Will you support your parents after you get comfortable with your career

[mineshMD]

For those of us that have parents that are NOT well off economically (parents not docs, lawyers, CEOs, etc.), and that these same parents continue to work to support siblings and themselves, will you as well established doctors support your parents economically and with other necessities when they are old?

I know that most likely only those that will will reply, but if you don't want to support your parents please reply also.

I come from a culture (Asian Indian) where life's responsibilities switch from "parent gives to child" to " child gives to parent". I will always support my parents with whatever they need in their remaining years because I think they deserve it and I would have it no other way.

Love you mom and dad for everything!

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[OntheRoof55]

of course, i wouldnt be where I am today if it weren't for them

For those of us that have parents that are NOT well off economically (parents not docs, lawyers, CEOs, etc.), and that these same parents continue to work to support siblings and themselves, will you as well established doctors support your parents economically and with other necessities when they are old?

I come from a culture (Asian Indian) where life's responsibilities switch from "parent gives to child" to " child gives to parent". I will always support my parents with whatever they need in their remaining years because I think they deserve it and I would have it no other way.

Love you mom and dad for everything!


U of TN HSC COM '09

 

[Mistress S]

I'm sure my mom will be hitting me up for money once I'm done, and honestly I'm not looking forward to it. Ever since my sister graduated (she's a nurse), my mom has been "borrowing" money from her, which mostly goes unrepaid. I wouldn't mind helping my mom out a bit here and there, or doing nice things for her birthdays and things like that, but I really don't want to have to support her because she made poor life decisions. But our relationship is different from probably the majority of people on here, I spent large portions of my childhood not living with her so it is kind of a complicated situation and not like those of you whose parents supported them throughout their childhood, college, etc. I still love her though, so I will probably help support her if I have to--I don't think I could turn my back on her, even though that's sort of what she did when I was growing up at times.

 

[Ross434]

I'm sure my mom will be hitting me up for money once I'm done, and honestly I'm not looking forward to it. Ever since my sister graduated (she's a nurse), my mom has been "borrowing" money from her, which mostly goes unrepaid. I wouldn't mind helping my mom out a bit here and there, or doing nice things for her birthdays and things like that, but I really don't want to have to support her because she made poor life decisions. But our relationship is different from probably the majority of people on here, I spent large portions of my childhood not living with her so it is kind of a complicated situation and not like those of you whose parents supported them throughout their childhood, college, etc. I still love her though, so I will probably help support her if I have to--I don't think I could turn my back on her, even though that's sort of what she did when I was growing up at times.

I'm not sure. I'll probably buy my parents a car and or a vacation sometime, but i'm not going to support them financially in the long term. Then again, they're not poor and i'm not going into medicine

 

[leorl]

My relationship with my parents isn't great. But yes, I would still support them financially because after all, they have given up a lot of their financial gains to provide a comfortable living for me and pay for undergrad + some of med school, and given me opportunities that they never had. But I'll make sure I have enough for my own toys too

 

[Samoa]

I wish I could support them now.

 

[aragonh]

I come from a culture (Asian Indian) where life's responsibilities switch from "parent gives to child" to " child gives to parent".

The funny thing about my family is that not only do responsibilites shift, but also the "mentality". Maybe because they are not educated, but now, my word around the house is highly respected. Basically, my parents allowed me to "outrank" them. And now that I think about it, they're probably doing this so that Im comfortable when the time comes when I have to take care of them. (Damn, their smart!!)

So, yes, I will definitely support my parents.

 

[mineshMD]

I wish I could support them now.

Agreed

U of TN HSC COM '09

 

[mustangsally65]

I wish I could support them now.

That is so true. I hope that my parents will let me support them when I'm a doctor. But I've got at least seven years before I'm out of residency (4 years med school, 3+ residency) so it's gonna be a while. My parents had children late (between 32-41 for my mom, 34-43 for my dad), and right now they're pushing sixty. No health insurance, my mom doesn't work, and my dad can't keep doing manual labor until he's old enough for retirement.

