Write your own rejection letter

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"Dear trustwomen,

Our computer informs us that you are not worthy of attending this medical school. Canadians have a reputation of kindness, therefore we are kindly sparing you the travel expenses associated with an interview.

Please note that our computer will also screen you out next year. It has calculated that you might reach our GPA cutoff after 240 credits, or eight more years of full-time study (assuming, of course, a consistent 4.0), bringing your total to 480 credits. I'm sure you'll agree that if you really want to be a doctor, sixteen years of undergraduate study is a small price to pay - and besides, you're already halfway there! We look forward to receiving your application in 2014, although then we'll have to factor in whether you can graduate before menopause - we've heard that those hot flashes can really distract from Problem-Based Learning.

Your MCAT score was great, though: congratulations!! See, we're trying to be nice about the whole thing."



Aaaaaand the letter in response to an appeal....

"Dear trustwomen,

No, a human cannot and will not evaluate your file. The computer is almighty and has deemed you unworthy. You say your recent degree's GPA is far above our cutoff? So what? That cannot possibly compensate for the bad grades you got ten years ago. Didn't you read our first letter? We TOLD you how to qualify. What more do you want from us?

Wait - you thought we wanted "life experience" in our students? Mwahahaha! Here's another tip, from the kindness of our hearts: Don't believe everything you read in our brochures. We really want 22-year-olds with 4.0 GPAs and (maybe) a year of hospital volunteering. Silly premed, non-trads are for the States!

Feel free to keep sending us money, but please remember that you cannot beat the machine. BTW, any omission of old degrees/grades in a future application, while virtually guaranteeing your admission, would constitute academic fraud and eventually lead to disaster. So don't try it."
 
Anastasis said:
Dear Anastasis,

We regret to inform you that we cannot extend you a position in our 2007 entering class at Sucky Med U. We noticed in your personal statement that you missed a comma in the third line of your PS. Also you seem to have 10 Bs on your transcript and we have a strict limit of 8 Bs. Also your complete lack of research experience and publications has us very disturbed.

What were you thinking?
Sincerely,
Dean Premed_machine

PS - See, we read SDN too to demystify this whole Adcom thing.
PPS - Vin Diesel is gay.
Click to expand...


:laugh:
 
Dear <Insert Medical College Here>,

I sincerely regret to inform you that your rejection of my candidacy has been rejected. During this admissions cycle, I have had many fine institutions to chose rejections from and, unfortunately, could not accept your rejection.

As such, I will be coming to your school this fall whether you like it or not.

Sincerely,
<Insert Applicant Name Here>
 
Dear TomWestmanRules,

We are delighted to inform you that we regret not having to tell you that you did not get rejected from our M.D. program. For the past year, you have been in an ongoing competition against other students who have been getting stethoscopes in their Christmas stockings from Santa Claus ever since they were 2 months old. You put up a good fight, but... um... NO, seriously now - "didn't know I wanted to be a doctor right away", "I enjoyed having a life in college", "I spent 30 hours a week in my sports practice, that's why I don't have a perfect 4.0" - WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?

You really gave us a good laugh with your Secondary application essays, for real! I mean, I've never EVER seen Sanji spew Diet Dr. Pepper onto his computer screen the way he did when he saw your answer to Question #4 - "If you could be any sign of the Zodiac, which one would you LEAST want to be and why?" Holy shiit, why did you pick Scorpio??

Rather than read through the rest of your crappy application, I used the entire $75 from your application fee and bought my son a real shiitty Abercrombie t-shirt. I'm sure he'll wear it once or twice before he throws it away.

Now if you don't mind, I have another heroin injection to take. Crazy stuff. If your complaint here is that I never gave you a legitimite reason for not getting accepted, well, tough shiit. Life isn't fair. My wife is a dirty, dirty tramp and you don't see me whining.

