Boyfriend of a med student

[UWwildLandGuy]

Hi everyone. I am extremely new to this forum well let's see going on about five minutes. I am former wild-land fire fighter and now in the automotive industry. I recently met my amazing and beautiful girlfriend future Dr.R about two months ago. We hit it off instantly like unexplained unity and chemistry. My reason for this thread is I would like to hear from the lady's out there that have dated during med school and also that dated none med students. I have a little bit of a leg up as I have extensive background in back country medicine and pre hospital care in the rural and metropolitan settings which makes talking about school a bit easier for us both as I am not listening to someone talk a different language. I would really like to know what are the most important things for the significant other to be aware of. How can we help and what to expect. Any and all ideas and insight would be great. Thanks for the input.

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[UWwildLandGuy]

WTF are you smoking??

Well you sure are helpful

 

[ncide]

Just understand that medicine is a big time commitment and that may put a strain on the relationship.

 

[Light at end of tunnel]

didnt mean to be rude

i apologize - was kinda taken aback by post

 

[UWwildLandGuy]

Oh jeez - I'm sorry

I'm still trying to figure out what you're asking, and if you're not a troll...

I am trying to be a stand up guy and supportive of my girlfriend and what to expect as she is in med school and I am not and how best to be there for her. So oh Jeeze my bad for reaching out and trying to get some insight from someone of the opposite sex to fill me in on what would have made their relationships better while dating in med school.

 

[chromuffin]

Oh jeez - I'm sorry

I'm still trying to figure out what you're asking, and if you're not a troll...

Hahaha.

OP/boyfriend of Future Dr. R,
The biggest thing that you need to realize is that she will be extremely busy. Especially if she is preparing for major exams. Right now I'm spending about 14 hours a day studying. My fiancée despises this time but she is aware that there are major exams that really define the path you take in medicine. Physicians are somewhat placed on a hierarchy of competitiveness. This is stratified through these major exams (as well as some other factors), so just keep in mind that she hasn't just disappeared or that she doesnt hate you. She just wants to set herself up for a great life.

Edit: I'm a guy.. so not exactly what you want.

 

[UWwildLandGuy]

Hahaha.

OP/boyfriend of Future Dr. R,
The biggest thing that you need to realize is that she will be extremely busy. Especially if she is preparing for major exams. Right now I'm spending about 14 hours a day studying. My fiancée despises this time but she is aware that there are major exams that really define the path you take in medicine. Physicians are somewhat placed on a hierarchy of competitiveness. This is stratified through these major exams (as well as some other factors), so just keep in mind that she hasn't just disappeared or that she doesnt hate you. She just wants to set herself up for a great life.

Edit: I'm a guy.. so not exactly what you want.

Thank you. For the insight.

 

[mw18]

Two months is a little too soon to be asking this question on this forum, but if you truly love her this is probably the most important video you can watch on this subject.

I mean it kinda is good advice.

 

[Incis0r]

Hahaha.

OP/boyfriend of Future Dr. R,
The biggest thing that you need to realize is that she will be extremely busy. Especially if she is preparing for major exams. Right now I'm spending about 14 hours a day studying. My fiancée despises this time but she is aware that there are major exams that really define the path you take in medicine. Physicians are somewhat placed on a hierarchy of competitiveness. This is stratified through these major exams (as well as some other factors), so just keep in mind that she hasn't just disappeared or that she doesnt hate you. She just wants to set herself up for a great life.

Edit: I'm a guy.. so not exactly what you want.

Great advice.

Just understand that medicine is a big time commitment and that may put a strain on the relationship.

fellow tooth man

 

[UWwildLandGuy]

Work on your cunnilingus skills. It will be appreciated by your gf in stressful times.

Pretty solid in that skill set thanks though

 

[UWwildLandGuy]

Two months is a little too soon to be asking this question on this forum, but if you truly love her this is probably the most important video you can watch on this subject.

I appreciate your opinion on the time frame

 

[UWwildLandGuy]

Solid doesn't equal pro. You need to constantly improve that skill to a god level to keep the future sugar mamma happy.

Excuse me. I am on the Tom Brady level. Is that pro enough

 

[Doctor Strange]

You gotta be okay with the fact that every time you go to hang out with her and her med school friends, all they're going to talk about is med school. They may try to change the subject for your benefit, but it will inevitably come back to med school.

