Applying with boyfriend, tell med schools we're engaged?

[anonymous55555]

HYPOTHETICALLY speaking, if my boyfriend and I decide to apply to the same med schools this coming summer (after our junior year of college), should we tell the AdCom we're engaged?

By the time we apply we'll have been together for almost 3 years. Now, while we currently want to go to the same med school (or at least to ones near each other), we don't actually plan on being officially engaged (obviously seems way too early!). The problem is that from what we've seen on a few SDN threads we don't think med schools would take our commitment seriously (and therefore probably wouldn't make any effort at all to admit both of us) unless they thought we were engaged or married.

I'm also slightly worried that it would look bad or weird to med schools looking at a couple that got "engaged" before they even finished college. Still, it seems like "pretending" to be engaged is the lesser evil here compared to having to end our relationship if we don't get into nearby schools.

What do you think? Thanks!

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[sliceofbread136]

Yes, alot of schools (like UPenn) specifically ask.

edi: Lol, I didn't read close enough, don't lie

 

[1cor1311]

Im in a similar situation, curious to see what senior members and current med students have to say

 

[Oo Cipher oO]

HYPOTHETICALLY speaking, if my boyfriend and I decide to apply to the same med schools this coming summer (after our junior year of college), should we tell the AdCom we're engaged?

By the time we apply we'll have been together for almost 3 years. Now, while we currently want to go to the same med school (or at least to ones near each other), we don't actually plan on being officially engaged (obviously seems way too early!). The problem is that from what we've seen on a few SDN threads we don't think med schools would take our commitment seriously (and therefore probably wouldn't make any effort at all to admit both of us) unless they thought we were engaged or married.

I'm also slightly worried that it would look bad or weird to med schools looking at a couple that got "engaged" before they even finished college. Still, it seems like "pretending" to be engaged is the lesser evil here compared to having to end our relationship if we don't get into nearby schools.

What do you think? Thanks!

You are basically asking if you should lie to schools saying you are engaged to increase your chances of going to the same school. That is lying. It is unethical and unprofessional in any circumstance. Don't do it.

 

[MangoPlant]

Won't saying you're engaged reduce your chances of being accepted? I mean if you say you're engaged, then med schools will be less likely to accept only one of you (in case one of you has a better application) because they will know that you are less likely to matriculate to that school without your fiance. So if you have a better application than your fiance ,or vice-versa, I'd imagine that you would be damaging the person with the better application's chances by saying your engaged. Just something to think about.

 

[Irish Football]

I would marry an M1 at my #1 choice school if it would mean me getting in.

 

[tbornottb]

You are basically asking if you should lie to schools saying you are engaged to increase your chances of going to the same school. That is lying. It is unethical and unprofessional in any circumstance. Don't do it.

Exactly. Do not lie about anything when you are applying to med school. Lying is unethical, period.
My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 8 years but we are not engaged yet and I will be applying to med school in 2013. I am certain that we will eventually be married, but since that is not in the immediate future for us I will not be telling any schools that I am engaged, even though it may help me get into the school where my girlfriend is getting her PhD it's just not right to lie about something like that.

 

[sinombre]

My roommate's parents went to undergrad (Stanford), med school (Case Western), and residency (UCLA) together. They told me that being married helped them, because "schools like happy students." But who knows, that was more than 20 years ago, and they were probably highly competitive.

 

[Barcu]

Don't lie if you're not engaged. That could blow up in your face.

You can certainly try to get into the same med school or get into med schools near each other (Chicago, Philly, Boston, NYC, DC, etc). Still, you have to be prepared for the possibility that it won't work out, and your relationship may or may not survive that. Choices in life aren't easy.

 

[MDforMee]

I would marry an M1 at my #1 choice school if it would mean me getting in.

Since you'll be applying the year before me, can I marry you once you're in med school?

I am a tall male, and have an optional dowry.