Best regards,

Mike Roche, M.D.
Ivy League State University Medical College
 
Dear SeaAngel,

Helllllllz Naw


Dean Son of a B*itch
School of YOU WISH
 
Dear etf,
Congratulations! Your personal check for $100 for our secondary fees was honored by our bank. It is a clear indication of your maturity and fiscal responsibility. Unfortunately, the rest of your application suggests that you would not be able to successfully complete the requirements for a medical degree, and accordingly we will be unable to accept your application for admission. We thank you for your interest in our school, and hope that you will apply again soon.

Yours,


Some guy, M.B.A, CPA
CFO, Hollywood Upstairs Medical School
 
Dear Seamonkey,

We would like to inform you that all your hard work and late nights full of homework were not worth it. Your MCAT score sucked eventhough your GPA was just fine. We hope you go back to your previous career in business and try to be successful in that, and not in medicine. Please realize that we only care about numbers and not about the quality of the person and their abilities. Needless to say, you suck and please start to believe that! We would like to thank you for your effort.

Sincerely,
ALL MED SCHOOLS!

😎 🙁
 
Dear MasterMD,

No.

Thank you for your interest and good luck in your future endeavors.
Medical School
 
Dear ryandote-

After receiving your application, we all had a good laugh and forwarded it over to the Dental School. You should be hearing from them shortly.

Thanks for the $75 and we hope you like teeth!

Most sincerely,

The Adcom
 
Dear TimeResonance-

It was heads. good luck next year.

Sincerly, Adcom member
 
Dear Helix,
Congratulations. After years of deliberation, we have decided to accept you from the "on hold" category. Welcome to the class of 2008. Unfortunately, you have a lot of work to do to catch up on all the classes you missed. Luckily, we have scheduled a special session of the USMLE 1 just for you tomorrow. Remember to bring a two number 2 pencils and a silent watch. In addition, the entire following month will consist of nothing but the 432 tests, quizzes, and finals you have missed from the past two years.

Again we would like to apologize for the delay and thank you for your patience.

Sincerely,
Admissions

P.S. You owe $150,000 in back tuition.


(Sorry, had to start this thread up again! It's just too funny!:laugh: 👍 😎 )
 
Dear Nicpen,

Admissions Score Card for 2006 from The University of YourHomeState:

Admissions Comittee: 1
You: 0

Best,
Adcom.
 
zahque said:
Dear Zahque:

***** please.

Love,
The Admissions Committee
Click to expand...

bawahahahaha! :laugh:


Okay, I'm not applying this year, but I'll write one. 😀


Dear Whatever-the-hell-your-name-was,

We regret to inform you that we wasted paper and ink for this letter. After the first time you called about your admittance, we said "no". After the second time you called, the answer was still "no". After the fifteenth time you've called, guest what?
It's still "no".
Should you call again, we will be forced to prepare harrassment charges against you after I personally wipe my @ss with your application. QUIT CALLING US. YOU'RE NOT GETTING IN.

We look forward to your submissions next year!

Sincerely,

Medical School




And then...the first letter finally comes in the mail after the above one did:


Dear Applicant,

Thank you for the toilet paper.

Signed,
Medical School
 
Dear geno2568,

We seem to have found a catch-22 with your application. Since your chances were slim to begin with, it wasn't a wise decision to apply, and we reject you on the stupidity of your action. However, we also realize that if you were smart enough not to apply, it wouldn't be possible for you to get accepted. While we understand that this means that there was no way for you to get accepted, we really don't care about you. We would say good luck, but you know we don't mean it.

Sinc- a, fYck it, you probably don't care which one of us wrote this letter anyway.
 
Dear MD applicant number 123456789&#8230;..

