Write your own rejection letter

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Dear Applicant,

....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\...

Im rich bia*ch!,
[Admissions Committee]
 
braluk said:
Dear Applicant,

....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\...

Peace homie,
[Admissions Committee]
Click to expand...

that's the winner!
 
Dear Applicant,

Congratulations! We would like to welcome you to the class of 2011. Please get take a digital picture of yourself at this moment and take another picture after you read the next two sentences.

Psyche! No acceptance for you!

Send us your pictures, with your name and AMCAS ID# on the back, and an essay about how bad this makes you feel so that we can add them to your rejected application. Thank you for the secondary application fee, we are currently having a bottle of champagne at your expense.

Best regards,

The Admission Committee
 
　
 
Last edited:
Dear Mr. XXXX:

We “regret” to inform you that you have not been selected for an interview at the Albany Medical College for the 2007 entering class. Despite your impressive credentials and extensive extracurricular involvement, two aspects of your application made your admission to our medical school a non-issue.

1) Your ethnicity. Seriously, with the sheer volume of brown doctors in this day in age, do you actually think we would want any more? Though the South-Asian population tends to produce the most skilled and competent physicians, we cannot stand idly by and train a new generation of “terrorist” doctors. Also, is it true that your women don’t shave their legs?

2) Your state of residence. As a California resident, you have absolutely no reason to want to come to Albany. Why would anyone leave the lush, scenic environment of southern California to learn medicine in the cesspool we call Albany. In the land of snow, suicide, and fat women, there is absolutely no room for an upbeat, inspired physician.

While your application certainly contains its share of red flags (see point 1 above), rest assured that your entire application received a comprehensive review. Please do not contact us for any reason since this letter has invariably answered all of your questions.

In closing, we ask that as a future physician you please avoid from laughing at our graduates’ inability to practice medicine.

Best Regards,

Ms. X, M.S. Ed.
Director of Admissions
 
Dear Applicant,

Congratulations!!! We understand that you have been patiently waiting to hear from us for the past six months and we are writing to end your misery. You will not be attending our school next year. This is our committee's unanimous decision. Though we must admit, for two minutes we considered how much fun it would be to see you struggle and fail our classes. Then we saw all our other wonderful applicants and decided that we should not be wasting any more time on you.

In this letter, we would like to thank you for many things. Thanks for the $100 supplemental application fee that will be allocated towards our annual Christmas party in France. Thanks for the $40,000 tuition you have paid us every year. We appreciate that you were never delinquent with your tuition. Thanks for all the jokes that you listed as ECs . Mostly, thanks for the laughter you brought us when we punked you with a false acceptance letter. You are truly an exceptional imbecile. Please feel free to contact us with further donations.

Sincerely,

Your beloved medical school
 
Dear Applicant,

LOL! HAHAHAHAHAHA..OMFG, wut a NOOB!!!1!1!

Love Always,
Medical School
 
Dear redsoxfan,

Now that we have received your updated MCAT score, we regret to inform you that despite your extensive effort and improvement, we never had any intention of accepting you or anyone like you. In fact, our class was pre-filled two years ago. For legal reasons, we are required to post available seats to the public. In addition, following an unfortunate lawsuit we incurred some years ago, we are now required to make sure all checks to our school have cleared and new MCAT scores have been received prior to administering rejection letters. We sincerely apologize for this delay. If you have any questions regarding this matter, you may contact our legal team at the invisible link at the bottom of this email. Again, for confirmation, YOU HAVE BEEN REJECTED.

Sincerely,
US Medical School
 
Dear Anastasis,

You want to help people? That's so cute. Go be a nurse.

Sincerely,
Dean Playa Hata
University of BFE, School of Medicine.
 
Dear Applicant,

We recently changed your online status to accepted between the times of 04:00:00 and 04:00:30. Your many years of hard work and countless hours of tears, blood, and sweat were able to afford you a 30 second window of acceptance; feel blessed that you even had this opportunity! Our rules in our overly obtuse website clearly states that you must send an email in the during the acceptance period that we deem is appropriate for you. I am afraid that the only way we may accept you now is if you donate both of your kidneys.

Good luck with your decision. Please remember to ice up.

<3,

The Admissions Committee
 
tear open the thin envelope... unfold the sheet of paper.. and read:


NO

that's it. no dear blah blah.. not signed at the bottom.. but clearly on letterhead on watermarked paper
 
MasterMD said:
tear open the thin envelope... unfold the sheet of paper.. and read:


NO

that's it. no dear blah blah.. not signed at the bottom.. but clearly on letterhead on watermarked paper
Click to expand...

haha, kinda like willy wonka and the chocolate factory looking for the golden ticket...🙂
 