 

[deleted480308]

Some guys would have an issue with her always being viewed as the smart one. It doesn't even matter if it's true, people will think it is

And she may need to move cross country multiple times to advance her career.

Just decide if that works for you

 

[ImadeANaccountJUSTforThis]

This will sound harsh, but..

You two will likely have broken up by the end of the spring semester. More than ~80% of the people in my class who locked down a significant other within the first few months of starting school were single by the end of the year -> the only acceptions to this were those who dated classmates.

Your prior medical knowledge will not allow you and your significant other to speak the same "langue". Unless your significant other goes into EM, your knowledge will have minimal overlap with her's .


That being said, best of luck with your relationship.

 

[NontradCA]

Know that you're dating a neurotic mess of a person.

 

[raiderette]

Don't demand much of her time. Be an escape from the endless hours of studying. Cook for her, so you know she is eating. Understand if she is too tired to go out. Essentially, be a 1950s television housewife. That is not easy for most men to hear, and I am sure it will be worse if she goes into something demanding for residency.
Oh, and be prepared to pack up and move for residency and fellowships. Though I wouldn't do that if someone didn't put a ring on it.

 

[psychhopefull2016]

I started dating the now Mr. Psychhopefull2016 2 years prior to starting med school. We moved in together a week before orientation, got engaged during MS1, married MS3, and are currently buying a house as we just matched in our favorite city!

It is very possible, but you have to understand that her free time is going to be cyclical. The weekend before a test she will have very little time to spend with you and what would be the best thing to do is make her a healthy dinner and otherwise leave her alone. The weekend after a test she will have much more time. Some classes are harder than others so her time will be wildly variable. Even during busy times, I always promised him a night a week when I would put the work away and he could have my full attention. His job is a lot more flexible than medical school so he does all of our stuff that has to occur during business hours which is so helpful for me.

 

[Doctor Strange]

This will sound harsh, but..

You two will likely have broken up by the end of the spring semester. More than ~80% of the people in my class who locked down a significant other within the first few months of starting school were single by the end of the year -> the only acceptions to this were those who dated classmates.

Your prior medical knowledge will not allow you and your significant other to speak the same "langue". Unless your significant other goes into EM, your knowledge will have minimal overlap with her's .


That being said, best of luck with your relationship.

On the flip side, I met my non medical SO in the heat of second year. We're now married. It can work out if you make each other a priority.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using SDN mobile

 

[Winged Scapula]

The amount of trolling by members in this thread is ridiculous. The OP asked a reasonable question; if you can't answer it appropriately, then don't answer at all.

 

[Light at end of tunnel]

The amount of trolling by members in this thread is ridiculous. The OP asked a reasonable question; if you can't answer it appropriately, then don't answer at all.

Sorry about that everyone, didnt mean to be rude

 

[Winged Scapula]

Sorry about that everyone, didnt mean to be rude

Thank you.

Besides you, there were rick rolling posts, posts advocating he increase his oral sex skills, posts about Tom Brady etc.

SDN is a community and the toxic atmosphere of this forum is driving people away.

 

[zeppelinpage4]

I'm a guy, but i think this would apply to either gender. Be understanding when she has limited time. She shouldn't be ignoring you, but exams and rough weeks will happen, and she will feel overwhelmed, or tired and not be able to spend much if any time with you those weeks. Spend as much time as you guys can together, get creative and set up short dates on her study breaks or study and do work together, but don't guilt trip her if she's not spending as much time with you as you would like.

Also, cooking her a nice meal or maybe helping around the house a bit during the busier overwhelming weeks might be a big help. I'd appreciate that big time haha.

Best of luck! I have a number of female classmates who seem really happy with significant others outside of medicine.

 

[Winged Scapula]

The best partners, male or female, to anyone with a busy schedule are those who have a vibrant life outside of that relationship.

A partner who has interest in things they can do without the other person is much more likely to tolerate the periods of isolation or distraction that a busy job can bring.

 

[GoodWillShunting]

Don't have anything to add, but think very highly of a spouse coming on here to genuinely get advice on how to make their spouse's life easier and be supportive. Good for you both. "Ask not what your country can do for you..."


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[cbrons]

Your prior medical knowledge will not allow you and your significant other to speak the same "langue". Unless your significant other goes into EM, your knowledge will have minimal overlap with her's .