We have carefully reviewed your application, and we are pleased to inform you that you indeed have been ACCEPTED for a full medical evaluation to our Delightful University Hospital. We have consulted Dr. English Lord, the chair of our psychiatry department, and he wrote a lengthy diagnosis/evaluation of your condition: which is a delusional lunatic pre-med syndrome (DLPMS). We are the only hospital in the country that is dedicated to the patients like you, and would like to offer you a one month in hospital stay for 10,000$/a day. We have the best diagnostic and therapeutic equipment to make sure you will never EVER have a relapse of sending us your application again. Congratulations on your acceptance into our Delightful Hospital. The rejection letter to our MD program will be given to you PERSONALLY upon your hospital release. :meanie:

Please do not contact us and just check into the hospital ASAP. You do not need to provide your credit card number for the hospital stay (remeber your 150$ application fee, yeh we thought so.:meanie: ) Well, don;t worry-->We already charged it!!!

The Light Delight Medical School
Dean of Rejections
Dr. Anglo Saxon Lord the III MD, PhD, CTDPM (Certified to Treat Delusional Pre-Meds).
 
dear applicant,

Six months ago we specifically asked you to not attempt to contact us for an update on your status, and yet yesterday you insisted on sending a very polite email asking what the deal is. Today we are rejecting you for your blatant impatience.

sincerely,
adcom
 
Dear Rayhan:

We are pleased to inform you that we have received your application as well as the secodary fee. We have reviewed your application. We have determined that if the entire application pool this year was a white underwear, then your application represented a skid mark on the underwear.

We'll be washing off said skid mark by disposing of your file. Thank you for applying.

Sincerely,
Fruit of the Loom, pHD
Director of Admissions
Hanes School of Medicine
Promising elastic waist bands since 1908.
 
Dear TexasFool

June 3rd, 2016

We regret to inform you for the tenth time will not be accepting you this year, next year or ever and we also noticed that we have rejected you ten times already, please stop applying to our medical school, it's getting to the point of almost being like stalking.

sincerely

_________ school of medicine
 
Dear BunnyMonkey,

Sorry, but we've met our quota for "BunnyMonkey" this year, and you are one Bunny too many! Go change your name and reapply next year. Buh bye, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite.

LOL,
Dean X
 
i got rejected over the phone today! here's the transcript of the call:

Hello AMCAS ID number 12345678, this is an automated message from Your State School of Medicine RejectionFone!

RejectionFone is brought to you by Fandango. Print your own rejection letters from the comfort of your home at Fandango.com

If you know the reason you would like to be rejected, press 1. To choose from a list of currently featured reasons, press 2. If you are currently waitlisted, or using a rotary phone, please remain on the line.

*2*

If you would like to be rejected because of your MCAT score, press 1. If you would like to be rejected because of your GPA, press 2. If you would like to be told that your extracurricular activities and personal statement are boring, and in no way set you apart or demonstrate your interest in medicine, press 3.

*2*

You have selected, GPA rejection. Thank you for applying to Your State School of Medicine. While we are impressed with your MCAT score and accomplishments, the admissions committee could not overlook your GPA. We have a large number of applicants, all of whom have a higher GPA than you. We appreciate your interest. Please hold while you are transferred to the School of Podiatry, Office of Admissions...



(it's really only funny if you read it in the MovieFone voice)
 
sbs152 said:
i got rejected over the phone today! here's the transcript of the call:

Hello AMCAS ID number 12345678, this is an automated message from Your State School of Medicine RejectionFone!

RejectionFone is brought to you by Fandango. Print your own rejection letters from the comfort of your home at Fandango.com

If you know the reason you would like to be rejected, press 1. To choose from a list of currently featured reasons, press 2. If you are currently waitlisted, or using a rotary phone, please remain on the line.

*2*

If you would like to be rejected because of your MCAT score, press 1. If you would like to be rejected because of your GPA, press 2. If you would like to be told that your extracurricular activities and personal statement are boring, and in no way set you apart or demonstrate your interest in medicine, press 3.

*2*

You have selected, GPA rejection. Thank you for applying to Your State School of Medicine. While we are impressed with your MCAT score and accomplishments, the admissions committee could not overlook your GPA. We have a large number of applicants, all of whom have a higher GPA than you. We appreciate your interest. Please hold while you are transferred to the School of Podiatry, Office of Admissions...



(it's really only funny if you read it in the MovieFone voice)
Click to expand...