At least I will be able to provide them with access to health care, and I hope to be able to do much more. They've done so much for me. And social security definitely isn't going to take care of them.

 

[MadameLULU]

I'm not sure. I'll probably buy my parents a car and or a vacation sometime, but i'm not going to support them financially in the long term. Then again, they're not poor and i'm not going into medicine

what are you going into?

 

[YouDontKnowJack]

i'm gonna buy them a benz so that they can get rid of their lexus.

i'm gonna move them from their 2 story house to an even bigger 2 story house with a 4 car garage.


Wait, what am i talking about. I'm gonna move them to the guest house behind my 2 story mansion, and let them borrow one of my benzes

 

[Ross434]

what are you going into?

mech E degree, i'm working my way into the construction field.

 

[MadameLULU]

mech E degree, i'm working my way into the construction field.

so are you planning on getting an MBA or something or do you really want to be a mechE for the rest of your life?

 

[Ross434]

so are you planning on getting an MBA or something or do you really want to be a mechE for the rest of your life?

You dont really need a higher degree to advance in the contracting world. And yeah, i find the fast pace, stimulation and concrete results of that type of career to be very rewarding. Contracting as a field is very dynamic and always changing. Plus the money's there.

 

[mineshMD]

i'm gonna buy them a benz so that they can get rid of their lexus.

i'm gonna move them from their 2 story house to an even bigger 2 story house with a 4 car garage.


Wait, what am i talking about. I'm gonna move them to the guest house behind my 2 story mansion, and let them borrow one of my benzes

My parents are not as fortunate as yours, but I agree with having them live close via buying them a nice home near mine. I would like to buy my dad a benz SUV. I would like to send them on a trip around the world also.

U of TN HSC COM '09

 

[crys20]

My gosh yes. I mean maybe not totally support them...I'm not sure if that will be necessary but I definately want to help to repay them a bit for all they've done for me....I really do not come from a ton but my childhood was idyllic somehow...My dad has worked sooo physically hard at a factory for 20+ years and my mom has almost always struggled. I definately want to give them things they've never had AS soon as possible, or maybe before you know because I don't want them to have to wait to be like 70 before they see the favor somewhat returned. That's one of my biggest things, I want to give them some great gifts. Even though I had to pay my own way thru college, etc. I just really really cannot wait for the day when I'm in a position to give them super nice gifts. I also REALLY want my mom to live wherever I am (which may be very far from my hometown in OH) but I wonder if she'll ever uproot herself from the town she's lived her whole life. I would love having her as a nanny

 

[MadameLULU]

You dont really need a higher degree to advance in the contracting world. And yeah, i find the fast pace, stimulation and concrete results of that type of career to be very rewarding. Contracting as a field is very dynamic and always changing. Plus the money's there.

humm...my mechE friends are looking into advanced degrees b/c they want more $$

anyhow, sorry to derail this thread...yup, i plan on supporting my mom, but i'm not sure when i'll be established enough to do that...she thinks i'll be making money immediately after med school, but as much as i tell her that residents don't make anything, she thinks MD = $$

 

[YouDontKnowJack]

on 2nd thought... i think my parents will continue to support me for the rest of their lives. Once I have my own kids, guess who's gonna be the babysitter.............. hm..... 60 yr old babysitters....

would you put this kind of burden on your parents? heheh

 

[pakidoc]

For those of us that have parents that are NOT well off economically (parents not docs, lawyers, CEOs, etc.), and that these same parents continue to work to support siblings and themselves, will you as well established doctors support your parents economically and with other necessities when they are old?

I know that most likely only those that will will reply, but if you don't want to support your parents please reply also.

I come from a culture (Asian Indian) where life's responsibilities switch from "parent gives to child" to " child gives to parent". I will always support my parents with whatever they need in their remaining years because I think they deserve it and I would have it no other way.

Love you mom and dad for everything!


