Break ups in medical school

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giantswing said:
I know someone who broke up with the same person a week before step one and step two. Same person. Their steps were a train wreck.
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Derivations said:
2 - Apparently they had a thing before she met me. I honestly have no idea, she could've been (and probably was) seeing him for a while.
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Dang, so she was trying to get with him before she even met you? I thought it was more like she just wanted "fun" with a bad boy because that's what happens in LDR. It sounds like she was actually "dating" the guy for quite a while and even doing things with him but never went all the way because she was "committed" to you. Maybe this meme will cheer you up.
 

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giantswing said:
I know someone who broke up with the same person a week before step one and step two. Same person. Their steps were a train wreck.
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That's a very committed gunner; to fake a relationship and break up with them before BOTH steps, just to make sure your step score is higher than theirs and beat them out. Damn. Noted! 🙂
 
giantswing said:
I know someone who broke up with the same person a week before step one and step two. Same person. Their steps were a train wreck.
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well he kinda deserved to do badly on step 2 if he didn't learn his lesson the first time
 
Derivations said:
So my girlfriend and I broke up this past week after she cheated on me. It was a long distance relationship (I know, red flag) but we made it work for 2 years. I'm just in shock right now because I planned to marry her and start a family with her after med school. I'm still pissed off and I feel blindsided by the whole deal, never saw it coming. After the fact we had some heated arguments and I may or may not have called her some names. But now that it's over I've found myself with little motivation and I just generally feel terrible. I've always been a good student in the top quarter of my class and I don't want this to affect my performance. I'm just wondering if anyone has dealt with a break up of a serious relationship in med school and how you coped.
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My good buddy from uni had a good quote for break ups; its the 3 Fs
1) Forgive her
2) Forget her
3) F*ck another her
lol!
honestly it will sting for now and as it was posted before, time heals everything. Dont dwell on the stuff you CAN'T change [like being broken up] only focus on the things you CAN change [like studying/ being worried that your grades might dip].
 
Derivations said:
So my girlfriend and I broke up this past week after she cheated on me. It was a long distance relationship (I know, red flag) but we made it work for 2 years. I'm just in shock right now because I planned to marry her and start a family with her after med school. I'm still pissed off and I feel blindsided by the whole deal, never saw it coming. After the fact we had some heated arguments and I may or may not have called her some names. But now that it's over I've found myself with little motivation and I just generally feel terrible. I've always been a good student in the top quarter of my class and I don't want this to affect my performance. I'm just wondering if anyone has dealt with a break up of a serious relationship in med school and how you coped.
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I ended up going through 2 break ups and they both affected me academically. I know how you feel and I'm sorry that you're going through this. You just have to remember that you're smart, successful and there's millions of women out there that would be lucky to have you. I know it's easier said than to actually feel that way. The good news is that time heals all wounds but you just have to make sure that you don't suffer academically during that time.
 
cbrons said:
And I'm so sick of love songs, so tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs, so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
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Dude whaaat. 2005 called. They want Neyo songs back.
 
famoussquamous said:
Wait I'm confused, your tagline says you're a pretentious brat though....
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Kaustikos and I were having a discussion one day what we would think of the other if we happened to randomly meet in public and didn't already know each other.
He came up with pretentious brat for me, I told him he looks like the obnoxious jackass type.

lol
 
fancymylotus said:
Kaustikos and I were having a discussion one day what we would think of the other if we happened to randomly meet in public and didn't already know each other.
He came up with pretentious brat for me, I told him he looks like the obnoxious jackass type.

lol
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Oh okay, that makes sense. I guess in your case you'd get over a cheating ex by going shoe shopping.


Mad Jack said:
Nice girl or not, it's super effective.
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True, one thing about oneitis/longing for a girl is that it's usually caused, in most cases, due to the fact that you didn't have anyone else to fill that role. It's why so many people nowadays date multiple people at a time. If one flakes/stops texting/ignores you, you got 9 more you can hit up.
 
fancymylotus said:
Kaustikos and I were having a discussion one day what we would think of the other if we happened to randomly meet in public and didn't already know each other.
He came up with pretentious brat for me, I told him he looks like the obnoxious jackass type.

lol
Click to expand...
How are you feeling about leaving your practice to move wherever he is going to residency?
 