 

[Hemorrage]

put on a ring and tell them your engaged, im sure they wont ask anything else

 

[Praefectus]

Exactly. Do not lie about anything when you are applying to med school. Lying is unethical, period.
My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 8 years but we are not engaged yet and I will be applying to med school in 2013. I am certain that we will eventually be married, but since that is not in the immediate future for us I will not be telling any schools that I am engaged, even though it may help me get into the school where my girlfriend is getting her PhD it's just not right to lie about something like that.

Is this you?

 

[tbornottb]

Is this you?

haha! that's exactly why I'm not getting engaged right now though, I don't want to be engaged for years. When I get engaged it will be when I'm ready to get married in the immediate future. Even though my girlfriend and I have been together for a long time (throughout undergrad - I'm a nontrad) we are still pretty young to get married. I've had friends get engaged for years and then call it off, even had some friends who got married in their early 20s and are now getting separated or divorced, so I don't want to end up like that

 

[Irish Football]

Since you'll be applying the year before me, can I marry you once you're in med school?

I am a tall male, and have an optional dowry.

 

[1289]

i dont get how this would even come up in the app process unless you wrote it in a "why this school essay"

 

[Narmerguy]

Do not lie about this.

 

[Freesia88]

I would marry an M1 at my #1 choice school if it would mean me getting in.

Since you'll be applying the year before me, can I marry you once you're in med school?

I am a tall male, and have an optional dowry.

Take the offer and run, Irish... Possible diversity poiints in there for both of you... for being a gay couple...


OP, I highly doubt Adcoms, particularly care about your committment to your boyfriend, or anything like that for that matter. The only way I see it becoming an issue if you or/and he brought it up during an interview as a deciding factor to if or not you would attend that school...which begs the question, have you both gotten invites to the same school?

 

[darkjedi]

You should not lie on your application, period. Additionally, being engaged will likely hurt the couple as a whole if they plan to attend the same medical school. If one applicant is weaker than the other, adcoms will not just accept the weaker applicant just to grab the strong applicant. There are thousands of other strong applicants.

 

[Narmerguy]

You should not lie on your application, period. Additionally, being engaged will likely hurt the couple as a whole if they plan to attend the same medical school. If one applicant is weaker than the other, adcoms will not just accept the weaker applicant just to grab the strong applicant. There are thousands of other strong applicants.

I honestly wouldn't let this bother you too much. If a school has no intentions of accepting you both and if you two are serious about staying together, whether they reject both of you or one of you, the end result will be the same: You aren't going there. But once again, do not lie.

 

[Thego2guy]

I honestly wouldn't let this bother you too much. If a school has no intentions of accepting you both and if you two are serious about staying together, whether they reject both of you or one of you, the end result will be the same: You aren't going there. But once again, do not lie.

Sound advice.

What if you are engaged to your partner, but you are applying to the school of medicine, while she is applying the same school of dentistry. Is there anyway this can be an advantage? or a disadvantage? I feel like it is a substantial "thing" but I'm not sure what to make of it, except maybe add an extra line or two in the "why that school" essay.

 

[FattySlug]

Can't imagine under what context you would mention this fact. I don't think it is a good idea to list this as one of the reasons why you applied to certain schools.

 

[redpanda]

HYPOTHETICALLY speaking, if my boyfriend and I decide to apply to the same med schools this coming summer (after our junior year of college), should we tell the AdCom we're engaged?

By the time we apply we'll have been together for almost 3 years. Now, while we currently want to go to the same med school (or at least to ones near each other), we don't actually plan on being officially engaged (obviously seems way too early!). The problem is that from what we've seen on a few SDN threads we don't think med schools would take our commitment seriously (and therefore probably wouldn't make any effort at all to admit both of us) unless they thought we were engaged or married.

I'm also slightly worried that it would look bad or weird to med schools looking at a couple that got "engaged" before they even finished college. Still, it seems like "pretending" to be engaged is the lesser evil here compared to having to end our relationship if we don't get into nearby schools.

What do you think? Thanks!