U of TN HSC COM '09

hell yeah... its an obligation for us south asians! especially if ur the eldest son.

but yeah, besides it being a duty... our parents have gotten us so far. it would just be wrong and cruel to not care for them.

 

[Clin_Epi]

hell yeah... its an obligation for us south asians! especially if ur the eldest son.

but yeah, besides it being a duty... our parents have gotten us so far. it would just be wrong and cruel to not care for them.

Since I finished school I have supported my parents. It is a kick to go shopping with my parents. Them, looking at something that is outside of their price range and me being able to purchase it for them.

It might be a duty for some, an obligation for others but if your parents were good to you, it is a pleasure no matter your background.

/come from a culture where it also is an 'obligation'...although I enjoy it too much to call it that.

 

[jclarke]

My mom is a doctor, but she hasn't been saving up for retirement like she should. I can't wait until I can pay her mortgage, buy her a Lexus SUV, etc. She's been working eighty hour weeks at her job (she's a physician at a prison) to pay for stuff, aka my education.

 

[rugirlie]

mech E degree, i'm working my way into the construction field.

Heres a dumb question... why in the heck are u a member of sdn then? I'm confuzzled... SO, friend, relative going into the md field or something?

For the thread, I will definitely support my mommy... she has always made sure to give me all she could even though we grew up uncomfortably money-wise. She is my biggest supporter and my best friend. Not only will I support her financially, but I solemnly refuse to ever put her in a home... she will live with me if she ever gets to the point where she can't be on her own.

 

[Stealth Vector]

My parents have always supported me ( no matter the cost) , funding the best educational available to me, and they have supported me in the process of becoming a medical student. They have been very self less and loving. They are also my best friends, in addition to being my parents

It will be my sincere honor and joy to support them, and I look forward to it. I wouldn't be who I am, and I wouldn't be where I am without them.

It is good to see that there are other people out there who also feel the same way about supporting our parents. Having spent years volunteering in nursing homes and hospice, it is hard to see families ditch their parents when they get old or ill, or become independent, and come back only to confirm that they are in their parents will.

As long as live, I'll always be there for my parents.

 

[wends]

im gonna have to support my parents, I owe them all my undergrad education im so thankful that they're not charging me interest! plus, I'm the only child, I'm all they've got! And they;re talking loans out for me for meds under my name cause the interest is lower. my mommy and daddy are the greatest! i think they want a car and a cruise to alaska.

 

[drguy22]

For those of us that have parents that are NOT well off economically (parents not docs, lawyers, CEOs, etc.), and that these same parents continue to work to support siblings and themselves, will you as well established doctors support your parents economically and with other necessities when they are old?

I know that most likely only those that will will reply, but if you don't want to support your parents please reply also.

I come from a culture (Asian Indian) where life's responsibilities switch from "parent gives to child" to " child gives to parent". I will always support my parents with whatever they need in their remaining years because I think they deserve it and I would have it no other way.

Love you mom and dad for everything!


U of TN HSC COM '09

im indian..but i dont think my parents expect that from me....but no matter what..i cant deny the fact that Im where I am today because of their sacrifices in life and I really appreciate all that they have done and continue to do for me.....i know i cant pay them back fully, ever, but the least i can do is support them

 

[drguy22]

it is hard to see families ditch their parents when they get old or ill, or become independent, and come back only to confirm that they are in their parents will.

I loathe people that do that....

 

[Discobolus]

My parents love to travel and have always wanted a nice RV, so I said once I'd buy them one someday. To that my Dad said, "No, what you do is buy yourself the RV, and make us the caretakers, that way we don't pay the personal property taxes on it."

My parents have done a lot for me and if I'm in a financial situation that I can do that I'll be very happy to.

 

[PineappleGirl]

I will be psyched to take care of my mom, who raised me on her own. No love for my Dad though since he wasn't around. If I have kids I'd like to set my mom up in a nice apartment or a small house near mine and have her help out with my kids if she can. That would be sweet.

 

[Goose...Fraba]

Since I finished school I have supported my parents. It is a kick to go shopping with my parents. Them, looking at something that is outside of their price range and me being able to purchase it for them.

