Sexual harassment from interviewer

[SteveRope123]

If you are so worried about your life getting ruined, don't do something like this in the first place! If you choose to do it, drunk/intoxicated/whatever, then don't whine about your life being ruined as a consequence.

Don't go to frat party if you don't want to get molested by extremely intoxicated individual.

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[efle]

Men that go to gay bars invite sexual assault by others who are attracted to them. Men that go to parties centered around women trying to get with guys invite the women to get with the guys.

Women that go to frat parties invite a man trying to get it on. Get over yourself. Party culture is stupid and go find your fun some other way. I'm a male and I refuse to go to parties even though I constantly get invited to go to them by my frat buddy.

Be mature, not a silly teenage idiot trying to get off on some false sense of fun.

You are confusing poor judgement from a victim (not that I think its necessarily poor judgement to go to a party) with immoral behavior from a perp. I can say someone had poor judgement riding the metro through the sketchy stops at midnight, but still say a guy who gets on the train and robs them is in the wrong and deserves to be punished. So even if you are granted that going to a party is poor judgement (which it really isn't), it does nothing to defend the guy for his actions.

 

[Lawpy]

Don't go to frat party if you don't want to get molested by extremely intoxicated individual.

That is actually a very disturbing precedent used in victim shaming...

 

[Affiche]

Don't go to frat party if you don't want to get molested by extremely intoxicated individual.

Don't walk on sidewalks if you don't want to be hit by a drunk driver

 

[SteveRope123]

Don't walk on sidewalks if you don't want to be hit by a drunk driver

You have no control over that. You do have control on your decision to go get drunk and go to an over sexualized frat party environment.

That is actually a very disturbing precedent used in victim shaming...

Your point being?

You are confusing poor judgement from a victim (not that I think its necessarily poor judgement to go to a party) with immoral behavior from a perp. I can say someone had poor judgement riding the metro through the sketchy stops at midnight, but still say a guy who gets on the train and robs them is in the wrong and deserves to be punished. So even if you are granted that going to a party is poor judgement (which it really isn't), it does nothing to defend the guy for his actions.

If you read my original post I did blame the person. The person should've been prosecuted a year ago. At this point it's impossible to prove he did anything and so reporting it would be pointless.

With that said, it is poor judgment to attend an over sexualized party environment known throughout the nation for having many cases of intoxicated aggressive men sexually assaulting women.

If you can't tell that that is poor judgment, then I hope you don't end up in a position where you need to make judgments that affect many people.

 

[Lawpy]

Your point being?

Your argument dangerously prevents victims from enjoying life just because criminals can't control their urges

 

[Glazedonutlove]

why are you all getting riled up from a troll..

 

[Affiche]

why are you all getting riled up from a troll..

I don't think he's a troll lol I think he's actually incapable of thinking logically.

 

[efle]

Don't walk on sidewalks if you don't want to be hit by a drunk driver

Well, that's not really a fair comparison, it would be more like saying "try not to drive around late on new years eve because of high numbers of drunk drivers" which is good advice. The screwed up idea is that knowledge of bad/dangerous circumstances somehow excuses the people causing it, like there is some kind of social agreement that molestation will be expected/accepted at a frat party and so women who attend have somehow consented and have no grounds to go after a guy.

You have no control over that. You do have control on your decision to go get drunk and go to an over sexualized frat party environment.


Your point being?



If you read my original post I did blame the person. The person should've been prosecuted a year ago. At this point it's impossible to prove he did anything and so reporting it would be pointless.

With that said, it is poor judgment to attend an over sexualized party environment known throughout the nation for having many cases of intoxicated aggressive men sexually assaulting women.

Putting an assault accusation on record for the guy is not pointless.

Just wanted to clarify that calling the victim stupid/naive/whatever does nothing to excuse the assailant, your use of the term "victim blaming" implies that fault lies in OP rather than in the guy. Really you aren't talking about victim blaming you're talking about saying they had poor judgement, while agreeing the only person to have behaved immorally is the guy.

 

[SteveRope123]

I don't think he's a troll lol I think he's actually incapable of thinking logically.

Says person that thinks going out, drinking which inhibits your ability to think clearly, and attending a party that has had multiple sexual assault reputation is a rational decision....

Enjoy your freedom, but don't cry when you get assaulted. You helped bring it upon yourself.

