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Why? I never ridiculed his choice of being married. I ridiculed his choice of basing his residency choice on what his wife wants.
Arguments with spouse about residency locale?
Started by tiedyeddog
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Why? I never ridiculed his choice of being married. I ridiculed his choice of basing his residency choice on what his wife wants.
Heard of it, never watched it. Like I said, I don't watch anything on TV except sports.
Okay, but do you recognize that part of being a good fit and learning best is having a happy and stable home life? The OP has made a commitment to his spouse. Let's assume for a moment that this is a legitimate commitment that he intends to honor. Don't you think it's possible, perhaps even likely, that he will be better off at his second choice if it means coming home to a happy wife? As opposed to going to his first choice, if that means coming home to a pissed-off spouse and getting into arguments all of the time?
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You're really going to do a false equivalency of not judging someone not wanting to be married vs. someone being a homosexual?
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Eh, she'll be mad for awhile and then she'll get over it.
I'd say the second one is more demanding of a person, yet the people in this thread seem to feel the opposite. I don't see how someone could do the 2nd and not do the first, it's like running a 6 minute lap vs a 6 min mile.
Haha. Welp. Okay, well I think I'm done here. My wife is slacking in her sammich making, so time to apply the rule of thumb.
Don't care what marriage requires. Don't care that you're not in medical school.
OP asked for people's opinions so I gave it. He should get the best training he can, regardless of who it pisses off and even if his wife doesn't like it. That's my opinion.
Damn right.
The first one is a choice. The 2nd choice - the person can't stop being homosexual.
Bc his wife has already given up a lot to be with him. That's why. So she should get some say if it's a possibility.
.... lol wait so you're telling me that genetically people can be wired to be homosexual, but someone couldn't genetically be programmed to not want marriage? Come on, you're teeing these up for me...
But he's given up more to go into medicine. He'll give up even more once he's in residency.
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Many men are definitely genetically programmed to NOT want marriage.
That's why some series show up to 60% of married men cheat.
The other 40% never get the chance.
Don't know what TRP or BP is.
It's not about strength or weakness. It's about doing what's best for one's career.
it's so funny how poor the stats are on marriage, yet people continue to defend it. it's like they're sitting on the oil rig saying " It'll stop burning eventually"
People can do whatever they want, but people buying into it, do you not recognize that the statistical outlook is as it is?
How? He's getting to do the specialty he wants and will get a huge salary once he's an attending. You can't ask your wife to sacrifice for you forever. This isn't the 1950s.
The Red Pill it's some misogynistic Reddit thing.
He's the one who will be waking up early every day for at least 5 years, missing out on any kind of social life during that time, working his a$$ off, and getting 4 days off a month (if he's lucky). He'll be on call and be stuck in the hospital while his wife is doing whatever it is she wants.
Yeah, I guess it will suck for her that he won't be around very much, but she can sleep at night and doesn't have to deal with all the BS that he's gonna deal with. She gets to live a normal life, and once he's done she also gets to enjoy that huge salary. Sorry, but I don't see what sacrifice she's making.
I feel so old. I have no idea what any of these pop culture references are.
Careers aren't the only consideration most people take into account. If it were, OP wouldn't even have asked the question.
Few life choices are made based solely on statistics. People may have religious or ethical considerations in many cases that may drive them toward marriage. Or maybe they just want to live together and reap the tax benefits. Who knows? It's no more insane than becoming a doctor.
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I agree, I'm merely looking for people to acknowledge that the stats are as they are.
So you expect her to put her life completely on hold for 5 years in all aspects of her life?
I know it's hard for some people to look outside themselves, but there are plenty of people who find it rather difficult to uproot themselves from a location/family/community/job that they know and may like and go some place new where the aforementioned things aren't guaranteed. Sacrifice doesn't just come in the form of "OMG look how ridiculous my training program is!1!!".
1) It's not misogynist to infer that. Statistically, he'd be correct.
2) I've asked OP multiple times about the wife's employment and he's never mentioned it, thus I'm assuming it's stay at home because of his apprehension at mentioning it, because it would weaken the say she has in the matter.
What makes it misogynistic? I would say the same thing if a female resident was asking about her male husband. I tell female medical students all the time they should do whats best for their careers and screw what their husbands want. That's an incredible leap to make on YOUR part.
Not too many jobs are as demanding as surgical or surgical sub specialty training. You'll see this someday when you go to medical school.