:laugh: :laugh: 👍 for the win.
 
Dear Juliup,

What has 2 thumbs, $75 of your hard earned money, and can deny you your dream? Give up?

THIS GUY!

Game over.
 
swifteagle43 said:
Everyone give this a try. It is quite stress alleviating.
Click to expand...

Dear Oculus Sinistra,

We appreciate your interest in DMS. We are a great school.

Here's the thing. We took seven applicants and randomly assigned them each a number, from 1 to 7. Your number was 7. We then rolled a standard, six-sided die to see what number came up. That number would be the applicant we admitted.

Your number did not come up.

Sincerely,
Dreamcrusher Medical School

P.S. Your number did not come up.
 
Dear Julium,

We heard you thought those Chuck Norris jokes were funny. They aren't. Because of the rumors that his tears cure cancer, his glare kills STDs, and he can bring the dead back to life, hospital admittance has plummeted. We had hoped to keep his powers a secret, but you aided his rise to glory and caused much suffering in the medical community.

Looks like you are responsible for every student getting rejected this cycle. Don't worry, we let them know.

Thanks a lot, Prick.

University of _______
 
Dear Dr. Quix,

No. A thousand times no. Don't bother taking the MCAT again, don't bother reapplying. We trust Dr. Nick with a scalpel more than you. You suck, and will die homeless in the street, surrounded by cats and your other rejection letters.

All the best,

Deans Kasper, Braunwald, Fauci, Hauser, Longo, and Jameson
Harrison Medical School
 
Dear Alex21216:

Mother#$%$er are you on crack?

Love,
The Admissions Committee
 
Gabujabu said:
Dear <Insert Medical College Here>,

I sincerely regret to inform you that your rejection of my candidacy has been rejected. During this admissions cycle, I have had many fine institutions to chose rejections from and, unfortunately, could not accept your rejection.

As such, I will be coming to your school this fall whether you like it or not.

Sincerely,
<Insert Applicant Name Here>
Click to expand...


👍 👍 👍
 
gmail inbox (1) (2:42 pm) Application fee payment receipt
gmail inbox (1) (2:43 pm) Haha sucker.
 
:clap: yay a new post in my fave. thread!!!!!
 
Nothing will beat Zahque's "***** please" letter.....ever.
 
Dear Baylormed,

We threw the files into the air. Yours did not fall inside the circle.

Sincerely,
Wethink Youaredumb, M.D., Ph.D.
 
Dear Newton Bohr,
Not only did spell medicine wrong in your secondary, but you typed the damnn thing in all caps lock&#8230;

PS. We requested a head shot NOT a nude photo&#8230;

Sincerely,

Dr. Ivanasla pthelivinshiiiiitoutofyou

PS: the guy who interviewed you is Dr.Dumars not Dr.DumbA$$
 
Dear Baylormed,

After reading over your file, we have concluded you must have sent your application to our school by mistake. You didn't really think you had a chance, did you?!?.....................................Oh, you did...sorry.
Anyhow, thanks for the good laughs.

Sincerely,
Whatwere Youthinking, M.D., M.S., MPH, PhD.
 
trustwomen said:
Please note that our computer will also screen you out next year. It has calculated that you might reach our GPA cutoff after 240 credits, or eight more years of full-time study (assuming, of course, a consistent 4.0), bringing your total to 480 credits. I'm sure you'll agree that if you really want to be a doctor, sixteen years of undergraduate study is a small price to pay - and besides, you're already halfway there! We look forward to receiving your application in 2014, although then we'll have to factor in whether you can graduate before menopause - we've heard that those hot flashes can really distract from Problem-Based Learning.


"Dear trustwomen,

No, a human cannot and will not evaluate your file. The computer is almighty and has deemed you unworthy. You say your recent degree's GPA is far above our cutoff? So what? That cannot possibly compensate for the bad grades you got ten years ago. Didn't you read our first letter? We TOLD you how to qualify. What more do you want from us?