Your argument dangerously prevents victims from enjoying life just because criminals can't control their urges

Enjoy your life in a way that doesn't put you at risk... If drinking and partying is your definition of enjoying life, then I sincerely feel bad for you. I recommend investing some time into a hobby that does more for you than getting intoxicated, destroying your body, and partying.

 

[SteveRope123]

Well, that's not really a fair comparison, it would be more like saying "try not to drive around late on new years eve because of high numbers of drunk drivers" which is good advice. The screwed up idea is that knowledge of bad/dangerous circumstances somehow excuses the people causing it, like there is some kind of social agreement that molestation will be expected/accepted at a frat party and so women who attend have somehow consented and have no grounds to go after a guy.


Putting an assault accusation on record for the guy is not pointless.

Just wanted to clarify that calling the victim stupid/naive/whatever does nothing to excuse the assailant, your use of the term "victim blaming" implies that fault lies in OP rather than in the guy. Really you aren't talking about victim blaming you're talking about saying they had poor judgement, while agreeing the only person to have behaved immorally is the guy.

You won't put an assault accusation on the guy. It'll be he says she says and nothing will happen. Life isn't that easy without evidence. Unless we are talking about the columbia rape hoax in which the poor guy got judged by a group of yelling liberals asserting how he is clearly a rapist.

The fault lies mostly in the guy, but it also lies in OP. 80-20.

Also, I never said anything about not going after the guy. She should have a year ago. Now it's too late and nothing will happen.

 

[efle]

You won't put a conviction, you will put an accusation. It would provide evidence if this happens again to someone else in the future, as said above in the thread.

Do you actually think someone riding the metro home late at night is doing anything immoral? They may be failing to avoid a danger, but the only person behaving wrongly is the guy who gets on and mugs them.

 

[Affiche]

@SteveRope123 you're a fool. 82% of sexual assaults are perpetrated by someone known to the victim. Based on your logic, women should stay away from everyone they know because otherwise, they're inviting assault!

Quit getting all salty because no one invites you to parties.

 

[Fastrada]

Says person that thinks going out, drinking which inhibits your ability to think clearly, and attending a party that has had multiple sexual assault reputation is a rational decision....

Enjoy your freedom, but don't cry when you get assaulted. You helped bring it upon yourself.


Enjoy your life in a way that doesn't put you at risk... If drinking and partying is your definition of enjoying life, then I sincerely feel bad for you. I recommend investing some time into a hobby that does more for you than getting intoxicated, destroying your body, and partying.

My sister was groped while we walked down the street together in the middle of the day.

But you're right. Women don't go outdoors and cover yourself 100% or else you are just asking to get assaulted

 

[16candles]

This is the same guy who opined thusly, @rachiie01:

I hope my medical class (if I get in) doesn't have any gender studies majors.

The World May Never Know

Edit: It disturbs you that people with different perspectives are pre-med? You must be female.

Edit #2: It appears that the liberal hive mind is attempting to infiltrate medicine. Pls god Spare us.

He isn't someone I'd like as a classmate or a colleague.

 

[Petrichor1]

This reads like it was google translated lol. Excuse to such behooving act ???

haha I am a literate english raised and born child. If I needed google translation, face palm needs to arrive real fast before I even take my mcat.

 

[ZedsDed]

This reads like it was google translated lol. Excuse to such behooving act ???

haha I am a literate english raised and born child. If I needed google translation, face palm needs to arrive real fast before I even take my mcat.

If you say so...

 

[Halcyon32]

The screwed up idea is that knowledge of bad/dangerous circumstances somehow excuses the people causing it, like there is some kind of social agreement that molestation will be expected/accepted at a frat party and so women who attend have somehow consented and have no grounds to go after a guy.

But that's actually not at all what he's saying; you're picking and choosing the parts of his comments to prove your point and just taking it out of context. Steve literally said the guy is not excused and his actions were horrible, (which I agree with) nor did he say that molestation is accepted, although it definitely is expected as these environments do have such very well known reputations. He's saying being cognizant of that reputation and still heading straight towards that danger is just silly (which I also agree with)

@SteveRope123 you're a fool. 82% of sexual assaults are perpetrated by someone known to the victim. Based on your logic, women should stay away from everyone they know because otherwise, they're inviting assault!

Quit getting all salty because no one invites you to parties.

My sister has been groped while we walked down the street together in the middle of the day.