famoussquamous said:
True, one thing about oneitis/longing for a girl is that it's usually caused, in most cases, due to the fact that you didn't have anyone else to fill that role. It's why so many people nowadays date multiple people at a time. If one flakes/stops texting/ignores you, you got 9 more you can hit up.
Click to expand...
Seems like an immature way to think about love, in my opinion (though I'd expect no less from the use of a word -oneitis- that originated in the progenitor movement to what became the bull**** that is TRP). It's also fairly self-centered way to think about a functional relationship, which is as much about giving as it is about taking, and very much about making yourself vulnerable. Sure, you could base the whole way you date on a childish fear of pain, keeping multiple partners at once and never getting all that attached. But you'll never really know what love is like, essentially cheating yourself out of one of the greatest human experiences there is.

Also, screwing around like that isn't really going to get you anyone of any quality in your 30s (where I'm at). People generally are looking to build successful lives and have children at this point, and want to settle down instead of play the field. I'm in a long-term, committed relationship though, so it's not really something I need to worry about, in any case.
 
fancymylotus said:
Kaustikos and I were having a discussion one day what we would think of the other if we happened to randomly meet in public and didn't already know each other.
He came up with pretentious brat for me, I told him he looks like the obnoxious jackass type.

lol
Click to expand...

such a flirt. knew it.
 
DrBodacious said:
It can be tough,and can certainly affect your grades. 1) if you are in preclincals it doesn't really matter. 2) you have to realize this is probably the best thing that could happen to you. 3) find some healthy stress relief 4) find a new hobby 5) spend time with friends and meet new friends
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Much wisdom here. So much better for this to happen now than down the line.

You were putting energy and resources into a relationship with someone who didn't uphold their end. That is terrible. But! Being single isn't so bad, and now the time and effort you had been spending on her can be refocused in positive ways.

Give yourself a little time to grieve, a few days even, of really feeling all your feelings and acknowledging them. Appreciate each of them, and what they have to tell you, and then let them go. Then, get up, and get moving. Hard physical labor/activity makes it difficult to ruminate and feel terrible. Work out. Chop some firewood. Offer to help someone clean out their garage. Anything that gets you moving and sweating. It will be good for heart and mind, and your body, too.
 
The timing of this thread is very prescient. I am meeting my girlfriend of 4.5 years tomorrow and I'm pretty sure she's gonna break up with me. She's 30, I'm 28, and she wants to get married and have kids soon while I want to wait another 3ish years. She was never one to really bring up the topic of kids or marriage, but things changed last year when her younger sister got engaged and her best friend got pregnant. Her sister's wedding is in 6 months and she's been dropping wedding hints of her own recently, some not so subtle. She texted me last night that we need to talk tomorrow. I'm bracing for the worst.
 
cookiemonsters said:
The timing of this thread is very prescient. I am meeting my girlfriend of 4.5 years tomorrow and I'm pretty sure she's gonna break up with me. She's 30, I'm 28, and she wants to get married and have kids soon while I want to wait another 3ish years. She was never one to really bring up the topic of kids or marriage, but things changed last year when her younger sister got engaged and her best friend got pregnant. Her sister's wedding is in 6 months and she's been dropping wedding hints of her own recently, some not so subtle. She texted me last night that we need to talk tomorrow. I'm bracing for the worst.
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😱

hope the talk goes well.

i dunno, i want kids and i want to get married but the last thing i would want is to pressure a stressed out freaked out med student into proposing and then have to deal with all the drama that follows. same with trying to put my relationship in front of career stuff.

maybe im a weird outlier though.
 
fancymylotus said:
😱

hope the talk goes well.

i dunno, i want kids and i want to get married but the last thing i would want is to pressure a stressed out freaked out med student into proposing and then have to deal with all the drama that follows. same with trying to put my relationship in front of career stuff.

maybe im a weird outlier though.
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No, you're not an outlier. Stressed out, freaked out med students won't make good fathers to children who can't protect themselves. You can't force someone to be a great dad. They have to want it.
 
charmiedermie said:
No, you're not an outlier. Stressed out, freaked out med students won't make good fathers to children who can't protect themselves. You can't force someone to be a great dad. They have to want it.
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I would rather wait around till the career part was somewhat more in order and then try to do the kids thing. Although I guess its different depending on where you are in your life, etc. I graduated dental school when I was pretty young and have been working for a few years, so on my end, the career stuff is handled.
 
fancymylotus said:
I would rather wait around till the career part was somewhat more in order and then try to do the kids thing. Although I guess its different depending on where you are in your life, etc. I graduated dental school when I was pretty young and have been working for a few years, so on my end, the career stuff is handled.
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For him or for you? 😱😱 The only way I could maybe force the pregnancy issue if he's the type to wait years wanting everything to be perfect first, and then have kids. In that case, he gets a bottle of lotion and his hands, to get his priorities in order.
 