Quite frankly, if you dropped this on me (student interviewer) it wouldn't make it into my write-up and it wouldn't influence my decision about you. It's not weird to be engaged in college, but it has nothing to do with whether the school should admit you or not and I suspect that most adcoms don't yolk anyone together for a decision who appears to be in some committed relationship (in contrast to the Couples' Match for residency).

 

[mehc012]

we don't think med schools would take our commitment seriously (and therefore probably wouldn't make any effort at all to admit both of us) unless they thought we were engaged or married.

They wouldn't. Why should they?

If you aren't at the point in your relationship where you guys can honestly commit to each other for the future, then your commitment is not strong enough for a medical school to take seriously.

You guys don't take your commitment seriously yet...why should a school?

 

[imymemine]

HYPOTHETICALLY speaking, if my boyfriend and I decide to apply to the same med schools this coming summer (after our junior year of college), should we tell the AdCom we're engaged?

By the time we apply we'll have been together for almost 3 years. Now, while we currently want to go to the same med school (or at least to ones near each other), we don't actually plan on being officially engaged (obviously seems way too early!). The problem is that from what we've seen on a few SDN threads we don't think med schools would take our commitment seriously (and therefore probably wouldn't make any effort at all to admit both of us) unless they thought we were engaged or married.

I'm also slightly worried that it would look bad or weird to med schools looking at a couple that got "engaged" before they even finished college. Still, it seems like "pretending" to be engaged is the lesser evil here compared to having to end our relationship if we don't get into nearby schools.

What do you think? Thanks!

i applied md last cycle while my SO applied phd. we waited until one of us got accepted before telling a school we were a couple (to admissions directors/deans via email). i am 90% sure the email i wrote to one of them helped...i was accepted off a waitlist less than a week after sending it.

i also met two couples on the interview trail who had the same result as us--one person was accepted first while another was waitlisted, but the SO got off the waitlist after an email to a dean. one couple was engaged, one wasn't.

i don't think you have to be engaged in order for a school to take your relationship seriously. but honestly i wouldn't bring it up until one of you has an acceptance (ie, when they demonstrate they want at least one of you). no one will care before that point. it won't confer any sort of advantage to you before that point, and could even be a distraction. your time during interviews would be better spent talking about other things.

 

[mmmcdowe]

They wouldn't. Why should they?

If you aren't at the point in your relationship where you guys can honestly commit to each other for the future, then your commitment is not strong enough for a medical school to take seriously.

You guys don't take your commitment seriously yet...why should a school?

Yup, many, if not most, relationships prior to medical school end rapidly after its start. In the adult world if you aren't married or engaged you're single, or at least that's what my insurance form tells me!

 

[anonymous55555]

Quite frankly, if you dropped this on me (student interviewer) it wouldn't make it into my write-up and it wouldn't influence my decision about you. It's not weird to be engaged in college, but it has nothing to do with whether the school should admit you or not and I suspect that most adcoms don't yolk anyone together for a decision who appears to be in some committed relationship (in contrast to the Couples' Match for residency).

Are people in admissions that cold-hearted when it comes to their job? No offense. Is it not rational to gather that a medical student will be more (happy and) successful if she has that support system?

Also, because med schools apparently care so much about yield, wouldn't they be more inclined to admit the whole couple and get two guaranteed matriculants? Yes, I know this would work best if they already admitted one of us (with the other one being at least a decent candidate) and waitlisted that other partner before receiving a letter of intent or something. Regardless, I find it very hard to believe that it wouldn't even make it into your write-up.

 

[kami333]

in the adult world if you aren't married you're single, or at least that's what my insurance form tells me!

fify

 

[gyngyn]

The NRMP Couples Match allows any two allopathic applicants to pair their residency choices for the purpose of living in close geographic proximity. The programs are under no obligation to consider the partner as part of the deal. The couple may choose to link their oucome for any reason. I have seen married, unmarried, same sex and even sibling "couples". There is no advantage in the match for "coupling" and the quality of one partner's outcome is almost inevitably reduced.