Fire fighters/EMS don't really have medical knowledge per say, moreso just some algorithms and procedures. Easily confused though.

Sent from my SM-N910P using SDN mobile

 

[Goro]

Get used to this conversation, if you haven't already:
You: What are you doing?
Her: Studying.

Hi everyone. I am extremely new to this forum well let's see going on about five minutes. I am former wild-land fire fighter and now in the automotive industry. I recently met my amazing and beautiful girlfriend future Dr.R about two months ago. We hit it off instantly like unexplained unity and chemistry. My reason for this thread is I would like to hear from the lady's out there that have dated during med school and also that dated none med students. I have a little bit of a leg up as I have extensive background in back country medicine and pre hospital care in the rural and metropolitan settings which makes talking about school a bit easier for us both as I am not listening to someone talk a different language. I would really like to know what are the most important things for the significant other to be aware of. How can we help and what to expect. Any and all ideas and insight would be great. Thanks for the input.

 

[trs88]

Get used to this conversation, if you haven't already:
You: What are you doing?
Her: Studying.

This is 100% the truth. I finally got my boyfriend to stop asking me that when instead of replying with "studying" I started replying back with long winded texts about what it was that I was studying.

 

[DetectiveAlonzo]

Keep your girl happy and help alleviate stress from time to time... however you do it. Do cute stuff too... like baking and cooking and making her feel very smart and capable!

Reciprocity is key!

 

[username456789]

Keep your girl happy and help alleviate stress from time to time... however you do it. My choice is via clitoral stimulation (just keeping it real)... and do cute stuff too... like baking and cooking and making her feel very smart and capable!

Reciprocity is key!

It's like you didn't even bother reading WingedScapula's post.

 

[DetectiveAlonzo]

It's like you didn't even bother reading WingedScapula's post.

As a female... I thought I could pass expressing how I like to be taken care of...

But I reported my own comment!

Sorry y'all!

 

[solitarius]

It sounds like you have the right attitude. Woman in medical school is going to prioritize you behind her training. The female students in my class who are recently married have guys who are totally supportive and have re-altered their lives / careers to make it work.

OTOH, relationships formed during training have a high fail rate. Training is rough and takes a toll on the participant, which may spill onto you. Throw in the fact that relationships are often mutually beneficial, and it's not surprising to see that those dating medical students feel they get little in return for what they offer.

 

[northernpsy]

My husband and I first met when I started med school and started dating back when I was in 3rd year of med school, so I figured I should jump in here.
Medicine is a demanding career where sometimes she will need to put everything else aside temporarily, but if you are the kind of person who can go with the flow and you're not prone to being insecure, you can make it work. Lots of docs end up with first responder types - especially if she ends up liking emergency med.

During the times when she is busy, you may want to try offering to help with the little things like running errands and making dinner (or picking up take out if you don't like to cook).
Personally, I kind of liked that my hubby was non-medical so it was a bit of a break from that world when I came home.

 

[Danbo1957]

This question of "How can I support my SO/spouse?" is the most asked question during the interview process by those coming to the interview with the applicant. I have found that there is an over-arching comment that I make, "Don't be demanding of her/his time, and don't add your personal stress to that of the stress of the medical education process." Each couple is different of course, but the "selfishness" of the student concerning her/his commitment to medical education can be daunting to the SO/spouse. Find some common outside interest, doesn't matter what as long as it's real, that you can share along the way. Physically, the student will be exhausted at times, and will have stretches of a lack of interest in you and your needs, good luck with that... Also, the student will bond with other students, of both sexes, and will not be able to include you in that part of her daily routine.

Get up and go to work every day.

Smile at her, especially when you don't want to.

She will be a different person after each year of training.

Don't cheat on her, she will hate you forever.

When it's over, it's over.

 

[ConfusedAboutEverything]

Don't demand much of her time. Be an escape from the endless hours of studying. Cook for her, so you know she is eating. Understand if she is too tired to go out. Essentially, be a 1950s television housewife. That is not easy for most men to hear, and I am sure it will be worse if she goes into something demanding for residency.
Oh, and be prepared to pack up and move for residency and fellowships. Though I wouldn't do that if someone didn't put a ring on it.