Dr. Applicant,

How could you do this? Are you that selfish and inconsiderate? I know that you were aware of the thousands of applications our school has to read and review, but still you insisted on adding your crappy piece of **** you call an application to our workload. Look, I have a wife and 5 kids to go home to every night. I hate inconsiderate people who try to waste my time. And you say you want to be a doctor.....You need some serious self re-evaluation. I hope you are not putting other medical schools through this. In other words, your uncompetitive scores and GPA are a ****ing waste of time for any and everyone who has had to look at it. As a matter of fact, it seems that you may even be suffering from low self esteem for wasting your valuable time like this. Poor child, those 4 stressful years of pre-med were only designed for people who would actually make it. Quite frankly, your grades after sophomore year should have been your cue to jet the health profession. But no, you were persistent and insisted on thinking that miracles happen. Sorry, not in this situation. I like your daring heart and persistence. With a heart like that, I'm sure you can join NASA and become one of the next who travel to the moon. Sorry for the rejection... I guess i can't complain about you wasting my time, since your $150.00 application fee was used to fund my lap dances at Pink Titties.. Good luck in life...Maybe you could send me a postcard from the moon.

WeDontWantYou School of Medicine
AdCOm
 
Dear Applicant,

You really want to help people... How cute. My wife and i have been looking for a trustworthy househelp. Your interview revealed to me that you were trustworthy and sincere. Your honesty impressed me. You know, most people would have made up some extracurricular activities to put in that good old slot on the application; but out of honesty, you left it blank. I commend your spirit. You only got an interview because i begged my colleagues to have you come in so i can actually speak with you face to face. I'm so damn tired of posting ads in the newspaper for a househelp. So,when can you start? Since you wont be getting in at our school and probably no where else, I'm sure your schedule will be very flexible...Just look at it this way, since we will be paying you $150.00 a night, you will be refunded your application fee in one night....



Jane Doe
Dean of Admissions
 
ImSoStreesedOut said:
Dear Applicant,

You really want to help people... How cute. My wife and i have been looking for a trustworthy househelp. Your interview revealed to me that you were trustworthy and sincere. Your honesty impressed me. You know, most people would have made up some extracurricular activities to put in that good old slot on the application; but out of honesty, you left it blank. I commend your spirit. You only got an interview because i begged my colleagues to have you come in so i can actually speak with you face to face. I'm so damn tired of posting ads in the newspaper for a househelp. So,when can you start? Since you wont be getting in at our school and probably no where else, I'm sure your schedule will be very flexible...Just look at it this way, since we will be paying you $150.00 a night, you will be refunded your application fee in one night....



Jane Doe
Dean of Admissions
Click to expand...

Hilarious! God how am I going to beat all these awesome rejection letters?
 
Dear Applicant,

You are rejected?

-{Adcom}
 
I haven't applied to med school yet, not nearly at that stage, but I always love being sarcastic so here ya guys go, lol.


Dear Premedtim,

We regret to inform you that, in a nutshell, you ain't **** and we don't want you at our school. You are not the proper height, weight, eye color, hair color, you did not stand at attention at the interview, you did not dust off the chair for the interviewer, you did not kiss the interviewer's ass, you did not know the exact diagnosis of end stage renal disease (despite the fact you're not supposed to know until we teach you in medical school), you're not a minority, and last but most importantly, we all had a pretty ****ty day when we read your file so we're going to hold it against you.

We could say thank you for applying...but we honestly don't really give a ****. We understand that your dream is to go to our school, and for that reason, we feel that we need to remind you life's a bitch.

Very disrespectively,

Admissions Committee

P.S. punk bitch.
 
braluk said:
Dear Applicant,

....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\...

Im rich bia*ch!,
[Admissions Committee]
Click to expand...

lmao!!! *dies*
 
Dear Applicant,

We regret to inform you that you are a woman. We don't like that. Maybe your application would be taken more seriously if you had listed sandwich making and vacuuming as your important ECs. You are doing research??? You are majoring in science??? What happened to Home Ec? You are obviously lying on ure app. and we don't take that ****. Sorry, but you are out.

Go back to the kitchen,
Adcom at Male COM

PS: Close your legs, I smell tuna. :laugh:
 
I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!! This thread made my day:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
 
Dear Applicant,

The committee has reached a decision regarding your application. Please be advised that we are not responding to phone, mail or email inquiries at this time.

Thank you.
 
Dear Applicant (no, we did not take the time to personalize them)

Hahahahaha

Respectfully,
Dean of Med School XYZ
 
Dear Applicant,

bush_finger_flip.jpg


Yours truly,
XYZ Admissions Committee
 
lol best thread ever
 
Dear George

You may be surprised to receive this letter from the admissions committee at this time. We know we have not yet received any applications for the 2008/2009 entering class, much less yours, but here at the University of Pennsylvania we believe in sound evidenced based medical education, solid foundations in clinical research and proactive attitudes. And in the proactive spirit, we've decided to give you advance notice on our inevitable inability to grant you admission.

We became aware of your interest our institution when we registered a hit on our school website from your computer. It seems you were interested our world leading bioethics department and path-breaking research in epidemiology. We thought it be best to warn you that will be as close as you will ever get to either department. I know this might seem rash, but as we say in medicine, a stitch in time saves nine.

