As far as him being a non-med in a family of medical folks, you have to get out of the habit of talking in medical terms. Expect that there are some things that he will not know about medicine that may be difficult for you to explain. Resist the urge to talk about medical stuff all the time. Share interests outside of your work. My wife does sales for a hotel. While some things make sense to me, she has to explain a lot, and ultimately we get the most from our common interests apart from work.
I don't like waiting for my wife to get off of work any more than she likes waiting for me. I know it feels the same on her end, so I don't complain to her. Her eyes get that faraway look when I start talking in vivid detail about my day in medicine, where the significance of an errant lab value is perhaps great to me but not to her. My eyes glaze over when she describes contract negotiations as well. We've learned to keep it simple along those lines. For her experiences to mean something to me, she has to put it in terms that I understand. This is a great hurdle in any relationship where the two involved are in different professions and lead somewhat different lives.
I love the fact that she does something else. The details of her day that makes it great (or awful) are not as important as the fact that the experience is great to her. Fortunately for me, she can convey that to me without the dizziying detail. I get to share this experience with her, as well as getting to step out of the world of medicine for a while. I believe that this truth is the same whether you are a man or woman, in medical school or not.
enigmafive said:
Is it wrong to ask him to wait through all of that? We know we want to get married eventually, it just seems so far away ...
My family and everyone I spend time with are in the health profession, so I'm sure he feels left out sometimes and not like a priority at all. Do any of you guys have some tips for me?
Wait for what? Either it is right or it isn't. Why does going to a post-bacc program preclude you being together? Why must you wait until you finish medical school to get married? Why wait until you have settled somewhere to say, "okay, now you can come be with me"?
I frankly don't know how the single people manage to get through med school. The support I get from my wife (and that which many of my female classmates get from their husbands or others from their life partner) is priceless, and the key reason that I've been able to keep my sanity through this process.
Having a relationship in medical school is little different from having one at any other time in your life. There are good days and bad, plenty of external and internal stress, difficult people to deal with, and times that you are not very available emotionally or in person to your significant other.
For both enigma and unity, I'd say if he's not willing to follow you, he's not worth having. It's risky to step out into an unknown city just to be with someone special, not for a career opportunity or to be with family. There is someone out there who will take that chance with you, follow you as you pursue your dream. When you find him, keep him.
'zilla