Imagine the genders were flipped here. Imagine the OP is a female talking about what she could do for her medical student boyfriend, and you responded by saying "be a 1950s housewife". Clearly there would be a problem there. So why wouldn't there be a problem when the genders are reversed?

Not only that, this post is insulting to medical students. Many medical students are self-sufficient, cook for themselves and have healthy social lives.

OP needs to find the perfect balance that would work for both of them, instead of being a 1950s housewife. There needs to be autonomy on his side. Yes help out the girlfriend and understand the struggle of medical school, but that does not boil down to being a homebody maintainer of the girlfriend.

Medical students don't need a babysitter.

 

[Rekt]

First step, maintain some internet anonymity, this is internet 101. There's no reason to delve into personal details about yourself and especially your girlfriend. This is a public place and her peers and important people can browse these forums, i.e. program directors. To be honest, your post makes you sound extremely odd and this could reflect negatively on her.

 

[Light at end of tunnel]

First step, maintain some internet anonymity, this is internet 101. There's no reason to delve into personal details about yourself and especially your girlfriend. This is a public place and her peers and important people can browse these forums, i.e. program directors. To be honest, your post makes you sound extremely odd and this could reflect negatively on her.

I have to second your sentiments here.

This is a big part of why I initially reacted in a manner that earned the wrath of the gods. I just wasn't sure what to make of the post.

This doesn't excuse what I initially posted though.

 

[coldcase331]

Imagine the genders were flipped here. Imagine the OP is a female talking about what she could do for her medical student boyfriend, and you responded by saying "be a 1950s housewife". Clearly there would be a problem there. So why wouldn't there be a problem when the genders are reversed?

Not only that, this post is insulting to medical students. Many medical students are self-sufficient, cook for themselves and have healthy social lives.

OP needs to find the perfect balance that would work for both of them, instead of being a 1950s housewife. There needs to be autonomy on his side. Yes help out the girlfriend and understand the struggle of medical school, but that does not boil down to being a homebody maintainer of the girlfriend.

Medical students don't need a babysitter.

 

[raiderette]

Imagine the genders were flipped here. Imagine the OP is a female talking about what she could do for her medical student boyfriend, and you responded by saying "be a 1950s housewife". Clearly there would be a problem there. So why wouldn't there be a problem when the genders are reversed?

Not only that, this post is insulting to medical students. Many medical students are self-sufficient, cook for themselves and have healthy social lives.

OP needs to find the perfect balance that would work for both of them, instead of being a 1950s housewife. There needs to be autonomy on his side. Yes help out the girlfriend and understand the struggle of medical school, but that does not boil down to being a homebody maintainer of the girlfriend.

Medical students don't need a babysitter.

I was actually trying to be nice about being supportive. As for genders being reversed, I see it every day. The partners of med students and residents tend to take on a larger burden during these years. The alternative is two very busy people that see one another occasionally. He should know that she will be busy, appreciate the time with him, but that no partner can demand much over the next few years. But, by all means, discount my opinion. I am only a female med student giving my own perspective.

 

[Light at end of tunnel]

Hi everyone. I am extremely new to this forum well let's see going on about five minutes. I am former wild-land fire fighter and now in the automotive industry. I recently met my amazing and beautiful girlfriend future Dr.R about two months ago. We hit it off instantly like unexplained unity and chemistry. My reason for this thread is I would like to hear from the lady's out there that have dated during med school and also that dated none med students. I have a little bit of a leg up as I have extensive background in back country medicine and pre hospital care in the rural and metropolitan settings which makes talking about school a bit easier for us both as I am not listening to someone talk a different language. I would really like to know what are the most important things for the significant other to be aware of. How can we help and what to expect. Any and all ideas and insight would be great. Thanks for the input.

Your significant other will feel vulnerable and insecure quite a bit. She will be among a group of the academic world's cream of the crop. Help lift her spirits when she feels down.

During exam time, she will be edgy and irritable. She will be under a lot of stress. Give her space, and just let her outbursts roll off your shoulder.

She will be drowning in everything medicine. Try to talk about stuff outside of medicine with her. She will appreciate the balance.

She will feel tired and worn out quite a bit and when you consider it least convenient to your own needs. Be understanding and let her rest.

Remind her you love her, twice a day at least. Hug her at least once a day.

Be who YOU are when she met you. That's who she likes/loves.

