Work environment

[doglova]

*deleted

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[allantois]

Quit

 

[Goro]

I can't because otherwise I'll have a gap on my app and I need a ref from the PI otherwise I don't have enough recs. Also the university's policy officially is that employees must give 2 months notice before quitting. So quitting wouldn't solve anything amcas wise.

Also if I can't survive an objectively simple job it makes me wonder if I'm even cut out for medicine.

Talk to tbe PI, and then if nothing changes, bail ASAP.

 

[Osminog]

Since 2017, most of your posts on SDN have been laced with neuroticism and extreme self-denigration. It sounds like you abhor yourself, and it's honestly concerning. Before worrying about resume-building, publications, and medical school applications, you should consult with a mental health professional (if you haven't already). Best of luck.

 

[Goro]

This is a very common concurrence as to what you're going though, OP.

 

[lalalallala]

I do think you need to get help with being that shy/letting people take advantage of your work. Perhaps a therapist could help you with your confidence and how to approach interpersonal situations. An option in your work case could be writing an email or letter to your boss. You would likely have to still speak with them, but at least you would be able to get your concerns across and mention how you are working on your shyness. By writing it you would get your points across.

 

[Campana]

Hi guys,
So long story short, I have a research related gap year job, and things happening at work are taking a heavy emotional toll on me. When all the smoke clears I'm objectively nothing more than a sickly little girl and I'm incapable of standing up for myself and I'm oversensitive and I'm so socially awkward that I'm incapable of having a normal conversation. To be vague, people are going to the boss and accusing me of doing horrible things which don't even make logical sense, and since I'm really quiet and shy and avoid everyone and have 0 confidence, people take their word for it. It's getting to the point where people are taking credit for my work and getting put on publications for stuff I did whereas I still have nothing. It's also annoying because the two girls I work with objectively have some of the worst work ethics I've ever seen and it's obvious they have just lived off of taking credit for the work of others.

I come to work around 7:00 AM, and do the junk work like putting orders, making calls, doing paperwork, and sending 100s of emails a day which is fine but I get no credit for it. Usually I don't get a lunch break since to be vague, I am doing patient related things all day and because I'm the least valued person in the office by far I'm booked for all the menial tasks. I'm not assigned anymore to more intelligent tasks like analyzing data or using any skills I learned in ugrad because everyone thinks I'm stupid which may be objectively true. I usually leave the office around 6:30 PM, cry for an hour in a quiet section of the university hospital in which I work, and come back to work between 8:00 PM - 11:00 PM when nobody's there because there's mounds of paperwork that needs to get done that nobody else takes the initiative to do. Then I get home at 11:30 PM, binge eat while I cry, and then pass out because I'm so tired and incompetent and wake up at 5:30 AM the next day.

On a separate note I scored 527 on my MCAT, although clearly based on this post I can't even spell, and I need to apply this cycle or else the score will expire. I haven't even opened the AMCAS application because everyday I'm so stressed out about work. I doubled in bioengineering and math as an undergrad from a top 10 school and graduated magna cum laude with 3.8+ while surviving cancer during college and dealing with a chronic autoimmune disease. It's stressful that none of my efforts in college are paying off as I have a minimum wage job in which everyone hates me and tells me I'm doing a horrible job on the daily and I can't even take a lunch break. I need this job because I don't want a gap in employment and it's hard to get a job.

At this point, putting together an AMCAS application just feels infeasible because I'm so emotionally stressed out. I was wondering if anyone had any advice about how to proceed. It's annoying because the girl next to me spends all day on reddit, works 10-4, and yet everyone loves her and she's gotten 3 pubs this year so clearly I'm doing something wrong.
@Goro @Faha

Your current situation sounds oppressive. It sounds like you're feeling stuck and can't find a good solution.

But more importantly, you sound like you really need someone to talk to - not just for application advice, but to personally work through what's going on and what's happened over the last few years. Have you reached out for any sort of counseling? I think that's the right place to start - it could help open up some windows to give you fresh air, fresh perspective, fresh solutions.

 

[star-lily]

You have been posting about this on r/premed numerous times over the past few months.

 

[candbgirl]

You really need to put medical school on the back burner. You seem to be in no condition to even apply, interview or start school. Medical schools will always be around. You have to get yourself well. Quit your job. No rec from any PI is worth what you say you are going through. Get a job at McDonalds. ( You’ll have to talk to people in a job like that. ) It will also give you more flexible hours to go for therapy. You need to heal yourself before you think about medical school. You won’t last a month if you continue to batter yourself. Heck, you won’t make it through an interview . Please get help now.

 

[Ouiser]

I sincerely hope things get better for you. I think everyone is right in saying that you need to see someone about how shy you are. Therapy can do a world of good if you are open to it.

I do think that if you just stopped speaking so negatively of yourself it would improve your outlook tremulously. I do not think anyone who majored in math and biomedical engineering with a 3.8 is incompetent or ignorant. Do not let what your colleagues say about you have such a grasp on you either! Someone could tell me that I am a waste of sperm and egg and you want to know how I would manage to go to sleep at night... with the fan on medium! If things don't get better at work then you need to leave. There are other lab and research opportunities out there.

I am also wondering though why you are working around 14.5 hours a day. Don't worry about the girl on Reddit. Work your 8-5, do the best work you can during that time and then go home. Do not go in there and do everyone else's work for them. If they don't do their job then that a them problem, not a you problem. You don't have a healthy work life balance. You need to take time to focus on your health and discover what is going to help you manage stress before you go to medical school. Medical school is always going to be there, in fact, by time you apply there will be new school opening. Take time to be selfish and focus on your health, both physically and emotionally before trying to jump in a career where you have to be an advocate for someone else's health.

I also just want to mention that I know you are a strong person. You call yourself sickly but that has to be far from the truth. You mention that you had cancer during undergrad and you made it through that and did amazing academically. I will be 27 next week and I found out last year that I had early stage cervical cancer and had to have almost my entire cervix removed. I know first hand that going through a cancer diagnosis is difficult, and if you made it through that then I know you will make through this rough patch in your life.