It might be a duty for some, an obligation for others but if your parents were good to you, it is a pleasure no matter your background.

/come from a culture where it also is an 'obligation'...although I enjoy it too much to call it that.

Well said, very well said, good for you. I am sure your parents are proud! We need more people with this kind of attitude.

cheers,
goose

 

[TOdentist]

I totally hear you guys...I'm Indian as well, and although it is a cultural thing, I totally agree with the custom of supporting our parents once we're settled. I'm a female but I plan on giving back as much possible to my parents and would encourage my husband (not married yet...thank God!) to do so as well. After all, if it weren't for them, most of us wouldn't be half as far as we are today!

 

[DukeDoc08]

It's a lot of fun to think about supporting my family...too bad it is a long ways away! My parents have worked very hard to support the family through good times and bad..and I can't wait to be able to help them whenever they need help...also too bad the are probably too prideful to pick up the phone and ask!!!
I wonder if we'll ever run into issue of expectations? My sister has been struggling financially for a while and before med school I was making some money so I would send her 500$ for her birthday and Christmas....I know she would never say it, but when things were tight for me a few times and I only sent 20 or 40$ I wonder if she almost counted on the money to pay bills that time of year...you know?
I always thought the easiest thing to do (like if you won the lottery or something) was to spell it out..."I'm going to give you such and such money a year because I love you and want to help you!" that way you avoid some of the expectations of surprise checks or mortgage payments or cars...

 

[abeanatrice]

So, everyone seems pretty happy about being able to repay their parents for all the hard work that they have put in to raise us. I look forward to being able to give my dad really nice gifts, but I am pretty sure that I will never have to support him. I don't know anyone in my family who has not been able to support themselves after retirement since we are very good at taking good care of our money.

However, here's a question that may or may not be a little more difficult...

How do you feel about taking care of your husband/wife/partner's parents? Would you be willing to sacrifice your vacations and your nice house and sending your kids to the best private schools in order to take care of your SO's parents? Especially if they are bad with money and that's why they have no savings and virtually no retirement in the first place? Just a thought, cause I don't think I'm going to be very happy about that...

 

[sunnyjohn]

I wish I could support them now.

True. They have done a lot for me.

 

[kamal2toys]

This is a great thread and i cant glance over the post without leaving my foot prints. To start with parents are very important because they brought us into the world. With this said, not all parent are responsible and for this reason, we have to make personal judgement depending on the relationship btw our parents. As for me, if i give my dad $1 i will give my mom $100 cos thats how much she deserve. Paps was a rolling stone as they say but mama was always there and for this reason, She deserves all. A popular saying goes like this, "Paradise lies at the feet of your mother." To those who think both their parents deserve equally, i feel for u guys and i wish i was in u all shoes.

 

[rpkall]

I think it depends entirely on your relationship with your parents. Not everyone (or their significant other) has a great relationship with wonderful parents who see the family through good and bad and always make decisions in the best interests of their children (this is unfortunate, but true).

I do not think it's right for parents to expect to be supported financially by their children. It's each individual's responsibility in this society to carve out their own retirement niche, where retirement funds and or/social security and the knowledge that their children are decent, successful human beings are quite enough. Parents are the adults; they are responsible for navigating and negotiating this world and not coming up empty-handed at the end of things.

That said, if you have a good relationship with your parents, giving is a great way to show thanks and support, but it really shouldn't be the way we show our love. Parents who expect this from their kids as proof of committment or thanks are going too far.

 

[pillowhead]

How do you feel about taking care of your husband/wife/partner's parents? Would you be willing to sacrifice your vacations and your nice house and sending your kids to the best private schools in order to take care of your SO's parents? Especially if they are bad with money and that's why they have no savings and virtually no retirement in the first place? Just a thought, cause I don't think I'm going to be very happy about that...