 

[Stagg737]

This question of "How can I support my SO/spouse?" is the most asked question during the interview process by those coming to the interview with the applicant. I have found that there is an over-arching comment that I make, "Don't be demanding of her/his time, and don't add your personal stress to that of the stress of the medical education process." Each couple is different of course, but the "selfishness" of the student concerning her/his commitment to medical education can be daunting to the SO/spouse. Find some common outside interest, doesn't matter what as long as it's real, that you can share along the way. Physically, the student will be exhausted at times, and will have stretches of a lack of interest in you and your needs, good luck with that... Also, the student will bond with other students, of both sexes, and will not be able to include you in that part of her daily routine.

I wanted to highlight a few of these points because they haven't been mentioned too much yet but I've found are really important. If you're the kind of person that relies on others to help you deal with stress, you're going to need to find an outlet for your own stressors other than your gf. That doesn't mean you can't talk to her when there's a problem or that you can't turn to her if you really need the support. However, unless you're both having a vent session she's going to need you to add as little stress as possible. She'll probably be pretty stressed out pretty frequently, so do your best to be a source of relief, not a source of extra stress.

Sometimes you'll be involved with something or have a need that she just isn't going to have time for. It's important to realize that it's not that she doesn't care about you or that she doesn't want to be interested, but there are times when we get so exhausted or burnt out that nothing interests us. If that happens, you've just got to try and understand the situation and give her time to recover. Know that if you want the relationship to work you're going to have to be patient and understanding.

The last bolded part is especially important if you get jealous. She's very likely going to have friends that are men and women. As a med student, it can be hard to make connections with people because you commit so much time to med school. Most people just can't understand what med school and residency is like, and it's only natural for us to turn to others who understand what we deal with and go through. This doesn't mean she doesn't care or that she doesn't value you, it just means she needs some support from others who can relate to her unique situation. Try to be understanding of this and just offer the support your can.

If you can't provide the support she needs or can't handle the stressors of the relationship, don't beat yourself up. In some ways being the spouse of a med student/resident/physician can be just as hard as actually being one. It takes a certain type of person to be in a relationship like that and keep it healthy and functional. Just be honest with yourself about it and try your best. Considering you're actually reaching out to get advice about this says a lot in itself. Good luck with everything, to you and your gf.

 

[astrostellar]

One thing I've found that helps a lot when SO and I are working insane opposite shifts and doing school with work and god knows what else... make a date night. Ask her to tell you a time during the week that works, make it an assigned date night for that week, and go out and have some fun, if only for a few hours. It's seriously helped my relationship. Otherwise we kind of just shuffle around, stressed out, all week and barely see each other, even during the hours when we're in the same house.

 

[intubesteak]

Ever heard of the 5 love languages? Med students are not some other species of human. The same basic needs apply. Get to know her, find out what her love languages are, and learn how to express them. Personally I love it when my wife cooks or does my laundry or whatever, but that's because I like acts of service. She would much rather have me sit and talk to her for 30 min. Your GF will have some preferred language(s) of love.

But don't try to do too much. The last thing you want is for her to feel like she has to reciprocate and match your intensity.

 

[managedcarefin]

I'm in your position but a bit different I work in healthcare on the admin side (yes, I get to make decisions doctors hate) and my gf is in my school. The key is understand she is busy and will not have as much time to do things both of you want to do. However, if you are understanding of that and she understands that you are understanding of that you'll be fine. It's really more of an annoyance than anything.

 

[YellowTurtle]

Me and my husband got married before medical school. I think most of the above advice has mostly been solid (her cyclical time availability, cook for her/make sure she eats, don't begrudge leaving her alone to study, etc). I don't think this has been addressed yet, but I sorta skimmed the second half of the comments so could have missed it.

If you haven't heard yet, depression is a huge deal in medical school. One in four medical students will become depressed. And an entire class's worth in the US will commit suicide every year. I suppose I fall into those statistics as well as I became depressed in second year and had to be on SSRI's (anti-depressants) for about 8 months. I know when this happened to me I stopped responding to my friends' texts, stopped going out. I think everybody assumed I was just studying for Step 1 (a board exam) and none of my friends reached out other than the occasional text. None of my med school friends really pursued making sure I was ok though. I don't blame them, we are all in the same boat of barely handling our own ****. I didn't catch if you said you two would be living together, but because my husband saw me every (mostly) day, he was really the one that ended up encouraging me to seek help. I don't know what I would've done if I had been living alone and had nobody to really be vulnerable with and admit this to. It's easy to hide depression. I'm saying all of this because I just hope that you not only help her though the highs/lows, but also if the time comes that she needs help, that you can help her know that there is strength in seeking help and there's nothing to be ashamed of. As medical students we have a mentality that we have to be the best and fix our own problems and not ask for help so we can be perceived as capable. This is a dangerous combination when it comes to the pressures that medical school can have on mental health.

