another neurotic self-doubt question

[scpm]

This topic has most likely been beat to death, but I could really use some reassurance or realistic advice. I'm a rising sophomore and I've been hardcore doubting myself and my intelligence since getting to college.

I went to a pretty subpar high school and was near the top of my class despite only having a ~3.6 gpa. My SAT scores were nothing to write home about (1150/1600)

College has been a totally different/more compettitive environment and I can't stop comparing myself to other people and thinking that I shouldn't even pursue being a doctor if my baseline intelligence isn't high enough, if that makes any sense.

I have a 3.88 after my first year which is good, but I spent more time studying and worked harder than I ever have in my academic life. I utilized every single resource I had, went to counseling for anxiety, went to every single tutor / office hours session, and had to cut back on working to focus on school. Looking back, I could have studied even more efficiently and hope to improve next year. I also applied to and got rejected from my school's Honors college. I go to a state school, and I'm worrying that the lack of ~~prestige is already gonna hurt me. I did do some ECs though, so it wasn't ONLY school.

I'm so scared that I'll hit a wall and won't be able to compensate with working hard to make up for not instantly understanding certain concepts at some point, and that even if I somehow make it I won't be a good doctor.

I'm also very insecure about being bad at math. I've always struggled with math, and I now realize how important those logical thinking skills are and I want to improve in college. I feel like it's too late, but I've been casually reviewing algebra/trig topics this summer and want to take calc 1+2 at some point in college even though it isn't a requirement for my major. (I know calc 1 is for some med schools.)

Any advice / feedback would be appreciated. Thank you.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[AttemptingScholar]

No one can say for sure how you will face different obstacles in your future. However, it's rather common for people (especially people who excelled in unchallenging high schools) to just fail in college because they aren't used to it. I'd say the fact that you didn't is a very good sign!

And I get that type of "wall" thinking, I had it too ("If I can't pass a high school AP Bio class how will I ever survive med school?!") All I can say is that everyone will hit that point eventually and that it's probably better to hit it earlier on when you have the less intense workload so you can practice dealing with it. Imagine being academically challenged for the first time in med school after 20 straight years of floating--quite a nasty shock!

But you seem to be having the same thought that I did--that there will come some point where you will just stop learning. Your brain will fill up and you'll be done. And the sooner you hit this point, the struggle point, the sooner you'll hit that point. Keep in mind that that isn't true! It just isn't!

I hope I've reassured you on that level. As for math, it's so great you want to pursue something you aren't good at (if it hurts your GPA it might make for a bad med school app, but you know it'll make for a good doctor and that's the real goal here!). I'd just recommend doing everything you can to make it easy--ask what teachers are good, wait so you get priority choice on teachers, khan academy, all that. Good luck.

 

[Dandine]

But you seem to be having the same thought that I did--that there will come some point where you will just stop learning. Your brain will fill up and you'll be done. And the sooner you hit this point, the struggle point, the sooner you'll hit that point. Keep in mind that that isn't true! It just isn't!

@AttemptingScholar is right. Somehow your brain remembers things even if it doesn't remember them in the moment. They key is really to repeatedly explain these concepts to yourself in a way that works best for you. If you can't do that, find other ways of learning it (other print or online resources, doing more practice problems, consulting a TA or professor) and make sure you can get to the point where you can explain the material to yourself. If you do that over time it will become easier to recall concepts when you need to, like on an exam. These skills of explaining and reviewing translate over to medical school so it helps to start now to build them.

If you can work towards a goal and get prestige that way, that will no doubt be looked at favorably. But you need to figure out what you want to set your mind on and do it well. That can be in anything: academics, research, leadership, and work come to mind. The prestige comes from taking on responsibility and doing a job well, which is what a doctor has to eventually do and hence why med schools like leadership experience on an app.

If you're interested in calculus, I would recommend talking to multiple upperclassmen (> 2 ideally, but as many as you want) who have taken those classes before so that you know what you are getting into before signing up (e.g. who are good professors, how much time to devote to do well in those courses). Taking challenging courses is great, but at the same time you don't want to hurt your GPA if you find out it's harder than you thought. So if you're seriously considering taking calculus, definitely talk to people about what to expect so you have a plan going in. I personally liked calculus a lot and wished I had gone further in it, but most schools won't care if you don't take as much of it (UNLESS it's a school that require one or both Calc 1 and 2).

On worrying about whether you can do it: realize that doubt is normal and in fact a good thing if you want to make yourself the best you can be. But also realize that the people around you have their own paths. Find what motivates you to make you stay on track (it may be multiple things, which is good!), and that will be more important than what someone else does. IMO and from experience, it's better to say "I don't know" and strive to learn more than assume you know everything without putting in the work to see if you actually do.

It will take time. Sophomore and junior years are probably the hardest in terms of figuring out your schedule and what you need to do for success, but you will get there if you put in the time towards what you need to do well. Best of luck!

 

[efle]

3.9 GPA is fantastic, especially considering the subpar academic background you describe, many people struggle to get anything close to that when they first arrive at university. Admissions doesn't care whether you take prereqs through honors college or not, all that matters are the grades. You should view yourself as a good example and success story - busting ass and making use of all available resources is exactly what you're supposed to do in your situation, it's not a sign of inability!

 

[scpm]

Thank you so much for the replies! I really appreciate the advice I'm trying to just leave high school in the past, but it's so easy to doubt myself when I think of my low SAT score etc. and compare my "stats" to people of Ivy League caliber. I really just want to do everything I can to develop myself into someone who would be a good doctor one day - hopefully I get there!

Thank you again everyone!