Mad Jack said:
Seems like an immature way to think about love, in my opinion (though I'd expect no less from the use of a word -oneitis- that originated in the progenitor movement to what became the bull**** that is TRP). It's also fairly self-centered way to think about a functional relationship, which is as much about giving as it is about taking, and very much about making yourself vulnerable. Sure, you could base the whole way you date on a childish fear of pain, keeping multiple partners at once and never getting all that attached. But you'll never really know what love is like, essentially cheating yourself out of one of the greatest human experiences there is.

Also, screwing around like that isn't really going to get you anyone of any quality in your 30s (where I'm at). People generally are looking to build successful lives and have children at this point, and want to settle down instead of play the field. I'm in a long-term, committed relationship though, so it's not really something I need to worry about, in any case.
Click to expand...

That's how it is for us anyway. Pretty much everyone screws around, which makes relationships a hassal. The problem is that if you don't go into dating iwth that mindset nowadays you're likely to get played. Of course you shouldn't do that when you're ready for something serious, but most relationships in our age range are transient and mainly for "fun". I agree with you on the second paragraph though, people's priorities change when they get older.
 
OP... going through a similar thing. I'm M2 and have been long distance since day one of med school. He came and visited and we kind of mutually broke up while he was here after a 5 year relationship. Can't say that me putting med school #1 had nothing to do with it. Luckily it was right after exams so I have a few weeks to get my head together before I have to perform... trying to stay ahead of any academic consequences. Asked my mom to email me every day, asked my friends at home to message me to check up on me, and asked my classmates to keep an eye on me. Maybe I'll go see the counselor tomorrow. Studying is hard, feeling fuzzy and can't stop thinking about what the best decision was and how this will effect me... spontaneously crying in the library. Hopefully I will have my academic head back on in a few days...
idk if any of my ideas could help you... but I've just been letting my friends/family know that I need them now... and they've rallied for the most part.
 
cookiemonsters said:
The timing of this thread is very prescient. I am meeting my girlfriend of 4.5 years tomorrow and I'm pretty sure she's gonna break up with me. She's 30, I'm 28, and she wants to get married and have kids soon while I want to wait another 3ish years. She was never one to really bring up the topic of kids or marriage, but things changed last year when her younger sister got engaged and her best friend got pregnant. Her sister's wedding is in 6 months and she's been dropping wedding hints of her own recently, some not so subtle. She texted me last night that we need to talk tomorrow. I'm bracing for the worst.
Click to expand...

Update, she broke up with me. Lots of crying. Said she was very unhappy for the past few months and doesn't want an absentee boyfriend/husband for the next several years. This is the girl I wanted to marry. I'm not exactly Cassanova with the ladies so I'll probably be single and sexless for a long while. School sucks this week but hopefully things return to normal soon. Seems like February is engagement month and March is breakup month :-/
 
cookiemonsters said:
Update, she broke up with me. Lots of crying. Said she was very unhappy for the past few months and doesn't want an absentee boyfriend/husband for the next several years. This is the girl I wanted to marry. I'm not exactly Cassanova with the ladies so I'll probably be single and sexless for a long while. School sucks this week but hopefully things return to normal soon. Seems like February is engagement month and March is breakup month :-/
Click to expand...

Casanova died unhappy. More women doesn't mean more happiness. Focus on yourself for now. These are the times to make yourself a better person.
 
cookiemonsters said:
Update, she broke up with me. Lots of crying. Said she was very unhappy for the past few months and doesn't want an absentee boyfriend/husband for the next several years. This is the girl I wanted to marry. I'm not exactly Cassanova with the ladies so I'll probably be single and sexless for a long while. School sucks this week but hopefully things return to normal soon. Seems like February is engagement month and March is breakup month :-/
Click to expand...