I think that's a really good question. It's nice to see how many people say they want to help out their parents so much, and I'd certainly like to as well. I'd like to know how many of the people who have responded so far are married though. Your significant other may feel very differently about having your parents (his/her in-laws), drawing from your paycheck every month or living with you. And conversely, you may not be crazy about your in-laws who made bad financial choices, but if you give X amount of dollars to your parents every year, your significant other may expect the same to be given to his/her parents, too.

Once you have children, you may not be as crazy about taking care of your parents when you also have two to four college tuitions, cars, prom dresses, preschools, etc to be paying for as well.

I'm all for helping out parents--I really am! Just trying to point out that acting on those good intentions may be harder than first appears.

 

[mineshMD]

I think that's a really good question. It's nice to see how many people say they want to help out their parents so much, and I'd certainly like to as well. I'd like to know how many of the people who have responded so far are married though. Your significant other may feel very differently about having your parents (his/her in-laws), drawing from your paycheck every month or living with you. And conversely, you may not be crazy about your in-laws who made bad financial choices, but if you give X amount of dollars to your parents every year, your significant other may expect the same to be given to his/her parents, too.

Once you have children, you may not be as crazy about taking care of your parents when you also have two to four college tuitions, cars, prom dresses, preschools, etc to be paying for as well.

I'm all for helping out parents--I really am! Just trying to point out that acting on those good intentions may be harder than first appears.

Point taken. But if I marry a doctor, then she will be able to support her own parents if she desires. With two doctors' income, lack of funds for all the things you mentioned should not be a problem.

BTW rpkall, my parents have enough money & a steady business of real estate that they could retire right now at age 59 and 56. I still will support them b/c it will make me feel warm in my heart, and helping others, including my parents, is why I'm ready to sacrifice many more years to become a successful doctor.

Tennessee Health Science Center College of Medicine '09

 

[pillowhead]

Point taken. But if I marry a doctor, then she will be able to support her own parents if she desires. With two doctors' income, lack of funds for all the things you mentioned should not be a problem.

That's a pretty big assumption unles you are already engaged to another medical student. And if you don't marry a doctor? Or if you and your doctor-wife decide that she will work part time or not at all if/when you have children?

 

[rugirlie]

Or if you and your doctor-wife decide that she will work part time or not at all if/when you have children?

DO NOT OPEN A CAN OF WORMS WITH THIS STATEMENT!!!

 

[utcrew]

For those of us that have parents that are NOT well off economically (parents not docs, lawyers, CEOs, etc.), and that these same parents continue to work to support siblings and themselves, will you as well established doctors support your parents economically and with other necessities when they are old?




U of TN HSC COM '09

I'll certainly support my parents. I'm the only child and neither of my parents even graduated high school. So, they're not well of by any means. I won't just enjoy buying things for my parents, but I'll simply enjoy giving to others. I was telling my fiance, I'll probably be the type who gives $30 tips for good service at a restaurant.

 

[aragonh]

Once I have my own kids, guess who's gonna be the babysitter.............. hm..... 60 yr old babysitters....

would you put this kind of burden on your parents? heheh

They may think its a burden, but I know my parents would jump up for the opportunity.

I joke about this with my siblings and while they agree, they think it would be evil of us to use them that way. Back-up sitter OK. Full-time nanny not OK.

 

[aragonh]

I do not think it's right for parents to expect to be supported financially by their children. It's each individual's responsibility in this society to carve out their own retirement niche, where retirement funds and or/social security and the knowledge that their children are decent, successful human beings are quite enough. Parents are the adults; they are responsible for navigating and negotiating this world and not coming up empty-handed at the end of things.

That said, if you have a good relationship with your parents, giving is a great way to show thanks and support, but it really shouldn't be the way we show our love. Parents who expect this from their kids as proof of committment or thanks are going too far.

I kinda agree with you that it shouldnt be a right,per say. But I do have to say you reap what you sow. So if Parents do a good job of raising and guiding their children and installing family values, then the children will also take care of them when the time comes.

Of course, there are cultural factors in this. Unfortunately, the "American" culture (for lack of a better term), is more individualistic oriented than community oriented in this aspect.