The application for medical school is so dissimilar, that a comparable feature is not feasible.

 

[FalconSlice]

I would marry an M1 at my #1 choice school if it would mean me getting in.

...BUT... would you eat a poop hot dog?

 

[Renaissance Man]

They wouldn't. Why should they?

If you aren't at the point in your relationship where you guys can honestly commit to each other for the future, then your commitment is not strong enough for a medical school to take seriously.

You guys don't take your commitment seriously yet...why should a school?

This. Don't lie about your relationship status, although I don't think it will come up much anyways. It will be stressful and sometimes suck, but make it into medical school on your own merits. Hopefully both of you are competitive.

 

[alerk323]

Are people in admissions that cold-hearted when it comes to their job? No offense. Is it not rational to gather that a medical student will be more (happy and) successful if she has that support system?

As someone else alluded too, lots of these happy couples turn into very unhappy lonely individuals. It's often quite hard for these people right after as they come to rely on their one person support system instead of themselves. Also the naivete demonstrated by the "I'm happier than my single friends cause I have a boyfriend lol" doesn't sound very good.

 

[Barcu]

Are people in admissions that cold-hearted when it comes to their job? No offense. Is it not rational to gather that a medical student will be more (happy and) successful if she has that support system?

Also, because med schools apparently care so much about yield, wouldn't they be more inclined to admit the whole couple and get two guaranteed matriculants? Yes, I know this would work best if they already admitted one of us (with the other one being at least a decent candidate) and waitlisted that other partner before receiving a letter of intent or something. Regardless, I find it very hard to believe that it wouldn't even make it into your write-up.

Support systems are key, and med schools do evaluate potential support systems. Mentioning family or support in the area does help. However, med schools aren't there to make sure your support system is set up how you want it. That's on you.

If med schools get the vibe that you will be unhappy without your boyfriend there, they don't have to accept both of you; they could just not accept you or your SO. It's not cold-hearted or mean. The adcoms job is compile the best available class to them. There are plenty of qualified applicants applying to med schools, so you aren't going to get anywhere feeling like your personal situation should yield the results you want.

Again, the best advice is to apply to the same schools and to apply to areas that have many med schools close by. It's up to you to decide how flexible you two will be in your relationship and whether it will last. It's not really the concern of medical admissions.

 

[Freesia88]

Are people in admissions that cold-hearted when it comes to their job? No offense. Is it not rational to gather that a medical student will be more (happy and) successful if she has that support system?

Also, because med schools apparently care so much about yield, wouldn't they be more inclined to admit the whole couple and get two guaranteed matriculants? Yes, I know this would work best if they already admitted one of us (with the other one being at least a decent candidate) and waitlisted that other partner before receiving a letter of intent or something. Regardless, I find it very hard to believe that it wouldn't even make it into your write-up.

I am still trying to find a term to describe this persistent thinking by us premeds that because we think something should be a certain way, that is the way it should be. "Wishful Thinking " does not quite cover it.

I think what many people have been trying to tell you is that of the many things adcoms consider before offering a student admission, relationship status is at the bottom of the list...I have even heard that it is not allowed for interviewers to ask about your relationship status. Not sure if that is right.

Keep in mind that people in admissions have literally thousands of well qualified applicants to sift through... Think of it this way. If a company wanted to hire you and you would have to move to a different city, but refused to move without your SO. Assuming they had another spot open for a job your SO could fill, but there were also hundreds of other highly qualified applicants for that position, the only way I see them offering your SO that job is if you are so freakin' amazing at what you do that they cannot afford to lose you.

Also, your support system, for medical school in particular has gotta be bigger than one person. Not a med student yet but as a busy pre-med, I would sink if I had just one person to depend on.

In any case, if you do make it an issue during your interviews (again assuming you both have invites to the same schools) do let us here at SDN know how things worked out. Your experience will sure be a valuable one for the books.

