Just need to vent.
Received yet another alternate list email this morning. I wasn't supposed to hear back from the school for another three weeks, but apparently, I'm so terrible a candidate they can't wait to be done reviewing my app. I've tried doing everything right this cycle- applying early, broadly, not too top heavy, doing many mock interviews--but it's just not enough. I must be so socially inept that I'm ruining all these interviews, because I don't know what more I can do. Even the lowest tier MD schools won't take me, and the only reason I was accepted into the DO school, I'm pretty sure, is because my numbers were significantly above their averages.
My family is suffering as well. I won't go into details, but they invested very heavily in my education, and were expecting me to keep up my end of the bargain, and get into a top tier school. I did very well in high school, graduated first in my class, and two of my relatives were in a BS/MD program. Not only did I not do so great in college, but I failed to get into med school the first time around by making stupid mistakes--applying late, mediocre MCAT, etc. I was not 100% committed to med school, and it showed. When I did realize that I loved medicine, it was too late. Now, every day, my parents remind me of the mistakes I made and how much they are going to cost me, what I could have done, and how disappointed they are in me. Everything that's happened to me is really my fault, I'm would never blame anyone else.
Honestly, right now I feel absolutely worthless. Why? Because I have finally come face to face with reality; it's not that I am not intelligent enough to accomplish something, but I am lazy and unmotivated. People struggle to get the resources I have been hand-given; essentially, I have been given gold and turned it to dust. I worked as little as possible, and my application shows that. My interviewers must have recognized this, and that's why I haven't been accepted anywhere.
I'm seriously considering withdrawing from the school I was accepted at, I worry I lack the drive to succeed, and will never match. I have wasted so much time for so long, that I don't know how to become ambitious and hard-working again. Please, any pre-meds reading this, don't make the same mistakes that I did.
I think I'm done posting in the forums. Good luck to everyone out there!