We also noticed, during a remote hard drive scan, some other disturbing cookies on your computer dating back to 2001. Being 16 is no excuse, let me assure you that type of behavior is indeed not natural and not everybody does it. Also may we recommend cleaning out your "My Documents" folder: the poems you wrote freshman year can probably only do you harm.

Lastly, we went to the trouble of tracing your online activity to an anonymous internet blog. We find your opinions, on the whole, to be laughably naive. Not that we laugh here in Philadelphia, ever.

Don't even bother sending any MCAT scores. Good god, what were even thinking looking on the Penn website? What were you, high? We get applications from hundreds of students in the 99th percentile. We reject applicants for accidentally farting during informal admissions breakfasts for goodness sake.

Anyways, we thought you might appreciate the warning.

Sincerely
XXXXX

****************************************

PS In high school I actually did get a rejection letter from University of Oregon despite not applying to there. Apparently when I visited the school my junior year they started a file on me and went ahead and rejected me for good measure when they never heard from me again.
 
GeorgeFoster said:
Dear George

You may be surprised to receive this letter from the admissions committee at this time. We know we have not yet received any applications for the 2008/2009 entering class, much less yours, but here at the University of Pennsylvania we believe in sound evidenced based medical education, solid foundations in clinical research and proactive attitudes. And in the proactive spirit, we've decided to give you advance notice on our inevitable inability to grant you admission.

We became aware of your interest our institution when we registered a hit on our school website from your computer. It seems you were interested our world leading bioethics department and path-breaking research in epidemiology. We thought it be best to warn you that will be as close as you will ever get to either department. I know this might seem rash, but as we say in medicine, a stitch in time saves nine.

We also noticed, during a remote hard drive scan, some other disturbing cookies on your computer dating back to 2001. Being 16 is no excuse, let me assure you that type of behavior is indeed not natural and not everybody does it. Also may we recommend cleaning out your "My Documents" folder: the poems you wrote freshman year can probably only do you harm.

Lastly, we went to the trouble of tracing your online activity to an anonymous internet blog. We find your opinions, on the whole, to be laughably naive. Not that we laugh here in Philadelphia, ever.

Don't even bother sending any MCAT scores. Good god, what were even thinking looking on the Penn website? What were you, high? We get applications from hundreds of students in the 99th percentile. We reject applicants for accidentally farting during informal admissions breakfasts for goodness sake.

Anyways, we thought you might appreciate the warning.

Sincerely
XXXXX

****************************************

PS In high school I actually did get a rejection letter from University of Oregon despite not applying to there. Apparently when I visited the school my junior year they started a file on me and went ahead and rejected me for good measure when they never heard from me again.
Click to expand...

Pre-emptive strike!!!
 
I wonder what the "***** please" letter actually said. It seems to have gotten rave reviews. I guess it must have been obscene or unacceptably insulting or something.
 
beenthere2 said:
I wonder what the "***** please" letter actually said. It seems to have gotten rave reviews. I guess it must have been obscene or unacceptably insulting or something.
Click to expand...

It was n.i.g.g.a. please. Absolutely hilarious.
 
Dominion said:
I'm still far away from applying but I still have a funny one 🙂

Dear Dominion,

Would everyone who is accepted this year please step forward? Ah ah ah, not so fast dominion.

Sincerely,
Admissions
Crushers of Hope and Dreams
Click to expand...

LMAO!!!! Super. Great sense of humor, guys!
 
Dear Kfire326:

roflcopter7.gif


Sincerely,
A-school-you're-not-even-good-enough-to-dream-about College of Medicine Admissions
 
omegaxx said:
It was n.i.g.g.a. please. Absolutely hilarious.
Click to expand...

Yeah! I noticed that it had been changed. Sadly, ***** isn't as funny as the original word. 😆
 
Dear Applicant,
Congratulations! After reviewing your application, we have found that you are qualified for a spot in our fine institution. The future of medicine depends on the people that the medical schools accept. Through what you learn in our school, we expect you to polish your future brightly. You will be a critical part of any health care team, and be an essential part of any operating room. A packet containing additional material will be forthcoming.

Again, congratulations, and welcome to the Very-prestigeous-med-school school of Janitorial Engineering!
Dean of Very-prestigeous-med-school
 
This is the best thread on SDN and should be a mandatory read for anyone applying to medical school. :banana:
 
Dear Applicant,
Thank you for sending us your resume along with your supplemental. We forwarded it to various places and we have found you a job at your local Safeway. Please be so kind as to take the job, as we had to bribe the manager.

Sincerely,
ADCOM
 
Haemulon said:
Dear Applicant,

The committee has reached a decision regarding your application. Please be advised that we are not responding to phone, mail or email inquiries at this time.

Thank you.
Click to expand...

:clap: :laugh:
 
Dear applicant:
From your application and interview we know that you like baseball. So we will put this in terms you will easily understand.

Strike 3 YOUR OUT!!!!!

nutshot.jpg


Good luck in the minor leagues.

Sincerely
Your safety school
 
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