Edit: I just reread your OP again to be sure I wasn't off track... and you guys are still planning to apply....and are not actually engaged yet...nor do you plan to be at the time of application.... I am not sure what the issue here is.

 

[drizzt3117]

Nothing like lying to get things off to a good start with your future school...

 

[redpanda]

Are people in admissions that cold-hearted when it comes to their job? No offense. Is it not rational to gather that a medical student will be more (happy and) successful if she has that support system?

Also, because med schools apparently care so much about yield, wouldn't they be more inclined to admit the whole couple and get two guaranteed matriculants? Yes, I know this would work best if they already admitted one of us (with the other one being at least a decent candidate) and waitlisted that other partner before receiving a letter of intent or something. Regardless, I find it very hard to believe that it wouldn't even make it into your write-up.

Sorry dude, this isn't about being cold-hearted; it's realistic. And yes, it would not go into the write-up. I don't know why you don't believe that I know my own behavior. Yes, it is rational to think that a medical student will be more happy with that support system. The support system that I would count as being relevant involve what are (planned to be) permanent relationships (i.e. parents, other close family, siblings, partner, spouse). People you are just dating are not permanent. You have a grandiose vision of what it means to have a dating partner in the view of admissions.

Since you and your boyfriend are BOTH applying to medical school, neither of you is permanently (and by permanently, I mean living near-ish to here, going to school, having a job, etc.) linked to the city and therefore I have no reason to say you have any special love for the school on that basis. If your boyfriend were living here, I might give it a thought, but honestly, if you're not partnered into a long-term relationship with the person who is here with some sort of commitment demonstrated, I don't find it relevant. I'm sorry that it sucks that this is extremely marriage-centric and traditional, and I know putting a ring on a finger doesn't make a relationship permanent, but it's an obvious commitment. It is very hard for a student interviewer to measure any other obvious commitment in a closed interview. As everyone here has said, DO NOT LIE. Lying is stupid.

I repeat: med school admissions is highly unlikely to yolk you together even if you were married to each other, because this is med school admissions. There are plenty of candidates each school would love to have, and it is highly unlikely you are a special snowflake. This is not like when you and your spouse are superstar faculty and perhaps in a position to negotiate two faculty appointments at the same university. I'm not trying to insult you here, but you and the boyfriend should be trying to get in based on your academic quals, personality, ability to work with others, not the fact that you *might* be together forever.

 

[HughMyron]

I would marry an M1 at my #1 choice school if it would mean me getting in.

What if it was a fatty?

 

[SpecterGT260]

You are basically asking if you should lie to schools saying you are engaged to increase your chances of going to the same school. That is lying. It is unethical and unprofessional in any circumstance. Don't do it.

Srsly unbunch thine panties....



OP I don't think this will increase either of your chances individually. It may bring one of you up a little if you are on the fence for that school and the other is highly desired. But that is all

 

[TheMightySmiter]

What's with all these people saying that being engaged is a negative? That's totally untrue. Either adcoms won't care at all, or they'll say "awww" and move on to your MCAT score, or they'll see it as a strong connection (if your SO lives/goes to school there) to the area and a sign that you would likely matriculate at their school if accepted. There's not much NEGATIVE about being engaged unless you're a ***** and haven't thought about what would happen if things didn't work out perfectly. I think there are 8 or 10 engaged people in my class of 160, and about 20 who are married.

 

[anonymous55555]

Sorry dude, this isn't about being cold-hearted; it's realistic. And yes, it would not go into the write-up. I don't know why you don't believe that I know my own behavior. Yes, it is rational to think that a medical student will be more happy with that support system. The support system that I would count as being relevant involve what are (planned to be) permanent relationships (i.e. parents, other close family, siblings, partner, spouse). People you are just dating are not permanent. You have a grandiose vision of what it means to have a dating partner in the view of admissions.