 

[xanthines]

I'm not entirely sure I will be able to support my parents, even with a physician income. It's not that I live extravagantly (on the contrary!), my parents make TERRIBLE financial choices. I may have to dig them out of the financial hole before I can actually support them. My mom is turning things around, but my dad is pretty hopeless in that aspect (I guess men really don't change!) I'd actually rather not support them, but I don't think I could turn my back on them.

As an aside, what people's opinion about supporting siblings? My brother is lazy and just as irresponsible about finances as my parents are. It's like all of their faults and inadequacies were transferred to him, while I escaped untainted. I'm kind of half expecting he'll still be in college when I get out of residency (he's already gone through 2 years, but definitely won't finish in another 2).

-X

 

[WhoisJohnGalt]

I know without a doubt that I'll support my mom as much as I can- there's no way I'd be a physician with a physician's income if not for her being my rock for the last 20+ years, and of course she's a wonderful woman that I dearly love . My fiance's parents... that's kind of a toughie. I think it depends on him, honestly. If he has a job making the same ballpark income then I absolutely wouldn't have a problem with it. If not, I'd have to think really seriously about it. By my earlier reasoning, I really don't feel the same obligation to them because they weren't responsible for my income. If they make poor financial choices and my fiance does too... I don't see where it's really my responsibility to bail them out.

 

[gerido]

Without a doubt, I will support my parent. I contemplated about wether or not I should go to medical school because I can make a decent salary with my degree right now and support them right away. But, I do love medicine.

When I start making money, they're going to stop working and travel to anywhere they please.

 

[DieselPetrolGrl]

For those of us that have parents that are NOT well off economically (parents not docs, lawyers, CEOs, etc.), and that these same parents continue to work to support siblings and themselves, will you as well established doctors support your parents economically and with other necessities when they are old?

I know that most likely only those that will will reply, but if you don't want to support your parents please reply also.

I come from a culture (Asian Indian) where life's responsibilities switch from "parent gives to child" to " child gives to parent". I will always support my parents with whatever they need in their remaining years because I think they deserve it and I would have it no other way.

Love you mom and dad for everything!


U of TN HSC COM '09

i am indian (like thats a deciding factor???)
and no
they look like they are doing super-way-freaking-great
id prolly f it up by trying to help
so no

 

[PMinty44]

I wish I could support them now.

I second that. I will make sure that my mother can live comfortably in her old age because she~s spent her whole life making sure that I had every opportunity that she could only dream of.

 

[PMinty44]

I do not think it's right for parents to expect to be supported financially by their children. It's each individual's responsibility in this society to carve out their own retirement niche, where retirement funds and or/social security and the knowledge that their children are decent, successful human beings are quite enough. Parents are the adults; they are responsible for navigating and negotiating this world and not coming up empty-handed at the end of things.

People~s responses vary according to their culture and social class, it seems. The idea that it is each individual~s responsibility to carve out a retirement niche is one that is reserved for people with (at least some) economic privilege who can plan a retirement. Where I come from (poor inner-city neighborhood), most older folks can~t afford to retire at 65 or whatnot. They work until they literally can~t work anymore due to illness, etc. They couldn~t stash away enough funds to live having worked close-to-minimum-wage jobs.

My mother could have had a nice stash for retirement or could have bought a house (she~s still renting an apartment), but instead she made sure that I could attend an Ivy League institution and graduate debt-free. For those reasons, if need be, I will support her fully in her old age. But, as I said and as evidenced by people~s responses, it~s a personal issue that is influenced by one~s culture and socioeconomic status.

 

[Pontifex Maximus]

I would love to help. Not full monetary support, but I'd love to help my mom with whatever I could.

 

[jetskiters]

of course, I'd be willing to support my parents and siblings (I'm the eldest) once I get settled with my career...They mean so much to me and they have done a lot to get me where I am now... I would be really happy if my parents would still be alive by that time, since it's really one of my goals to attend to their health care needs.