But you're right. Women don't go outdoors and cover yourself 100% or else you are just asking to get assaulted

Cool slippery slope. These are not at all the same situations that are being discussed in the thread.

 

[LizzyM]

This is very interesting reading:
http://knowyourix.org/why-schools-handle-sexual-violence-reports/

That said, it is unclear to me if someone who is not a student at the school has any standing to report to the school an assault by a student. So much of what the medical school can do may hinge on whether the OP and the medical student were enrolled in the same university at the time of the party.

 

[Affiche]

But that's actually not at all what he's saying; you're picking and choosing the parts of his comments to prove your point and just taking it out of context. Steve literally said the guy is not excused and his actions were horrible, (which I agree with) nor did he say that molestation is accepted, although it definitely is expected as these environments do have such very well known reputations. He's saying being cognizant of that reputation and still heading straight towards that danger is just silly (which I also agree with)



Cool slippery slope. These are not at all the same situations that are being discussed in the thread.

Do you know what slippery slope is? Because what I said isn't slippery slope lol.

 

[efle]

But that's actually not at all what he's saying; you're picking and choosing the parts of his comments to prove your point and just taking it out of context. Steve literally said the guy is not excused and his actions were horrible, (which I agree with) nor did he say that molestation is accepted, although it definitely is expected as these environments do have such very well known reputations. He's saying being cognizant of that reputation and still heading straight towards that danger is just silly (which I also agree with)



Cool slippery slope. These are not at all the same situations that are being discussed in the thread.

What I mentioned was victim blaming which was the term Steve used; he just didn't use it properly because it doesn't fit his view, he does believe blame rests in the assailant.

Except apparently not entirely, if it's 20% the victim's fault then what I said is at least partially correct, and he thinks she behaved immorally by entering the social agreement of the party whilst not being ok with molestation.

 

[Petrichor1]

What strikes me is that this doesn't seem like a pattern. A mistake sure. I guess this is my fraternity background talking, but if someone makes a drunk mistake one time and no one is hurt, it really isn't that big of a deal. Im sure this was an unpleasant experience for her, but a "pattern of unethical and disturbing behavior" is not the same as "drunkenly attempted to make out at a house party once."

honey, that's called a failed attempt. If they had succeeded (which I am sure they would have had a third or second party not intervened), then by your thinking we should definitely be up and shouting...but see there's a thing common among pre-meds and that is precaution. We don't wait till the last moment to do things and if you do happen to get into med school doing such...you're going to have your patients suffer. Just so you know..I treat intent of malice in almost the same category as action taken. The only difference that would swing my thoughts would be what circumstance made you change your mind. Did you have to be slapped like an a-hole to stop your action or did you take a step back at that moment and say "ok this is a bad idea and I don't even know what just got into me".

 

[Affiche]

This is very interesting reading:
http://knowyourix.org/why-schools-handle-sexual-violence-reports/

That said, it is unclear to me if someone who is not a student at the school has any standing to report to the school an assault by a student. So much of what the medical school can do may hinge on whether the OP and the medical student were enrolled in the same university at the time of the party.

At least at my institution, as long as the assaulter is a student it will be investigated by the school. Sexual assault is against the code of conduct.

Edit: or faculty member, etc.

 

[breezy16]

Men that go to gay bars invite sexual assault by others who are attracted to them. Men that go to parties centered around women trying to get with guys invite the women to get with the guys.

Women that go to frat parties invite a man trying to get it on. Get over yourself. Party culture is stupid and go find your fun some other way. I'm a male and I refuse to go to parties even though I constantly get invited to go to them by my frat buddy.

Be mature, not a silly teenage idiot trying to get off on some false sense of fun.

Sexual assault/battery, by nature, is unwarranted sexual advances, touching without consent. If they are inviting them, IT IS CONSENSUAL.
Girls/boys don't go to parties to be raped, numnuts.

 

[16candles]

This is very interesting reading:
http://knowyourix.org/why-schools-handle-sexual-violence-reports/

That said, it is unclear to me if someone who is not a student at the school has any standing to report to the school an assault by a student. So much of what the medical school can do may hinge on whether the OP and the medical student were enrolled in the same university at the time of the party.

LizzyM, does an interviewer have an obligation to reveal that he is acquainted with an interviewee? At the most basic (and hypothetical) level, if the OP were to report to the Admissions Dean that she is acquainted with the interviewer in a negative way, and the interviewer himself did not reveal that fact, what might be the ramifications?