Since you and your boyfriend are BOTH applying to medical school, neither of you is permanently (and by permanently, I mean living near-ish to here, going to school, having a job, etc.) linked to the city and therefore I have no reason to say you have any special love for the school on that basis. If your boyfriend were living here, I might give it a thought, but honestly, if you're not partnered into a long-term relationship with the person who is here with some sort of commitment demonstrated, I don't find it relevant. I'm sorry that it sucks that this is extremely marriage-centric and traditional, and I know putting a ring on a finger doesn't make a relationship permanent, but it's an obvious commitment. It is very hard for a student interviewer to measure any other obvious commitment in a closed interview. As everyone here has said, DO NOT LIE. Lying is stupid.

I repeat: med school admissions is highly unlikely to yolk you together even if you were married to each other, because this is med school admissions. There are plenty of candidates each school would love to have, and it is highly unlikely you are a special snowflake. This is not like when you and your spouse are superstar faculty and perhaps in a position to negotiate two faculty appointments at the same university. I'm not trying to insult you here, but you and the boyfriend should be trying to get in based on your academic quals, personality, ability to work with others, not the fact that you *might* be together forever.

I never meant to imply that you don't know your own behavior. I meant to say I find it hard to believe that the typical interviewer wouldn't put it in the write-up. I think the problem is that the significance of being engaged can vary quite a bit from culture to culture. Sometimes being in a 3-year relationship isn't all that different from being engaged. Regardless, I won't lie. I'll just comfort myself with the fact that LizzyM once said that even hard-boiled adcoms can become romantics...

 

[Whatyousay]

...BUT... would you eat a poop hot dog?

The only true test of desire.

 

[Oo Cipher oO]

Srsly unbunch thine panties....

You're right. We need more cut throat medical students that will do or say anything to get what they want.

I do get intense about any degree of dishonesty in school. I won't make any apologies for it.

 

[SpecterGT260]

You're right. We need more cut throat medical students that will do or say anything to get what they want.

I do get intense about any degree of dishonesty in school. I won't make any apologies for it.

That's fine. I mean nor do we need judgemental self important self righteous medical students making the claim that someone presenting themselves as engaged, which will not increase their overall chance of matriculation and may even reduce it if adcoms perceive them as a package deal, is cutthroat.

Adcoms aren't stupid. Engagement is not some back door golden ticket. Please use your brain and think about the implications from an adcom point of view. It is a non issue. So chill

 

[DoctwoB]

HYPOTHETICALLY speaking, if my boyfriend and I decide to apply to the same med schools this coming summer (after our junior year of college), should we tell the AdCom we're engaged?

By the time we apply we'll have been together for almost 3 years. Now, while we currently want to go to the same med school (or at least to ones near each other), we don't actually plan on being officially engaged (obviously seems way too early!). The problem is that from what we've seen on a few SDN threads we don't think med schools would take our commitment seriously (and therefore probably wouldn't make any effort at all to admit both of us) unless they thought we were engaged or married.

I'm also slightly worried that it would look bad or weird to med schools looking at a couple that got "engaged" before they even finished college. Still, it seems like "pretending" to be engaged is the lesser evil here compared to having to end our relationship if we don't get into nearby schools.

What do you think? Thanks!

Say nothing about your relationship initially. Apply to medschool as you normally would, but to a larger number of schools, and focus more on cities with multiple med schools. Do NOT mention anything at your interview unless specifically asked.

Then when one of you gets in to a school (aka the only point in the process where you have some leverage). Send them an email saying how you loved their school, would love to attend, but you have this situation. My SO and I each got a few interviews that way.

 

[SpecterGT260]

Say nothing about your relationship initially. Apply to medschool as you normally would, but to a larger number of schools, and focus more on cities with multiple med schools. Do NOT mention anything at your interview unless specifically asked.

Then when one of you gets in to a school (aka the only point in the process where you have some leverage). Send them an email saying how you loved their school, would love to attend, but you have this situation. My SO and I each got a few interviews that way.

This is sound advice.