Hopefully your gf doesn't experience this and you both have a lovely time full of unicorns and rainbows. (ha!) It will definitely be a memorable time in both of your lives, but there will be some fun times for sure. And it will pass. Good luck to you both!

 

[GoPelicans]

I have a little bit of a leg up as I have extensive background in back country medicine and pre hospital care in the rural and metropolitan settings which makes talking about school a bit easier for us both.

hahahahaha

 

[mistafab]

I definitely agree with more cooking.

My GF got into it and BOY does it feel good to eat some homemade healthy meals instead of sliding down more easy-order grease down my throat.

Whole grain pasta, chicken breast, frozen stir fry veg mix from costco, and fruits are the base of an easy, and healthy life. Add wine in there for good measure and cheese or yogurt. Nothing is worse then eating some gross frozen taquitos 3 days in a row. Switch up the food with rice, burrito, or healthy turkey chili now and then to keep it all fresh.

It really makes me happy - I bet your significant other would appreciate it.

 

[deleted480308]

Me and my husband got married before medical school. I think most of the above advice has mostly been solid (her cyclical time availability, cook for her/make sure she eats, don't begrudge leaving her alone to study, etc). I don't think this has been addressed yet, but I sorta skimmed the second half of the comments so could have missed it.

If you haven't heard yet, depression is a huge deal in medical school. One in four medical students will become depressed. And an entire class's worth in the US will commit suicide every year. I suppose I fall into those statistics as well as I became depressed in second year and had to be on SSRI's (anti-depressants) for about 8 months. I know when this happened to me I stopped responding to my friends' texts, stopped going out. I think everybody assumed I was just studying for Step 1 (a board exam) and none of my friends reached out other than the occasional text. None of my med school friends really pursued making sure I was ok though. I don't blame them, we are all in the same boat of barely handling our own ****. I didn't catch if you said you two would be living together, but because my husband saw me every (mostly) day, he was really the one that ended up encouraging me to seek help. I don't know what I would've done if I had been living alone and had nobody to really be vulnerable with and admit this to. It's easy to hide depression. I'm saying all of this because I just hope that you not only help her though the highs/lows, but also if the time comes that she needs help, that you can help her know that there is strength in seeking help and there's nothing to be ashamed of. As medical students we have a mentality that we have to be the best and fix our own problems and not ask for help so we can be perceived as capable. This is a dangerous combination when it comes to the pressures that medical school can have on mental health.

Hopefully your gf doesn't experience this and you both have a lovely time full of unicorns and rainbows. (ha!) It will definitely be a memorable time in both of your lives, but there will be some fun times for sure. And it will pass. Good luck to you both!

We don't actually have 100 med students kill themselves each year

 

[Redpancreas]

Hi everyone. I am extremely new to this forum well let's see going on about five minutes. I am former wild-land fire fighter and now in the automotive industry. I recently met my amazing and beautiful girlfriend future Dr.R about two months ago. We hit it off instantly like unexplained unity and chemistry. My reason for this thread is I would like to hear from the lady's out there that have dated during med school and also that dated none med students. I have a little bit of a leg up as I have extensive background in back country medicine and pre hospital care in the rural and metropolitan settings which makes talking about school a bit easier for us both as I am not listening to someone talk a different language. I would really like to know what are the most important things for the significant other to be aware of. How can we help and what to expect. Any and all ideas and insight would be great. Thanks for the input.

What year is she in? As a medical student applying for residency, you decide where you rank to train based on who invites you for an interview, but where your GF matches may very well likely be out of state unless she makes it clear she wants to stay in-state which not be what she wants. As a firefighter, you'll have to do your rookie over again and start over at re-establishing your seniority in another location if that occurs because she's not moving and I couldn't imagine a 3 year LDR.