passive homemakers? Equal wage-earners? Both? I really don't know what some of you men are wanting here.

I believe that part of what he is saying is that if women want equality, they should be equal in all things including privileges and responsibilities. I think it is safe to say that women really are not being "held-back" in their careers any longer because several studies are showing that women are outpacing men in college enrollment/attendance and wage increases. It can be argued that women are underrepresented in the highest levels of workplace attainment, however, this correlates with women working significantly fewer hours in their lifetimes. What we see though, today, is women still largely complaining of things such as the "glass ceiling" and "equal pay for equal work" but it really begs the question, is this something really happening or simply a product of working less in the aggregate?

It does appear to many men that there is vague hatred and loathing cast towards them from women in America. Maybe it is because they are so often reminded of days 70+ years ago when women truly did have much less societal privilege such as not being able to vote, but today is very different. Remember ladies, we men today were not part of the generation that supposedly oppressed you, we truly want equality in all things. Gone is the time that it should be acceptable for men to always pay for dates even when women make money, and don't even get me started on the engagement ring culture. Let's just all be 100% fair, no taking the good things and leaving the bad.

In my personal life, I am very lucky to have found a lady that is truly my equal, but as with the yin and yang, we are assuredly also quite different. We fill different roles and responsibilities, but we complete each other to both of our benefits.

 

[VCU07]

Look, there is one thing you can do to reset this whole thing. MAKE UP SEX!

 

[WVUPharm2007]

Is there objective, nonanectodal evidence that the vast majority of women are insufferable? Citation?

By no means are all the husbands of my friends lazy. I never said that. No one knows what goes on in someone else's relationship. But I am tremendously proud to have hard-working PhD, JD, MEd, PharmD, MPH, MD, DO, PA, NP girlfriends.

I'm confused - are women supposed to be passive homemakers? Equal wage-earners? Both? I really don't know what some of you men are wanting here.

Obviously the insufferable part is an opinion and not possible to analyze subjectively. I was referring to the stats. Which can be.

But as for what I "want" in the ideal world, I already explained this pretty well already in an earlier reply. And there is a difference between giving advice for the world we are penciled into and what my ideal would be. If you can't understand the difference between them, especially being that I rather clearly differentiated between the two, I would recommend working on your reading comprehension abilities then reengage discussion.

 

[KARM12]

This thread makes me happy to be a non-breeder. I come home, we go out to dinner, drink wine, or go to the gym. I have 2 young nephews who I occasionally watch...they are super fun, but exhausting!

 

[spacecowgirl]

I skimmed your lengthier posts. Mea culpa.

With that, I'm done arguing about something that can't be agreed upon. The gender culture is very different where I live from what is being described here, whether you believe me on that or not. I'm going to go play kitchen with my daughter. I just watched her check her baby's diaper and say "Poopy? (peeks into doll's diaper) No poopy." and bring me a piece of play toast on a plate after washing her hands in her play sink. For the gender roles record, she's already built and knocked over a Duplo tower several times and run her cars up and down the play garage ramp today.

 

[WVUPharm2007]

I skimmed your lengthier posts. Mea culpa.

With that, I'm done arguing about something that can't be agreed upon. The gender culture is very different where I live from what is being described here, whether you believe me on that or not. I'm going to go play kitchen with my daughter. I just watched her check her baby's diaper and say "Poopy? (peeks into doll's diaper) No poopy." and bring me a piece of play toast on a plate after washing her hands in her play sink. For the gender roles record, she's already built and knocked over a Duplo tower several times and run her cars up and down the play garage ramp today.

Mmmhmm. Ill assume that this is how the passive-aggressive say, "Ok, you win."