Yeah because having someone to pay for all your BS for the rest of your life is so challenging. Cry me a river. Sounds like she's the typical overprivileged woman from an upper class family that never had to do a damn thing, met a dude that can tolerate her and is now whiny about the fact that he's going to bring in the bucks, yet she wants to decide where that happens. Yeah ok!
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All people don't do a full actuarial and transactional analysis before getting married, Mr. 21 year old. Sometimes you actually LOVE the person. Shocking, I know.
It's already been established you're anti-marriage (making you in the majority of people in the country) which means you're a terrible person and everything you say will be judged as such. This is what you get for siding with the avg american, you slimeball
Females don't get the benefit of the doubt like you will when it comes to putting their careers first ahead of their husband, kids, or family guaranteed.
Totally cool and a good reason to do it, just saying, people that have getting married as their dream, they do realize what the stats are right? It seems like the avg student is still disillusioned enough to think that married at 25, 2 kids and a white picket fence is the avg american life-style. It isn't.
Why is she putting her life on hold? She can go to school, work, raise her kids or whatever. Sucks she won't be able to be around her parents, but I'm sure she can visit.
Doubt OP wants to go train out in the boonies if he's posting this question.
Oh please. Sure they do. Plenty of female surgical residents I know have made their husbands relocate while they complete their training. If what you were saying were true, there would be no married female residents with children.
Perhaps you should check around, but there's plenty to people's happiness outside of finances. I know it's rather hard for you to think outside of extremes, but letting your partner (female or, gasp, male) have a say (did I say final decision? No. ) in big decisions (aka where do we move our life to?) is generally a good idea.
This too. I don't get why people fail to understand this. The very fact that OP made a thread shows that clearly he wants to hear some of the " do what is best for your career" comments. If he wanted to hear about listening to her and taking her advice into consideration, he'd have asked family. This is obvious.
Majority of people are not anti-marriage.
lol you're such a hamster I'm done responding.
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No, the majority just get married and then cheat, which is much worse in my opinion.
Yeah, and how many snarky remarks or questions are asked of them, questioning what kind of mothers they are? Surgery isn't exactly a female friendly type residency As a male you will never be asked that. Being a female surgeon in training is rough in many respects.
That's what jumped out at me. It would an entirely different story if this was 1950 or 1960, where women don't work to begin with. You can't tell your wife to shove it in 2014, when she had to deal with your problems for 8 years and then you say sorry, it's going to be 5 more years you have to put your wants and needs asides.
I never said anywhere that his wife would stay home. I said she was free to pursue her interests. Big difference. Considering most people don't work 80 hours a week, I find it highly unlikely that she plans to work as many hours as a resident. That is besides the point. What she does is irrelevant. Again, I said that he needs to do what is best for his career, which is the same advice I would give a female in a similar situation with her husband. If anything, your viewpoint is misandrinistic and entirely unwarranted.
I don't have a 1950's view of marriage. I have a realistic one that's backed by data which says that 50% of marriage ends in divorce and up to 60% of married men cheat. But go ahead and pretend that you're in a Disney movie and pretend that you're gonna live happily ever after. Odds are more likely you're going to end up divorced or cheated on. Or both.
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None. I don't give a crap what kind of mother they are. I care about them showing up on time and doing their work. What kind of mother they are has no affect on their ability as a surgeon.
I'm not talking about hospital coworkers. She should care less what her fellow insufferable surgery residents think. I'm talking about her immediate family, relatives, longtime friends, etc.
I said the following:
"He's the one who will be waking up early every day for at least 5 years, missing out on any kind of social life during that time, working his a$$ off, and getting 4 days off a month (if he's lucky). He'll be on call and be stuck in the hospital while his wife is doing whatever it is she wants.
Yeah, I guess it will suck for her that he won't be around very much, but she can sleep at night and doesn't have to deal with all the BS that he's gonna deal with. She gets to live a normal life, and once he's done she also gets to enjoy that huge salary. Sorry, but I don't see what sacrifice she's making."
I fail to see how that is misogynistic. You can switch the genders, and I'd say the same exact thing.
If anything, you are all misandrists and just looking for the opportunity to pounce on anyone or anything that doesn't fit into your point of view.
You can't expect a spouse of either sex to give up everything and do it your way for 4+4+5+... years.
I'm shocked women aren't throwing themselves at you.