Wait - you thought we wanted "life experience" in our students? Mwahahaha! Here's another tip, from the kindness of our hearts: Don't believe everything you read in our brochures. We really want 22-year-olds with 4.0 GPAs and (maybe) a year of hospital volunteering. Silly premed, non-trads are for the States!
Click to expand...

Oh McMaster-the "we love everybody but those who think for themselves" MS.

My rejection letter would look the same as yours.
 
Dear TimeResonance-

The pyschiatrist on our comittee reassures me you may yet get that white coat.

Your companions in life,
the Adcom
 
Oculus Sinistra said:
Dear Oculus Sinistra,

We appreciate your interest in DMS. We are a great school.

Here's the thing. We took seven applicants and randomly assigned them each a number, from 1 to 7. Your number was 7. We then rolled a standard, six-sided die to see what number came up. That number would be the applicant we admitted.

Your number did not come up.

Sincerely,
Dreamcrusher Medical School

P.S. Your number did not come up.
Click to expand...

:laugh: Laughing my butt off at this one.
 
Greetings Classof2011.....(trying to hold in laugh)

We have reviewed your credentials thoroughly, and have made a final decision on whether we will be extending you admissions for the class of 2011......(Drum Role please).....Nope!...you have none of the qualties we look for in applicants (except a sense of humor, of course). In fact, we knew long before we interviewed you what our final decision would be.....we just had to see what you really looked like. So, this letter is 50% rejection, and the other 50% is required by law, that we tell you of how you openly interviewed to all of X state university (even the undergraduate and tokyo campuses).....Here are the details.

First, on your interview day, there were cameras configured in both the waiting areas and the interview rooms. Unfornately for you, all of your fellow interviewees (that you thought were your new freinds) were pretty much hip to the whole idea...In fact, each applicant had a welcome packet of that days agenda, and a copy of ur credentials, and personal information (we got the personal info from ur mom who thought that you would have significant advantage if she gave it up). All of the other applicants interviews were scheduled around yours so that everyone had their share of laughter. During the interview, the admissions commitee sat behind that "black glass" wall and observed you speak as if trying to sell urself the best you could....we ate that up....Luckily Dr. Green ( the one you sent a thank you card to last week) was calm enough to interview you without inappropriate laughter....no one else had the balls (and the stomach) to do such a thing...The whole day was the funniest day of many of our lives...Not often do we get to pull that off. Thank you for also taking nervousness from many of our other swell candidates, many of whom did excellent in their interviews and were accepted. You are a saint in disguise!

Well, now that the law will be off our backs, we thank you for applying and hope that no other institution will be silly enough to let you in with those stats. I personally think you should instead do standup comedy for your fellow premed students who are stressing about this admissions process. Just as you've used "I wanna help people" in your interview, "you've helped" many of us.....But trust me, it'll never be as a doctor.


Cheers!

X State University Office of Admissions


P.S. Your parents named you classof2011? ..........lol...this has to be dissapointing...sorry
 
Dear loser,

Welcome to Dentistville, population you. Thanks for the check and tell your mom we'll be over tonight.

F*** You very much,

[School]




(MY GOD that felt good!)
 
Oh yeah, I forgot classof2011 (lets change that name immediately)

Throw that cheap red polyester suit away immediately....You indirectly added flame to our much deepened fire.....:laugh:


Admissions
 
Dear Applicant,
Thank you for contributing your hard-earned workstudy money to our private beer fund. We simply cannot accept you because, simply, you are an Asian with a below average MCAT score for your kind. We expect 40+ scores, 3.99 GPAs, and the ability to not think on your own from your race. We also don't like the fact that you went to a super-snooty private school and still have a humble attitude, rather than a stuck-up, pretentious personality. However, don't give up hope; when we run out of batteries for our calculators or when we need dirty greasy Chinese food from a food truck, we'll be sure to contact you.

Sincerely,
The admissions board

PS. OMG you don't have thick glasses? Unacceptable!
 
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