 

[Petrichor1]

If you say so...

lol your assured stance is pretty complimentary. Thanks man

 

[Halcyon32]

Do you know what slippery slope is? Because what I said isn't slippery slope lol.

You: "Based on your logic, women should stay away from everyone they know because otherwise, they're inviting assault!"

"It's likely that you will get sexually assaulted at a party because there are drunken men who will make sexual advances on you so you should avoid these places. since these men make advances on you, that must mean any men in any setting will make sexually harass you so you should just avoid going outside"
That's the gist of what you're saying and is slippery slope

 

[Affiche]

You: "Based on your logic, women should stay away from everyone they know because otherwise, they're inviting assault!"

"It's likely that you will get sexually assaulted at a party because there are drunken men who will make sexual advances on you so you should avoid these places. since these men make advances on you, that must mean any men in any setting will make sexually harass you so you should just avoid going outside"
That's the gist of what you're saying and is slippery slope

That's not at all what I was saying. You very clearly misunderstood my post so badly that it's laughable.
My post was in response to SteveRope's post, which said that since parties tend to host a lot of assaults, women are inviting assaults by attending said parties. Well, if you look at when/where most assaults occur, they actually happen when the victim is with someone she knows. Following SteveRope's logic, women should stay away from situations where assault might occur, so women should thus stay away from most people they know, since a woman is more likely to be assaulted by someone she knows than a complete stranger. It was an obvious use of hyperbole to make a point and not at all slippery slope.

 

[HelpMe212]

The guy is definitely wrong for what he did, but you can't prove he did anything to you because even if you have witnesses, they were all inebriate so their testimonies will be dismissed (especially because drunk+year ago= hazy memory). It also doesn't help that your brother was there and didn't do anything because any normal brother would've ****ed that kid up so it hurts your case even more.

What you should do is tell the school that you knew the interviewer so that in case he tries to screw you over, you get another shot with someone fair.

 

[Affiche]

so their testimonies will be dismissed

Testimony? Lol. Again, this is not the court of law. Academic institutions have a significantly lower standard for evidence than the legal system.

It also doesn't help that your brother was there and didn't do anything because any normal brother would've ****ed that kid up so it hurts your case even more.

Wtf? Women do not need to rely on men to take care of them. Her case is not hurt because her brother "didn't do anything".

 

[SteveRope123]

@SteveRope123 you're a fool. 82% of sexual assaults are perpetrated by someone known to the victim. Based on your logic, women should stay away from everyone they know because otherwise, they're inviting assault!

Quit getting all salty because no one invites you to parties.

Your response clearly is indicative of your immaturity. There is a such thing as choosing to not attend parties because you have bigger priorities. I also don't drink alcohol. Why? Because I am aware of the risks it puts me in not only by inhibiting my ability to reason but also because it's terrible for health with the exception of wine in extreme moderation.

My sister was groped while we walked down the street together in the middle of the day.

But you're right. Women don't go outdoors and cover yourself 100% or else you are just asking to get assaulted

Lol. You're a joke.

But that's actually not at all what he's saying; you're picking and choosing the parts of his comments to prove your point and just taking it out of context. Steve literally said the guy is not excused and his actions were horrible, (which I agree with) nor did he say that molestation is accepted, although it definitely is expected as these environments do have such very well known reputations. He's saying being cognizant of that reputation and still heading straight towards that danger is just silly (which I also agree with)



Cool slippery slope. These are not at all the same situations that are being discussed in the thread.

At least someone understands.

Sexual assault/battery, by nature, is unwarranted sexual advances, touching without consent. If they are inviting them, IT IS CONSENSUAL.
Girls/boys don't go to parties to be raped, numnuts.

Sorry rephrase, couldn't understand what you are saying.

What I mentioned was victim blaming which was the term Steve used; he just didn't use it properly because it doesn't fit his view, he does believe blame rests in the assailant.

Except apparently not entirely, if it's 20% the victim's fault then what I said is at least partially correct, and he thinks she behaved immorally by entering the social agreement of the party whilst not being ok with molestation.

No not that it's okay nor that there is a social agreement. It should be dealt with. However, you can definitely expect that the likelihood of such a situation occurring at those parties is far greater than normal and therefore the rational thing to do would be to avoid it for your own sake. Kind of like how the intuitive thing to do when you see a drunk driver on the highway is to stay away from them or pass them very quickly.