If she didn't fully understand the bolded is mostly out of your control and is necessary in the profession you've chosen in the stage youre at in aforementioned profession, good effing riddance. youre only getting busier in the immediate future and this would have become an even bigger issue and headache. sorry for being blunt/rude but its the truth. onwards and upwards.
 
What worked for me was focusing my energy on exercise. I started to push myself to run a little longer/ a little faster everyday. It helped me get better sleep at night and be able to focus on studies. As days go by, you'll think of that person less and you will meet new people. If you have trouble meeting people then get into online dating.
 
DoctorofDelight said:
You're saying your wife can cheat on you and you STILL have to pay her alimony after divorce? That is disgusting.
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And child support. Never forget the child support. I've known guys that lost more than half their physician income to alimony+child support, essentially dropping them down to the pay level of a nurse practitioner because they decided to marry the wrong woman and make babies with her.
 
don't worry OP she will be back at 30 talking about how she is done with the bad boys and how she realizes now how amazing you treated her
 
cookiemonsters said:
Update, she broke up with me. Lots of crying. Said she was very unhappy for the past few months and doesn't want an absentee boyfriend/husband for the next several years. This is the girl I wanted to marry. I'm not exactly Cassanova with the ladies so I'll probably be single and sexless for a long while. School sucks this week but hopefully things return to normal soon. Seems like February is engagement month and March is breakup month :-/
Click to expand...

you dodged a bullet

ur ex is easily peer pressured

the girls that marry when they see their social group get married are the same ones that divorce when their social group gets divorced
 
Derivations said:
So my girlfriend and I broke up this past week after she cheated on me. It was a long distance relationship (I know, red flag) but we made it work for 2 years. I'm just in shock right now because I planned to marry her and start a family with her after med school. I'm still pissed off and I feel blindsided by the whole deal, never saw it coming. After the fact we had some heated arguments and I may or may not have called her some names. But now that it's over I've found myself with little motivation and I just generally feel terrible. I've always been a good student in the top quarter of my class and I don't want this to affect my performance. I'm just wondering if anyone has dealt with a break up of a serious relationship in med school and how you coped.
Click to expand...

It's been over a week since the break up now. Hopefully you've healed somewhat. As time continue to pass you will start to think about her less and more on yourself. Keep moving forward OP!
 
SDN drama lol. Yea I guess it would suck to have your first time with a girl ****ing you over during medical school. Lesson learned. Don't get too close next time
 
Any codependents in the house?
 
Alright, drama filled update time. I've been feeling pretty good lately, ready to conquer the beast of medical school and move forward with my life. But last night she sends me a text (we haven't had any communication since she told me about him) saying that she's drunk and with this guy now. Keep in mind I also have a test on Monday and in no way want to be dealing with my cheating scumbag ex again. Her texting me made me absolutely livid at her and also the guy she was with, I tell her to put this jackass on the phone I want to have a few words with him (in hindsight definitely a mistake, I should have let it go, but I was furious and wanted to tell him off). She says he doesn't want to talk to me (obviously), and that's it.

Just absolutely crazy how you can think you know someone and be 100% wrong. This was someone I wanted to MARRY a month ago. I feel like I should be celebrating seeing what a bullet I dodged but at the same time I'm so pissed at myself for having such terrible judgment in the first place.
 
Why would she text you to say that she's with him?
 
Derivations said:
Alright, drama filled update time. I've been feeling pretty good lately, ready to conquer the beast of medical school and move forward with my life. But last night she sends me a text (we haven't had any communication since she told me about him) saying that she's drunk and with this guy now. Keep in mind I also have a test on Monday and in no way want to be dealing with my cheating scumbag ex again. Her texting me made me absolutely livid at her and also the guy she was with, I tell her to put this jackass on the phone I want to have a few words with him (in hindsight definitely a mistake, I should have let it go, but I was furious and wanted to tell him off). She says he doesn't want to talk to me (obviously), and that's it.

Just absolutely crazy how you can think you know someone and be 100% wrong. This was someone I wanted to MARRY a month ago. I feel like I should be celebrating seeing what a bullet I dodged but at the same time I'm so pissed at myself for having such terrible judgment in the first place.
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Block her. She's pond scum compared to you. You have more important things to worry about like NOT FAILING YOUR EXAM ON MONDAY.

#gostudy
 
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