 

[Affiche]

Your response clearly is indicative of your immaturity. There is a such thing as choosing to not attend parties because you have bigger priorities. I also don't drink alcohol. Why? Because I am aware of the risks it puts me in not only by inhibiting my ability to reason but also because it's terrible for health with the exception of wine in extreme moderation.

And let's be honest, you really can't afford to inhibit your ability to reason any further

 

[deleted407021]

And let's be honest, you really can't afford to inhibit your ability to reason any further

Rekt

 

[ZedsDed]

The guy is definitely wrong for what he did, but you can't prove he did anything to you because even if you have witnesses, they were all inebriate so their testimonies will be dismissed (especially because drunk+year ago= hazy memory). It also doesn't help that your brother was there and didn't do anything because any normal brother would've ****ed that kid up so it hurts your case even more.

What you should do is tell the school that you knew the interviewer so that in case he tries to screw you over, you get another shot with someone fair.

Her brother wasn't there.

 

[deleted407021]

But let's be grown ups and not blame others for doing things we wouldn't do ourselves based on our own judgements, lest we descend into bigotry and further victim blaming.

 

[Affiche]

But #realtalk what is drinking wine in extreme moderation? A bit of a paradox, no?

 

[SteveRope123]

And let's be honest, you really can't afford to inhibit your ability to reason any further

Ran out of things to counter my argument with? Insults are the weakest form of debate. If you want me to though, I can stoop that low.

But let's be grown ups and not blame others for doing things we wouldn't do ourselves based on our own judgements, lest we descend into bigotry and further victim blaming.

Sigh, nothing more annoying than people who use the term bigot to define others because of their differing opinions. TOO many at my university. Too many...

 

[Halcyon32]

That's not at all what I was saying. You very clearly misunderstood my post so badly that it's laughable.
My post was in response to SteveRope's post, which said that since parties tend to host a lot of assaults, women are inviting assaults by attending said parties. Well, if you look at when/where most assaults occur, they actually happen when the victim is with someone she knows. Following SteveRope's logic, women should stay away from situations where assault might occur, so women should thus stay away from most people they know, since a woman is more likely to be assaulted by someone she knows than a complete stranger. It was an obvious use of hyperbole to make a point and not at all slippery slope.

You're right, I got so hung up on the last part of your post that I failed to see the ACTUAL fallacy you were using was a hyperbole. Thanks for clearing that up for me

 

[efle]

No not that it's okay nor that there is a social agreement. It should be dealt with. However, you can definitely expect that the likelihood of such a situation occurring at those parties is far greater than normal and therefore the rational thing to do would be to avoid it for your own sake.

Yes, we are both clear on this position. My point to you is that saying someone exercised poor judgement is not the same as blaming them. To place blame here is to find fault in the actions of an agent, which = wrongdoing. It is not wrongdoing to enter vulnerable conditions. It may be stupid or naive, but it is not immoral. The fact that someone could have acted differently to reduce their vulnerability/danger does not reduce the fault/guilt/blame of the agent who harms them.

 

[SteveRope123]

Yes, we are both clear on this position. My point to you is that saying someone exercised poor judgement is not the same as blaming them. To place blame here is to find fault in the actions of an agent, which = wrongdoing. It is not wrongdoing to enter vulnerable conditions. It may be stupid or naive, but it is not immoral. The fact that someone could have acted differently to reduce their vulnerability/danger does not reduce the fault/guilt/blame of the agent who harms them.

Agreed. Poor word choice on my part.

You're right, I got so hung up on the last part of your post that I failed to see the ACTUAL fallacy you were using was a hyperbole. Thanks for clearing that up for me

Lol. Her poor verbal reasoning score on her mcat bleeds into this thread.

But #realtalk what is drinking wine in extreme moderation? A bit of a paradox, no?

I pity you.

 

[C02232934]

Ran out of things to counter my argument with? Insults are the weakest form of debate. If you want me to though, I can stoop that low.



Sigh, nothing more annoying than people who use the term bigot to define others because of their differing opinions. TOO many at my university. Too many...

It's sad really, they let emotion get in the way of logic. OP obviously felt some moral ambiguity here or she would've reported this the next day. Not to mention the fact that she even said herself that she wasn't sure if she had the right to ruin this guys life over one mistake.

 

[deleted407021]

Ran out of things to counter my argument with? Insults are the weakest form of debate. If you want me to though, I can stoop that low.



Sigh, nothing more annoying than people who use the term bigot to define others because of their differing opinions. TOO many at my university. Too many...

Well, since the definition of the word is to hold others to your own opinions in disregard of their own, I don't know what to tell you bud.

 

[ZedsDed]

It's sad really, they let emotion get in the way of logic. OP obviously felt some moral ambiguity here or she would've reported this the next day. Not to mention the fact that she even said herself that she wasn't sure if she had the right to ruin this guys life over one mistake.

What kind of BS is this? You clearly know nothing about the trauma of sexual assault. And as has been said 1000 times before, OP is not ruining anyones life.

 

[Affiche]

You're right, I got so hung up on the last part of your post that I failed to see the ACTUAL fallacy you were using was a hyperbole. Thanks for clearing that up for me

You're welcome! It was clearly not a post meant to be taken seriously. Not sure why you got so worked about it.

Agreed. Poor word choice on my part.


Lol. Her poor verbal reasoning score on her mcat bleeds into this thread.


I pity you.

And yet here I am teaching you what a paradox is. Nice try with the ad hominem, though.

 

[KatniP]

Men that go to gay bars invite sexual assault by others who are attracted to them. Men that go to parties centered around women trying to get with guys invite the women to get with the guys.

Women that go to frat parties invite a man trying to get it on. Get over yourself. Party culture is stupid and go find your fun some other way. I'm a male and I refuse to go to parties even though I constantly get invited to go to them by my frat buddy.

Be mature, not a silly teenage idiot trying to get off on some false sense of fun.

Nice opinions, friend. Unfortunately, whatever image of me that you have concocted in your brain is likely wrong. I am by no means a party girl. I joined a sorority in my junior year whose philanthropy is Domestic Violence Awareness and advocates against hazing, as it is a form of abuse. My University generally does not hold fraternities and sororities in high regard, but we are a fairly liberal school whose focus is on positivity and change. Many of my fraternity friends are kind, intellectual, accepting individuals with healthy views of women, although some fraternities are definitely not this way. My belief is that all women (and men) should be safe and free to do what they want, in a healthy, consensual manner. I believe that unhealthy behaviors and negative mentalities can be changed, and the way things are now does not have to be how they are indefinitely. If you think I am naive or an idealist, you are wrong. The world will never become an ideal place, but that does not mean that causes are completely lost and not worth fighting for. That is why I am here. What are you here for?

Edit: Also the fact that you think going to a party means a girl is inviting herself to be sexually assaulted or raped is WRONG. She should be able to go wherever she wants dressed however she likes without any fear of unwanted advances or sexual harassment. Yes. That is the "ideal world." But, a man not able to control himself or keep his hands to himself is NOT HER FAULT, and the sooner you realize that men should be responsible for his own actions and behaviors, the better.

 

[KatniP]

I'd really like to know what some of these people would say if a patient in an abusive relationship walked into their office, with visible bruises and marks. What about a girl who was touched non-consensually at a party? What about a man who was raped by a woman? Who would you turn them to? What would you say?

 

[WingedOx]

Men that go to gay bars invite sexual assault by others who are attracted to them. Men that go to parties centered around women trying to get with guys invite the women to get with the guys.

Women that go to frat parties invite a man trying to get it on. Get over yourself. Party culture is stupid and go find your fun some other way. I'm a male and I refuse to go to parties even though I constantly get invited to go to them by my frat buddy.

Be mature, not a silly teenage idiot trying to get off on some false sense of fun.

My second WTF? of this thread.

 

[Affiche]

My second WTF? of this thread.

He'll do excellent in MMI

 

[Glazedonutlove]

It's sad really, they let emotion get in the way of logic. OP obviously felt some moral ambiguity here or she would've reported this the next day. Not to mention the fact that she even said herself that she wasn't sure if she had the right to ruin this guys life over one mistake.

who's they? When did op talk about ruining anyone's life? I think you are the one facing moral ambiguity here. Clearly you can't see why his actions were wrong which is pathetic

 

[Conflagration]

I wonder what you all would say to your sister/female friend if this happened to her.

Because if you'd pit the blame on someone you love in a state of complete vulnerability, you're an asswipe.